Besides being the wife of a rock star and mother to an Apple and an actual Moses, the woman is a multifaceted entertainer (at least both she and mother Blythe Danner think so). Gwyneth dances, plays guitar, and can both croon country and belt out pop.

After being featured singing on two episodes of Glee, Gwyneth will soon perish in Contagion. Upon request, Paltrow will demonstrate speaking in perfect King’s English, a talent she displayed at the tender age of 20 when she portrayed Viola de Lesseps in Shakespeare in Love.  Right out of the ingénue gate, young Gwynie and her fake British accent won an Academy Award and was promptly crowned the muse of Miramax’s Harvey Weinstein.

As if that wasn’t enough, nouveau Londoner Mrs. Martin chopped and sautéed her way across Italy with famous pony-tailed clog-wearing chef Mario Batali.  The late Bruce Paltrow’s little girl then wrote a Daddy-and-Me cookbook entitled My Father’s Daughter, and did so while hosting a website called Goop.com, where she subjects fans to her thoughts on everything from la fromagerie to post partum depression to how lucky her daughter Apple’s classmate is to have two mommies.

The woman is a virtual plethora of firsthand information, talent, experience, and insight. Had she only been born a couple of decades earlier, without a doubt Gwyneth Paltrow would have been the first to spin plates on The Ed Sullivan Show.

If it’s hot, Paltrow can be found it the thick of it, which must be why self-enamored Gwyneth decided that rather than opine on post-holiday detox menus, it was high time to enlighten the world by subjecting everyone to a full dose of her own brand of open-minded militant liberalism.

Beware! When liberal moral relativist Gwyneth Paltrow pontificates, she makes the über-opinionated Hanoi Jane “Sorry I didn’t sleep with Che Guevara” Fonda seem like an apolitical wallflower.

For instance, when it comes to sexuality, it’s not surprising that she’s a big fan of relaxed Biblical interpretations, thus Gwyneth Paltrow has a very “relaxed view on adultery.” Although married to a man she describes as “very nice,” Mrs. Martin effervesces when she says she “respects, admires and looks up to” role models who cheat, lie, sneak, and deceive.  Recently, Gwyneth shared her blasé philosophy on deceitfulness with less condemnation than she does when lecturing on the negative effects of sugar consumption.

Fancying herself a “great romantic,” Gwyneth Kate, the star of Two Lovers, said “I also think you can be a romantic and a realist.”  Maybe Gwyneth can add a section to Goop called “Romance,” where she can insert a subcategory wherein she outlines the dreamy aspects that accompany the realities associated with broken families, heartbreak, infidelity, rejection, and betrayal.

At least when it comes to homosexuality, Goop girl Gwyneth shies away from “judgment and separation,” and manages to also justify acceptance of adultery by saying, “Life is complicated and long and I know people that I respect and admire and look up to who have had extra-marital affairs.”

So, in response to life’s difficulties, people complicate matters even more by adding the noble qualities of disloyalty, anguish, brokenness, and crushing despair.  Moreover, life is long, and along life’s journey the chance to make matters worse arises every time an actress is in a movie like Sylvia and, for the sake of artistic expression, decides to get naked and roll around with a handsome actor like Daniel Craig.

Shocking? Before getting all apoplectic, let’s put Gwyneth Paltrow’s view on life in context by remembering that Mr. and Mrs. Martin, mother and father to little Apple, flew by helicopter into the Big Apple and voluntarily paid a couple’s fee of $71,600 to attend a Barack Obama fundraiser.

Barack Obama supporter Gwyneth believes: “It’s like we’re flawed. We’re human beings and sometimes you make choices that other people are going to judge,” and she was willing to pay almost $100,000 for a dinner at Harvey Weinstein’s place to prove it.

Judging a flawed, human, poor choice-making Obama is one thing.  However, not saying adultery is wrong appears to give non-judgmental Gwyneth a reason to judge those who frown upon extra-marital affairs.  Gwyneth believes that judging between right and wrong is wrong, and if a person does it, “That’s their problem.”  Gwyneth says, “I really think that the more I live my life the more I learn not to judge people for what they do.”

Gwyneth is correct; life is long and full of regrettable mistakes, and as a rule it is best to refrain from judging other people.  However, the fruits of adultery are certainly judge-worthy. And while forgiveness is admirable, if Gwyneth wants to be an authority on everything from Korean bibimbap to morals, she should at least make an effort to condemn hurtful choices that destroy lives.

On second thought, rather than imposing her liberal worldview, Mrs. Gwyneth Martin, nee Paltrow, should stop trying to fill Jane Fonda’s orthopedic shoes by playing part time philosopher and simply stick to what she does best, which is to ‘act’ like she knows how much cilantro goes into a Baja Style Shrimp Taco.

An average kid with moderate talent, since her late teens, between acting, mothering, cooking, and singing, Gwyneth Paltrow has subjected America to incessant rounds of painful “No wait…let me start again,” off-tempo renditions of Für Elise followed by impromptu tap-dancing exhibitions by a grown woman who might as well be dressed in a tight pink tutu.

Gwynie (I like to call her Gwynie) is an attractive woman with a superior gift of imitating British accents.  Ms. Paltrow started her career in Hollywood when her mother, actress Blythe Danner, and her father, the late director Bruce Paltrow, together with family friend Steven Spielberg brokered a deal and got her a starring gig in the movies at 19 years of age.

An unabashed recipient of Hollywood nepotism, after winning an Academy Award for Shakespeare in Love Gwyneth was crowned the “Muse” of Miramax studios by film producer Harvey Weinstein.  Since that day, Gwyneth has been nothing short of unbearable.

Raised in Massachusetts, Gwynie moved back to Los Angeles where her career and love life with Brad Pitt took off. Paltrow traveled the world, and now speaks British-style English, French, Spanish, and a little Italian. Gwen even married a temperamental British rock star – Chris Martin of Coldplay – who she’d never have met without the benefit of a VIP backstage pass.

After adopting London as her new home, Ms. Gwyneth, in classic Madonna I’m Evita-I’m British-I’m a single mom to a couple of African kids- mode, dissed America, set up house in Berkshire Gardens, and practiced her fake English accent while taking children Apple and Moses to buy groceries in trendy food shops.

Over the years the only thing more irritating than Paltrow feigning a British accent in the movie Sliding Doors was seeing her accepted as a gourmet cook. Gwyneth Paltrow even traveled with Mario Batali through Spain and lunched with Ina Garten, the “I’m cooking a fabulous dinner for my good friend Gwyneth” Barefoot Contessa.

After soaking fava beans became too much of a chore, Ms. Paltrow re-focused and said “I could do that. I bet I could do that,” and decided to resuscitate her former career as a Duet singer, but not just a singer, a country singer, which right there was weird enough for a woman who spent so much of her life practicing speaking with a British accent. Nevertheless, two weeks into her revitalized singing career golden child Gwyneth was starring in the movie Country Strong.

Soon after, Paltrow showed up on the 2011 Grammy Awards singing “Forget You” with the Muppets and Cee Lo Green and vamping around in a precociously overconfident number on Glee.  Mrs. Coldplay’s routine was rivaled only by Katie Holmes embarrassing herself while torturing the nation on So You Think You can Dance.

The desire to share her varied gifts must have motivated Paltrow to go beyond her expertise in thespianism, Epicureanism, and crooning, because in addition to mastering all three, Paltrow created Goop.com, a place where a Renaissance woman could branch out, blog, and author an informative newsletter.

At Goop.com, the artiste/chef/chanteuse tells readers: “Make, Go, Get, Do, Be and See.”  The only way to describe the venture is that Goop is authored by an overindulged, self-impressed, spoiled rich kid sharing navel-gazing insights into experiences, locations, products, and ideas few people will ever encounter, let alone be able to afford.  Can anyone say “Clueless?”

Paltrow’s Oprah-style New Age views are a cacophony of beliefs similar to the Cheese Board area of Goop’s “Make” section. While Gwyneth’s channeling of Tammy Wynette, making Duck Ragu, recommending skin products from a French pharmacy, and explaining the Year of the Tiger is irritating, it is still all relatively harmless. However, her views on religion, philosophy and sexuality step out of the Christian Louboutin realm and into the downright unappreciated.

Case in point: Gwyneth recently introduced her seven year-old daughter Apple, whose name was chosen because it was “Biblical,” to the idea of lesbianism. Mom assured the tyke that her classmate, who had two Mommies, was “lucky,” after which she implied on Goop that she didn’t know the answer to the question: “What does it actually say in the Bible that will cause some people to be upset by my line of thinking?”  You mean besides confusing a first grader?

I don’t buy the feigned perplexed confusion, because based on Gwyneth Paltrow’s history the query was more of a challenge than a question.  It’s likely that Paltrow has already resolved the issue and feels totally confident that, even if the Bible and God Himself doesn’t support her “line of thinking,” hers is still the right answer, because in Gwyneth Paltrow’s superior world her answer is correct simply because it’s hers.

I love the English lifestyle, it’s not as capitalistic as America. People don’t talk about work and money, they talk about interesting things at dinner…I like living here because I don’t fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans.

When she says she doesn’t fit into the “bad side of American psychology,” she means she’s become one of the cultured elite overseas whose life mission seems to be badmouthing those mouthbreathing colonials from across the pond – although she’s happy to accept their money.

But that was back when George W. Bush was in the White House, and it was sooo embarrassing to own up to being American. (Just ask Will Smith.) You’d think that with Mr. HopeyChangey in the White House and the fat paycheck from the very successful “Iron Man” in her bank account (with “Iron Man 2″ on the way for next summer), Gwyneth might think about getting de-fanged.

Sorry. Do not pass “Go,” do not collect $200. Gwynnie’s at it again; this time, talking about her latest home away from home, Spain:

It is so different from the United States. It seemed to have a history, and the buildings are years and years and years old. Here in the United States an old building is about 17 (years old), and over there it’s from 500 B.C., it’s incredible…

Also, the way people live over there. They seem to enjoy life a little bit more…They aren’t running around as much as in New York. They enjoy time with the family. They don’t always have their BlackBerry on.

If New York is Gwyneth’s only basis for comparison, she might want to consider going to a more rural area to see how Americans are capable of “enjoying life a little more.” But that would mean going out of her comfort zone. Finding out how real Americans live? It’s best to see that sort of thing as interpreted by movies like “The Ice Storm” and “American Beauty” where suburbia is depicted as a hell Dante couldn’t have imagined. And rural America? “Deliverance” has that covered.

But I suppose we really shouldn’t blame Gwynnie. She’s lived all her life in a bubble of money and privilege. She didn’t even have to wait tables like so many other actors and actresses before her first break – having an actress for a mother and a director for a father had to have helped some. And perhaps we should cut her some slack considering that when she’s not reciting the lines someone wrote for her, her best attempt at describing Spanish architecture is to say it’s ”years and years old.”

GP says she was “misquoted” the last time. Will she use the same excuse this time? You know, I wish I wasn’t so psyched about seeing “Iron Man 2.” I hate to think of her tarnishing her principles by being seen onscreen by millions of embarrassing, uncouth Americans.