A Los Angeles Times article I read recently made me chuckle. It began by wearily tossing an exhausted barb at the 3-D phenomenon sweeping Hollywood: “With sighs of relief, critics last week took off their Polaroid glasses and looked at a couple of old-fashioned, two-dimensional films.” The big-screen photography of one of those pictures drew particular attention, with one critic noting that “It gives reality a true third dimension. . . the kind of 3-D you cannot get with mechanical tricks or by any other means except a rich comprehension and ingenious mastery of the visual storyteller’s art.”

Well, let me fess up. I read the article recently, yes — but in a fifty-year-old copy of the Los Angeles Times. The paper was dated May 6, 1953, and the two-dimensional film being praised for bucking Hollywood’s push towards 3-D was Shane.

It was a time when TV was cutting deeply into movie profits, and studios were scrambling to win back the wandering eyeballs of America. Cinerama, an ambitious, three-projector widescreen extravaganza, debuted in New York in the fall of 1952, with its test film This Is Cinerama garnering front-page fanfare and great acclaim. Bosley Crowther, the Roger Ebert of his time, gasped that it gave the audience “the same sensations. . . felt on that night, years ago, when motion pictures were first publicly flashed on a large screen. . . People sat back in spellbound wonder. . . as though most of them were seeing motion pictures for the first time.” In a single evening, the development of all-new expansive formats had become a fait accompli, and studios immediately began looking for ways to capitalize on the buzz. (more…)

People have it all wrong about Richard Heene.  He’s not the perpetrator of a poorly-executed hoax, but a victim, a victim of America’s callous disregard for those who suffer from the silent plague that is Media Absence Disorder (MAD).

Sadly, the dead white males who imposed the Constitution on America enumerated only negative rights that limit the power of the government over its citizens.  But if you squint your eyes and look beyond obstacles like the plain text, lurking in there somewhere behind the penumbras and emanations is the positive right of every American to be a TV star.  Those with MAD are not cretins to be shunned but civil rights visionaries at the edge of a new frontier of governmental largess and probably a lot of profitable litigation.

It’s obvious that American society has failed the Heene family.  After he and his brood’s triumphant appearances on Wife Swap, Heene was left media-deficient and was forced to feed his addiction with crude YouTube videos.  In one, he speculated that Hilary Clinton is a shape-shifting space reptile, which would be totally cool if true.  In another, he claimed that he spoke to aliens at a local fast food restaurant, which is actually pretty typical, at least at Southern California fast food joints.

This sad state of affairs was a direct result of the deep, black emptiness in Heene’s life that could never be filled by superficial things like work, religion or family.  Like all MAD-men, he craves, needs, must have the validation that only comes from having his mug flashing across America’s television screens.  He not only wants his MTV, he has to have it.  And we owe it to him. (more…)

Whatever happened to good old-fashioned American know-how, pulling yourself up from the bootstraps, proving to the world you have the mettle to succeed on your own raw talent? If you’re Paris Hilton or, say, the Huffington Post — none of those good ol’ values amount to a hill of beans! The Huffington Post, the website famous for slapping left-wing bias on mainstream news, recently hired Ethan Axelrod — you may have heard of his dad, David Axelrod: the celebrated image-maker of the Obama campaign. Given the Huffington Post is all snuggles with the Obama Administration, the news might come as no surprise.

Lefty-types are always making room for their own, so long as you have a famous last name or a privileged pedigree. For a bunch that loves to push for “universalizing” and “leveling the playing field,” they sure are elitist! This is the world where Anderson Cooper, scion of Gloria Vanderbilt, is handed the keys to CNN. Al Gore’s daughter Kristin nabs a dream job writing for Matt Groening’s “Futurama” straight out of college. Oh sure, it helped that Poppa Gore agreed to guest star twice (but only if his young daughter could direct). Gore went on to appear as a disembodied head (yes, the show ‘jumped the shark’). Is Huffington Post banking on access to daddy Axelrod’s head, too? ‘Wink, wink,’ welcome aboard Ethan… (more…)