There Is Something Wrong With My Television

by Schizoid Mann

The way I see it television needs, among other things, the following:

1. Science Fiction/Thriller/Horror Channel

A short form/short film channel showcasing those genres. Independent producers, writers, creators could submit work to be aired. It wouldn’t have to be, nor should it be at the Sundance level of professionalism delivered on DigiBeta and starring Cameron Diaz doing a favor for the filmmaker because it’s her friend’s cousin, either.

We don’t want that. There’s plenty of that kind of venue and they turn down 99% of the stuff submitted anyway, mainly because it’s not the work of someone’s friend’s cousin. So forget that right away. It has to be underground, guerilla, shoestring and, most important, good. Very good. Damn good. But not expensive. How can you do that, you say? 

With writing.  

What happened to writing? What happened to story? What happened to acting, for that matter? Not wallpaper-chewing acting, but competent, believable acting. What happened to it? These are questions I am not asking alone. No, James Lipton is not asking them; he’s busy with that ridiculous list of moronic questions no one cares about except the extremely annoying acting students in the audience, and even they don’t care, merely pretending to so he’ll notice them. No, James might be wondering where great acting went, but he’s not really looking in the right place. But millions of viewers are. They’re asking these same questions every time they turn on the TV or go to the movies. What happened to good writing? Where are the movie stars? Where are the great character actors? People are asking. No one is answering.

The professionals are very good at the technical aspects of production. But when it comes to story, they can’t seem to get it right anymore. They can’t even get close to good. This is where lack of money helps. Focus on the writing, and of course the acting. Because good writing can be decimated by bad acting sure as there are little green apples and worms to ruin them. Then, people will take notice. 

Now is a great time to write. Imagine trying to pen a script or play or short drama when Faulkner, Steinbeck, Hemingway, Hecht and the Epsteins were all at their typewriters doing the same thing. There’s no one close to that now writing for movies or television, or anywhere for that matter. No one even close. If you can write, or learn to, then start writing. The field is wide open. The problem is, no one is watching closely because they’re all trying to decide which movie to spend their money on that is least likely to disappoint and turn to regret before they’re back in their own driveway.

That’s not exactly the mindset the audience should be in, should it? That’s not the kind of thinking that the American movie-going public used to have, is it? We’re a nation of movie lovers because we were raised on the breakfast of champions, the Golden Age of Hollywood. The Golden Age is gone, but maybe not forever. 

Back when the existing SciFi channel started, and it was still spelled the way Uncle Forry coined it, they aired a lot of really great stuff. Much of it was the 60s, 70s series we grew up on related to science fiction or horror (I mean the earlier horror, not the nauseating torture porn that defines the genre today). The channel aired well-known staples like Alfred Hitchcock Presents, The Twilight Zone, The Outer Limits and later series such as, Night Gallery, Tales from the Dark Side and The Ray Bradbury Theater. There was also another show, not nearly as well known as those, called Dark Room which aired in the early 80s. Produced with a much lower budget, it featured stories playing on the same genres, also cast with aspiring actors, many of whom often getting one of their very first gigs. I think Dark Room was a good concept that would work on an even lower budget, non-union, level today. 

In terms of broadcast quality, since many might be wondering how a shoestring production is going to be up to suitable standards to air on television. Well, here’s an example from Japan, not exactly a backward nation of media technology. One of Tokyo’s major filmmaking schools has an hour long television show which airs student films. Films. Not digital video, film. Of course, they’re converted to analog or digital for airing. But these shorts were shot and edited on film. It’s wonderful, innovative stuff these students are producing with not a small amount of blood, sweat and fear.  I realize there is no way you’re going to get American kids with iPhones working with a Bolex or Arri 16 today. Nor should we want or expect anyone to. It’s expensive, difficult and, obviously, there’s no need. I don’t want to do it again, either. But the concept of underground, unrepresented, amateur but polished works getting aired on television is needed. If creators, producers, writers, filmmakers know they have a chance at getting something shown where people can see it and respect it at the same time, and it’s in a mainstream venue, such as television, they will produce.

Sure, YouTube is excellent in this way, but it’s saturated with girls jumping on beds singing into their hairbrushes. And that’s the good stuff. No, there needs to be a better alternative between the exclusive, vast and varied festivals, so many now that even a winner at anything but the biggies may never be seen again, the high-end, yawn-inspiring programming on the misspelled SyFy Channel and the stuff that washes up on YouTube. Something professional that can expose the non-professional to the world of reviews, critics and, hopefully, agents and financing. It could work. 

Which leads me to something that did work and now painfully does not. 

2. Music Television

Yes, television with music videos. That’s right,  the kind that used to play on that cable channel previously known as MTV before it was taken over by reality shows, soft porn, more reality shows and even more lesser-than-soft porn. The channel where they actually played music videos. Yeah, that one. It was also the same place where creative animators could contribute to producing music videos and even those short, inexpensive channel IDs that everyone loved and looked forward to seeing each and every time.

And speaking of inexpensive, remember when music videos were produced on a shoestring budget, looked like they were, and no one cared? In fact, they were all the more enjoyable for it. Look at any music video produced today. You’re talking about something that exceeds a budget for a major commercial for Nike, Nissan or Sony. And that’s really what it is, a commercial. Along with being too expensive to produce for a newcomer, they’re numbingly boring.  

Seems to me, that with the proper contractual agreements, a small amount of palm-greasing, and a gun pressed against the right heads, so many of the great music videos from the past- and there are thousands (MTV only started with about 200) that are not being played anywhere but on YouTube, pending removal for copyright infringement, could and should be seen and enjoyed again on a television channel. As for those present up-and-coming musical artists, you don’t have to encourage them to produce their own music videos, they’re already doing that, but with little chance of MTV airing them, they all end up on, where else? YouTube!  Again, not bad, but once again, they’re lost in the whirlpool of related videos of girls jumping on beds singing into their hairbrushes, part 2, 3, and 4.  No, there’s got to be a better way, a better place.

Remember, there was.  

Hire some of the old VJs that are still with us, (Rest in peace, J.J.) and add in some new blood to host those greats and some new unknowns as well, and that’s all folks want from a music channel. It really is. I constantly read, and I mean constantly, people posting comments on 80’s music videos on YouTube yearning like mad for their airplay on TV again and groaning at what became of the once great music television network and how it now leaves nothing to the imagination and everything to be desired. Does anyone aside from Ashton Kutcher actually watch MTV anymore? I mean, seriously, it’s complete and utter garbage. It would be healthier to air-drop a teenager into Chernobyl than to sit them down in front of today’s MTV for the same amount of time. Don’t get me started. 

Television clearly needs a lot more than these two improvements. But this a beginning. It’s true, we used to have these things, and lots of other things, too. With enough passion we can have them again, maybe even better. Then we won’t yearn for what once was. We won’t have the time. 

We’ll be too busy enjoying it. 


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Posted Sep 3rd 2009 at 4:21 pm in Culture, Film | 132 Comments