Comedian Chris Rock usually has something funny – and biting – to say about everybody.

Everyone except President Barack Obama, apparently.

Rather than tee off on a leader presiding over a calamitous economy, or mock an administration up to its neck in crony capitalism, Rock would rather make apologies, not withering put downs.

The comedian and actor told fellow comedian Marc Maron on the “WTF with Marc Maron” podcast that he’s “fine with the president,” if only because he understands that the president has to keep his most aggressive policies on the back burner until he earns a second term.

“There’s a f——— art to the first term because you’re always running for a second term the whole time. It’s like Clinton’s first term. You can’t really do your gangsta sh— until your second term. … Even Bush couldn’t really f—- up the world until his second term. That’s when he put the hammer down.”

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Will Billy Crystal return as Oscar’s host? That’s the question today.

You know, it’s kind of amazing that as telecast ratings for the the Academy Awards sail over a cliff, the Academy appears to be in complete denial over what the real problem is. For starters, a large number of their recent hosts — Alec Baldwin, Whoopi Goldberg, David Letterman, Chris Rock and Jon Stewart — are polarizing and divisive figures who turn off well over half the country. Those of us who don’t live on the coasts don’t like these people, and why should we? They continually insult us, who we are, and what we hold dear. No Bitter Clinger in their right mind wastes a Sunday night with their guts in a knot waiting for a Leftist sucker shot.

Oscar has the same problem with presenters and winners. Every time some mouthy jerk grabs a trophy we sit there on edge waiting, waiting, waiting for it.

If you believe in traditional marriage, love Jesus, adore America, hate terrorists and have finally figured out Obama’s a failed president — watching the Oscars sucks.

Billy Crystal does, however, transcend that problem. Not 100%, but he is a national figure who isn’t polarizing, puts on a great show, and in the talent and class department comes as close to a Bob Hope and Johnny Carson as anyone today. And sadly, he’s about it.

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Barack Obama must believe the American people are a bunch of dolts. On one night, the President accepts tens of thousands of dollars from people who have listened to him demonizing them for having the kind of money one needs to earn to attend a $35,800 fundraiser in his honor.

The next night, hours after millions of American lost large portions of their investments in a volatile stock market, as guest of honor at a self-hosted birthday barbeque at the White House, Obama looked around a Rose Garden gathering of 200 well-heeled A-list friends including Hollywood actors and pop stars, and said, “I challenge you to dance.” At the President’s behest the shoes of those with secure jobs and guaranteed pensions immediately “came off, and things kicked into high gear with barefoot jammin.”

According to one guest, “the night was balmy, and when dinner was done, a DJ spun dance tunes—‘like at a Bar Mitzvah,’” an analogy even Bibi Netanyahu might agree was an odd description for Barack Hussein Obama’s birthday party. Nevertheless, “the twenty tables for ten in the Rose Garden were pushed aside so guests could dance, led by the President and Mrs. Obama.”

While most Americans, reeling from the day’s economic events, were doing anything but dancing, Barack Obama was doing the “Electric Slide” with comedian Chris Rock at what was described as a “fabulous” but “casual” five-hour barbecue honoring the President’s 50^th birthday.

Chris was so impressed he enthusiastically tweeted out: “Just left the Presidents birthday party at the White House. Herbie Hancock played, Stevie Wonder sang and yes they did the electric slide. A great night.”

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It was the summer of 1996, and I remember it like it was yesterday. HBO aired Chris Rock in concert, “Bring the Pain” the one-hour special was titled, and I was sure after it was over that the future of standup comedy was in the best of hands. Rock stalked the stage like a leopard about to pounce and his gazelle was most every sacred cow in the area of race relations there was at the time: O.J. Simpson, Marion Barry, white bigots, prison, and most famously… “I love black people, but I hate niggas.”

At the time I had just turned 30 and had also just dropped out of college after only three semesters (it was time to pick a major and I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up), but what an eye-opening experience those three semesters were. Political correctness was everywhere, infesting everything. I actually had a professor who used the term “herstory” instead of “history.” There was the criminal justice professor who insisted we abolish prisons and enough enviro-nonsense taught as fact that I sometimes wondered what country I was living in. Nice people, just not very bright. Well, that’s exactly fair. They weren’t all dumb, but they weren’t all nice, either.

At the time I was writing a weekly column for the student newspaper. Being the only conservative and a budding rabble rouser, I’d been run through the Orwellian PC grinder more than once. Hate mail, marched into the editor’s office over this and that, suspended due to trumped up charges of plagiarism, and my crowning achievement: the threat of a protest from the Black Student Union because of my defense of Clarence Thomas when Anita Hill came to speak. Thankfully, the union was headed by a genuinely decent guy who let me appear at their next meeting and confront the racism charges head on, but as right as I was this stuff was still incredibly bruising. It’s Alice in Wonderland where you’re all alone in a world where right is wrong and up is down and you lose nights of sleep second guessing yourself. 

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Some movies strain for their laughs, while others just have to turn the camera on their stars and the guffaws will flow. “Grown Ups” is one of the latter, a laid-back yet hilarious film that doesn’t have much of a plot but has a non-stop stream of funny lines and situations expertly played by a team of ace comic performers whose associations go back nearly 20 years now.

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Starring the powerhouse cast of “SNL” vets Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, David Spade, Rob Schneider and Maya Rudolph in addition to Sandler’s “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” costar Kevin James, “Grown Ups” actually does attempt to show these man-children in an occasionally mature and middle-aged way. Frequent Sandler director Dennis Dugan (“Chuck and Larry,” “Big Daddy”) also shows a somewhat more mature style that still knows when to cut loose with broadly funny situations.

The five lead guys are first shown as boys in 1978, winning a big basketball game against a team of thugs led by Colin Quinn’s youthful alter ego while under the expert leadership of a beloved coach. When the coach dies 30 years later, the boys return as forty-something men to pay tribute to their coach with a weekend that features much more than the church service and scattering of ashes. (more…)

Funerals are normally solemn occasions, filled with a combination of grief for the death of a loved one, joy at their passing into a “better place” in the afterlife, and fond remembrances of what the deceased meant to each of those in attendance. But for the family at the heart of the wildly funny new comedy “Death at a Funeral,” there’s no such luck for a dignified event.

First, the body in the casket is an Asian man, and the family are an enormous African-American clan. Once they fix the little problem of having the wrong body delivered to their house, they still have to contend with the lifelong feud between brothers played by Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock, as well as the nasty attitude Rock’s mom gives Rock’s wife for not producing a grandchild fast enough.

Add in two Caucasian beaus fighting for the attention of Rock’s cousin (Zoe Saldana) – one (Luke Wilson) who’s a straight-arrow beloved by her father (Ron Glass) and the other an irresponsible goofball rendered helpless for the event by an accidental dose of psychedelic drugs (James Marsden, in a stunningly funny performance that should make him the next Jim Carrey). (more…)

In 2006, while accepting the Academy Award for playing a husky, grizzled version of himself, George Clooney famously gushed, “…this Academy, this group of people gave Hattie McDaniel an Oscar in 1939 when blacks were still sitting in the backs of theaters. I’m proud to be a part of this Academy. I’m proud to be part of this community. I’m proud to be out of touch.”

My apologies for bringing up old crap, but Clooney’s statement, especially the part about how he’s so proud to be out of touch, is one of the most bafflingly odd things I’ve ever heard coming from Clooney, who’s also famous for telling anyone who’ll listen that everybody tells him all the time how brave he was for making a black and white movie about the red scare. It’s very revealing that Clooney would say this, to cheers, a mere three years after a child-rapist was handed an award by that same Academy. (more…)

Good news for the Motion Picture Academy. Despite the fact that the five Best Picture nominees had combined to gross less than $300M domestic by showtime, Oscar ratings were up considerably from last year’s all-time low. Early numbers show that the ABC telecast scored a 27 share, surging by 11% overall and by over 14% with TV’s “money demo” 18-49s. Compare that to last year when the show was down 25% in households from 2007 and down 30% among 18-49s.

The credit should go to producers Lawrence Mark and Bill Condon, although I can see why the streamlined show is a bit of a Rorschach test for viewers. If you love movies, and especially actors, last night’s show was respectful and enlightening. If you are inclined to dislike awards shows and actors, then the telecast would be pretty dreary.

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