‘Terrorism’ Exists Only In Your Mind
by Steven CrowderI’ve got to be honest, the first thing that comes to mind when I think of a man blowing up his johnson isn’t that of a “bona fide threat.” When I think of the damage that could have actually been carried out however, I get chills down my spine. Then I realize that I shouldn’t be sitting on the office ice-bucket. I still don’t really see how calling the “War on Terror” to an “Overseas Contingency Operation” will make us any safer from people hell-bent on our destruction but then again… I’m just silly like that!
Note: No terrorists crotches were actually lit ablaze during the making of this video…Though I think there was a Mormon who’s sleeve caught fire in a candle mishap.
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58 Comments
"Salaam, mujahadin! Are you ready for the explosives to be planted?"
"Yes, I am ready to carry out the will of Allah and murder anonymous non-combatants, martyring myself as well."
"That's awesome! Here's your cash, and if you'll just unzip there, we can place the charges where no TSA agents will look for them!"
"Oh! In my underwear? I would have put on clean ones had I known! Oh, your hands are COLD! Hey- wait. Why is it so small?"
"Size does not matter. Placement is key. The virgins will tell you when you go to Paradise."
"OK. I wear it left. And TSA will not check me?"
"Not at all. Scream that they are profiling you if you are pulled aside. OK, my jihadi brother…You are cleared for takeoff on 72 Virgins airline!"
"This thing is itchy."
I will say that the terrorist gave new meaning to "a bomb is about to go off in my underwear".
That said, I think the bomb in your underwear that would blow off your minimember (in his case) is a brilliant idea. The masterminds (the guys NOT blowing of their johnsons – again – new, but horrid meaning) knew that if that mournful fellow blew off his only friend – what would be left to live for.
But he must not have contemplated the doing of the 72 virgins.
Steve: An absolutely hilarious turnaround on the lefty point of view. And since you avoided showing the actual culprit, you are not a racist. You're merely an ethnocentrist, you naughtly boy, you. LOL
Is that a bomb in your underwear or are you happy to see me?
Is a bomb!
LOL!
Steve is dead right on this, you can't address the problem if you can't address the problem.
There once was a silly koranimal,
Who stuffed a bomb inside is Garanimals,
But his shirt and shorts didn't match,
The weasel and camel, they clashed,
Any they weren't explosive, just flammable.
I tuned in to The History channel to catch the last 15 mins of a program called Earth 2100. It was about some apoocalyptic scenario where humans ruin everything and wind up living in the dark ages again. The last few minutes were devoted to "how can we turn this dismal scenario around?" and I figured, "here we go- climate change and CFL bulbs and blah blah blah.." But it was WORSE than that.
The first cople of commentators included Eric Holdren (forced sterilizations, animals should be able to sue people Eric Holdren) and… Van Jones (racist Marxist ex-green jobs czar Van Jones!). Mixed nuts included various lefty professors from Columbia, Harvard for diversity.
I have officially added The History Channel to my list of Propaganda Outlets to avoid.
As always, thanks for telling it like it is, Steven!
And please feel free to wear a suit more often. Just saying.
Had to giggle watching this as I remember ed something I heard on the Limbaugh show. He refered to the miscreant as the "Fruit of Kaboom" bomber. Thanks for the laugh in spite of the liberals unwillingness to call terrorism what it is.
The koranimal bomber was in a foul mood
cause instead of exploding, he ignited his pubes;
his nads were on fire, his penis aflame-
and his harem of virgins no longer could claim!
His only reward would be "mano a' mano"
with Fearless "Crusader" Ms. Napolitano.
Though all is not lost, he has cause to grow bolder-
cause he's getting a lawyer from brave Eric Holder.
So one day he'll walk, and write books on this drama-
and all thanks to Fearless "Crusader" Obama!
The koranimal bomber was in a foul mood
cause instead of exploding he ignited his pubes;
his nads were on fire, his privates aflame-
and his harem of virgins could no longer claim.
His only reward would be "mano a' mano"
with "Fearless Crusader" Ms. Napolitano.
Though all is not lost, he grows ever bolder
after getting a lawyer from brave Eric Holder.
So one day he'll walk, and write of this drama-
and all thanks to "Fearless Crusader" Obama!
This attack hit me hard, as there are three things that bring this very close to home.
One, I also wear underpants most days, although I wear boxers, (not the girly briefs he had on) except on the rare days when "commando" feels right.
Two, I have flown Northwest many times, even in and out of Detroit.
Third, and almost most important, I have a connection to Umar Farouk Abdulmutallabs family, as I have been corresponding with his Uncle for some time, and even he warned me about his nephew, which shows that his father was not the only one in the family concerned with young Umar. I will copy some of our correspondence below for verification.
From the Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab to Clint Maxwell
Dear Mr. Maxwell, I found your name on a list of persons who had contributed to charity for woman and orphan, so I know your heart is good and that you love God. It is for this reason that I contact you, as I was before a minister in the finances of my country, and it has come to my attention that a large account had been left abandoned which if not claimed, will revert to the use of our president, and he is a man who does not love God, and will do no good with this fund. I wish that you will assist me in a claim on this funds, as it was in the name of Maxwell at deposit, so that between us we can see that these funds are put to good use. Please contact me if you find it in your heart to assist me in keeping this money to do good, and that we both may also prosper.
Thank you, Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab
From Clint Maxwell to Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab
Mr. Abdulmutallab, Yes, I have a soft spot in my heart for widows and orphans, but am not sure how I can help you. Please let me know. Clint
From the Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab to Clint Maxwell
Mr. Clint Maxwell, May God bless you for wanting to help the widows and orphans, I will send another message soon with what you need to do so that we may do good with these funds, but first, I have a nephew, a Mr. Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, and I have been told that he is contacting many people in your country so that they may help him gain access to this money. If you hear from him, please do not respond or help him in any way, as he is not like us and does not want to do good with this money. He does not have a good heart, and would only do evil with the money, and would not allow for you to help orphans. So again, I will contact you again for how we may do good with this money. In my next communication, I will give you all the details that we need. May God bless you, Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab
Hopefully Obama and the rest of the crack team headed by Janet Incompetano can stop the next attack before the terrorist is on the plane, otherwise, we are left hoping that again there is a Duch filmmaker on board, and that terrorists keep buying their detonation cords from the ACME Co.
This attack hit me hard, as there are three things that bring this very close to home.
One, I also wear underpants most days, although I wear boxers, (not the girly briefs he had on) except on the rare days when "commando" feels right.
Two, I have flown Northwest many times, even in and out of Detroit.
Third, and almost most important, I have a connection to Umar Farouk Abdulmutallabs family, as I have been corresponding with his Uncle for some time, and even he warned me about his nephew, which shows that his father was not the only one in the family concerned with young Umar. I will copy some of our correspondence below for verification.
From the Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab to Clint Maxwell
Dear Mr. Maxwell, I found your name on a list of persons who had contributed to charity for woman and orphan, so I know your heart is good and that you love God. It is for this reason that I contact you, as I was before a minister in the finances of my country, and it has come to my attention that a large account had been left abandoned which if not claimed, will revert to the use of our president, and he is a man who does not love God, and will do no good with this fund. I wish that you will assist me in a claim on this funds, as it was in the name of Maxwell at deposit, so that between us we can see that these funds are put to good use. Please contact me if you find it in your heart to assist me in keeping this money to do good, and that we both may also prosper.
Thank you, Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab
From Clint Maxwell to Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab
Mr. Abdulmutallab, Yes, I have a soft spot in my heart for widows and orphans, but am not sure how I can help you. Please let me know. Clint
From the Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab to Clint Maxwell
Mr. Clint Maxwell, May God bless you for wanting to help the widows and orphans, I will send another message soon with what you need to do so that we may do good with these funds, but first, I have a nephew, a Mr. Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, and I have been told that he is contacting many people in your country so that they may help him gain access to this money. If you hear from him, please do not respond or help him in any way, as he is not like us and does not want to do good with this money. He does not have a good heart, and would only do evil with the money, and would not allow for you to help orphans. So again, I will contact you again for how we may do good with this money. In my next communication, I will give you all the details that we need. May God bless you, Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab
Hopefully Obama and the rest of the crack team headed by Janet Incompetano can stop the next attack before the terrorist is on the plane, otherwise, we are left hoping that again there is a Ducth filmmaker on board, and that terrorists keep buying their detonation cords from the ACME Co.
Ay! Steven! You are a favorite of mine! Love your work!
The exclamation points are because I'm still laughing. ….!!!!
This attack hit me hard, as there are three things that bring this very close to home.
One, I also wear underpants most days, although I wear boxers, (not the girly briefs he had on) except on the rare days when "commando" feels right.
Two, I have flown Northwest many times, even in and out of Detroit.
Third, and almost most important, I have a connection to Umar Farouk Abdulmutallabs family, as I have been corresponding with his Uncle for some time, and even he warned me about his nephew, which shows that his father was not the only one in the family concerned with young Umar. I will copy some of our correspondence below for verification.
From the Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab to Clint Maxwell
Dear Mr. Maxwell, I found your name on a list of persons who had contributed to charity for woman and orphan, so I know your heart is good and that you love God. It is for this reason that I contact you, as I was before a minister in the finances of my country, and it has come to my attention that a large account had been left abandoned which if not claimed, will revert to the use of our president, and he is a man who does not love God, and will do no good with this fund. I wish that you will assist me in a claim on this funds, as it was in the name of Maxwell at deposit, so that between us we can see that these funds are put to good use. Please contact me if you find it in your heart to assist me in keeping this money to do good, and that we both may also prosper.
Thank you, Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab
From Clint Maxwell to Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab
Mr. Abdulmutallab, Yes, I have a soft spot in my heart for widows and orphans, but am not sure how I can help you. Please let me know. Clint
From the Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab to Clint Maxwell
Mr. Clint Maxwell, May God bless you for wanting to help the widows and orphans, I will send another message soon with what you need to do so that we may do good with these funds, but first, I have a nephew, a Mr. Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, and I have been told that he is contacting many people in your country so that they may help him gain access to this money. If you hear from him, please do not respond or help him in any way, as he is not like us and does not want to do good with this money. He does not have a good heart, and would only do evil with the money, and would not allow for you to help orphans. So again, I will contact you again for how we may do good with this money. In my next communication, I will give you all the details that we need. May God bless you, Reverend Dr. Farouk Umar Mahrus Abdulmutallab
Hopefully Obama and the rest of the crack team headed by Janet Incompetano can stop the next attack before the terrorist is on the plane, otherwise, we are left hoping that again there is a Dutch filmmaker on board, and that terrorists keep buying their detonation cords from the ACME Co.
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"Harry and Marv of the terrorist world"
LOL
Let's replace Janet Napolitano with
Macauley Culkin.
THERE'S someone who can keep the Homeland secure
from clumsy stupid criminals.
Just give him a roll of butcher paper, a 64 box of Crayolas, and whatever rope, paint, tar, and blowtorches are lying scattered about the basement of the White House
Steven–Another great one. Keep them coming. We don't get too many laughs anymore.
Or cries–as the case may be!
It's ironic that the goofball is-lame-o muslim terror person had a "burning bush", is that Biblical or what…
Perhaps he should pay attention to Yahweh.
The new line of men's briefs can now be called 'Fruit of the Boom' exploding underwear.
That's if you over look the wiring problems.
It sounds like you were there
Where were you on Christmas Eve ?
/Hahahaha
There once was a silly koranimal,
Who stuffed a bomb inside is Garanimals,
But his shirt and shorts didn't match,
The weasel and camel, they clashed,
Any they weren't explosive, just flammable.
Ala West-Side Story. Got a Rocket in your pocket stay cool boy …Stay Cool………Boom!!!
Of course we should call them Islamic Terrorists, I always have. Anyone who does not have the guts to properly identify the enemy because a womanly fear offending them will never have the courage to confront them. Thank for laughs Steven, I think you got your point across.
I'm sure somewhere you will find someone who belives that Mormons aren't allowed to use candles.
Something to do with Pocahantas on a yellow submarine to the moon.
I'd go with "Grumpy Numbers"
Best line: I'm going to hell aren't I? This way?
Apparently, Muslim men have absolutely nothing to actually blow up down there. If they did, that would be the last thing they would consider eliminating.
Barry has his fingers in his ears, eyes closed, and going …na-na-na-na… while always loyal blithering BBBB…Biden stomping his feet, fist clinched, screeches, “man caused disaster – man caused disaster…”
To the editor;
Recently the United States suffered yet another attempted act of war from a terrorist acting on the misguided notion of jihad. This particular fellow evaded airport security, then while seated on the aircraft attempted to detonate a bomb in addition to the fuel tank positioned below him. The jihadist’s failure was a result of a lack of preparation; neither his will nor our efforts to keep him off the plane did anything to ameliorate his plans. This jihadist, like many who have attacked this nation in the past, are men educated in mind and not in morals, and as such are a menace to civil society, and must be stopped at any cost. After 30 years of the free world trying to stop various forms of jihad we are no closer to stopping the next attack because the ideology that creates the next radical Islamic terrorist still exists; so long as it exists we will neither have peace nor security – nothing short of a regional war that redraws the boundaries of countries in the middle east will bring us the opportunity of lasting peace. Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan did not alter their evil plans upon the sight of a TSA agent. That said; a small suggestion.
Credit card companies monitor spending behavior to detect fraud. They do this by setting limits based on historic spending patterns, and computers monitor daily transactions to detect purchases that may be fraudulent. For instance, if I make a few small purchases in one geographic area and then drive many miles away and make much larger purchases the credit card company will deny the charge, and request that the merchant verify my identity. Why is it that a credit card company is motivated enough to monitor, successfully detect, and challenge potentially malfeasant behavior? Further, why is it that the Transportation Safety Administration is unable to detect a known explosive attached to the genitalia of a known threat, and is unable to stop future malfeasant behavior? In a word – profit. The credit card company is trying to maintain profits by limiting its losses by devising ingenious ways of detecting fraud to protect that profit, the TSA does not operate for the purpose of profit.
The Transportation Safety Administration has a completely different standard to meet and it must do so by engaging in willful blindness to threats in order to accomplish its mission without raising the ire of the ACLU. Thus, precious security detection resources that could be directed to more plausible threats must be redirected to less likely threats in order to satisfy the politically correct among us. For the same reason my local police department does not set up sobriety check points near our local churches or temples the TSA ought to spend more time looking for the telltale signs of jihad from likely sources. This recent attempt was a no brainer, our security apparatus had everything but a red alert warning from the starship Enterprise before this fellow made it to the airport gate even sans passport; if we can’t stop this guy we can’t stop anyone.
If an airline operated a system akin to my credit card companies in the atmosphere of airport security what would that look like? Might a pre-flight approval system consist of various credentials already in a citizens possession; a system for non-citizens would perform the same function of verification with cross referenced forms of identification, the elimination of the option of using cash to purchase a ticket, and the elimination of purchasing a ticket without being pre-qualified to do so in the first place. In addition, the airline would be responsible for all security; remember the $50 Billion per year TSA could not stop this jihadist, and frankly in a world where people willingly swallow prophylactics filled with narcotics to breech our drug laws, the TSA will not stop the next one; an airline that is one hundred percent responsible for the occupants and operation of the aircraft can and will. They will have the ability to reject people who do not meet their flight criteria identity policy in a way that the TSA is forbidden from by organizations like the ACLU. The profit driven airline can drive the innovation that will be required to detect individuals whose behavior is suspicious even before a ticket is purchased by combing all the data points that separate out frequent travelers from those that have never flown, or are traveling in a manner not consistent with past patterns, and thus require more scrutiny at security checkpoints prior to boarding the plane. In fact much like credit cards issue a FICO score in some future world they may have a central organization for all airlines that compiles this information and issues an “Approved Travel Score.”
In closing, it is almost treasonous that after so many kicks to our collective complacency we are still only fighting the last battle, and not the next one. Securing an aircraft is best left up to the airline and the crew of the airplane, and not the federal government. The private airline possesses the incentive to maintain the safety of the airplane that the TSA and the rest of the security apparatus lacks. The federal government lacks the economic incentive to do a quality job, but the private airline is nimble and can evolve the policies and procedures the government is not permitted or politically unable to do. The current setup seems to serve only one purpose – to avoid responsibility for anything at all, in that atmosphere you can bet we are going to lose much more then an airliner in the future. The radical Islamic threat from 1979 to 2010 has grown stronger, and developed a greater reach into the west then our side has developed a defense or plan to defeat; we are fooling ourselves if we think a watch list, that no one even bothers to check, is anything more than a placebo for the cancerous philosophy of radical Islam.
I loved Knicker Bomber.
I believe you're thinking of John Holdren. He is the one who suggested involuntary sterilization (via drinking water) and forced abortions (y'know – to save the planet) and it's Cass Sunstein who thinks animals should be able to sue you. Eric HOLDER is the attorney general who is okay with the Black Panthers standing in front of a voting area with a club.
But in your defense, it's easy to get them all mixed up. They might as well be one person… Johneric Van Holdstein.
I is 10 ninjas LOL
That is awesome!! BIG thumbs up…
Sorry about the double posting folks, but the first version was put in limbo (I assumed because of the word "p*n*s, because when I changed it to "privates" an hour later it appeared immediately), and I wasn't sure if it would appear at all
Apparently it took 14 hours to give the go ahead for the first version because of the "p" word…(sigh…)
Ah, Steven Crowder, now I know for sure that this site has zero credibility
"Let's replace Janet Napolitano with Macauley Culkin."
I like that idea. The kid definitely has the right mindset.
"This is my country, I have to defend it!"
That would be like an imdb for lefty nutters.
Dude you are major nutjob, tinfoil hat and the works. You fulfill the stereotype to a T
Viewing that video gives me an insight as to what Ubla De Mabolo Do Do, or what ever, was actually doing. What he was doing was trying to rid himself of "the crabs". He shaved half his pubic region, lit the fuzzy half on fire and when the crabs ran into the clear he stabbed them with an ice pick, all while seated on a trans-Atlantic flight, excellent use of his time…At least that's what Obama would have you believe.
Is this avante garde poetry Stan? Maybe try to make sense
You owe me a new keyboard Steven……
What don't you undersatnd?
LOL. Thanks for the correction! I have been getting worse lately about crap like this- calling Kevin Jennings "Ken Jennings" (Jeopardy master) for instance, and I may have referred to Janet Napolitano as "Janet Reno" once, though that is an easy one to understand. I always appreciate it when someone steps up to straighten me out. I'll think about making a "Pictorial Guide to the Obama Coven" for myself.
go to pjtv….. everyone there rocks….
But I/m gonna bust up……
Cool boy!
LOL!
Why do I think the "Man Caused Disaster" line belongs in an Ed Woods movie.
Okay I'll translate it into Troll for you:
Oog nok lka dalaka shan tag nog "Blood " fala kag naogfa hog
ork ork Joe Biden gok nok fan to dorghinu Joe Biden jaja hak nok domtar Cthulu Phlegm.
There now it makes perfect sense doesn't it.
oh I am sorry Mark you are the guy lecturing the conservatives on this sight on how insulting language get them no where and CNN and PBS are politically nuetral… my bad .. you don't speak Troll you speak NEWSPEAK. I'll retranslate the post for you.
crimethink
1.8.84 bb watch you
Freedom is Slavery
War is Peace
Ignorance is Strength
The good news for these idiots, is that they do get 72 virgins in heaven.
The bad news is that they all look like Rachel Maddow!
I am actually sorry to hear that. There have been some really good shows on the Histroy Channel but I have not watched it as much lately. I have noticed on the Science, Discovery and National Geo channels a plethora of specials on "Life after people", what would happen to the poor cows and rats if we were not there to feed them etc.
I am beginning to think the luddites are starting to go off the deep end. Who has Obama put in charge of the remaining Nuclear Arsenal by the way – - I hope it's not Van Jones.
Steven! I am still lMAO! Thanks for another gem! The burning crotch was a brilliant touch of terrorboy humor! If only you had a picture of Janet Imcompetanto and said, 'I am really hot for you baby!'
Classic!
Steven,
Outstanding video – I'm finally going to take out my check book and make a PJTV donation.
Keep it up, (so long as it is not going to catch fire)
Joe(oops almost wrote my real name)
One of his fill ins (Mark Steyn) called him the Panty Bomber.
And to think he got that burning itch without ever visiting one cat house!
ah, they are all men in drag.
America should get out of bed with political correctness. Especially in reference to terroists.
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