Lonewolf Diaries: Marriage Is for Suckers and Ugly Folk
by Steven CrowderIf you’ve been taking notes from such brilliant minds as Bill Maher, Cameron Diaz or ever taken a moment to observe Hollywood in the past few decades, you’d know that marriage is a dead institution. I mean, who gets married anymore (unless you’re gay)?! It’s like, “Hellooooooooooo”!
I happened to catch Cameron “My Career is Over Thanks to HD” Diaz discussing the intricacies of marriage on “Real Time with Bill Maher” this week. A lot of tinseltown jibber jabber ensued but you needn’t be bored with the self-indulgent details. Cameron basically proclaimed that she’s glad that she’d never gotten married because she “definitely would have been divorced (multiple times).” She just needed to do what was right for her and that that was constantly changing. Maher, of course, agreed and praised Cameron in her wisdom for having learned to put herself first and foremost, before all others in her life. Marriage can’t work because you have to look out for “Numero Uno”… That’s the Hollywood way!
Besides, haven’t you listened to all of the celebrity preachings? Marriage is nothing but a silly piece of paper… And you don’t need that to prove your love. Also, affairs and coke-bender-induced hooker orgies are cool and allowed… I think that’s in the fine print of a “legal union.”
Diaz then went on to say, “Anyone will tell you that like, when I’m in a relationship I’m committed like… a thousand percent!”
Firstly, don’t judge her mathematical shortcomings too harshly, as it’s beside the point. The real kicker here is that much like all of Hollywood, Cameron Diaz has no idea as to what commitment really means. What good is commitment to a relationship if it’s only temporary?
The problem is that the people of Hollywood are so wrapped up in themselves that they’ve confused their movies with real life relationships. In real life, your short-term commitment is of no good. Because unlike in the motion pictures, when the montage of naked horseback riding and fornication under the waterfall ends… The story is far from over.
The relationship will go on to be tested through ups, downs, loop-dee-loops and unexpected hardships. Once that “feeling” of initial passion is gone, you’re left with each other, your relationship, and the moral fortitude on which it was built. No longer is it the director’s (or cameraman’s or lighting guy’s) job to keep the spark alive, it’s yours and your spouse’s alone.
I wouldn’t expect the “immediate gratification” crowd of Hollywood to understand the true concept of love, however, as that would actually require them to look outside of themselves for a change. Esteeming others first… What a concept!
Am I off-base in my point of view? Do you ladies (or guys) out there feel that the “growing and cultivating” view of love is completely void of romance and has no place in the talkies? How about the real world?
All I’m saying is that I rarely find myself pointing to Sean Penn’s love life thinking, “I want to be like that.”
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One of the things I've discovered about marriage is that it is one of the ways in which God shows us what it means to truly love someone else; to make real sacrifices for them after the romance has worn away, to make yourself do things in their best interest even if it leaves you exhausted, unfulfilled and feeling shortchanged. It can be a huge sacrifice. Having to live with losing some of my freedom – my own bank account, never having to answer to anyone if I wanted to drive somewhere at 3am, staying up all night gaming with my friends – was a part of that, and relatively speaking, the sacrifices I've had to make are nothing compared to what my wife gave up for my sake. But that's part of the oath you take when you enter into it – "for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health." When we understand how to make that work – and when we struggle and agonize over it – I think we begin to see what it must be like for God to love us, faithless, self-obsessed sinners that we are.
My wife and I haven't had children yet, but from what I've seen of my friends who have, I'm guessing that experience will take us even deeper into that understanding of real, selfless love. I'm sure there are times when our friends have envied us with our relative freedom; when the kids start crying we can say, "Well, we must be going" and head for the door. But the more time I spend with them, the more I start to see what they're getting out of their parenting experiences. They're growing in ways I haven't even begun to. And I'm starting to have fun spending time with the kids, even though they're not perfect angels. Suddenly the notion of having kids of our own doesn't seem so alien.
I have some sympathy for you in that you wanted to find someone who would have the same interests; i.e., music. I wanted to fall in love with a woman who was as much of a geek as I am, into roleplaying games and computer games and sci-fi and fantasy and all of the stuff that I tend to overindulge in, but when you need that woman to be a born-again Christian (and recognize that Jesus has to come before anything else), suddenly the available options thin rather dramatically. I was fortunate in that I was able to turn my wife into enough of a geek that she can tolerate my hobbies and encourages my career in comics. I don't know how difficult my life would have become if she and I could never discuss Star Trek or quest together on World of Warcraft. Likewise, I'm also an introvert – I much prefer to spend time alone, and need it in order to recharge and deal with the world. Again, fortunately, my wife is like this, also, so that helps a great deal (though it was really tough when we first started dating – getting each other to talk was like pulling teeth!).
But since we met online – and pretty much came to the conclusion that we would get married before we ever met face-to-face – the entire physical aspect of the relationship was extremely difficult for us, and in some respects, it still is.
I don't know you from Adam, and I don't know your ex. I think it's pretty messed up that your ex never said "I love you." But every marriage has its problems; there are things you simply can't plan for or foresee. And while I want to be sympathetic, I have to admit that it's hard not to be skeptical when the thread begins with "marriage isn't for everyone" but ends with "God doesn't want me to be unhappy." After all, Jesus clarified that divorce existed not because some people aren't meant for marriage, but because people were hard-hearted. I just think it's something that happens far too often in the Church, and I fear that we have become a generation who feel no shame in breaking our sacred promises.
I think I could have gone my entire day without hearing "I still give her a good rodgering when she gets a craving for the baloney pony."
But I see what you mean.
I can't say I think much of it. Not knowing much about Kurt and Goldie, I admire their willingness to stick together, but why not marry and make it 'official'? What stopped them?
I admit have a particularly Jesus-oriented view of life, so while they might not see it this way, I can't see it as anything other than adultery. Thus, I conclude that "marriage" is the more important concept.
I think it goes without saying that this sums up my answer on Gene and Shannon, too.
I seem to recall marriage being created by God because it wasn't good for man to be alone, so I have to disagree with you here.
*Everyone* has a knack for hedonism. We're born with it.
It was strange for women to get mention at all in matters of importance, and yet women are mentioned in the Gospels. Women's testimonies were not considered worthwhile, and yet the Gospels specifically mention women informing the Apostles about Jesus' resurrection.
As you say, there wouldn't have been anything wrong with Jesus getting married – it would have been perceived as normal in his society. And given the singular importance of Jesus, isn't it far more likely that, had he been married, we would know all about it? Why wouldn't we have heard about the deeds of Jesus's wife? Why wouldn't we have countless writings on the Son of the Son of Man? What reason would the Church have to hide such information?
While Jesus could have gotten married, I see no evidence to suggest that he did.
Likewise, the twelve single guys didn't have any attachments that would prevent them from following Jesus around during his earthly life, and then traveling to other countries after his death and resurrection to spread his word until most of them were murdered.
Remember that Jesus invited others to follow him who were unwilling to leave their families, wealth, or other attachments. The single guys were the ones who took the invitation.
I wanted to plan for marriage, but the women I had targeted weren't romantically interested. How inconsiderate of them!
There's an old saying: "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans."
Speaking from experience, I'd encourage you to not to freak out if you're unmarried by 30. My wife and I didn't marry until near then, and I think we benefited from waiting as long as we did (not that we were *trying* to wait, it just worked out that way). We both knew who we were, what our flaws were, and what we wanted in life.
LOL! Somehow I knew I wouldn't have to explain ITLAP Day to you.
Indeed, how rude!
Thanks for the advice.
Lawyers give back nothing. Lawyers only take. That's all lawyers do. Lawyers create nothing, lawyers produce nothing, and lawyers provide no essential service. A lawyer is the moral equivalent of a prostitute. Lawyers bear false witness for a living: Prosecutors prosecute the innocent, and defense attorneys defend the guilty, routinely, as a matter of course, and they do it for nothing more than money.
That's why, back when churches were real – and belonging to one actually meant something – no lawyers or prostitutes were allowed to be buried within church gates on consecrated ground; lawyer= whore.
Now I understand you pluperfectly, and know why you think you are qualified to self-appoint and judge me.
If you are my accuser, you are an enemy of the saints and elect of God. Remember, Satan is the arch accuser, and a lawyer too. If you really want to be a Follower of The Way, and not a hollow thing called a Christian, you must quit being a lawyer. Consider me a cease and desist order from God Almighty. I am His advocate. It is He I represent. I am held by His retainer.
I'd rather have a sex offender for a neighbor than a lawyer. I wouldn't have to be polite to a sex offender.
and I wasn't the least surprised when you were the one to bring it up *grins*
This article is completely true, and it's something the teenage generation needs to hear, along with the newer "entitlement" article. I suggest a hybrid multi-media event with the catchphrase "It's not about you."
Whenever you're feeling so good that you just need to take yourself down a few pegs, browse google for results of the query "I'm no longer in love with my [husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance]. Universally, the advice is almost always "Well, it's not fair to you to stick it out in the relationship where you go amounts of time where you aren't completely and fully happy or head-over-heels for the person." There we have the dirty deed. "It's for their own good that you end it." And there we have the justification for said dirty deed.
Despite all indications to the contrary, this is a good sign. Even though we're using faulty logic to excuse ourselves from guilt, at least we recognize that guilt accompanies the action. Now all somebody has to do is take a hammer to the faulty logic, and we've got normal people again.
The sad truth of it is, if you go into a relationship thinking about your own happiness and expecting the other person to seem like your prince charming or whatever female equivalent all the time, you're walking into your first divorce.
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