Daily Gut: Murder Needs No Footnote

President Obama signed the National Defense Authorization Act, which by some weird circumstance also includes hate crime legislation.

Now, I’m no fan of hate. Hate in all forms is ugly, even when performed by beautiful people (that’s a shout out to Stephanie Von Pratt, who turned me down for my senior prom). But here’s what I don’t get: If I kill someone, I’m a killer. But hate crime law says that I also broke a new law, one that has to do with my thoughts when I committed said crime.

So it’s a thought crime more than a hate crime. Which begs the question: How can a thought be against the law?

Now I can barely read, so I don’t want to get too deep into this, but if I were to kill my co-host Bill Schulz, whether I hated him or not, that’s a crime. But, if we find out later that he was a sequential hermaphrodite, one might say it could be a hate crime.

I don’t get that at all. (more…)

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Tags: Bill Schulz, hate crime, Hate Crime Laws, Obama, terrorists
Posted Oct 30th 2009 at 1:57 pm in Daily Gut | 255694105 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/ggutfeld/2009/10/30/daily-gut-murder-needs-no-footnote/Daily+Gut%3A+Murder+Needs+No+Footnote2009-10-30+20%3A57%3A13Greg+Gutfeld

Daily Gut: Chugg-Off — George Wendt vs. Bill Schulz

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Tags: ann coulter, Bill Schulz, George Wendt, greg gutfeld, RedEye With Greg Gutfeld
Posted Oct 22nd 2009 at 4:14 pm in Daily Gut | 25118617 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/ggutfeld/2009/10/22/daily-gut-chugg-off-george-wendt-vs-bill-schulz/Daily+Gut%3A+Chugg-Off+--+George+Wendt+vs.+Bill+Schulz2009-10-22+23%3A14%3A14Greg+Gutfeld

‘Red Eye’ at 500

Is there a stranger show on television than “Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld“?

Careening between train wreck and brilliance (often within the same five minute segment), “Red Eye” has been providing necrophilia jokes and toilet humor alongside serious political commentary and biting social satire for over two years now. In fact, “Red Eye,” which airs nightly at 3:00 am on Fox News, recently celebrated its 500th show. In honor of this momentous occasion, I would like to address those poor unfortunate viewers who have yet to tune in, and inform them why they need to start warming up their TiVos like, NOW! people.

The ringleader is Greg Gutfeld, former editor of Maxim U.K and Men’s Health magazines. His cohorts include Bill Schulz (the best side-kick since Andy Richter) and droll and dreary ombudsman Andy Levy. This crew is rounded out nightly by a rotating rogue’s gallery of bloggers, comedians, news anchors, beauty queens, medical examiners, rockers, freaks, and former C.I.A. agents. Oh, and Gutfeld’s mom.

The beauty of this ever simmering stew is you never know how it’s going to go down – sometimes it warms the belly, and sometimes you gag on the mix (Nutmeg?! In stew?!). You find ostensibly serious people being unexpectedly hilarious (Michigan Congressman Thaddeus McCotter’s fierce, young-Mr. Burns-visage belies a devastating Don Rickles wit), and ostensibly funny people addressing serious subjects – all with wildly varying success. (more…)

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Tags: Andy Levy, Bill Schulz, David Letterman, greg gutfeld, Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld
Posted Apr 28th 2009 at 5:03 am in Daily Gut, Entertainment, Featured Story, Political Humor | 1181143 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/mpatterson/2009/04/28/red-eye-at-500/%27Red+Eye%27+at+5002009-04-28+12%3A03%3A19Matt+Patterson