And in education:  After ignoring developments in Washington and not studying various legislative proposals, Bizarro World Wildlife Fund’s all-volunteer Directors of Board am decided to endorse repeal of the Bizarro Marine Mammal Protection Act. Revocation of the BMMPA, according to organization’s official website, “will deliver on key priorities for us been fighting for.”

Moving on to sports:  After ignoring developments in Washington and not studying various legislative proposals, Bizarro AARP’s all-volunteer Directors of Board am decided to endorse proposed $400 billion cut to Medicare as well as termination of federal funding for Medicare Advantage Plans, which benefit over 25% of their membership. The proposed cuts, according to the organization’s official website, “will deliver on key priorities for us been fighting for.”

Wait!

Me am getting update!

Bizarro needs to correct final story. It am not Bizarro AARP that slash benefits to members, but AARP on Earth!

Now Bizarro am confused!

Am Earthlings becoming Bizarros?

This am disaster for Bizarro culture. Bizarros am opposite of all things Earthling. Planet Earth am round; Planet Bizarro, square.  Only one Superman on Earth.  On Planet Bizarro, everyone am Superman! If Earthlings act like Bizarros, then Bizarros am forced to behave opposite of Earthlings and not be Bizarros, but Earthlings am!

Aaaarrrrrgh! Me head aches!

Wait! Do not panic! This just not in…

AARP Directors of Board am not normal Earthlings but liberal shills for White House who put own socialist political dogma ahead of members’ best interests.

Whew…

And coming up at eleventy o’clock: Bizarro Nancy Pelosi tells truth that health reform bill am too much expensive and 1,900 pages are smoke screen to hide true objective which am single-payer system! Will she use legislative nuclear option to ram through fiscally responsible G.O.P. Plan that includes long overdue reforms to Bizarro health care system?  Many say, “Yes,” but some say, “Yes.”

Bad evening and do not remember, Bizarro am #1!

This country may now have the same reprieve.  We elected the most liberal senator in Congress as President, a man of no economic, military, or practical accomplishment who promised to “fundamentally transform America.” Observant citizens, alas too few, knew Obama would try to impose a radical leftist agenda on the nation against the wishes of its central right majority.

But even those who ignored his record; attentiveness to racist Reverend Wright, association with terrorist Bill Ayers, voting down the Induced Infant Liability Act to protect babies who survive late-term abortions, supporting a filibuster against Judge Alito’s Supreme Court bid, and many other hints; could hardly imagine his progressive onslaught on this nation.

It has brought, so far, a $787-billion “stimulus” package with no private business incentives, government ownership of a US car dealer, a job-killing “cap and trade” bill that punishes manufacturers by taxing carbon dioxide (which humans exhale and plants photosynthesize), more than 30 taxpayer-funded extra-Constitutional czars, a citizen-on-citizen “snitch” website, support for a Hugo Chavez-wannabe in Honduras against that nation’s Constitution-heeding democratic government, silence in the face of a brutal Iranian regime massacring its freedom-hungry citizens, Justice Department investigations of anti-terrorist interrogators previously cleared by the Justice Department, and, the piece de resistance, a $1.6-trillion-plus government takeover of health care that Obama tried and failed to ram through Congress last July.

Had Obama been less arrogant, less hostile to grassroots opposition, less mendacious in his endless staged and stacked appearances, he would be a lot farther along in his desired radicalization of the country.  Had he begun his term with the health care Trojan Horse instead of a disastrous pork-laden “stimulus” scam, there would be no stopping him now.  Luckily, his ideological contempt for traditional Americans; the “clinging to their God and guns” crowd that now confounds him at every turn; will be his undoing. Approval of the President and his programs has sunk to record lows.

It wasn’t supposed to go this way.  Obama has the rich and powerful in his pocket: insurance companies, corporations (like GE), pressure groups (AARP, AMA, ACORN), unions, and all media save one non-fawning cable news network and an archaic AM radio band.  The once handy Republicans he demonizes as obstructionists are today more like ancient Christians cowering in the catacombs, unable to thwart a single extremist bill, judge, or czar.  They don’t make straw men like they used to.

No, it is the American people who have thrown a monkey wrench in the Obamachine.  They stand there in the thousands, unnerving elitist politicians with their passionate criticisms.  They convey to squirming Senators, Congresspersons, and Cabinet officials God’s commandment to Isaiah.  “This shall not stand and this shall not be!”

Obama’s political and media lackeys fire back with cliched venom, branding grandmothers, veterans, housewives and other concerned citizens as rabid racist “teabagging” swastika-carrying Astroturf organized peons.  Who are they to question the chosen one’s plans?   But they are just ordinary Americans who have drawn a line in the sand to defend their individual liberties.  Obama might have crossed that line with feigned humility.  He just didn’t have it in him.

We are protected by the enormity of our stupidity.  But unlike President Obama, we will soon correct our folly.

In this episode, “NewsBusted” covers: Recession, Sesame Street, Elmo, Cash for Clunkers, AARP, Governor David Paterson, MSNBC, Ed Schultz, Obama Joker Poster, iPhone, Marijuana Smokers, Levi Johnston, Kathy Griffin, and Sarah Palin.

Judging by the organization’s enthusiastic support of ObamaCare, which should really be called ObamaDoesn’tCare, it’s obvious that the only old people AARP gives a hoot about are Robert Byrd, Arlen Specter, Ted Kennedy and Harry Reid. 

Speaking of senators, I have on occasion tried to send e-mails on important issues to senators aside from California’s Boxer and Feinstein, and discovered that it can’t be done. These weasels have set it up so that they only hear from their own constituents.  That being the case, I don’t want any of these human slugs introducing or voting on legislation that affects the entire nation. If they don’t want to hear from me, I sure as heck don’t want to hear from them. 

Getting back to AARP, the first time I was aware of their disinterest in the elderly came some years ago when I pitched their monthly magazine, Modern Maturity, a piece about the legendary composer of movie scores, Elmer Bernstein. Because the man was still going strong in his 80s, I assumed they would jump at the opportunity. The editor’s candid response was they weren’t interested because he was too old and that they were seeking a younger audience! 

Quite honestly, I don’t even understand why Democrats are supporting Obama’s health plan. Assuming they’re aware that even during the presidential campaign, Obama suggested that a reasonable option for old folks in dire need of operations was to rely on pain pills, I can’t help wondering if liberals are so busy worrying about the health and comfort of terrorists down in Gitmo that they simply don’t have the time or inclination to fret over the plight of their own parents and grandparents. Or perhaps they’re simply eager to collect their inheritances. 

The idea that any sane person would be in favor of the government’s running the health industry simply doesn’t compute. Leaving such important matters in the hands of politicians and bureaucrats is beyond mind-boggling; it’s lunacy. Have they all so quickly forgotten what life is like at the post office and at the DMV?  For my part, I’m still having flashbacks from a decade ago when I had to deal with a representative of the IRS, and that was after we were told that this was a kinder and gentler IRS. Frankly, for that to have been anyone’s idea of kinder and gentler, in its prior existence it must have been run by the Marquis de Sade. In my experience, the only difference between dealing with the Internal Revenue Service and the Mafia is that the thugs who collect for the Mob dress nattier.

What’s more, please keep in mind that when the IRS screws you over, it’s only about money; it isn’t your life or the lives of your loved ones. 

A friend reminded me that back in 1940, Americans were able to choose between not only FDR and Wendell Willkie, but a third candidate, Gracie Allen. Her party was the Surprise Party and her slogan was “Down with common sense. Vote for Gracie.” 

She proposed that Congress would get a 10% bonus, but only when the country prospered. She also favored extending Civil Service to all branches of government because “a little politeness goes a long way.” 

Gracie had no vice-president on her ticket because, she vowed, she would tolerate no vice in her administration. 

About the national debt, she suggested, “It’s something to be proud of; it’s the biggest in the world, isn’t it?” 

On foreign relations: “They’re all right with me, but when they come, they’ve got to bring their own bedding.” 

When asked with which party she was affiliated, she replied, “I may take a drink now and then, but I never get affiliated.”  And when asked if she would recognize Russia, she said, “I don’t know.  I meet so many people.” 

She actually had a campaign song, with one of its lines being “If the country’s going Gracie, so can you.” 

Gracie even received the endorsement of Harvard University, but of course that was back when Harvard still had standards and weren’t employing racist numbskulls like Professor Henry Gates. 

By the time the ballots were counted, Gracie only got a few hundred votes, but she’d gotten a lot of laughs. 

In 2008, Obama just kept repeating “Hope and Change” and got 64 million votes, and now, with unemployment over 10%, inflation going through the roof while the dollar sinks like a stone, and a health care plan straight out of “Brave New World,” nobody’s laughing. 

My question is: Where is Gracie Allen when you really need her?

Maybe it is generational. I know that’s how some fans explain the humor gap to me. Stewart is playing to the young kids and I’m just too old to get it. The problem is, while “Daily Show” viewers might still think they’re kids, they aren’t anymore. Rather than holding a Student ID in their wallets, most “Daily Show” viewers are much closer to their AARP cards. In fact, a recent analysis puts the average age of a “Daily Show” viewer at 41.4 years old.

But are they brighter? Well, according to a recent online poll by Time magazine, 44% of respondents claim that Jon Stewart is America’s most trusted “Newsman.” You cannot convince me that bright people would trust a comedian to be a “Newsman.” (Or maybe it’s just normal for the kids today, since comedy is now considered ample experience to be a United States Senator.)

Of course, this is probably more telling of the Time Magazine readership than anything else. After looking at nothing but editorials and propaganda for the past several years, the readers of Time are perfectly incapable of distinguishing news from opinion. But this isn’t the first time. A 2007 Pew study found that around a quarter of internet users rely on “The Daily Show” or “The Onion” as their primary news source.

Are they complete and utter morons? “The Daily Show” conducted a poll to determine the education level of their audience and proudly trumpeted the results.  According to Nielsen research, “Daily Show” audiences are more likely to hold a four-year degree than those watching “The O’Reilly Factor.” Of course, they didn’t find out what KIND of a degree those people hold, or whether it left them employable, or even employed. But that really doesn’t matter. If they’re confusing a comedian with a newsman, they certainly aren’t very bright. Once again we see how the value of an education is highly overrated. Just because you went to school with intelligent people doesn’t mean you are one yourself. You cannot gain intelligence through osmosis.

I think this is why the Left is so snarky. They assume they belong to the party of intellectuals and they can gain intelligence just by their allegiance. So even if they were never too good in school, as long as they vote Democrat, they can look down on the ignorant right-wingers.

These are the same people who make fun of Dittoheads and Spell Fox news “Faux.” They should at least give the Rush and Fox audiences a little credit. Even if you disagree with our assessment, and consider us impressionable zombies, we’re only doing what we’ve been told. If we think Fox is “Fair and Balanced,”" perhaps it’s because we’ve been told it’s Fair and Balanced–ditto for Rush. You cannot really fault us for that. On the other hand, Jon Stewart goes out of his way to tell everyone that his show is fake news, but millions of Americans refuse to believe him.

I’m reminded of a girl I once met who was selling dietary supplements. She was one of those girls who would be considered really dumb if she wasn’t so pretty. In the midst of her failing vitamin pitch, she thought she might turn things around by making a carnal appeal: “You know,” she whispered seductively, “we also carry Spanish Fly.”

(For Jon Stewart fans: “Spanish Fly” is what us old people used to call that stuff Russian spammers email you about every evening.) I still wasn’t buying. “I’ve heard all that stuff is just a placebo.”

She continued the pitch, “Well that’s what they SAY it is.  I can’t promise you that it’s a REAL placebo…”

Not only is the “Daily Show” fake news, it is the home to fake intellectualism. It is the modern equivalent of a PBS tote bag–a way of signaling to the rest of your scrap-booking class that you find regular TV too pedestrian.

And the most frustrating part to me is that you KNOW every single one of these people voted for Obama.

On the up side, it gave me a chance to study all the people in line.  An occupational habit, I study people wherever I go, particularly when I’m a captive to some long, slow-moving queue.  The line moved so slowly, in fact, that I had the opportunity to memorize what all 32 line-standers were wearing, the color of their hair, the shape of their faces, my best guess at their ethnicity, their height….and as I was starting to indulge myself with guessing each person’s weight and how I would do working at a carnival, my thoughts began to wander.  (Did I mention the line in the post office moved very slowly?)

I had satisfied my fill of people-study; had mentally crowned the Strangest Looking, Most Obese, Most Attractive, and The Most Likely To Use The Word ‘Obsequious’ In A Sentence…and my attention began to wander to the workings inside this post office.  I live in the San Fernando Valley and this post office is smack dab in the middle of a vast inland-empire suburban metropolis.  It serves thousands upon thousands of people…very slowly.  There were three postal workers on duty to serve the public that day.  I should say two postal workers, as one would periodically rotate out for a ten-to-fifteen minute break.  A smoke break, judging from the heavy tobacco smell that accompanied each of their returns to duty.

“Hi, How are you today?” the Postal Worker rasped, as I had finally arrived at the desk.

“Well…I’m a little annoyed to tell you the truth.  I’ve been standing in this very boring line, waiting for all of you to finish your respective cigarettes, pushing my large package along the linoleum, watching you and your co-workers slowly attend to the customers like you’ve got all the time in the world.  Like this is some sort of purgatory we’re all corporately stuck inside, nobody going anywhere; and you all seem quite indifferent to whether or not this whole sad circus will drag on into a dark and dreary bleak eternity.  That’s how I’m doing!  How the hell are you?

Nah, I didn’t say any of that.  I wanted to get out of there as quickly as humanly possible so I hoisted my large package up onto the counter.  The post-person weighed it.  I saw $32.96 appear on the scale readout.  Cool, I can handle that.  Then he measured the package.  20″ by 20″ by 26.”

“Your total is $97.50.”  Straight faced, no joke.  I stared at him until I re-entered earth’s atmosphere and managed a, “Uh…I’m sorry.  Say what?”

It turned out the weight was a thirty-six buck charge, but the large(?) size added an additional sixty-four.  The value of the contents, a broken speaker, which if it had been working right, which it was not, was still worth less that the cost of shipping it.

With a sigh I lugged the package out of the post office, trundled down the street to the local UPS station…and ended up sending my package to Tennessee for forty bucks and change.

Why am I dragging you (slowwwly) through this sad and torridly tortured tale of Fun with Postal Workers?  Yeah…you guessed correctly: If the President gets his way, the same people who run the post office will soon be running our health care industry.

How’s that for a happy thought?

I even see a possible cost-cutting consolidation:  Mail your packages, buy stamps, and have your gall bladder removed – all in one convenient location!  And since the number of doctors will decrease dramatically, hence increasing the wait time…you will be able to self-medicate with the new Easy-Does-It Gov-Care Med Dispensers while you’re waiting in line.  With the right combination, hours will seem like seconds.

The President addressed a fawning crowd in Wisconsin last month and delineated the ‘catastrophic’ consequences of not spending trillions of tax dollars immediately to fix our ‘broken health care system.’  People can’t afford health care, they’re dropping like flies, and it’s an urgent crisis.  We’ve got to completely reorder medical care in America and we have to do it immediately, or we’re all gonna die.  It’s a crisis.

Sound vaguely familiar?

But I want to be specific if I take issue with Mr. Obama.  So here goes:  The President said, “Rising premiums are straining family budgets to the breaking point.”

Oh, I see.  But…is that all families?  Half the families?  One tenth?  Fifteen-sixteenths, what?  Can you be specific, Mr. President?  And what exactly is the ‘breaking point’?  And could massively reducing taxes help at all?  Just a thought.

Obama went on, “In the past nine years, health care premiums have gone up three times faster than wages have gone up.”

Could that have anything to do with an increasingly litigious mindset and left-leaning encouragement of frivolous lawsuits in which hospitals, doctors and health care institutions are sued at the least provocation?

How about the resultant ‘ get-something-for-nothing’ attitude fostered by the Left’s welfare society of entitlement?  And what about the increasingly intrusive role of government meddling in the industry of health care and health care providers, which by all reports of those directly involved, indicates that the presence of government in the health care industry at all drives premiums higher.  I’m just saying.

The Prez continued, “…desperately needed tests and procedures are put off, because the price is too high.”

But at least we can get those tests and procedures, Mr. President, without having to wait two years, as is so often the case in Canada, or Great Britain, or New Zealand or any place socialized medicine holds its people in rationed third-world misery.

My father was a surgeon and sat on the board of the CMA, the California Medical Assoc., and was one of the board examiners who went around and inspected hospitals.  The expertise acquired enabled him to later build three hospitals himself, and manage nine more.  And I had been telling everyone I was going to be a doctor as well, since I was six years old.  But you know?  My father told me about the evils of socialized medicine and how it was creeping into our system.  My father ultimately influenced me to not go into the medical practice.  The reason:  Government had become far too intrusive in the health care industry.  And this was 35 years ago.

It’s only gotten worse since.  More and more would-be doctors are seeking other professions as the word gets around.  It used to be – you work hard, do well in a four-year college, go to med school, work your butt off for four years, then another two at internship and residency, and then, you open up a private practice.  But there’s no such thing anymore.  Because it’s not private – the government is your partner.  And more and more, the government is becoming your boss.

With fewer and fewer doctors there will be much longer waits to a) get in to see a doctor, and then b) receive any treatment.  In Britain and Canada where they have ‘free’ national health care, waiting times of two years are not uncommon to receive life-saving surgery.  And a lot can happen in that time.  Like…you can die.

The President tells us our health care system is ‘broken’ because health care has gotten more expensive.  Really?  That makes it ‘broken,’ because it’s expensive?

Health care costs in the country have risen in the past few years.  Absolutely right.  New innovation and high-tech breakthroughs cost a lot of money.  New life-saving drugs are expensive, because years of research and development are necessary to bring them to market.  The best costs money.  Don’t you pay more for a finer cut of beef at the grocery store?  Don’t you pay more for a nicer car, one that has more amenities?  We don’t have the cheapest health care on the planet, it’s true – but we do have the best health care system.  So when President Obama every other day proclaims solemnly that ‘our health care system is broken’…what the hell is he talking about?

He’s talking about controlling more and more of your daily lives.

Our health care system isn’t broken; it’s the best in the world.  I’d say our government is broken, starting with President Obama!

When foreign dignitaries get very sick or need life-saving surgeries, do they book it in Canada?  Or England?  Hell no – they come to the U.S.  The medical technology, physician expertise, and quality of medicine is the highest here than on any place on earth.  And it costs money to develop the medicines, the technology and train the doctors.  Why do people think that good things shouldn’t cost money?

And these AARP adds.  And ‘The Scooter Store.’  Granny doing donuts on her living room carpet and happily proclaiming she didn’t pay anything out-of-pocket for the scooter.  That’s because YOU all paid for it.  And I don’t mean to be harsh here, but …does Granny really need to motor around her house?  Wouldn’t her doctor agree that her health would benefit if she merely got up off her sedentary butt and walked to the kitchen.  Walked to the bathroom?  Walked around and exercised a bit, pumping life-giving blood through her extremities?  Of course it would.  Granny – God bless ya, but — Stop thinking that other people should have to pay for your stuff!

And another thing — You hear many in the news today saying, “The main problem with National Health Care is ‘How are we going to pay for it?’”  Really?  That’s like saying, “Listen we of course want to tie you up, shove a dyslexic hamster up your bum, place you upside-down in a glass tube of acid filled with scorpions and jellyfish…but the main problem is ‘How do we pay for it?’”

Uh….Forget how we pay for it – it’s a stupid idea!!!!!

Okay, Gary, you obviously have no compassion.  What about the poor?  What about the poor who can’t afford health insurance?  I would ask you for a definition of what ‘they’ can afford.  Can they afford that HD wide-screen?  Twenty-four-hour Direct-TV All Sports channel?  How about that brand new Hummer?  I know a lot of people who say they can’t afford health insurance, but manage to take three vacations a year on their boat and have more toys that I’ve ever had.

Choices.  People make choices in life.  They choose to spend their money on health insurance.  Or…they upgrade their wide screen.  Get their house painted.  Buy a new dining room set.  Or…they save up to pay for their health care insurance.

Yesterday, at yet another Town Hall Meeting, (or as I like to call it, Doctor Obama’s Magic Traveling Medicine Show), a rather rotund woman, Debbie, came up to the President and tearfully pleaded that she was diagnosed with a tumor and didn’t know what to do.  In a brilliantly staged move, the Snake-Oil-Salesman-in-Chief warmly embraced her bulk, saying that she was “Exhibit A” [of why our health care system is broken].  And I couldn’t help but remember that old TV show from the late ‘50’s…”QUEEN FOR A DAY” in which each week three women would come on and tell their sad tale of woe and disaster and deprivation to the studio and television audience.  The studio audience would then vote for whom they thought was the most deserving Queen-For-the-Day.  It was heart-rending.  One tragedy bested by yet another disaster, and finally trumped by an apocalypse of misfortune.  Tears, sad organ music, and warm, supportive love and grieving.

And finally it was announced, and the winner was crowned “QUEEN FOR A DAY”!  The pipe organ would swell as tears and applause and a robe and crown and the new Queen of Pathos was regaled with new washer-dryers, sewing machines, vacuum cleaners, reclining chairs…and it was all so maudlin and sappy.  But the show was a big hit.  People tuned in to hear the sob stories and get their heartstrings tugged.  And afterward…they felt a little better about themselves.

This is the essence of Liberalism.  It’s all about feeling a little better about yourself by doing ‘something nice’ and giving something to someone else.  And I say GOOD!  As long as no one is forcing me to give to someone else.  I’m all too happy to be nice to someone else, to give to a stranger, let’s say…voluntarily. (And by the way, Americans, and in fact Conservatives, are the biggest givers on the planet.)

But you write it into law, and back it up with a gun…now we got a problem.  Liberals are very generous – with other people’s money.

So when a zillion ‘Debbies’ come to me and ask me to pay for their health care, to treat their tumors, I say…HUNH?  Why should I have to pay for your health care?  And likewise, why should you have to pay for mine?  You don’t pay for my groceries, I don’t pay for yours…and isn’t food more vital that health care?  Here’s a novel idea:  Why don’t I pay for my health care and you pay for yours?.  Just a thought.

But how about this for people like Debbie:  HEALTH CARE TELETHONS!  Televised much like the Jerry Lewis MS Telethons, each stricken victim parades forth and tells their story – straight into the camera.  And the phones will light up with pledge money.  We can have menthol drops standing by for those not quite motivated to shed real Oprah-worthy tears.  And yours truly will keep whatever we raise above and beyond what your surgery or treatment ends up costing.  And I’ll put that money in a lock-box.  To be disseminated at a time and to a recipient of my choosing.

Now doesn’t that make more sense than what the Prez is proposing?  That because supposedly 30 million in this country (largely illegal or simply opting out) don’t have health insurance, our health care system — the best, most advanced medical system ever known to mankind — is ‘broken’ and needs to be turned over to the federal government to run?

What the President is proposing is insanity.  Return the medical industry to the private sector.  That is the only way to reduce costs and keep the quality of service at its optimum.