Comedienne Chelsea Handler thinks the president couldn’t have known what to expect when he rode the HopeNChange Express all the way to the White House in 2008.

Handler shared her thoughts on President Obama recently with, who else, Piers Morgan on the Brit’s freakishly low-rated CNN show.

“I mean, everything is bought and paid for,” Handler said according to a transcript. “And I think anybody who has any sort of idealism, like Barack Obama, comes into … his position and, all of a sudden — you know, he has these dreams and he has these big ideas. People want to listen to him. He’s so vociferous about how he’s going to change the world. Then he gets into a situation where he had no idea that things were handled in a way that they were, that everything is bought, that everything is paid for, that there’s lobbyists, that there’s congressmen, and that you have to palliate all of these people. “

It’s almost as if Obama landed on Earth from another planet and walked into the Oval Office, right? Isn’t he supposed to be the super-smartest president of all time?

Handler is way out of her depth when it comes to talking politics, and it shows every time the subject comes up. But if you’re going to be the latest Obama apologist, you’ve got to do better than this.

THR:

E! Entertainment talk show host and comedian, Chelsea Handler, may have a problem on her hands after making several jokes about Dancing with the Stars competitor Chaz Bono on her show, Chelsea Lately, Tuesday night. The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) issued a request for Chandler’s apology on Wednesday.

“Last night’s episode of Chelsea Lately repeatedly made a mockery of Chaz Bono’s transgender identity when discussing the transgender advocate’s upcoming appearance on Dancing With the Stars,” writes GLAAD’s Associate Director of Entertainment Media, Matt Kane.

Kane points out that the “transphobic humor” started in Handler’s opening remarks and continued later in the show with her roundtable comedians, Fortune Feimster, Bill Bellamy, and Jo Koy.

“The Dancing with the Stars cast has been announced,” Handler joked in her opening remarks. “It includes Chaz Bono, otherwise known as Chastity Bono [laughs] before she got her penis [laughs].”

GLAAD asks that Handler issue an apology and invite Bono or another transgender celebrity to the show, so that her fans can have “the chance to get to know them beyond a few hurtful punch-lines.”

To quote a failed president, let me be clear: GLAAD has every right to do what they do and that’s to attack and label every “gay” joke as bullying or hate speech. This is a free country. But that doesn’t make them right. Furthermore, GLAAD is crossing a line, in my opinion, because they’re going well beyond responding to and/or criticizing the speech they oppose — they are trying to STOP the speech they oppose.

Big Hollywood (and I personally) have spent thousands of words responding to comedians and so-called satirists like Jon Stewart, but that’s part of recognizing their impact on our political world and fighting back. That’s part of being in the arena and engaging in the debate. 

GLAAD, however, calls on things to be “removed,” approves of “re-education” tours, and demands apologies – which is just a passive-aggressive method of re-educating someone into speaking in the way GLAAD wants them to speak. 

Unfortunately, too much of our hyper-PC Hollywood plays along and gives these witch hunters the power and authority they crave.

Tracy Morgan went on that apology tour to save his career, which is no different than naming-names to save your career. What GLAAD is doing today is no different than the political blacklist of the 1950s.

Well, there is one difference. No one in Hollywood has the moral courage to openly fight back.

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Best stuff can be found between :55 and  2:30 when Angie Harmon talks about her politics and then goes on to inform Handler that she has two Republicans working for her who are afraid to say so.

Always some truth in good humor.

The biggest surprise comes a little later when we learn Angie Harmon — Angie Harmon! — almost packed up the acting gig and moved to Texas because she couldn’t find a job in Hollywood. Crazy.

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While most telethons are about helping people this one seemed more concerned about the oil soaked animals. In fact two thirds of the proceeds went to environmental activist groups, The Nature Conservancy and the National Wildlife Federation. The United Way was there for the human victims, although very few of the stars seemed concerned about that aspect of the tragedy. Robert Redford made a response so comical; that it looked like it was a SNL skit (I’m saving that for the end).

The best example of the Telethon’s focus was voiced by Chelsea Handler:

“Everybody now is thinking about the animals, and and it’s really scary, especially for anybody, you know, espec… for-for a mill…  a bevy of reasons I mean we have to think about the animals out there. Everybody needs to be thinking about animals.”

Perhaps victims of the Nashville flood could have activated Hollywood behind their disaster had they shown pictures of drowning possums.

Chelsea was seated next to the very animated and annoying Jenny McCarthy at the beginning of the show, and moved over two seats after Jenny volunteered $5000 of Chelsea’s money. Every time the camera came on Jenny was mugging and gesticulating and Chelsea had moved another seat farther away from her. I’m guessing her remark might have been mocking Jenny.

But Jenny brought up a very good point. Why weren’t these celebrities donating more of their own money? The entire telethon raised about $1.3 million, which is a pittance to most of the stars appearing.  There was a time when Ted Danson was making that much in a week of Cheers residuals. Sting could have raised nearly that much by playing a few songs at Rush Limbaugh’s wedding.

Philippe Cousteau Jr. was on board as the oceanic expert, and if he ever attended college, I couldn’t find it in any of his biographies posted around the Internet. I’m fairly certain that being the grandson of Jacques Cousteau gives him ample credibility, but he made a remark that I believe is scientifically wrong. He claimed:

“Oil is toxic, deadly toxic, at one part per billion in the water column.”

One part per billion is a half teaspoon of crude into an Olympic-size pool. Drinking a glass will gross you out, long before it kills you.

Ian Somerhalder chimed in with his own take on the toxicity:

“I made the mistake of getting it on my fingers and then I went to rub my eye and I didn’t pay attention that I was touching my eye and the whole thing swelled up and got red stinging …it’s-it’s really toxic, I can’t imagine having it on my entire body.”

(Although many fans of the Vampire Diaries probably do.) I mean come on, Ian, a little misplaced eyeliner would do the same thing, and THAT isn’t stopping you.

Philippe Jr. also claimed that the spill is a…

“Symptom of a bigger problem our dependence on fossil fuel we just refuse to get off. All of us have a part to play.”

Somewhat hypocritical, considering Philippe is an heir to an empire built on fossil fuel consumption. Grandpa Jacques didn’t sail out to film his documentaries. I would bet the Calypso burned more oil filming one episode of the Undersea World than most of us will use in our entire lifetime.

Cameron Diaz voiced what the whole event was really about: making sure that private planes, limousines, and imported raw organic vegan deli trays are only available to movie stars.  She claimed that we all need to:

“…start making a change in the way you live: What you buy, what you drive, what you eat. You can make the difference; you can help prevent a terrible tragedy like this from ever happening again.”

Victoria Principal not only repeated the debunked Al Gore hurricane chestnut, but indicated she hasn’t been looking at weather reports for the past four years:

”The reason we’re having more hurricanes is because we weren’t thinking in advance about how we treat this planet, so it’s really a wake up call on every level.”

CNN reporters Kyra Phillips and Soledad O’Brien both did nice human interest angles on the tragedy, talking to fisherman whose lives have been interrupted, although neither talked to any oil workers unemployed by the moratorium. The only time the oil workers were mentioned was when Larry asked Robert Redford about them and you won’t believe how he responded. (It’s coming).

There was a lot of blame put on BP, a little blame put on Congress, and absolutely no mention made of the President, beyond the plug Kerry Kennedy squeezed in:

“One of the things that we’re doing is trying to get people to petition President Obama to sign, um, a legislative order that will make 100,000 green jobs in the uh, in the gulf coast.”

Shouldn’t a Kennedy be aware that Congress does all the legislation?

As I mentioned before there was no sympathy for the oil economy. Ted Danson doesn’t see a problem with it:

“No more offshore oil drilling, pump the wells we got, but no more new because the risks as we see are way too high, and the benefits are not that big.”

But the funniest and most telling moment of the evening came when Larry asked a befuddled Robert Redford about what will happen to the oil workers if offshore drilling ceases. (Incidentally, I’m fairly certain that Standard Oil is now BP, but Bob doesn’t seem to be aware of that.)

The show was closed out with a performance by Herbie Hancock and India Arie, playing John Lennon’s Socialist classic Imagine, which doesn’t have anything to do with the topic at hand. Religion, Possessions and Country weren’t really responsible for the explosion. At least Sting played Fragile, which seemed somewhat appropriate.

And just imagine where we would be…without our stars.

In this episode, “NewsBusted” covers: Health Care Legislation, Ted Kennedy, President Obama, Cap and Trade, Fairness Doctrine, Douglas Brinkley, Obama Summer Vacation, David Letterman, Town Hall Protestors, Chelsea Handler, and KFC.

The reason I bring up my disturbed fascination with the scatological inclined blonde bombshell is that I just finished reading her New York Times bestseller – “you go girl!” and Chelsea seems to be quite smitten with that sex kitten B. Hussein Obama.

The Inaugural festivities IN OUR NATION’S CAPITOL (I always capitalize that phrase out of respect for Washington, D.C. and I like to shout on the Internet and piss off the protocol cops, but I digress) are about to begin, and as a conservative Republican I am feeling left out.

Blue(ish) here in California, as it were.

I am sure that my invitation to the Obamarama is going to arrive any minute now. I have Rahm Emmanuel on my speed-dial and I am positive he and Chelsea have it ‘handled’ it for me.

If this party e-vite doesn’t get here pronto, I suppose I can watch the fire-farters, cosmic clowns and other assorted Hollyweirdos on TV.

Speaking of that dinosaur communications box, I am quite disturbed that the Obamapalooza featuring Bruce Springsteen aired on HBO. I mean, really, isn’t The Chosen One supposed to be a man of the people?

How come it costs some serious scratch to see Ashley Judd, Garth Brooks and Tiger Woods lovin’ up their man? That’s just RACIST, man! Poor folk can’t afford HBO, they need to be viewing these artists for free.

But we can fix that. In the spirit of bi-partisanship, I propose that anyone under the poverty line of $750,000 yearly receive an HBO bail-out so that we can all be the same under the skin. And we’ll throw in the DVR. No need for austerity at a time like this.

Difficult times call for creative solutions.