Watch Billy Bob Thornton and Aaron Eckhart make perfect sense as Amber Heard practically breaks down crying at the beauty of it all…

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Occupy Wall Street does remind me of the 60’s anti-war movement inasmuch as they were both based on a lie. The dirty, filthy hippies didn’t care about the Vietnam War; what they wanted was an end to the draft. That’s why, after Nixon ended the draft, the anti-war movement broke up even though the war would rage for a few more years.

OWS is based on the same lie. These smelly, selfish, narcissistic, spoiled loser creeps want their student loans forgiven. They claim to be outraged over the government’s bailout of Wall Street (which is worth being outraged over) and yet they want their own government bailout and in large part support President GoldmanSachsFailureTeleprompter.

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How ironic is this? It just so happens that spoiled, entitled, multi-millionaire celebrities who advocate the government confiscate my hard-earned money to fund their anti-human nihilism are the very people who make me think abortion might not always be wrong. 

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I’ve been wanting to comment on Kyle Smith’s excellent New York Post column since Sunday, a column that reminds us of a truism too easy to forget. It’s just a fact that since the creation of celebrity there’s always been a dark, trashy, immoral side to it all – always been Hollywood debauchery, scandal and bad behavior. What we’re seeing today from Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, and Britney Spears, unfortunately, isn’t anything new. Which begs a question I’ll ask below.

The New York Post:

A common gripe about Lindsay Lohan, Chris Brown, Kanye West, Charlie Sheen and the rest of our celebrity monster posse is that they’re immature brats whom genetic fortuity gave riches but not brains, morals or character. They are.

But so were the stars of the ’50s. If their serene glamour persists, it’s in part because the movies are still on TV but the scandal sheets that chronicled their misadventures have crumbled to atoms. …

Taylor’s adulterous, drink-fueled hookup with Richard Burton on the set of “Cleopatra” inspired a letter published in a Vatican newspaper that condemned her for “erotic vagrancy.” When the lovers were out of the country, Rep. Iris Faircloth Blitch of Georgia called for them to be denied re-entry into the US “on the grounds of undesirability.”

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There are a lot of things that most of us would have more use for in life than a new Paris Hilton reality television show.  Some sort of flesh eating virus or a scorching case of crabs comes immediately to mind, but the truth is that she is simply not worthy of another TV time slot. Paris has already had a few bites at the reality television apple.  To call her a ratings juggernaut would be like calling Carrot Top a chick magnet or referring to Bea Arthur as luscious.  In short, giving away a time-slot to Paris is a networks way of unofficially declaring that they have run out of ideas (I wonder why NBC hasn’t built a show around her yet?).  

So while the Oxygen Network is busy promoting “The World According to Paris” and hoping it is the type of “edgy” television that will make that horrible network relevant to the entertainment world, we are giving you a few celebrities who are more worthy of their own show than Paris Hilton. 

Lindsay Lohan is probably a pretty good candidate to have her own reality show.  There are few things that the American television audience likes more than stuff covered in chocolate.  One of the items on that short list would be watching a celebrity crash and burn.  Ironically, that same list would also include the redemption of the aforementioned celebrity, and their return from a booze and cocaine induced brink of disaster.  Lindsay still has pop culture value and considering the fact that the dress she recently wore to court is now sold out just about everywhere, apparently many still find her intriguing.  Let’s face it; it’s only a matter of time before Ms. Lohan shows up on Dr. Drew’s couch at “Celebrity Rehab.”  If she can stay out of jail long enough to make the pretentious claim of “being off the drugs and high on life,” a show that chronicles this burnt out star’s efforts to reignite may be a ratings draw.  Of course if you want to give the viewers what they really want, cover her in chocolate and let nature take its course. 

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In May of 1994, I walked into a Hollywood chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous for the first time; while waiting for the meeting to begin I watched as an Academy Award-wining actor swept the floor. It was his humbling little task. It’s what kept him sober, he told me. I haven’t had a drink since. For that I am truly grateful.

In 2002 I walk out of my last AA meeting because the culture of recovery in Hollywood had changed. It had become a production of hip, slick, and cool. It had lost its shame. Hollywood sent recovery into the mainstream by putting a camera in the room, and turning the shame of hitting your bottom into a chance to be seen on TV.

When realty shows like “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew” put a camera on an addict, it rewards them for bad behavior and puts off the chance at solid recovery. (Dr. Drew himself calls it a media intervention.) But it’s the financial rewards of Nielsen ratings that are helping to slowly kill actors like Charlie Sheen.

Hollywood paparazzi and media outlets flood the public with the comings and goings of troubled souls like Lindsay Lohan, plastering her image everywhere like a car crash you can’t stop rubber necking. Young actors in Hollywood and the MTV crowd see this stupid behavior and the limelight that goes with it and say to each other, “That doesn’t seem so bad. Let’s party.” It’s within that mode of exposure that the addict get’s lost inside the lens of Entertainment Tonight. Most addicts are at some level narcissist. Couple that with being an actor, and you have Siamese twins gazing blood shot into a reflecting pool of flash bulbs.

Hollywood’s long lists of addicts are simply egomaniacs with low self-esteem. However, once the actor/addict gets sober, most are just not that interesting in public and the media looses interest. The upside of this personal discovery are people like Robert Downey Jr.; who has flourished as a performer and person since he really “got it.” (more…)

We all know that celebrities love to get behind a cause.  Jenny McCarthy is no different.  When her son was diagnosed with autism she made it her life’s work.  On the surface, it would seem that McCarthy was doing nothing but good by spreading autism awareness.  Unfortunately, this is not the case.  Instead, she formed an alliance with Andrew Wakefield based on a paper he published in the British medical journal, The Lancet, claiming a link between the MMR vaccine, inflammatory bowel disease and autism.  McCarthy made sure she spread the word, loud and clear, that vaccines are not safe and cause autism.  Unfortunately for her and everyone who listened, The Lancet retracted the study they published in 1998 in February 2010.  Then, just this week, it was announced that Andrew Wakefield was not only wrong; he has been found guilty of elaborate fraud.  Will McCarthy continue to support this charlatan or will she admit that she has been duped?

McCarthy is a conspiracy theorist and one of Wakefield’s biggest supporters.  She wrote the forward to his book Callous Disregard: Autism and Vaccines—The Truth Behind a Tragedy, where she states: 

“I believe history will be very kind to Andy Wakefield…For hundreds of thousands of parents around the world, myself included, Andy Wakefield is a symbol of strength and conviction that all parents of children with autism can use to fight for truth and the best lives possible for their kids.”  

I don’t have celebrity status that gives Jenny the ability to get her now debunked message across to an audience of millions like on Oprah, Larry King and in People Magazine.  I have to keep fighting one blog entry at a time (along with many others)—hoping that we can turn the tide around. There are many like me but no one with McCarthy’s appeal.  So even with all the evidence against her message, she is winning.  The mainstream media is beginning to report the fraud and will hopefully continue to push this message.  New generations of parents will hopefully never hear about Wakefield or McCarthy for that matter.  I can dream, can’t I?  (more…)

I was watching a Giants football game when I noticed that an opposing player’s chin guard was pink. Then I noticed his pink socks and other uniform parts were this god-awful color that I have always despised. My daughter told me that October is Breast Cancer month and I groaned at the idea of having to put up with seeing that awful shade instead of the glorious colors of autumn. 

I come from a cancer riddled family. My father died of stomach cancer; my sister of leukemia, a niece of pancreatic cancer; another of ovarian cancer. I would dearly love for us to find a cure but I wonder why it is that Breast Cancer has become the darling of Hollywood celebrities. AIDS research is another disease that gets more attention from Hollywood than any other.   

John Stossel reported back in 2009 on the Fox Business Website- “In 2001, AIDS research got $4,439 per patient from NIH, breast cancer $290, Parkinson’s $175.  Diabetes, which killed more people than AIDS and breast cancer combined, got $41.  Heart disease, the number one killer, got $58.”  (more…)

Being a woman is great in this post proto-feminist world, and if you aren’t already a modern woman, I’d like to take you out of the kitchen and bring you up to speed. I was raised to believe in antiquated ideas — such as a woman needs to act like a lady and that a child needs both a mother and a father! Preposterous. Last week I squeezed out eight fatherless kids while at the sports bar during half-time – I do have a few pre-existing kids from different baby daddies, but I was keeping up with all the octomoms in the neighborhood.

Multiple births are the new Mercedes.

The only married couple I know, Bob and Bruce, come over every so often to teach my boys how to be men, and then take them shopping for child-appropriate skincare and those awesome bio-degradable Chanel onesies I’ve seen on many fatherless celebrity babies.

When Bob and Bruce are busy, the guys I pick up at the bar the night before hang out with them for guy-time. This is handy because I learn these men’s names as they introduce themselves to my brood. Once they are acquainted I can get to work on my new fragrance line without worrying about the rugrats.

Had a real job back in 2008, but that stable, pre-proto-feminist lifestyle is so not important these days. Who needs jobs and money when you can be featured in a reality show and/or dance with the stars while pretending to not exploit your friends, family and children? (more…)

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About ten years ago or so I saw Cyndi Lauper live when she opened for Tina Turner. She was very pregnant at the time and sang every one of her hits except the one her fans most wanted to hear, ”Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” The crowd was waiting for it, ready to explode and dance and sing along.

Not only did Lauper not sing it, she got snotty with the audience when they called out for it. At the end of her set she said, “Nope, not gonna sing it,” and  walked off.  (more…)

Joseph Lindsey’s satirical Life to the Right of Hollywood takes us on an uproarious jaunt through the back alleys of the indie-film world to the scuzzy mosh pit of A-list Hollywood. His protagonist, Clinton Feast, is just another unemployed, self-loathing actor ensconced in a New York City fleabag hotel. The dump, inhabited only by a rat with a Red Sox cap ingloriously Krazy-Glued to his head, becomes his domicile of last resort following a humiliating breakup with his girlfriend, Meme. So far, so good.

The anger, guilt, and shame follows Clinton around like the rain cloud over Bad Luck Schleprock. Yet in the tradition of grand Hollywood satire, all these emotions literally explode out of him while auditioning for an adaptation of Kafka’s Metamorphosis. Literally chewing the scenery lands him the lead. The lead, however, does not change into a giant bug but rather into a literal pile of shit (hence the adaptation title Turdmorphosis). Hilarity does, in fact, ensue as Clinton’s Method performance captures the buzz and he is propelled into Hollywood’s upper echelon. Alas, the combination of an ill-timed collision with Nicholas Cage during the Oscar telecast, and an evening of amnesia surrounding unruly drunken behavior, and Clinton’s careers ends as quickly as it begins. The nail in the coffin — he outs himself as a Conservative despite repeated warnings from his handlers. In Hollywood, it’s just fine to be a child rapist, a drug-addled fool, make slurs about gays and Jews, and be an all-around asshole, but it’s being a Conservative that’ll ultimately do you in.

Lindsey’s prose is almost too clever for its own good — almost. He pushes the wink factor right to the edge, but for anyone who’s experienced life in the entertainment industry, this won’t matter a bit. Many of the situations are nifty turns on what has already been endless parodied, so Mr. Lindsey also deserves props for his imagination. Then again, it doesn’t take much imagination for an actor to actually be made to feel like a pile of poop. Mr. Lindsey’s gift is that he actually carries this absurdity through from beginning to end. Admittedly, the constant unavoidable references to fecal matter will not win over those with delicate sensibilities, and there’s more than enough bathroom humor to go around. To that end, the material is an acquired taste (so to speak). (more…)

Lindsay Lohan is an adult, responsible for her own actions, but take a glimpse into the nauseating world she inhabits; one of manipulation where the producers and photographers manipulate her with fawning compliments to get their pound of flesh, and Lohan manipulates them not only to hear those compliments but to lord her superiority over everyone. Lohan’s 11 hours late, which brought the cost of this photo shoot up an extra hundred thousand dollars. Here’s the result:

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WARNING: ‘FLORA & FAWNA’ IS CRUDE (and this is even cruder than the last one)

Striving to outdo a rival celebutard at the 2010 Slammy Awards, Flora and Fawna debut a radical new eco-trend: The Booty Blast Blocker which traps CO2 emissions of a decidedly personal kind.  But the ass-blast trapping trend backfires in ways the girls may never be able to live down.

YouTube FLORA & FAWNA - Gasbags

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In “Sput Car – Part 2″  (part 1 is here), Flora and Fawna hit Melrose to test drive the latest eco trend in the hopes of being noticed by A-list celebrities.  Will their attention-getting plans succeed…or will they backfire with ghastly results?

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Click above image to play video.

Two more webisodes to come!   Stay tuned for Gasbags Part 1 and Part 2. (more…)

In their debut webisode, BFFs Flora and Fawna meet at the crack of noon at their fave hangout, the Fatuity Cafe, to concoct their latest scheme to one-up the biggest publicity whores in town. After their weekly colon cleanse, they happen upon a dealership that sells Sput Cars, the hottest new eco craze. Rushing to be the first in town to own one, the girls neglect to read the fine print in the test-drive contract and may just end up being the kinda “green” that pushes up daisies.

**CAUTION FOR SOCIAL CONSERVATIVES:  ‘FLORA & FAWNA’ IS RAUNCHY

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion, next week.  More webisodes to come! (more…)

Lady Gaga’s new video, “Telephone” hit the streets last week. You’ve all heard of it, I’m sure. As nothing more than violent softcore porn, even MTV has allegedly given it the shut-out. Not only is the video a tasteless, boring herpes-fest, but it’s indicative of a larger problem facing Americans (particularly young ladies today). Can anyone guess what it is?

Let’s be honest; in the world of popstar Divas… Lady Gaga isn’t exactly a Bo-Derek-perfect-10. So how does she find a way to close the gap? As many ugly dames have done since the dawn of time, she decides to up the ante of sluttiness. I speak the truth. Women, if you don’t live up to the current magazine standards of “beauty,” the message being pumped to you through pop culture is loud and clear: ugly and/or fat chicks need to go fishing with dynamite.

Even more confusing is when pop-musicians use said form of packaging to try and push a corporatized “be proud of who you are” message (see any “Pink” music video ever made). By default, we end up breeding a generation of slutty, shallow, self-absorbed, empty shell human beings and then confusedly ask why they have “self-esteem” issues. Whatever happened to the idea of esteeming others first? Seems to me that that would do wonders for the tweens self-confidence (not to mention their productivity levels). You know who was big on that concept? Jesus. We can’t have that. (more…)

Last week, Howard Zinn passed away. It was only a few weeks after the History Channel had premiered the film “The People Speak” honoring his controversial book “A People’s History of the United States.”

Prof. Zinn never hid the fact that he wrote “A People’s History” not as a reference book to collect dust on the shelf but as a field guide for the re-making of our society.  In a 1988 interview with the University of Georgia, he summed up the legacy of his work better than anyone.

A quiet revolution is a good way of putting it. From the bottom up. Not a revolution in the classical sense of a seizure of power, but rather from people beginning to take power from within the institutions. In the workplace, the workers would take power to control the conditions of their lives. It would be a democratic socialism.

In the wake of his death, conservative commentators who had been critical of Zinn’s lifework were accused of “spitting on his grave” when responding to interview requests about Zinn’s legacy.  At Big Hollywood we have less interest in trashing Howard Zinn, the man, as we have in shining a light on what his actual beliefs and agenda were, and still are. (more…)

A onetime global but now aging action hero once told me in private how he took pity on an ugly woman pining for an autograph by taking her to bed, only to find that he couldn’t reach climax until he stood up, gazed upon his own image in a full length mirror and finished himself off. Hollywood’s award season is upon us and we are that ugly woman.

The first few months of every New Year, Hollywood accessorizes itself by folding back the sidewalks of Los Angeles and New York and laying down a bed of red carpet. They dress the night up with flashing bulbs, free booze and silicone injected starlets wrapped in ten-thousand dollar Vera Wang sequined napkins. They walk the carpet, upright men in monkey suits, holding fifty thousand dollar gift bags and smiling for the cameras. The cameras suck them in as they sashay and pose, they tell funny little antidotes about how life should be for everyone, while adding how normal they are because they’ve started taking the latest mystical potion. (more…)

All that’s left to ask is what planet are these people from and how do we keep our children far, far away?

[Rihanna] admitted to being “humiliated” earlier this year when naked pictures of herself sent to an ex-boyfriend were posted online.

But she later shrugged off the episode, saying: “If you don’t send your boyfriend naked pictures, then I feel bad for him.” …

The 21 year-old said in an interview with The Sun: “Every woman should have naked pictures taken. In five years my body might not look like this.

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To quote my good friend Tom: Thank God I have Hollywood to tell me how to think.

As many of you probably already know, Will “Elf” Ferrell is leading Hollywood’s latest band of Obama’s Merry Men, in a joint effort with MoveOn.org, in a satirical bid to tell you and me how grateful we should be for ObamaCare and how we should despise those dastardly insurance company executives who make millions of dollars by exploiting us.

My friend Kitty’s thoughts on the video: “I’m sure O’s supporters will think it’s hilariously creative, but I honestly thought these people could do better. There’s nothing subtle about the video, and satire needs subtlety. All politics aside, I was disappointed.”

The creative juices of Hollywood keep on flowing, folks!

I suppose since Obama has Hollywood’s back – he’s continuing to cheapen the office of the President by shilling for George Lopez’s new show on TBS – it’s their turn to “give back.” And since it’s been eight long years since they’ve been proud to be Americans, it’s not surprising that all of that choked back patriotism is coming out in a rush. (more…)