So, all hail the new A-Team.  I just hope they’ve fixed the one hackey sucker punch aspect – the lame use of U.S. contractors as, once again, the villain du jour.

Now, anyone who at any point in the 1980s was unable to legally drive knows The A-Team and its mythology.  Basically, a bunch of Vietnam War commandos are falsely accused of a crime, escape from a stockade and dodge the military police while acting as soldiers of fortune.  George Peppard was their leader Hannibal Smith, Dirk Benedict was Face, the good-looking con man, Dwight Schultz was “Howlin’ Mad” Murdock, the resident wacko, and Mr. T portrayed, well, pretty much himself.

Every week they crashed a lot of cars, shot millions of bullets without ever hitting anything, made smartass remarks and issued memorable catchphrases.  This was all highly entertaining – particularly if you were a college student like me who enjoyed accepting creative drinking game challenges.  Here’s a hint – designate not just a driver but a stretcher-bearer if you dare join in a round of “Let’s Watch The A-Team and Down a Brew Whenever Something Explodes.” 

The remake updates the story and amps up the action.  Liam Neeson is the new Hannibal, Bradley Cooper is Face, some guy I never heard of named Rampage Jackson (was that his given name?) is Mr. T, and that dude who morphed into a shrimp in District 9 is Murdock.  The new A-Team is now composed of Iraq war vets falsely accused of a massive theft of artifacts from the Baghdad Museum.  They get arrested, convicted, bust out and then – oh hell, you can watch the trailer yourself, but here’s a plot summary anyway:  

Bang, pow, punch, “I ain’t getting on no airplane,” BOOM, cigar, “I love it when a plan comes together,” BOOM, vroom, pow, crash, more and bigger BOOMS, bang, bang, bang, set up for the sequel, the end.

This is quality entertainment.  Plus Jessica Biel is in it and she’s on fire.

Now, the script does provide some moments of humor, some intentional and some unintentional.  The unintentional stuff probably derives from the screenwriters’ (and there are lots of them, credited and uncredited, on this project) complete ignorance of the military.  I like how the script has a C-130 carrying two M1A1 Abrams tanks and a Blackhawk helicopter in its hold.  The Hercules can do a lot of things, but not defy the laws of physics. 

But don’t get me wrong.  I’m all for this kind of summer rollercoaster big screen insanity.  In the trailer, we see them fall out of the plane inside one of the tanks while lighting up an attacking Predator drone with a Ma Deuce .50 cal on the drop down.  My departures from military aircraft in flight were not quite so colorful, but if you’re heading to The A-Team expecting the vivid realism of a cinema verite documentary you need to substantially recalibrate your expectations.

The action is suitably over the top both on paper and even more so in the trailer, but there are a couple of scenes on the printed page of surprising harshness.  I’m hoping the tone gets smoothed out in subsequent drafts, and the trailer looks as if it did.  There’s nothing wrong with tough, brutal acts in some films, but that is kind of the antithesis of The A-Team aesthetic.  This shouldn’t be the Omaha Beach scene from Saving Private Ryan.

Alas, there is a sucker punch of sorts, in that it appears the villains are that hoariest of current clichés, military contractors.  James Cameron has been a pioneer in trashing American military members without the guts to just come out and do it with his “But those weren’t American Marines we were slaughtering – they were mercenaries” dodge in the unwatchable Avatar.  Give me a break.  The mere notion that American soldiers become evil the moment their camouflage fails to read “U.S. Army” on the nametape is as insulting to the audience’s intelligence as it is offensive to everyone who has served or is serving today.

Let me be real clear about something – U.S. military contractors like Halliburton protected me, fed me and did a bunch of other chores for me while I’ve been deployed, and today they are doing the same for hundreds of thousands of other American service members overseas.  Many of them died doing it, killed by the same sons of bitches that shoot at our troops and murder civilians.  Are contractors perfect?  Nope.  Neither are service members. 

The fact is there is a real enemy out there.  Can you Hollywoodoids guess who that might be?  Here’s a hint: They killed 3000 Americans in 2001.  Sure, portraying our real enemies as, well, our enemies, might cost you a few cocktail party invitations, but maybe you hacks might want to make them the bad guys once in a while and see what happens at the box office.

The fact is that American contractors are the current villain of choice for many in Hollywood because many industry types are too gutless to come straight out and trash our troops in the wake of the utter failure of every film that’s done it since we liberated Iraq.  Come on, have the courage of your lack of convictions – you know you want to say it, just like your unwashed hippie mommy used to do to Vietnam vets before she sold out, showered off, and went mainstream in 1977: “Baby killers!  Baby killers!” 

The spitting on the troops is optional, but I’d strongly advise against it unless you love the idea of undergoing substantial dental reconstructive work.

Not only does trashing American contractors let them get in some punches against the troops they are too gutless to admit they hold in contempt but it’s safe too.  No contractor will be parking a ticking SUV outside of their studio; even abject cowardice and submission didn’t keep Comedy Central’s parent company safe from that guy Mayor Bloomberg and the media hoped was just mad about health care reform.

Perhaps I’m overthinking it.  Hell, with The A-Team, any thinking is overthinking it. 

Now, based on the script and the trailer, it seems unlikely that the writers of The A-Team have any conscious agenda beyond making things go boom in the most spectacular way possible.  Their sin is most likely mere laziness; it’s too bad that their laziness happens to correspond with the very real loathing some in the industry feel for our troops and even our country.  It would be nice, in a world full of real bad guys, for a movie to have the intestinal fortitude to actually name one of the real bad guys instead of trashing proud, brave Americans by falling back on the cheesiest and most tiresome of clichés.

Will I see The A-Team when it hits theatres June 11th?  Well, as always, I’ll wait for the Big Hollywood review of the movie’s final version before plunking down the $12.50(!) a ticket they want.  Hopefully, the contractor sucker punch will be nothing more than a sucker jab that is overshadowed by the smoke and flames and flying catchphrases.  And all will be forgiven if they roll out Mr. T for a cameo.  But if they don’t, well, I pity the fools.

“Set in New York City, … [and] follows Detective Allen Gamble (Will Ferrell), a forensic accountant who’s more interested in paperwork than hitting the streets, and Detective Terry Hoitz (Mark Wahlberg), who has been stuck with Allen as his partner ever since an embarrassing public incident with his quick trigger finger. Allen and Terry idolize the city’s top cops, Danson and Manzetti (Dwayne Johnson and Samuel L. Jackson), but when an opportunity arises for the Other Guys to step up, things don’t quite go as planned.”

No big deal. We see these sorts of cop comedies all the time: Opposite personalities are forced to work together. They constantly clash. They bungle assignments. Then they come to an understanding and manage to save the day.

A sneak peek at the script tells us that there are a few moments that will irk conservatives, including a “hilarious” reminder that we have a “black president” and that it’s time to stop stereotyping, even though there’s no stereotyping involved in the scene. Get it? Ha ha. But that’s all typical for this kind of in-your-face, over-the-top comedy film.

Quick question, though: Who are the villains? Now there’s where things get interesting. Are they Islamic terrorists? Of course not. Sure, jihadists are responsible for much of the carnage we hear about all over the globe (not just the events on 9/11 and further attempts at jihad here in the U.S.), but to liberals, Muslims are considered a protected “minority” (all 1.5 billion of them worldwide) because a Republican president dared to call their bluff and thus they are treated with kid gloves by Hollywood and liberals in general. I’m surprised the bad guy’s name in 1994’s “True Lies” hasn’t been changed in a revision from Salim Abu Aziz to Bill Jones or something similar.

Are they domestic terrorists, a la William Ayers and his sweet little wife Bernardine Dohrn and their merry band of pranksters? Certainly not. People who try to violently subvert the system by bombing government buildings are held in high regard by the left and not to be trivialized by making them cartoonish bad guys in a cop comedy.

Okay, then, how about the old standby villains – Eurotrash terrorists as seen in films like “Die Hard,” “Nighthawks” and just about any Bond film you can mention? Nah. Been there, done that. This is 2010, baby – it’s a new decade in a relatively new century, so we have to keep up with the times. According to the script, the villains in “The Other Guys” are…drum roll please…

Bankers.

Director Adam McKay and Scarf

Yes, bankers. Our brave detectives discover near the end that the villain, Ershon, they’ve been chasing has a sinister relationship with a number of banks who have received bailout funds that are finally showing signs of recovery. And not only has Ershon lost billions of dollars entrusted to him, but it seems that none of the terrible things he’s done are illegal because of a bill passed in 2001 regarding international banking.

Who was president in ‘01? Oh, right. Coincidence? I’ll leave that up to you. THE INHUMANITY!

BUT WAIT…THERE’S MORE. And no, it’s not two Shamwow! for the price of one:

A “strange guy” approaches Detectives Gamble and Hoitz and tells them that Ershon is just a small fish in a big pond. It seems that not only are Ershon and his friends in on the dirty money, but lobbyists will soon descend upon Washington like locusts, making sure that any regulation that could put the brakes on their activities will be stripped out of existence.

LOBBYISTS! HIDE THE CHILDREN! RUN FOR THE HILLS! No, I’m sure they’re not talking about lobbyists for Hollywood, no sirree Bob.

And can you believe it? Derek Jeter, playing Derek Jeter, fits the final piece of the puzzle into place – by telling our heroes that there’s a much bigger fish out there who took billions in TARP funds, won’t give documentation on how he spent the money, and – wait for it – has Blackwater mercenaries protecting his sorry a$$ day in and day out.

I wonder who handles Derek Jeter’s investments? Madonna? Does Will Ferrell keep his millions hidden in a fake soup can in his kitchen cabinet? But more importantly, our eeevil banker has even more eeevil Blackwater security contractors – I mean, mercenaries – protecting his sorry ass. You may not know this, but Blackwater used to have “long ties to the White House and prominent Republicans.” Speaking of Republicans, guess who the Big Villain, Carl Bastion, hangs out with? Get ready for the sucker punch moment:

Dick Cheney.

Yes, Dick Cheney. Detective Gamble then asks his partner to teach him to shoot and fight better. Bwahahaha! Isn’t that funny? Dick Cheney! So not only is Bastion eeevil and has eeevil friends, but eeevil friends who have had hunting “accidents.” Bwahahahaha!

The fact that Cheney is now out of political life and both the White House and Congress are controlled by radical leftist Democrats is irrelevant. Hollywoodists and their liberal pals hate anyone and anything connected to George W. Bush now and forever, and so they must continue to be vilified whenever possible. Besides, why would Hollywoodists risk being the “racists” they call conservatives for daring to mock Obama and his policies? Leave the liberal plantation? Never.

And forget about the fact that films like this get made with lots of money…money that’s not stored under the mattress by the ideologically pure, but invested in and loaned by…BANKS. Heck, bankers are probably a producer’s best friend. But I digress…

I  understand that crooked financiers are a real problem, but they seem an odd choice for bad guy status in what’s supposed to be a comedy. Speaking of dirty money, I wonder when the sequel about crooked Chicago politicians with ties to the mob is coming out. What? That might make the wrong people mad? I see.

Keep in mind that the film is not yet finished. Movie scripts often go through numerous rewrites both before and during production, so the finished product may be somewhat different than the script Big Hollywood received. However, I find it hard to believe that they’d change something as major as – well, how the movie ends. But you never know.

“The Other Guys,” coming soon to a theater near you. Based on what I’ve seen, don’t rush out to see it.

The following interview contains misleading, erroneous, and/or fraudulent claims.  The subject of the interview, Scott Witt, has come under massive scrutiny by the Special Forces community and has been revealed to not be a member of that vaunted, tight-knit group, as he claims.  Adding to the heinous nature of this deception is that it is couched in the humanitarian effort to aid the people of Haiti – a matter that is near and dear to my heart.

I offer now my sincerest apology for having become the conduit for this ruse of Mr. Witt’s, (for which I alone take blame for not vetting him properly), and reaffirm my deep respect and admiration for all the true brave warriors who serve and have served our country.

I have recently become aware of The Stolen Valor Act, and of the pathetic presence of many ‘false heroes’, poseurs and impostors out there; attempting to steal for themselves some of the valor and honor that members of our Special Forces have so valiantly and courageously earned.

I truly find this despicable – and vow to join with members of this elite branch of the service, active or retired, who seek to expose, uncover and/or prosecute those who would fraudulently lay claim to a real soldier’s honor.

– Gary Graham, Feb. 18, 2010

—–END UPDATE

While in the process of raising funds to help shuttle doctors, nurses and medical supplies to Haiti, I hooked up with my friend director/producer Jeff Chamberlain.  Sharing my interest in humanitarian concerns, and aware of my recent trip to Haiti with AirLift Haiti founder, Eric Haymes, Jeff introduced me to former Special Forces soldier Scott Witt. Scott had formed a rather amazing group of former spec-ops servicemen called Dark Horse Tactical.   These guys had had a rather remarkable experience helping out in the Katrina disaster – and now were trying to get ‘tent cities’ built in and around Port-au-Prince, Haiti.  Jeff, Eric, and I had several conference calls to brainstorm the idea with Scott.   And in an interest to see if Air Lift Haiti could partner up in a common-cause joint venture, I sat Scott down and talked to him about his plan to deliver immediate help and aid to the earthquake-ravaged people of Haiti.

Gary Graham – Scott, tell me about your background and how it lead to your group, Dark Horse.

Scott Witt – Well, to tell you of my background is to tell you what Dark Horse is.  Dark Horse was a call sign – it was my personal call sign, back in the day of my special forces [work].

GG – When was that, when did you serve?

SW – Everything I did in special forces was ‘black ops’.  I first joined the Rangers back in 1987 and I was only with the Rangers for a year when I decided to join what was called ‘the Cherokee’ at that time.  They were a mixture of special forces.   It was not just Rangers, it was Navy SEALs, it was Marines, it was everyone.  And they’d take the best of the best…and create one unit.  And that unit answered only to the Pentagon.  And from that point forward, all we did was black ops.  Nothing we ever did could be talked about from that point forward.

GG – Okay.

SW – So, anyway, the members of these types of groups…as we all kinda got shot up, and retired, and came home…and a lot of us now are heads of corporations…and serve as vice presidents of major banks…things like that all over the country.  But we wanted to kinda stay together as a group and we wanted to make sure we always did something for the good.  We got in to doing personal protection, as a group.  And I formed Dark Horse Tactical.  We did several things – for example, police officers, they get very little training when they come out of the academy.  Even SWAT officers have training that’s very minimal, compared to what they could get.  And the only reason  teir training is so minimal is because the cities or the counties they work for won’t pay for [the advanced training].

GG – Tell me about some of the training you offered.

SW – One thing we started doing with Dark Horse was devoting our time… and training these guys for free… in weapon retention.   Teaching them how to keep their weapons, if their weapon is in their hands and they get into a scuffle, what do you do in those situations… and we also taught them hand-to-hand combat, which was much more advanced than what they did in their normal training.  And, in addition, we also did a lot of work with a lot of celebrities, dignitaries, escorting them here to there. 

GG – You mentioned to me you’d been in Iraq.  Did you work with any of the other private security groups there?

SW — We did hook up with Blackwater for a short period of time when the war broke out to do a lot of consulting and security work with them…but when we started seeing how they were running their business and some of the stuff they were getting into..we pulled back.  After we started seeing their practices, I just kinda nixed that right away.

GG –I understand your group Dark Horse had experiences with Katrina?

SW – As soon as Katrina hit, all my guys called up, and said “Hey what’re we gonna do,  this looks like crap and we already know the [local] government’s not gonna do anything.”  And I said, well let’s make some phone calls, and we started doing that – and we got a couple corporate people that gave us their helicopters and their pilots…and we just decided to gear up, and literally… rappel in.  Because there was nowhere for the helicopter to land.  We flew around for the first hour, picking sights.  There were three teams of four…and what we ended up doing in Katrina…there were boats everywhere…so we literally rappelled down to boats, two guys per boat and just more or less commandeered the boats, and started running around rescuing people, getting people to dry land.  And then we’d get them to a staging area, then the helicopter people would help us get them into the helicopter and then take them over to dry land.  Because at the time there wasn’t the Superdome [in play] there wasn’t anything like that yet.  So that’s what we were doing, trying to get the people out of the water and off the roofs…

GG – And was this within days of the levy’s breaking?

SW – Our first team hit the ground within 24 hours [of the levy's breaking].  And we were there for two weeks before any type of security or anyone else came in. 

GG – Wow.

*SW – So Blackwater got the contract… to provide security… and CNN followed them around…and they were the ones putting the X’s on the doors and stuff… but Dark Horse was there before anybody.  And then we went in and worked with the mayor…

GG – Mayor Nagin?

SW – Yeah.  Went in there and cleared out the Superdome for him, secured that, made sure it was okay.  There are several of us who are engineers on the team.  So we went in quickly and assessed [the Superdome].  We got everybody in there, and asked if he wanted us to stick around… and he said, “No, the National Guard was on the way”, and since we’d already spent all of our own money getting there, we pulled out.   The only other thing we did was to assist the LDS Church to get their food and clothing in there cuz they had already sent food and clothing but there was nobody there to receive it or unload it.  So we hurried and helicoptered it over to the Superdome and that was the very first food and water anybody got.  So then we came home after that….and it wasn’t too long after that that they had the hurricane down in Texas.  And we went down there on our own dime also…and helped out.  Our count was that we got 157 individuals to dry land.

Hurricane Katrina

GG – Did you try to set up any kind of tents for the flood victims in Katrina?

SW – We gave a plan for setting up tents, securing them… We were told by the mayor that the Red Cross would come in and handle everything.  And he was also told that the National Guard would come in and handle all that.  And, as we all know, that never happened.

GG – Never happened.  What was the story with the Red Cross?  I’d think they would’ve descended immediately upon the area with their huge resources.

SW – Again, what they ended up doing was they shoved everyone into the Superdome…and that was it.  I mean that was the only place you could go in to.

GG – And you guys offered to stick around and supply security for all that…and they turned you down?

SW – Absolutely. 

GG – Wow.  The stories coming out of that Superdome situation…were chilling.

SW - Yeah.  They were horrible because the bathrooms…well obviously they wouldn’t flush.  So people literally filled those bathrooms with waste.  And then when the bathrooms were filled, they started filling the hallways with waste.  When the hallways were filled they started filling the seating areas of the Superdome with waste.

GG – Whoa.

SW – Yeah.  It was literally a dumping ground for disease.

GG – So that sort of answers my next question of … Why not go to the Red Cross for funding for the Haiti project.

SW – The Mayor of Port-au-Prince requested tents…and was turned down by the Red Cross.  The Red Cross felt that that was a temporary band-aid…to waste money on.  And they would focus on ‘building structures’. 

GG – ‘Building structures..’   But that would take time.  What do they do in the interim?

SW – We don’t know.  Because the only thing that has ever showed up as far as temporary structures…were tarps.  And I don’t know where those came from – I don’t know who supplied them.   The one thing we do know is  … the very first shipment from the Red Cross that came in on that tarmac…had kidney dialysis supplies.

GG – Kidney dialysis?

SW – Yeah.

GG – Wow…the very first shipment?

SW – To this day that stuff still sits on the tarmac.

GG – The kidney dialysis machines are still sitting on the tarmac?

SW – I don’t know if they’re machines…I was told it would be equipment to deal with kidney [ailments]…

GG – When I was there two-and-a-half weeks ago, I saw huge pallets sitting there on the tarmac…I can only speculate how long they’d been sitting there …or what they consisted of…. 

—– 

NEXT UP: In the continuation of this 3-part interview Scott Witt reveals the bureaucratic roadblocks confronting him as he tries to get help to the desperate people of Haiti.

I go to bed full of hate and wake up the same.  I hate blacks, Hispanics, gays, women, abortion doctors, liberals, Lefties, Democrats, you name ‘em, I hate ‘em if they’re not like me. I especially hate President Obama for being black. Just ask Janeane Garofalo, although being a Stalinist Socialist doesn’t help Obama’s cause any with me. Fact is, Obama could be a GOP Michael Steele Uncle Tom, and I’d still hate him even more than liberals hate Steele. Skin color trumps all. Thank God I was born the right color, or I’d probably kill myself. Wait, the hoods are dry! Be right back.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Joe is my hero and role model, Archie Bunker a distant second, Ted Nugent a close third. I have posters of all of them lining my walls, alongside such conservative Republican heroes as Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Richard Nixon, Adolf Hitler and Darth Vader.

I used to have one of Robert C. Byrd, but he lost me when he left the Klan and became the Conscience of the Senate. Whatever that means. Didn’t know the Senate had one. But I never understood that. How can a white guy in good conscience leave the Klan? But I digress.

I have a mega-gun collection and a huge stockpile of hollow-point Teflon-coated ammo that’s just itching to be used. Haven’t decided yet on which abortion doctor I’m going to target next. Maybe I’ll just go down to the border and shoot brownskins for sport. dHs, sToP mE BefORe I KilL aGAiN!

And though I really hate homos like the Good Book says I should, I spend a lot of my free time cruising aiport rest rooms and tapping footsies like Larry Craig. If I’m lucky, I’ll get some real teabagging in. If not, I’ll try to get some in at my local Tea Party. Of course, my shotgun wedding Handmaid’s Tale wife with the nice tooth doesn’t know about any of this. She’s usually home watching Jerry Falwell and the “700 Club” most of the day, and role-plays being Sarah Palin for me at night. Is that kinky or what? God, I love my wife! Would never be unfaithful to her with another woman.

As to being with other men, well, nobody in the GOP’s perfect. But it beats being a liberal! Except for the part where they get away with murder, and we get stoned for jaywalking.

Our favorite day is Sunday, named after our favorite radical fire-and-brimstone preacher Billy Sunday. We sing hymns like ‘Onward Christian Soldiers’ and wash ourselves clean in the Lord. Really necessary for me. A conservative Republican can get real dirty during the GOP workweek. Good thing my wife’s family is rich. Her toothless redneck dad gave us a beat up ‘78 Ford pickup with NASCAR and confederate flag bumper stickers and an Easy Rider rifle rack. Pride of the Bayou!

I want war. Lots of it. Want the economy to get a boost? Works every time! Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran! Of course, in the interest of disclosure, I must confess to being a consultant for Blackwater, Halliburton, the Carlyle Group and Big Oil. And so what if we all staged 9/11? Made a ton of dough and dusted enough Islamist ragheads to fill the new Yankee Stadium, didn’t we?

Liberals are such pussies! And screw Global Warming! I WANT the world to burn! Only then can Jesus bring Paradise to earth. Speaking of which, where’s that landing strip for Christ in Yosemite National Park James Watt put on order? Days are gettin’ short! And don’t forget, Jesus is white, and might is right. I’m sorry, what was the problem with slavery again?

Actually, I have to confess yet again. All the above is only what I aspire to be, i.e. the best GOPer Repug Nazi I can be. Like most mortals, I fall far short of my goals and dreams. I don’t even own a gun or hollow-point Teflon-coated ammo, but I support the Second Amendment, which is just as bad. May as well be a co-conspirator with Scott Roeder and James von Brunn.

I detest the corrupt Mengele-like genocidal statutory rape-hiding abortion industry that needs reform even more than Iran’s government, but support a woman’s LEGAL right to choose. It’s the law. Until and unless it’s overturned, what can you do? Shoot up clinics? Ya, in my Rethug dreams!

I’m really not a bathroom footsie player, or like cock and hairy ass in general. But gay marriage is legal in my home state of New Hampshire and I haven’t been sodomized yet, so live and let live. What can I say, I’m weak. And even though as a six-year veteran I believe in General Douglas MacArthur’s axiom that “no one hates war more than the soldier,” sometimes they just gotta be fought if civilization as we know it must survive. Be it a cold war with the Russians or hot ones with Hitler and bin Laden, the dirty deeds must be done. And without quarter until victory is complete.

Fight a war to the end or don’t fight it. You can’t do both. One way assures victory, the other defeat. The Art of Fighting Without Fighting doesn’t work with the abu Musab al-Zarqawis of this world.

Worst of all? I was born and raised in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Now THAT’S a confession! How can I ever face my conservative redneck Republican sister-banging moonshine-guzzling Zionist drinking buddies at the NRSC and AIPAC again?

I put it all on the table, people. Now, if only liberal Democrat lefties would freely admit to all the world that they’re all hypocritical, mentally disordered, drug-addled, tree-hugging, America-hating, nihilist anarchist recruiting office-bombing, terrorist and dictator-loving, tinfoil hat, limp-wrist pansy spoiled brat full-grown trust fund Stalinist toddlers who couldn’t get gangbanged by the Green Bay Packers hard or fast enough (practice squads included), maybe we’ll get somewhere in this country.

I seek progress, not perfection. We can all sit down together and have one big ideological circle jerk. Get it out of our systems, you know? Hey, we’re all Americans here! Confession is good for the soul. Or your metaphysical, Pagan or Wiccan existential plane of being, depending on your religious or non-religious proclivities and inclinations.

God, I feel so good now. Got it all out. Okay, let’s hear it in the comments section now. No holding back. That includes you, Unrighteous Bubba and Cognitive Dissonant. Tell us about all the kinky things you like to do with tinfoil, Vaseline and vacuum cleaners while watching sick online German porn in your mothers’ basements