This is my love letter to Broadway.  Join this theatre nerd on my journey into the wonders and joy of the theatre going experience.

Whether you’re coming from Uptown or Downtown, the Eastside or Westside, as you make your way to the theatre, you get swallowed up into the hustle of Times Square and the atmosphere is electric. The streets fill with an eclectic mix of people bustling to their theatres surrounded by a cacophony of street music, bucket drummers, corner evangelists, vendors, excited chatter, car horns, and the occasional argument by someone who just got taken in a game of three-card monte.

Each theatre holds its own personal history and charm.  The Golden Theatre, one of the smaller Broadway houses seats 800. It opened in 1927 as the Theatre Masque with the flop “Puppets of Passion,” which ran for only 12 performances. In 2003 it became the home to the hugely successful passion of puppets in the Tony Award winning adult musical puppet show “Avenue Q,” which is still playing to packed houses.

The Gershwin Theatre, home to “Wicked, the Musical” is one of the largest theatres, specifically designed for big, extravagant musicals. In 1987 it housed “Starlight Express” and had skaters zooming up and down multi-level ramps and onto an extension built to encompass part of the audience.

The oldest and one of the more elegant theatres is the Lyceum built in 1903 and the newest theatre is the Henry Miller’s Theatre.  The landmarked 1918 facade was kept intact while behind it everything was torn down and rebuilt. Its new incarnation is scheduled to open in September ‘09 with the revival of “Bye, Bye Birdie” with John Stamos and Gena Gershon (“Dancing With the Stars” must have already been booked).  As much as I would love to take you on a tour of the over 100 Broadway and off-Broadway theatres, I won’t, I don’t want to lose you before we get to the really good stuff.

As you enter the theater you are greeted by the front of house personnel: box office staff, ticket takers, and ushers. They are all unique characters as diverse as the actor’s onstage. They are extremely knowledgeable and helpful, and some may have been there since Ethel Merman’s “Annie Get Your Gun” was the hottest ticket in town.

The box office personnel are unbelievably helpful. Not only in their knowledge of where every seat is, but also if you were going to see a particular performer, they know right where to seat you. And contrary to many people’s belief, they do offer you the best seat available. One afternoon I was in mid-town and decided to see a friend of mine who was in “The Producers.” I knew he had been on vacation but wasn’t sure which day he was coming back. Since I didn’t want to spend the money if he wasn’t going to be in the show, when I got to the box office I told them my dilemma and asked if he was back yet. Not only did they tell me he was, but they also told me who wasn’t going to be in the show for that performance, who would be going on vacation, and asked if I wanted to leave him a note.

The ticket takers and ushers are quick to get you in and seated and some are delightfully old school New York, their courteousness is no-nonsense; the faster they get you to your seat, the faster the person behind you gets swiftly served. Once you get your ticket scanned and head to your seat, you pass the bar and the souvenir kiosks. I’ve been in some of the theaters so often I don’t feel the need to view the lovely interiors, so I stealthily advance my way in between the first timers standing, marveling at the gilded plasterwork. While on the way to my aisle, I catch a glimpse of the overpriced magnets and t-shirts and mugs, oh my!

I am SUCH a geek that I could find my own seat blindfolded, but I hit the usher up for my Playbill… ah, the Playbill, my theatre bible, the only tangible souvenir you get for your $100+ ticket… I show the usher my ticket and head straight to my seat.  I like to get to the theatre a little early to read the bios and to see if there’s a former client, student or past cast mate or techie I may know. And at Tony time, you get a separate, special edition Tony Award Playbill, complete with a scorecard, and pictures and bios of every nominee. This often has sparked fun conversations and heated debates with the strangers in my row. Yes, I told you… I am a GEEK!

As the house lights dim and the curtain rises to reveal the set, the audience reaction is audible with gasps of breathtaking awe. It can be the stark, stalled subway car, or the fantasy world beyond the yellow brick road.

Sometimes the set is far too grand to hide behind a curtain. When you walked down the aisle to your seat for the play “Lips Together Teeth Apart” you saw a “house that floats on a breeze-swept landscape of dunes and is equipped with a glorious expanse of blond-wood deck, a kitchen bespeaking the tyranny of shelter magazines and, reaching toward the audience’s lap, a swimming pool whose crystalline blue is pure Hockney.” You felt more like an invited guest to that 4^th of July party rather than getting ready to watch a play.

You may not notice the intricate lighting, but it contributes to the shifting moods and enhances the visual storytelling and is exquisite!  With the beauty and mastery of the sets, lighting and costuming, you are transported into the playwright’s mind.

Whether I see a straight show or a musical, I go to be engaged by the actors portraying the characters before me. I want to become emotionally involved, to be moved, to feel. I expect the actors to work their seemingly effortless skills and extreme talents to take me to the world beyond the proscenium.  Whether it’s the emotional drain watching the dysfunction of the Tyrone family in “Long Day’s Journey into Night,” or the irresistible laughter at the bloody and brutal “The Lieutenant of Inishmore,” I am rarely disappointed.

Watching a singer or dancer whether in the chorus or lead, you are watching years of discipline, perseverance, sacrifice, blood, sweat, and tears, happiness, and rejection. For every performer on Broadway there is a wonderfully unique back-story of how they got there, adding depth and texture to that story with each acting and dance class, singing lesson, audition and show they are cast in.

Some stories find future Broadway performers once sleeping on friends’ floors or a park bench or the dance studio waiting room, just to afford a dance class or headshots.  After years of bit parts and hoofing it in the chorus they give it one last audition before calling it quits, finding they landed the part of a lifetime. And many times that last audition is just that. Then it’s a move back home to open a dance studio or volunteer in their local Community Theater. Maybe, during a pre-Broadway run out of town, the understudy replaces a lead performer, the show goes to Broadway and that former understudy wins a Tony. This is Sutton Foster’s story. I was Sutton’s agent when she was a teenager and she was one of the few young actors I had complete confidence in and could cast in anything without an audition. After the job, the producer would always call with a glowing report.  A tremendously talented professional, even at 14.

A life in the theatre is a tough career, no show lasts forever and the Broadway performer does not get the acclaim of TV actors or Hollywood movie stars–and nobody’s getting rich.  But for most Broadway folks, it’s an honor and privilege to be working on Broadway.  Performing and working in the theatre is in their blood and the stage is their home.

For me, seeing a Broadway show with the original cast is as close to theatrical perfection as you can get. It’s the search that took place for the perfect package: a good actor, singer and dancer, the right look, chemistry with the material, and something that particular performer brought to their audition that the casting people didn’t even know they were looking for. Sometimes they know whom they want and it’s simply a call to the agent or manager, sometimes it seems like an endless search.

In a musical, the dancers and singers are as diverse as New York City itself and each is extraordinary in their discipline. The dancers will wow you with their incredible agility and grace, personality, and charisma as they push themselves and their bodies to amazing feats carrying the storyline along with unspoken passion.

In just a few measures the singer will engage and touch you deeply.  A good singer will bring that knot to your throat and get tears streaming down your cheeks or make you disgusted and creeped out. In “Blood Brothers” a mother stands over her slain twin sons and with heartbreaking disbelief she pleads in song for this not to be true. In “Sweeney Todd” Judge Turpin sings of his guilt-ridden lust as the ward he raised as his daughter comes of age and he intends to marry her. In contrast, the singers can bring belly laughs where your face and stomach hurt from laughing so hard as you watch profane, sexually active puppets singing and interacting with humans in a non-PC world. “WARNING: FULL PUPPET NUDITY” in “Avenue Q.”

At the end of “Mary Poppins” there’s a great theatre moment: **spoiler alert** While the ensemble is singing this beautiful, touching song amidst the starlit night, complete with shooting stars, Mary Poppins, with her trademark heels together and toes pointed horizon to horizon, slowly starts ascending from the stage out over the audience–main floor, mezzanine, balcony, and beyond. A friend of mine and I were sitting front row mezzanine and between the emotion of the last number, the spectacle, joy and sweetness of the show and watching Mary Poppins FLYING, I was nine-years-old again and happily, tearfully in the moment. Just as Mary was coming nearer and nearer in front of us, my friend elbows me repeatedly and commands, “look at me, I’m crying, oh my gosh, I can’t believe it, I’m crying!”  Are you kidding me!  I was completely taken out of the moment. From then on, I decided even if I go to the theatre with a friend, I’m sitting alone!

I hope you enjoyed the journey.  The Tonys air June 7th on CBS @ 8pm. Tune in and see the class and heart of Broadway’s finest (excepting Jane Fonda and Susan Sarandon). I have my scorecard and I’ll be rooting for my favorites with the passion of a sports fan!

Two weeks ago, I did a story about how the Broadway show “Avenue Q” held a contest to find a lyric as funny as “George Bush is only for now.” Calls to the theater assured me that keeping the lyric Presidential wasn’t even an option. Your Mother in Law, This Show, Prop. 8 and Recession were the lines the producers were hoping to pay off.

My friend Jane Shaffmaster, who alerted me to the contest, sent this link today. The contest is now officially over. According to the article, the show’s producers “have dismissed the contest’s winning lyrics except for Prop 8 [is only for now]—which will still be used during the tour’s California dates.”

Well that makes sense. Outside of California and the gay community, most of America has no clue what Prop 8 is. The theatrical community is far more familiar with the proposition than the rest of America, and was likely surprised when the lyric didn’t get the response they sought. I’m sure the show was disrupted more than once when Lorraine from Kansas (who just dumped a hundred bucks to see a puppet show) leaned over to a friend and whispered, “What’s a ‘prop-eight?’”

So what did they decide to use? The winning lyric is: ”George Bush WAS only for now.”

Brilliant. I guess like “South Pacific” and “Bye-Bye Birdie,” some vintage musical theater is better when presented in the time frame that it was originally written. “Avenue Q” will now be forever remembered as a Bush-era production, although the impact has noticeably waned. ”We now know that although George Bush’s presidency was only for now,” show creator, Robert Lopez noted, ”the comic potential of ‘George Bush’ seems like it may last forever.”

And for some of us, it seems like it already has. 

For more information on Tim Slagle check out TimSlagle.com

“Avenue Q” is a puppet show for adults.  A song called “For Now” has the puppets reassure each other that most things in life are temporary, like hair and sex. Until recently, one of those temporary things was “George Bush.” Knowing that Obama was to be shortly inaugurated, the producers and writers were perplexed for a replacement. I know it should be obvious to everyone else, but Broadway producers don’t think like you and I. So they threw a contest to decide a better verse.

Since there were prizes involved, Jane entered and offered the suggestion (in perfect meter): “Bar-ack.” And in a world where fairness was more than rhetoric, she would have been the winner. 

The prizes involved were somewhat substantial, especially to a Broadway geek like Jane. According to the original release:

The winner will be announced Jan. 15, 2009…

The winning entry … will receive a prize package including an autographed program and poster from Avenue Q, a cast recording, a copy of the Avenue Q coffee table book and an autographed copy of the revised script with the contest winner’s lyric included.

“I’d like to know who won,” Jane told me. “For the money I’ve spent there, you would think I’d win SOMETHING!” But according to the official press release, Jane’s suggestion never even happened:

The broad range of topics suggested by contest entrants include politics (“bailouts”), personalities, the economy (“your bank,” “your debt”), sports, fuel prices (“cheap gas”), the Internet (“Facebook”, “MySpace”), television (“reality TV”), health (“Botox”), global warming (“ice caps”), automakers, Iraq (“the war”), Paris Hilton and life itself (“your youth).” 

The four winners are:

“Recession”
“Prop 8″
“This show” 
“Your mother-in-law”

Before I go on, let me dissect the thinking of a Leftist. If you don’t substitute one President for the next, you’re suggesting the humor of the joke only works when it’s a bad thing. Yet your “hair” and “sex” are good things. And are they trying to tell us Barack is not only “for now?” That he is with us forever? (In the novel “1984,” the original Big Brother existed longer than most humans are capable of living.)

I also take issue with the idea that “Prop Eight” is “for now.” It’s no longer a proposition; it’s an amendment to the California State Constitution. I know some people believe Constitutions are only “for now,” but the truth is, they are supposed to be stone-tablet solid. On my Black Helicopter Creep Scale, the idea of a temporary Constitution is only superseded by an eternal President. 

So I dug in, and tried to find out who won, and what had happened to Jane’s suggestion. I contacted John Gilmour at Allied Live, the PR firm responsible for handling the contest.

Gleefully, he informed me that there are now FIVE replacements. One more was added in the month since the contest ended. Apparently, some of the productions reverted to using: “George Bush (was only for now).” Funny. Much like the late night talk shows, the old ways are dying hard.

When I asked him why Barack Obama was not chosen as a replacement lyric, he made a sound reminiscent of Mister Mistoffolees with a giant hairball: after a very long pause, he responded, “It wasn’t submitted.”

Well, that’s simply not true.

He continued, “Well, the creative team just didn’t think it was appropriate.”

“Well, isn’t Obama only for now?”

“Yes, of course… let me direct you to someone else.”

He directed me to Sam Rudy at Media Relations where I talked to someone named Bob.

Bob also tried to claim that nobody submitted Barack. When I assured him I knew people who did, he rushed me off the phone.

“So who won the contest,” I asked.

“The four lyrics in the press release.”

“Yeah, but who WON?”

“All four.”

“I know that when “Avenue Q” held a Walk-on contest they had no problem announcing the name of the winner. Are there any plans to announce the winners’ names?”

“Not at this time.”

I guess the new era of “transparency” does not extend to Congress OR “Avenue Q.”

Blogger extraordinaire and local expert Stage Right speculated that there probably never was a contest, that the whole thing was a stunt staged to gain publicity.

Nothing new. Fake elections are often held to give the illusion of democracy in single party dictatorships like North Korea, Cuba, and Chicago. Jack McLamb once said, “When tyranny comes to your door, it will be wearing a uniform.”

Perhaps it will have a puppet on the end of its arm, as well.

*Check out TimSlagle.com for some fantastic Obama jokes