FOX’s newest hit show gives viewers an unusual look at a familiar subject.

In the show’s version of history, when Alcatraz Prison was shut down in 1963, its prisoner population disappeared into thin air before they could be transferred to other jails around the country. Fifty years later, they begin reappearing one at a time, killing new victims.

San Francisco homicide detective Rebecca Madsen (Sarah Jones) shows up to the scene of the first crime, the murder of the former deputy warden of Alcatraz, only to be unceremoniously dismissed by federal agent Emerson Hauser (Sam Neill). Rather than moving on, she begins her own investigation, leading her to author and Alcatraz historian Diego Soto (Jorge Garcia). Hauser is more than he appears, having been expecting the return of “The 63s” – the missing Alcatraz inmates – for a long time. Eventually he recruits Madsen and Soto to join his team and help him capture The 63s as they return. Joined by Hauser’s assistant Lucy Singleton (Parminder Nagra), they work together to investigate how The 63s disappeared and whose orders they are following now that they are coming back.

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Hey, Marcus Schrenker (formerly the missing pilot guy), what were you thinking? You want to disappear off the face of the earth and go into hiding, and this is how you do it? Let me get this straight; Your plan was to parachute from your jet aircraft, allow it to go down in flames in a residential area, ask a cop for directions, and check into a motel. Then, when you were caught, you were holding a road atlas and campground directory. Way to go “off the grid,” buddy.

This guy is an embarrassment to all men. Women probably don’t know this, but all of us have sketched out elaborate plans in our head as to what we would do if we ever had to go “dark” and vanish for a while. Don’t worry, we are not planning to, but we’ve got to be ready just in case.

Some guys would walk into the woods with nothing but a rucksack and a hunting knife, other guys would go the Swiss bank account/Jason Bourne route, just speed-walking around Europe occasionally having to deck effete policemen using Tae Kwon Do. Personally, I prefer the former, as I like to avoid confrontation.

But one thing you never, ever want to do is create such a splash with your escape method that it gets the attention of Greta Van Susteren and Nancy Grace. Show some subtlety, brother! You are giving us all a bad name. Remember the Scout motto: Be Prepared. (more…)