For one, you’d think colorful pie charts solve every problem, and you’d also think our military consists of nothing but troubled head cases. In the past year or so, USA Today has done little more than paint our military as rife with suicide, mental health problems, divorce, troubled kids and of course – alcohol and drug abuse.

Let’s look at the most recent USA Today piece on alcohol abuse. The paper reported that “Soldiers…with alcoholism or alcohol abuse, such as binge drinking, increased from 6.1 per 1,000 soldiers in 2003 to an estimated 11.4 as of March 31.”

That is disturbing, no doubt – and it’s all from military data. But what happens if you compare that figure to our general population? Well, according to the National Institutes of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, 15.5 percent of the general population report episodes of binge drinking in 2006 – and for males alone – the number jumps over 20 percent.

Okay, think about that. Twenty percent of males in the general population binge drink – that’s one in five.

In the military – largely made up of young males who deserve to drink – it’s six soldiers per 1,000.

What does that tell you? Well, first: our soldiers seem far more well-adjusted than USA Today would like to let on. And also: our soldiers are far more capable of handling alcohol than non-military bozos like myself.

That should be no surprise: these are discipline dudes, and unlike me, their jobs require them to be clear-eyed and sober. As a magazine veteran and a television talking head, I can safely say that nearly all media jobs can be done drunk. The only dangerous machinery we face is an elevator.

Now to be fair to USA Today, my analysis is not perfect (I’ve had four martinis already). And I confess I’m not comparing apples to apples – the NIAAA stat was collected differently than the number cited in USA Today. Still, there’s a fundamental truth here: Our military doesn’t just rock physically, but also psychologically. It’s a truth that goes against USA Today’s and most film directors’ desire to paint our soldiers as ticking time bombs.

Finally, buried in the same USA Today piece is another interesting fact: “Enrollments in drug abuse treatment programs have remained largely unchanged in the Army during the war, rising from 3.7 per 1,000 in 2003 to an estimated 4.2 as of May.”

Think about that. As rehab clinics in America become more commonplace than bowling leagues – the Army presses on during the toughest of times.

I’ll drink to that.

Movieguide®’s analysis of the top movies released in 2008 also showed that moviegoers rejected movies with extreme forms of substance abuse. Movieguide® also measured miscellaneous amounts of immorality, such as lying, stealing, blackmail, extortion, greed, envy, jealousy. Movies with no miscellaneous immorality made nearly six times more money than movies with extensive or extreme amounts of miscellaneous immorality.

We have found similar results in practically all of our previous studies.

Movieguide® has been analyzing the content of movies and comparing box office numbers since 1991. The annual studies since 1996 have been particularly comprehensive.

Movies with no foul language compared to average box office in 2008: 

• No obscenities/profanities averaged: $55,568,733
• 0-25 obscenities/profanities: $32,145,527
• More than 25: $22,934,908

Movies with no sexual content compared to average box office in 2008:

• No sexual content averaged: $42,953,235
• Implied adultery, promiscuity, sexual perversion or sexual immorality: $33,290,253
• Depicted adultery, promiscuity, sexual perversion, or sexual immorality: $19,390,655
• Graphic adultery, promiscuity, sexual perversion, or sexual immorality: $14,878,503

Movies with no nudity compared to average box office in 2008 movies: 

• No nudity: $36,274,503
• Some sexual nudity: $29,132,665
• Extensive sexual nudity: $19,874,327

Movies with no alcohol abuse compared to average box office in 2008 movies:

• Some drunkenness: $32,809,224
• Extreme abuse: $14,014,314

Movies with no drug references compared to average box office in 2008 movies:

• No drug references: $48,819,627
• Some drug references: $18,880,203
• Very strong drug references: $11,621,557

For more information, visit www.movieguide.org or call 1-800-577-6684.