The idea was simple, offer an incentive to get people out of gas guzzlers and help boost lagging car sales. I don’t know why the auto industry was chosen for a big corporate welfare handout instead of the furniture or big screen TV folks. It may have something to do with the government owning a big hunk of the auto industry and therefore being on the hook for future pension and health care costs. Which, if I may offer a quick civics lesson review, means that you and I are now the proud owners of the Old GM obligations.

To get back to my point, if there’s anything hated by lawyers and government bureaucrats alike, it is simplicity. I could write the rules for the program in several paragraphs but then the average consumer and auto dealer would be able to understand them and several thousand government hacks would have nothing to do. The regulations covering the program run over 140 pages! Over one hundred and forty pages on what cars are eligible for trade and purchase.

There were warning signs that this was going to be a typical government balls up. At the end of the first week of July I went to several dealerships to check out what the deal was with cashing in on welfare for the United Auto Worker. No one had a clue and the program was scheduled to start in less than two weeks. Once the program got underway the EPA started “reevaluating” the gas mileage of a number of vehicles, making some cars that had been turned in no longer eligible!

Since then the government has been rejecting hundreds of application which seem to be valid. The government has no idea how many cars have been purchased under this program. The backlog of rebates after only five days is so enormous that no one knows how much has been spent, how many cars have been purchased or if there’s any money left.

Lack of money has never been a problem that the Federal Government couldn’t overcome. The House voted to triple the amount of money for the CARS program. Why triple? Why not, that seems like a good number. There is, of course, no logic or mathematics behind the increase. Like many government numbers it was pulled from the air like a bunch of flowers in a magician’s trick.

You don’t want to look at the logic behind the whole program too deeply either. If this idea is a way to jump-start the auto business, why didn’t we just take the 150 plus billion we have already poured into GM and Chrysler and have a mega CARS program where we offered 10 grand to the first 1.5 million folks who wanted to buy a new car?  If the idea was to reduce carbon emissions and gas usage, please don’t do the math as to how little be saved by getting 250,000 people to get 5 or 6 MPG more while driving.

So think about the President saying his health care plan will be cost neutral while you are down at the DMV registering your CARS car and hoping your voucher processes properly so you aren’t on the hook for the $4500 you were promised.

I have a conservative dilemma and I am not sure what to do. When I have questions like this I usually ask myself, “What would Reagan do?” This is a tough one but I know you will have an answer for me.

I need a new car. My 1999 Ford Explorer has been an awesome friend and dependable ride but like my cat who was 16 when he went for the long ride, the Ford is nearing the end of the figurative and literal road. 183,374 miles when I pulled into the driveway tonight and I am not sure how many more she’s got in her. Just between me and you she’s not as fit as she used to be. She’s leaking oil and drinking more than she used to. She has begun to show her age, a few wrinkles and dents.  I have to be honest I’ve been seeing someone younger. She Asian, all shiny and low maintenance.

Here’s the problem, if I get the car I want and trade in my Explorer I’m eligible for the new government CARS program. CARS is part of the Obama stimulus/green earth/socialism/behavior modification plan.  In case you aren’t up on the plan here’s how it works; if you have a gas hog like my SUV and are willing to get into a smaller more “earth friendly” automobile Uncle Barack will kick in $4500 bucks plus you get the scrap value for your “clunker.” “Clunker” is new speak for any vehicle that gets bad gas mileage, is uncomfortable, larger than a Yugo, or could possibly  run over a Prius and drag in along in its undercarriage. Under the CARS program your trade-in has to be sent to the crusher so no other unfeeling conservative will be able to buy it and create more global warming. The idea is cars sales go up, greenhouse gases go down and we all get to drive underpowered plastic cars.

I didn’t decide to get a smaller and more fuel efficient car because of this program. I already had plans to buy this new car. I had been to the dealership and had already begun grinding the salesman and sales manage on the price. I was just waiting to see if the manufacturer was going to offer and additional incentives on the first of the month when Obama decided to splash a little of his stimulus cash around in the new car market.

Here is my question Mr. Reagan; as a good conservative I don’t believe in handouts or welfare. I think the government is spending us into socialism and pushing us towards rampant inflation. At the same time the money Mr. Obama is handing out to buy cars is my money! Should I take the $4500 from the government or should I stand on principle and leave the $4500 discount on the table?

I know you will give me the right answer.