There’s a dirty little secret in the entertainment industry (ok, there are a LOT of dirty little secrets, but I’ll just reveal one in this post):  A lot of people have jobs for the sole purpose of protecting others from looking like assholes.

In the inherently egocentric world of entertainment, no one wants to reveal themselves to be the bitchy, obnoxious, catty, vindictive, mean-spirited and selfish person that they really are.  So they hire others to do it for them.  This is especially true with the part of the business revealed by Steven Crowder’s stunning new video that shows how Jon Stewart’s PRODUCER told Crowder’s MANAGER that the Daily Show doesn’t book conservative pundits.  In the extra sensitive realm of hiring or not hiring (especially in such a subjective and sensitive industry as ours) these extra layers are essential to keeping everyone looking like the great guy and gal we are all sure they are.

Think about it: Jay Leno was the nice guy back in the late show booking wars, Helen Kushnick was the monster, right?  And actor’s are never to blame for the outrageous demands their cut-throat agents squeeze from the studios, right?  As a theatrical general manager I handled duties like this all the time.  I was the asshole who had to tell Val Kilmer he couldn’t do all the crap he tried to do, and the producer who hired me came in right behind me and gave Val’s ass a nice air kiss, but make no mistake, if I air-kissed any part of Kilmer that producer would have canned me.  My job was to be the asshole so my boss could schmooze with Val Kilmer.

And so it goes.

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This is the story of how I got kicked out of Hollywood…and how I hope to kick myself back in again. 

From the late 70’s to early 90s I made my living as a Hollywood screenwriter. I’m best known as co-writer of cult film Rock ‘n’ Roll High School, which features the seminal punk band The Ramones. 

My writing partner and I worked every day on the set of the film, and we spent a lot of time with the band, including a 22-hour marathon Ramones concert at the Roxy on the Sunset Strip. As a souvenir of that day, I still carry around a 40% hearing loss and white-noise tinnitus in both ears. 

Over the years, I’ve been approached by many Ramones fans wanting to know what it was like to work with band members Joey, Johnny, Dee Dee and Ringo. Of the four, the most interesting, approachable and, yes, intelligent glue-sniffer was Johnny Ramone, and my partner and I would often spend time talking with him about his film collection and our shared affection for Buster Keaton movies.  (more…)