(Not the people who really work hard here like the drivers, grips, electricians, greensman, editors, carpenters, etc. – just us so very important ‘Stars’)

- on what YOU the World – can do to save our planet: (Listen up you nasty smelly little flyover stalker freaks.)

1.  Conserve Water!

(Don’t you dare water your 40′ x 100′ lawn. Let it go brown. We’ll keep swimming in our 3 pools, The infinity one in Malibu, and the two at the compound in Palm Springs.)

2. Airplanes are the grossest polluters. Fight Climate Change, take the bus, or ride your bike!

(All you little people, not us right now – we’re too busy with our awesome important star stuff, and we have a very important film festival to attend in a foreign country that mostly hates the U.S. and we just don’t want to miss out on this opportunity to knock America and Americans. P.S. the film is about Climate change, so it is very important we get there fast with our very snobby entourage.)

It’s high time we fix the earth for our children and our children’s children.

(Or my carpet-pooping maid-humping misbehaving half-assed show dog that is really like uh… my kid.)

We all need to change the way we live and CONSERVE NOW!

(You conserve, so WE can have our large mansion, with armed bodyguards, payed for by the most wasteful business on the planet that includes a private trailer on the back lot, with a carbon monoxide chugging gas-guzzle powered generator, long tables of uneaten food, climate controlled tents for lounging with our hanger-on loser friends in between shots that are cooled by A/C that’s powered by 4 honkin’ assed semis with cranking megawatt oop-dee-boop generators, then private Jetting to our mansion in East Hampton that sits empty three fourths of the year although being heated and cooled constantly, and of course our Jet-off lunch trysts in San Fran, Aspen, and sometimes just for kicks oh so FUNKY-FUNKY Mexico City, then jetting back to Van Nuys, jumping in the gas slugging super stretch and speeding – (not signaling at all)  and cutting everyone off on the 101 so as to get back to Universal in time for our masseuses who we won’t tip at all.)

THE TIME IS NOW TO REDUCE YOUR CARBON FOOTPRINT!

(You go first, as I am not a loser like you and can be excused from conserving, because the purpose of my life is to help all of you turds learn to respect the elite and powerfuls’ message of political peace and green global harmony.)

THIS IS EVERYONE’S PROBLEM,  NO MATTER WHAT POLITICAL AFFILIATION, RACE CREED, GENDER, OR SEXUAL ORIENTATION.

(As long as you are not Conservative  or Libertarian and be so insane as to oppose our idea of what we know constitutes an intelligent person. You’d better fit exactly into the box we want to put you in, ie: no gay conservatives, African American conservatives, artist conservatives, musician conservatives etc. because those fakers are shamefully wrongheaded, and just so very freakin’ unfashionable. …. Wait a sec, what the hell is a Libertarian anyway? )