In this episode, “NewsBusted” covers: Republicans, Democrats, Jobless Americans, Texas Governor Rick Perry, Fidel Castro, President Obama Poster, Al Gore, Current TV, Sammy Sosa, Lamar Odom, and Khloe Kardashian.

The August 10th conference call was organized and called by the White House and two federal agencies, including the National Endowment for the Arts and the Corporation for National and Community Service.  The invitation to participate in the conference went to people all over the country, both inside and outside Washington, D.C., and included editors and contributors to various media outlets.  Additionally, various media outlets announced themselves on the conference call. The media representation included Al Gore’s Current TV, a contributor to Huffington Post, Urb Magazine, Fader Magazine, 215 Magazine, Paper Magazine, Giant Robot, Philadelphia City Paper, Fusicology, MySpace, Global Grind, and Social Brite. 

With members of the White House, public federal agencies, and broad media representation, there was no expectation of confidentiality or that the call would not be recorded by one or more of the many participants in this conference call.  

As a result of my inquiry into the inappropriateness of this conference call, The National Endowment for the Arts issued a statement characterizing some of the language on the call as “unfortunately, not appropriate” and the White House admitted to some “appearance issues” related to the content of the conference call. 

Maybe a better line of inquiry would be to inquire why no one from the media represented on the phone call reported on this inappropriate politicization of a federal agency.

At the same time, dictator Kim Jong-Il rattles his puny saber and threatens that if any of his ships carrying nuclear materials to other rogue nations are stopped on the high seas, he will consider it an “act of war.”  Well, gee… There was a time not too long ago when the kidnapping of American nationals would have, in itself, been considered an “act of war.”  I imagine that had Teddy Roosevelt or even Ronald Reagan been at the helm when Kim Jong-Il took two American nationals hostage, the response would be quite different.   More likely it would have gone along the lines of: “You have 24 hours to return our citizens before we start obliterating your military bases – one every hour until the hostages are set free.  If we run out of military bases and you still continue to hold them then, unfortunately, we’ll have to start on your cities.  Have a nice day.”  Then, like any good parent, we would follow through with our pledge.

The United Nations, that feckless and ineffectual cesspool of corruption would, of course, raise a momentary wail of crocodile outrage which would die down in a week or two as the world breathed a collective sigh of relief in the knowledge that the North Korean regime had finally been put in its place.

“Oh, but they now have nuclear weapons and will start a nuclear war,” you say.  I doubt it and here’s why:  Nuclear bombs are very difficult and expensive to make.  North Korea has tested two of them.  Those tests were separated by several months, which indicates that they are still very much in the development stage.  The first one was very low yield and may not have even been a nuclear detonation at all.  By way of historical comparison, when we were at war with Japan, after an unprecedented amount of expense and effort we had amassed an arsenal of exactly three nuclear bombs.  The first one we tested in the Nevada desert and the next two were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.  At that point we had shot our entire nuclear wad.  It was only because the Japanese believed we had more bombs that they decided it was better to surrender. This points to the likelihood that North Korea, at present at least, doesn’t have a big stockpile of nuclear weapons.  Nor do they have any sort of reliable missile delivery system in place that could be geared up in time to give them much clout.  Finally, our military technology is so vastly superior that, at present, they pose little substantive threat to our allies or us.  The important words to remember are “at present.”  The more time we give them, the more likely they are to make themselves into a far more significant menace.

But, so much for fantasies. We now live in kinder, gentler times. Pipsqueak lunatics with over-inflated egos like Kim Jong-Il are permitted to boss the U.S. around with their grandiose threats.  So, thanks to our President and State Department dithering around trying to find just the right words to cajole Kim Jong-Il into giving back our journalists, their plight has petty much dropped off the radar.  It has been replaced by our Fearless Leader’s desire to immediately socialize health care before any debate can be mustered and his highly principled stand on making sure the FDA regulates the evils of tobacco.

In keeping with our new, more soothing approach to tough foreign policy decisions, I would like to suggest an alternative tactic for getting our two young journalists back.  Al Gore, who employs them at Current TV, has indicated he is willing to personally plead for their release.  If he does go to North Korea, I propose a swap.  Let’s trade Al Gore for Euna Lee and Laura Ling.  Just think of all the wonderful results that could come of it!  We wouldn’t have Uncle Al jetting around promulgating his crackpot Global Warming hysteria in public any longer.  On his days off from rock breaking he could even try convincing the North Korean establishment to go green and sink money into the alternative energy companies he stands to make millions from.  Kim Jong-Il would be far happier having a real celebrity in captivity and even our own broadcast media could make it into an entertaining spectacle.  I can see it now: “Nightline – Day 4,327 – Al Gore Held Hostage!”  Maybe some good can come of this situation after all.

A couple clicks on the Ticketmaster link assured me that there is no danger of a People’s Choice Award on that mantle anytime soon, since the public isn’t buying Gore. With a little more than two weeks before showtime, it is still possible to purchase six seats on the main floor, center stage, row K. Ouch.

Turns out that even hardcore Al Gore supporters cannot imagine sitting through an hour of listening to him. People like the idea of Al Gore far more than the actual person. They want him to speak much more than they care to listen. It’s much easier to give him an Academy Award than to sit through his movie. Ditto on his Emmy awarded for Current TV, a cable channel with scant evidence of capturing even a single viewer.

So what could Al Gore do to move some of the tickets?  I did notice that he is the only solo act on the entire Speaker Series.  All the other acts have agreed to a debate or round-table format. This solution worked quite well for Bill Maher, as evidenced by the sold out Chicago Theater show–as recently as last July, he could not sell out an entire house by himself.  An inside source tells me that he gave free tickets away after a Chris Rock show and sold two-for-ones in order to get an audience into his Minneapolis Orpheum show (that’s Dark Blue Minneapolis).  He was able to put the butts in the seats last Wednesday by adding Ann Coulter to the ticket

Of course, Al Gore would never do that. Al Gore refuses to debate and has declared the Global Warming debate over. My friend Jerry Agar suggests this is not because he doesn’t want to debate, but because he CAN’T debate. If Al Gore were to face an opponent who actually studied science in college rather than spending football weekends driving sorority girls out to the family vacation retreat, everyone would recognize Global Warming Apocalysim for the fraudulent house of cards it really is.

What an opportunity we have here. The entire Chicago Theater could be purchased for under a quarter mil. With only a small handful of Al Gore fans having bought tickets, it would be very easy to fill the house with skeptics and overwhelm the supporters. Imagine the red faced tantrum that Prince Albert would toss as one baseless claim after another is booed down by the audience.

Of course, that probably won’t happen. Between the overwhelming indifference of the general public and the propensity of Mr. G to create a snowstorm wherever he goes, I’m ready to lay ten to one odds that the show gets canceled.

Get Tim Slagle’s CD: Europa available on iTunes and Amazon for details go to www.timslagle.com