UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY LINE OF THE DAY

MTV:

The world is still reeling from the news that Kim Kardashian has decided to end her 72-day-long marriage to Kris Humphries.

The entertainment media got taken in a big way with this marriage and I salute Kim Kardashian for taking them. She leveraged the celebrity she gained for, uhm, being a celebrity brilliantly:

She raked in $100,000 when she sold cute photos of her and Kris vacationing in Mexico. She made $15 million from E! for her two-part wedding special and another $3 million off wedding photos,” In Touch Weekly senior editor Dorothy Cascerceri told Fox411. “She could easily sell her first post-divorce interview for a half a million dollars or more.”

No, MTV, the world isn’t reeling, just your shallow, empty world. The rest of us are simply passing by for a quick chuckle.

JAMES GARNER’S ‘THE GARNER FILES’ HITS BOOKSHELVES TODAY

From Bret Maverick and Jim Rockford on TV — his two signature roles — to The Great Escape’s Hendley The Scrounger and The Americanization of Emily’s Charlie Madison, the hustler on the big screen, Garner has personified what he describes as “the reluctant hero.” He’s cool and calm on the outside, but deep down he’s a good-hearted maverick. When pushed, he will shove back. He’s particularly wary of bullies and bigots, and proudly recalls attending the March on Washington in the summer of 1963, and to this day remains “a bleeding-heart liberal.”

Just ordered this from Amazon. Garner is one of my all-time favorite actors (wallpaper proof), is far and away my favorite television actor, and you don’t ever want to get me started about my undying love for “The Rockford Files,” the best hour-long television series ever produced.

(more…)

From The Wrap:

Hollywood donors are high on the list of political donors whose money is presumed lost in an alleged embezzlement scheme that led to the arrest last week of a longtime Democratic operative.

Sony, Disney, News Corp., labor group IATSE and the Motion Picture Assn. of America are among the top donors whose funds have been lost, along with several million dollars in the campaign war chest of California Democratic Senator Dianne Feinstein (left), according to Opensecrets.org.

Feinstein says her campaign treasury has been “wiped out” by Kinde Durkee, a treasurer and political operative who apparently also misused funds from an unknown number of other politicians’ accounts in the state.

Congresswoman Susan Davis, a Democrat from San Diego area, suggested that Durkee might be “the Bernie Madoff of campaign finance treasurers.” (more…)

Emmy nominations were announced last week, and David Letterman, Bill Maher, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, and Saturday Night Live all got one. I believe Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Fallon are too new to be considered this year, making Craig Ferguson the wallflower. He suggested that the reason he was skipped over was because the Academy hates Americans. (I think he’s on to something). Letterman bragged he got one for “Best Apology.”

I have no proof, but it appears if there is a new sponsor for Letterman’s daily Ruth Madoff joke. For the past several weeks he’s been doing the same exact joke about Bernie Madoff’s wife claiming her $92 million wasn’t from swindling, that it was money she saved by switching to Geico®. His repetition makes me think the insurance giant’s paying Worldwide Pants to do the joke every night. This week, he added a joke every night about Ruth’s favorite item at California Pizza Kitchen® that suggested they were a new sponsor. On successive nights it was chicken ponzi, chicken al-fraudo, and veal scaloponzi. (more…)

It’s now been three weeks since my last update. In that time, we’ve learned the President cannot speak without a teleprompter and doesn’t even understand what he’s reading.  He also did the diplomatic version of picking up a gift card on the way to the birthday party; and made a miraculous promise worthy of King Canute, when he vowed to stop the Business Cycle. And we saw the Secretary of State hand the red button over to the Russians (without so much as a Clinton Library contribution), proving that eight years as a First Lady is not adequate preparation for duties required of the job. Then last Thursday, Obama did his own joke on a talk show and was accused of a meltdown three days later on “60 Minutes.”

Is the honeymoon over? Have we perhaps entered into the phase of His Administration where the satirists feel comfortable enough to resume the grand tradition of mocking the President? Indications seem positive. Pajamas Media pointed out that John Stewart actually ripped the President fairly good over his Iraq policy (and made me wonder why Code Pink has vanished from the scene). David Letterman actually delivered a good Obama line on March 4, but then followed it up with a series of Dick Cheney jokes (shot in the face, waterboard, pacemaker…) and a Rush Limbaugh pain killer joke. (full monologue here.) Strangely, he  repeated two of the jokes the following night ( Bernie Madoff saved money at Geico®, and the octo-dad should get out). (more…)

In this episode, “NewsBusted” covers: Bernie Madoff, President Obama’s popularity, Newsweek, Air America, Jon Stewart vs. Jim Cramer, John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston, The Taliban, Sesame Street, and PBS.