Bring On ‘The Expendables’: Violent Cartoons Were Good for America
by Steven CrowderWith the release of The Expendables, it seems that every self-respecting male has caught 80’s fever. As a way to clear the palette from modern metro-sexual romps, my friends have resorted to re-visiting old B-movie beauties such as Cobra, Road House and Tango and Cash. Sure they’re awful, but unlike the Kaiser-helmet wearing hipsters of the lower east side, those movies never tried to be anything that they weren’t.
When looking back at the 80s however, the one thing that strikes me the most are the cartoons. I’ll admit it, I’m a cartoon junkie. To this day I can still be found in my pajamas with a bowl of Cap’n Crunch, catching up on animated glory. Back in the 80s though, cartoons were still violent… and I liked it that way.
Of course, I’m discussing the cartoons aimed squarely at young boys. You see, back then, before gender roles became considered hateful and being androgynous had been transformed into a virtue, boys actually watched different cartoons from girls, and they were proud of it.
One could simply take a gander at the commercials to see 80’s “boyishness” on display for all to see. Accurate-to-scale replica squirt guns, guns that shot disappearing ink and of course Nerf Swords! None of us really needed a “Madball,” but we all wanted one.
The important common bond between all of these cartoons, was the clear battle of good vs. evil. Sometimes it was over the top, it might have been a little cheesy and sure the writing wasn’t always quite Emmy-material, but at the end of the day, you knew that you were going to see the good guy win over the bad guy. Decisively.
Cartoons were black and white. All of the shades of grey that are supposedly necessary for substantial character development in Hollywood today weren’t needed. All that was needed, was a clear sense of right and wrong with the hero getting the “W.”
People would complain that this type of entertainment made little boys violent. Good. Honestly, I would love to see more little boys wanting to commit acts of violence against bad guys. Do you know what happens when you breed the violence out of a young boy along with any sense of moral absolutes? You end up with terrorist sympathizers, Tookie Williams supporters and people who weep at the execution of a convicted serial murderer/rapist.
I think this world would be better off if cartoons inspired more good little boys to punch their schoolyard bully square in the mouth. The truth is that sometimes boys need more “Superman” and less “Pokemon.” They need more “Ninja Turtles” and less “Yu-Gi-Oh!”
And sometimes grown men need more “Expendables” and less Sean Penn.
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We girls sometimes were to be found watching "boy" cartoons, too. But then, my Barbies were always secret agents more like "Jamie Bonds" than simple glamour girls.
As one who actually did punch out a schoolyard bully (he didn't mess with me after that, btw), I concur with you. However, if you had been just a few years older, you'd have seen the travesty of the evisceration of the old Warner Brothers cartoons. I'm having a difficult time finding uncut versions of Bugs or the Roadrunner any more.
Despite what the meddling do-gooders think, children are more than capable of distinguishing between cartonn violence for humor's sake and real, live violence meant to inflict harm and suffering.
I’ll admit it, I’m a cartoon junkie. To this day I can still be found in my pajamas with a bowl of Cap’n Crunch, catching up on animated glory.
Steven, we're going to have to wean you off CNN.
"And sometimes grown men need more “Expendables” and less Sean Penn."
Correction: Grown men always need more "Expendables" and less Sean Penn. Always.
While I was not a fan of the GI Joe and Transformers, I loved Saturday Morning Cartoons. My favorite of course was Josie and the Pussycats, but all I needed to learn in life was shown on Bullwinkle. ;0) Fractured Fairy Tales was the Un PC revolt. ;0)
Got my ticket already.
Love it!!! I'm so bummed my future kids won't get to watch the great stuff that was our generation's Saturday Morning Cartoons. My brother and I always played with fake swords and nerf guns, and, just like in the cartoons, the bad guys always lost…
Is it wrong that a grown man likes to watch Johnny Bravo and 2 stupid Dogs??
Always liked Samurai Jack !!! Pinky and the Brain had great aspirations as well.
Nothing beats the Looney tunes though……
I actually had a class in college that was "Propaganda cartoons of World War 2" IT was awesome !!!
Always liked Bullwinkle and the time travel machine called the "Way back machine". lol
Cartoons in the 80s taught us the most important lessons:
"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings." –Optimus Prime
"Don't put mustard on the cat." –He-Man (seriously, google that – it's hysterical)
Honestly, every single action cartoon had clear winners and losers – and the bad guys never won, and weren't ever given anything to sympathize with – they were just BAD, end of story. Optimus knew you don't negotiate with Megatron, Hawk knew you didn't negotiate with Cobra Commander or Serpentor, Matt Trakker knew you didn't negotiate with Miles Mayhem, and so on and so on.
No, they whomped them from here to kingdom come in every single episode (and in that last example, M.A.S.K. squandered its own chances at being more than one season long by trying to make their enemies more than thugs, cheats, thieves and liars).
That was an abomination what they did to Bugs Bunny and the Road Runner cartoons. As I remember they did it a little at a time. One day I'm watching one and I noticed the episode lasted about 35 seconds. I knew something was wrong.
Thanks to the internet and Amazon.com, we can have them all back!
Are we talking an intervention here?
Fractured Fairy Tales! I haven't heard that title in decades. Don't forget Sherman and Mr. Peabody. The way-back machine was cool.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_5_15?url=s...
If you ever get a chance to see any of the original Popeye cartoons, the ones in black and white, that were drawn with a lot more scenery, pay attention to what the characters mumble under their breathes. It's hilarious.
Amen and pass the .45 ACP
Not to mention the outright abolition of Senor Speedy Gonzales. I miss Speedy, he was one of my favorite high-speed mice. Alas, since we do not want to offend the invaders and their defenders from down South (and I don't mean Alabama) he was put on the chopping block and never heard from again. PC can bite my shiny metal ass.
Johnny Quest!
I nearly cried when I caught a re-run and they had edited out the violence. Race Bannon sneaking up on a bad guy to crack his skull with a rifle butt, then zip, cut to next scene. It made no sense. One second he is about to mete out some justice, and the next second he is cruising away on a stolen speed boat. GRRR!
I do even find some of the current offerings of cartoons to be quite entertaining. Phineas and Ferb is one of my favorites. It almost has the same feel as the cartoons from my youth. However, now that Netflix can be streamed to my home through my Xbox 360, I can find all of my old faves from the past. I even watched the old Mario Brothers cartoon.
I always considered Sean Penn…expendable
I like older cartoons (watch Bug Bunny and Tom and Jerry with my kids now and again) but there are some talented modern cartoonists out there.
My two favorites are Genndy Tartakovsky (Samurai Jack was brilliant and his Clone Wars series was merely good, but it is the best Star Wars related stuff since Empire) and Bruce Timm (Superman, Batman, Batman Beyond, Justice League).
The first two seasons of Greg Weisman's Gargoyles were also great stuff.
As my wife says, I'm just a big kid at heart.
And Star Blazers – people actually died on that show! (Granted, they were usually brought back to life by strange space queens with hazily defined powers, but it was still a powerful emotional impact when a main character died.) Kids are not morons, they like grown up themes in their entertainment.
I grew up on The Three Stooges, Tom & Jerry, Looney Tunes, Jonny Quest, Speed Racer, Stingray, and Thunderbirds. They were violent with none of that namby-pamby 80s stuff where people dive out of vehicles just before they explode.
For me the sign that things were going downhill was Battle of the Planets. I loved the show though, not understanding that it was originally a Japanese series, Gatchaman, with some American animation thrown in, I couldn't understand why it kept switching from this wonderfully good animation to this absolutely horrible stuff. And why was that really crappy animation added in? Because the powers that be were worried American children would be horribly scarred by the body count the heroes racked up so they added some scenes to reassure us that it was just robots being blown up and not actual people. Wimps. By the time Macross crossed the Pacific as Robotech I was shocked to see they actually left in the deaths of characters like Roy Fokker instead of just having them suddenly disappear without explanation.
I look forward to an "old fashioned" 80s film like The Expendables.
How was it that in 'Taps,' Sean Penn was the thoughtful, conscience-ridden secondary character while Tom Cruise was the gun-totin' maniac?
I can still remember coming home from school and the first thing I did was turn on the TV and catch Transformers and then it was G.I. Joe, followed up with the helping of Thunder Cats. I know this makes me old but this was my routine when I was in elementary school. The great day was Saturday because you had the endless Saturday morning cartoons followed with the old kung fu flicks and I am not talking about the CGI mess that they try to shove on us today; I am talking about the Shaw Brothers movies that fired up a kid imagination to the point where he and his old brother literally tried to kick the living daylights out of each other until Mom told us to stop. I know that The Expendables person will bring me back to the days of when I first saw an 80's action film that blew my socks off in the theater (Die Hard 2). Bring on the 80's movie because this 80's kid needs to be taken away again on a thrill ride down memory lane.
Steven! As a woman, and a child of the 80s, I am offended at your omission of SHE RA! First of all, she was a much better ass kicker than her twin brother, He Man, and looks better in heels.
Do not despair, there are still little boys (like my son) who are obsessed with Power Rangers, Transformers who kick bad guy butt and never preach moral relativism.
The original Jonny Quest is completely awesome.
Hmm..might need a few of us…Steven has been working out, and is probably packing. But CNN does tend to render the viewer catatonic, so it should be fairly easy.
Working out and packing. Hmmm. I'll handle logistics.
LIE ALERT!!!::
"And sometimes grown men need more “Expendables” and less Sean Penn."
SOMETIMES? Hello? Has a more blatant lie ever been told?
Grown men ALWAYS need more "expendables" and less sean pennnn.
Unless you can cite a source where anyone needs any sean pennnn for any reason, I demand a retraction!
I miss Saturday moring cartoons!!
Why are Zach and Cody nd Raven on Saturfay morning?!!?!?!
That is PRIME cartoon time!
plus have you seen the new cartoons?? Complete suck!
Batman Brave and Bold?
The Super Hero Squad? WTF!?! Why are they tiny??
Thank God for Japan!!!
Ghost in the Shell, Hellsing, Cowboy Bebop!!
Japan knows how to show animation some respect.
ps Phineas and Ferb are great, along with adultswim, but they are comedies.
Futurama is also fantastic! Love having it back.
Oh my you just took me back … "By the power of Greyskull … I AM HE-MAN!!!" Okay now that I got that out of my system we can go back to the regularly scheduled program.
Actually, DC and Marvel have been making some pretty good DVDs of animated hero stuff…
Video games seems to be where it has gone.
And put God back in… kids are more violent these days because they don't fear God… revererance… blessings of liberty … if there is no God… who cares what you can get away with.
You get the cereal…personally, I abhor Cap'n Crunch and its ilk.
I'm with you, who do they think they are with their pretentious little crunch berries……
I used to run home from the bus stop after school for Star Blazers. One thing that always bugged me though, the Yamato got the schlitz kicked out of it every other episode and it never just exploded. But one missile from a fighter and every enemy ship would disintegrate…..
It's even worse than that. I bought the boxed set DVDs of Jonny Quest's too-short one-year run – and they actually edited out some of Race Bannon's dialogue. I believe it was the one where he dyes himself purple in order to frighten the natives. They kept the scene intact, but now no sound comes out when he speaks. Political correctness gone haywire.
Jonny Quest and Batman the Animated Series – the greatest cartoons ever? Probably.
There are some cartoons that are pretty good nowadays, but they are mostly comedies. Back at the Barnyard, Phineas and Ferb, Kick Buttowski….
But nothing like the old Looney Tunes and Tom and Jerry.
I never found anything offensive with Speedy, he was one of the good guys.
Mr. Crowder is at serious risk…I had no idea he was subject to the following (real) variations:
Cap'n Crunch original
Cap'n Crunch's Crunch Berries
Peanut Butter Crunch
Punch Crunch
Vanilly Crunch
Cinnamon Crunch
Choco Crunch
Christmas Crunch
Deep Sea Crunch
Halloween Crunch
Galactic Crunch
Home Run Crunch
Mystery Volcano Crunch
Oops! Smashed Berries
Oops! All Berries
CoZmic Crunch
Polar Crunch
Mystery Crunch
Chocolatey Peanut Butter Crunch
Carnival Berries
Airheads Berries
Superman Crunch
Rugrats Go Wild Berries
Treasure Hunt Crunch
Touchdown Crunch
Swirled Berries
Ship Shake
My favorite: Capitaine Crouche (French version, made with all-white rectangles that dissolve on contact)
(Yeah, slow day at work)
I almost forgot about Gargoyles, for a Disney cartoon, it was pretty dark in parts. Batman: The Animated Series was one of the best shows put out in a long time. One of the few dad would actually sit down and watch with my brother and I.
Ahh, good times.
Crowder, maybe this is Obama's major malfunction he hates Star Trek and GI Joe?
And who can forget the important life lessons taught to us at the end of every GI Joe episode by Sgt. Slaughter?
Adventuretime is amazing, thats all i have to say. POOTS ON NEWTS!!!
It's like listening to Foghorn Leghorn, the little utterances crack me up.
I keep stating that when cartoons and anime are written for adults that kids will actually enjoy it more. I can't sit and watch the badly written crap that they put on Cartoon network and Nick.
This is why the GIJoe moie was a bomb, they wrote it for kids and not adults.
Hellsing is the ultimate f__k-you to the people who have dumbed down the Dracula myth into Twilight and its ilk. Vampires are dangerous, barely controllable things in this series, and one must be careful around them even if they're on your side.
If you want to see Tartakovsky totally going nuts with violence, watch his Korgoth of Barbaria (not work or child safe) pilot for Adult Swim on Cartoon Network. Conan meets Thundarr meets heavy metal through an Adult Swim lens with lots of blood and guts.
Hey, I don't like Star Trek that much either. Too much utopian-idealist horses__t shoveled into it by Roddenberry and co.
"Do you know what happens when you breed the violence out of a young boy along with any sense of moral absolutes?"
Sometimes you get what Steven says, but other times you get those males that have that sense of violence and received no ideological perspective on how to channel it towards evil so instead it's channeled to whomever gets in their way.
Recently, there was a very nice modernization of the 1980s GI Joe cartoon called G.I. Joe: Resolute shown on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim (meaning it's more adult and violent than the original).
Actually, Obama says he is a Star Trek fan, but I bet he's more partial to Picard, than Kirk.
I actually remember watching Johnny Quest, Thunder Cats, and Batman: The Animated Series. Good times, man. Lots of butt-kicking.
Then Captain Planet comes along and everybody's all "Oooooo, we have to save the world!" I'm against pollution and all, but jaaaaaaysus.
And hey! I love Tango & Cash! That is a hilarious movie, Steven! Do not mock the Stallone/Russel buddy cop combo!
James T. Kirk was a modern Cowboy who roamed the Galaxy on his horse in the shape of the starship Enterprise. Admittedly when the commies got hold of it for a while it was perverted into "The Next Generation." But even then they wised up. The new movie is all old school. If they keep that up they can't lose. Give the old Trek a try.
Hell yes it is!!
Vampires are monsters that will rip out your throat, drink your blood, the make your body into a goul that will attack your family. They dont sparkel with dimonds, no they kill because they enjoy it!!
And if you want to fight one youd better have bullets of silver and balls of brass!!
The "Expendables" remind me of "the Wild Geese."
RIP Pip, you will be missed.
Loved Gargoyles!!!!
Comcast OnDemand has Looney Tunes available & I see a lot of Speedy Gonzales episodes. I had a Mexican friend in college who loved Speedy, he was his mascot.
Further proving my point that Obama is a metrosexual arugula loving communist; we will see if he reforms himself like Picard was able to, I'm not holding my breath. Obama is suicidal. He is a kamikaze communist flying our plane into the nearest vestige of capitalism; a toyota factory full of non-unionized employees.
I used to walk around the neighborhood in full camo & carrying at least 3 toy guns as a kid. Everyone played "Army" back then.
Now you know…
How about…grown men need more Gary Sinise and NO Sean Penn?
"I say, that boy's about as sharp as an bowling ball."
"You end up with terrorist sympathizers, Tookie Williams supporters…"
And, folks that tolerate the intolerant Imams that are trying to insult us regarding the largest terrorist attack on American soil.
"I used to run home from the bus stop after school for Star Blazers. "
Me too! I once duct-taped empty Christmas wrapping paper tubes to the side of my house & pretended that it was a laser turret on the Argo.
He has many like that. My favorite, and one I use often is:
'I say, I say that boy is about as sharp as a sack of wet mice…."
I had a chance to revisit "G.I. Joe" & "Transformers" not too long ago. They don't seem the same to my mid 30s eyes. However, "Star Blazers" very much holds up to the test of time. I can appreciate more about that show now that I'm an adult.
The original G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero comic series by Larry Hama is still fantastic, too.
The Argo!! Why did I call it the Yamato? Was that the original Japanese cartoon?
Nothing was cooler than the wave motion gun. Pull the lever and stand the eff back cuz shit's gonna get blowd up!!!
Part of me is sad at how many people are excited for "Expendables" because of how AWFUL it is, and how let down they're probably going to me.
The other part of me is sad because it knows most of them will probably tolerate it anyway, and what that says about the world around me.
This is how Action Movie History will record 8/13/2010: The Day that the Michael Cera movie had better fight scenes than the Jason Statham movie. (That "Scott Pilgrim" is an easy year's-best listmaker is, at least for these purposes, beside the point.)
All the old ones are great……back in the day even Tom and Jerry were brutal, but the pc police swooped in and pulled everything with any reference of gender, ethnicity, or handicap. Toss on anything at all with violence and what are we left with?…………………a bunch of flamin' furballs called tele-tubbies and a talking "bon-ami" pot scrubber…………….
And what about the Frito Bandito?
Actually you can On Demand tom and Jerry and they usually have the ones made in the 40's and 50's ucut in their original hilarity.
Spike the dog was the best, "If I catch you botherin my boy again I'll tear ya limb from limb!!"
Thunk…If you dig Johnny Quest try his modern day equivalent "The Venture Brothers"………….Basically a spoof of Johnny Quest all grown up. Now he's a bald, middle aged, diet pill addicted, hack scientist with two "should be on the short bus" teenage sons……..Absolutely hilarious and absolutely not for the kiddies…
I wouldn't characterize it quite that way. Penn's character in that movie became obsessed and as I recall got himself shot at the end. Yeah, he was wracked with the wild angst that was his defining feature (soon thereafter evolved into inchoate rage) but I wouldn't call him thoughtful or more sane than Cruise.
Johnny Quest was awesome. There was a good amount of violence in Speed Racer too.
It was quasi-Commie LONG before Next Gen. At its heart, the original Star Trek is equal doses of Wagon Train in space and a communist/socialist future fantasy.
Audiences enjoyed the Wagon Train in space part much better. Next Gen still had some good ass kicking, and double that with DS-9. In no small part because of Michael Dorn as Worf. He totally kicks ass.
Sounds great. I'm definentely going to check it out.
Thanks. I'll look for it. I've got a four year old nephew who's never seen cartoons like those, which is just plain wrong in my book. I had thought they had pulled all of those………..like the Bugs Bunny episodes with the Indians and the Al Jolson skits…
Maybe it was only for "broadcast tv"………..cable does get away with a lot….thank god….
I used to like Slowpoke Rodriguez, didn't move very fast, but he carries a beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg gun.
I love Cap'n Crunch. I just hate the way it shreds the inside of my mouth.
Hey, I liked crunch berries.
Vampires are a nice touch in Larry Niven's Ringworld Throne. Winged humanoid creatures that live in high places and fly out to prey on other humanoids. Their attack involves musky scents and powerfully intoxicating song, luring people to fatal sexual submission. I consider them a good analog of the Hollywood siren, viz. Babs (though any sexual attraction is long gone and her song has long since lost its power.)
Yeah, slow day at work
Sitting ovation. (Can't type while standing up.)
Agreed, it takes a real man to handle the Cap'n.
Taps and Ridgemont High may be the only two Penn movies I can stomach.
Thank God for Japan!!!
Ghost in the Shell, Hellsing, Cowboy Bebop!!
Japan knows how to show animation some respect.
Dont forget "The Big O"… that one was actually VERY impressive to me, and they didnt pull any punches
Steve Blum is one of the BEST at cartoon and video game voice overs, and making a hero sound like a hero
I had one of the coolest cap guns in the entire neighborhood.
Chrome (at least it looked it to me) plated .45 snub nose revolver, just like in the movies. It was so realistic looking. And not only that, the repeating mechanism actually worked every time.
With that I'd patrol the streets like Kojack and Hawaii 5-0.
WB wussed and put a disclaimer on the DVD collections.
I remember watching Bugs Bunny taking on the Third Reich and kicking their ass. And then one day, they just were no longer in the rotation. But you can find a good assortment of them on youtube.
Am I the only one who secretly longs for the days when the F-14 Tomcat was still the symbol of air superiority?
Fuckin' hiiiiiiiiighwaaaay toooooo the fuckin' DANGER ZONE!
I can't imagine what kind of kid would want to watch some of the drivel being produced as cartoons today.
Maybe that's why so many stations are shrinking their saturday morning cartoon offerings.
It used to be cartoons from 6AM to 11. Now you're lucky if you get a couple of hours.
If the disclaimer is all they've done, and they've left the toons uncut, I'd say Bravo!
I little meaningless curtsy to the PC police, and then the uncut real thing? "Please, yer honer, may I lick your boots a little?"
Tetsuoooooooooooooo!
Holy crap, you're right http://flyingmoose.org/heman/mustard.htm
I remember being a college graduate, working at IBM and watching He-Man in the afternoon with my room mate, another engineer.
One thing I could never understand is He-Man was always journeying to reach the castle, but never seemed to make. Yet Skeletor, who lived at the castle, would always be able to reach He-Man for a fight, run away and get back to the castle. Yet He-Man could never get there.
Die Hard 2? Eeeewwwww! Perfect metaphor for the garbage that passes for action movie/cartoon violence. All the bad guys used blanks for their fake firefights. Nobody dies.
I boycotted Tom and Jerry the day their movie came out and the first thing they did was realize they could both speak, and started a conversation.
That is sacrileges to the original cartoon.
Comment deleted for no comprehensible reason, linking Larry Niven's Ringworld vampires to Hollywood sirens. Go figure.
Check Amazon.com. A bunch of them have been released on DVD. Make a great birthday or Christmas gift.
I remember. Saturday morning was sacred to me and every other kid I knew.
Boomerang from Cartoon Network has most of the old stuff too. I recently caught an episode of The Banana Splits on there and man did that take me back….
Now kids are inundated with PC crap and message shows that preach about going green.
Have you noticed how much more Johnny Quest looked like Race Bannon than his dad?
As long as we're strolling down memory lane, remember Gigantor the Flying Robot?
I used to spend hours making replicas with legos.
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