Lonewolf Diaries: If You Don’t Like Public Gay Sex, You Must be Gay!

by Steven Crowder

It’s an argument that we hear used all too-commonly nowadays; If you’re not a fan of public sexual vulgarity, particularly of the homosexual variety, you must be a bigot. And of course the only reason one would be a bigot is clearly due to one’s secret attraction to members of the same sex. Flawless logic, is it not? It’s one of those arguments that’s used so often that we’ve become desensitized to it. Am I the only one who feels like the rules keep fudging as we go along?

LoneWolf

We all know about the Adam Lambert fiasco. Most of us also know that the make-up caked crooner has been complaining of being held to a “different standard” due to his sexuality. Many Americans have publicly disagreed and stated that it was his distasteful, sexually charged performance (coupled with crappy vocals and a hairdo that many consider to be a fire-hazard) that landed him in hot water.

They’re both right. The truth is, that Adam Lambert hasn’t been put in water even close to resembling the boiling kettle that he richly deserves. If a straight man were to forcibly push a lady-dancers face into his crotch in an “impromptu” fashion as Lambert claims he had done… The man would be incarcerated.

For crying out loud, I got double yellow-cards in my office for calling a dame “sweetheart.” Do you honestly think that I could get away with simulating face-rape in the workplace if my subordinates didn’t sign up for it? In saying that however, to many people it would become clear that I’ve come out of the closet.

Yes folks, haven’t you heard? If you criticize somebody who happens to be a homosexual, you are doing so only because you yourself, are indeed a homosexual. There’s no way around it.

Gay “progressives” touting these arguments are what my extremely gay (and extremely lovable) friend Trevor explains as the “Gaystapo.” Much like using the “racism” card when dealing with Barack Obama dissidents, the whole “you’re a secret-homosexual” argument is a way of ending the discussion before it even begins. Afterall, what kind of self-respecting straight male would want to be accused of engaging in bedroom tomfoolery with other lads?

Liberals, the truth is that most of us don’t really care if you think we’re gay. It’s not that big of an insult. As a matter of fact, it’s more of an insult to your own argument, seeing as you’re threatening people with falsely “outing” them of a practice that you claim to support in the first place.

We’re not secretly gay. We’re just sick of the falling standards and we’re sick of you lying to/about us when we stand up for decency. Am I the only one who feels that way?

Sean Penn, it has nothing to do with hate. I think Adam Lambert is a vulgar little pissant who’s fifteen minutes are up… And I still like the unclad ladies.

See how that works?


Email this to a friend | Print | Share on Facebook | | Bookmark and Share

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted Dec 1st 2009 at 5:13 pm in Lone Wolf Diaries | 164 Comments