Lonewolf Diaries: My Formal American Apology

I’ll be the first to say it; Barack Obama’s G20 speech inspired me over the past week… I tell you no lies. In the spirit of his apologetic, butt-kissing extravaganza, I felt compelled to make some additional apologies on behalf of our backwards nation. I suggest you all pitch in and add your own. As Americans, we’ve all got a lot to be sorry for… But admitting that we have a problem is the first step towards recovery.

To England: I would like to apologize on behalf of my American Forefathers, for flipping you the finger, fleeing your tyranny and kicking the ever-loving crap out of you only to become the world’s greatest superpower within a mere century.

I’d also like to apologize for all of the goods, services and exploding ingenuity that resulted from our crazy new liberty-based system being put into place. Capitalism is a bitch. I get that now. (more…)