Lonewolf Diaries: Marriage Is for Suckers and Ugly Folk
by Steven CrowderIf you’ve been taking notes from such brilliant minds as Bill Maher, Cameron Diaz or ever taken a moment to observe Hollywood in the past few decades, you’d know that marriage is a dead institution. I mean, who gets married anymore (unless you’re gay)?! It’s like, “Hellooooooooooo”!
I happened to catch Cameron “My Career is Over Thanks to HD” Diaz discussing the intricacies of marriage on “Real Time with Bill Maher” this week. A lot of tinseltown jibber jabber ensued but you needn’t be bored with the self-indulgent details. Cameron basically proclaimed that she’s glad that she’d never gotten married because she “definitely would have been divorced (multiple times).” She just needed to do what was right for her and that that was constantly changing. Maher, of course, agreed and praised Cameron in her wisdom for having learned to put herself first and foremost, before all others in her life. Marriage can’t work because you have to look out for “Numero Uno”… That’s the Hollywood way!
Besides, haven’t you listened to all of the celebrity preachings? Marriage is nothing but a silly piece of paper… And you don’t need that to prove your love. Also, affairs and coke-bender-induced hooker orgies are cool and allowed… I think that’s in the fine print of a “legal union.”
Diaz then went on to say, “Anyone will tell you that like, when I’m in a relationship I’m committed like… a thousand percent!”
Firstly, don’t judge her mathematical shortcomings too harshly, as it’s beside the point. The real kicker here is that much like all of Hollywood, Cameron Diaz has no idea as to what commitment really means. What good is commitment to a relationship if it’s only temporary?
The problem is that the people of Hollywood are so wrapped up in themselves that they’ve confused their movies with real life relationships. In real life, your short-term commitment is of no good. Because unlike in the motion pictures, when the montage of naked horseback riding and fornication under the waterfall ends… The story is far from over.
The relationship will go on to be tested through ups, downs, loop-dee-loops and unexpected hardships. Once that “feeling” of initial passion is gone, you’re left with each other, your relationship, and the moral fortitude on which it was built. No longer is it the director’s (or cameraman’s or lighting guy’s) job to keep the spark alive, it’s yours and your spouse’s alone.
I wouldn’t expect the “immediate gratification” crowd of Hollywood to understand the true concept of love, however, as that would actually require them to look outside of themselves for a change. Esteeming others first… What a concept!
Am I off-base in my point of view? Do you ladies (or guys) out there feel that the “growing and cultivating” view of love is completely void of romance and has no place in the talkies? How about the real world?
All I’m saying is that I rarely find myself pointing to Sean Penn’s love life thinking, “I want to be like that.”
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Hollyweirdos don't know how to have meaningful relationships. They're all too superficial IMO. Oh and self centered, self absorbed and selfish.
When society collapses under the weight of government debt, we'll see how well their live for today and today's hook-up and numero uno mentality holds out. Sure, I suppose they may be rich enough to transplant themselves to a society not in decline but they won't be in demand there like they are now.
Generally, surviving alone is tougher than surviving with someone and something to live for.
we love the red meat Mr Crowder throws into the lion pit…
Marriage, and family in general, is under intense assault from all sides; it is a conceit that interferes with the Brave New World of statism and fealty to the supreme leader. If you have a value system that reads: God, Family, Country you are a trolglodyte and a dolt and need to get with the program.
One that the 'great minds' of Maher and Diaz relentlessly push- sex without love, commitment without responsibility, taxation without representation, cats without dogs…
You get the point.
Wow, a conversation between Bill Maher and Cameron Diaz on commitment hmmm… That’s kind of like Barry and Nostrils Waxman discussing the virtues of the Free Market?
Much of the Hollywood bunch, and sadly a lot of others in our society, view committment as a temporary, passing fancy. "Of course I was committed!!! I was faithful for the first year of my marriage!!"
And their empty heads fail to see their lack of understanding.
As my wife's drug addicted clients tell her over, and over, and over….
"I'm not addicted to drugs. I've quit hundreds of times"
How corny is that…standing up for love and commitment? Love IS commitment, and work and occasionally heartache. No matter how one may judge love's rewards, this kind of Love helps to build centered focused people for the better.
I think Letterman's conversation with Sandra Day O'Connor about her pet bobcat was more interesting than listening to Diaz's musings on marriage. At least he didn't ask her to spell it.
"All I’m saying is that I rarely find myself pointing to Sean Penn’s love life thinking, “I want to be like that.”"
That summed up how I feel exactly and made me laugh to boot.
It just seems that so many people in Hollywood can't tell the difference in real life and movie life. I'm convinced most are stuck somewhere in between.
good point-
nothing is better for marriage than a good ol' dose of Hard Times… one suspects the marriage rate to start going up- and soon.
the interesting thing here is that we who believe in traditional marriage are mocked everyday for our silly beliefs. indeedio no one in hollywood believes in marriage. that is unless it serves their self-serving needs. hello prop 8.
"What good is commitment to a relationship if it’s only temporary?"
Bingo! Many people have no concept of "persistent effort over time." This is a disturbing mixture of narcissism, self-delusion, and the demand for instant gratification, in my opinion and experience especially prevalent in the younger generations.
Friends bothering you? Screw 'em. Parents too demanding in their old age? Put 'em in a home. Work too hard? Quit. Marriage on the rocks? Move on. Baby not what you want? Kill it. War turning out to be harder to win than you though? Quit and run.
These are all just many ways of hitting the "abort button," and that button is always hit under the guise of "doing what's best for myself" when nothing could be further from the truth. To do what is best for yourself you have first to know yourself, and that requires being an adult, i.e. knowing your values, acting consistently with them, listening to reason (your own and others'), fulfilling your obligations, et cetera.
The fact that people like her need to go on television to talk about their values and get the approval the trained seals in Maher's audience speaks volumes, most importantly that people like her are not happy, and they're just trying to talk themselves into thinking they are.
Then someone like Sarah Palin comes all, who has done all of the things they gave up on, and is successful and happy on top of it, and their self-delusions come to light, and the shallowness and ugliness of their lonely, narcissistic lifestyle is made clear to all.
On a brighter note, "Cameron 'My Career is Over Thanks to HD' Diaz." Har!
Let's be honest. Who would marry Bill Maher?
"so many people in Hollywood can't tell the difference in real life and movie life." A perfect example of that is Richard Dreyfus testifying before Congress that John Wayne was a racist because of the part Wayne played in "The Searchers".
In our brave new world, having a child out of wedlock does not constitute a commitment , but marrying the mother of that child is a commitment and one not to be taken lightly.
David Letterman?
well reasoned and dead on…
If you don't hold yourself and your word up to a higher ideal you are simply apes in clothing; dead end beings simply achieving whatever gratification you can beg, borrow or steal. Palin upset that rubrick and caused otherwise pompous and arrogant yuppies to examine that which real life is composed of… and they were profoundly disturbed. Good.
Gov. Palin is an anathema to a soulless liberal. I hope she can hold it together with the onslaught of the loons, for 2012.
Yeah! Maybe Al Franken.
My parents have been married for 43 years, and they provided a happy, stable home for my sister and me. Situations can change, but I have no interest in getting married. As a societal norm, marriage was intended for two primal reasons: to civilize men and to produce the best outcomes for children. What I see, in society at large and in the men and women I'm friends with, is marriage as a neutering of men. The 'smart cute wife/fat dumb husband' is a cliche of American sitcoms, but the cliche remains popular because it rings true, at least for the bulk of couples I know – some happier than others.
I sense that we see more news (and use) of the term "Beta" because more men are spiritually castrating themselves in order to … I have no idea. Some Alphas like to blame women for this, but the blame is with the men. This isn't misogyny, it's a form of self-inflicted misandry I don't get and have no interest in participating in. Marriage as an institution has worked and, I've no doubt, will continue to work when practiced as its social ideal: a loving relationship in which two people create the most idyllic environment to raise children and support a family. From what I've seen, marriage has devolved rapidly, and the white-hot focus on The Ring and The Wedding is the crux.
A friend of mine just got engaged, and he went on and on about how all of his finacee's friends bragged about The Ring. When marriage is about long-term happiness, stability and children, it is a wonderful thing, and the few weddings I've attended where I knew that's what it was about, I was joyful; most, however, have been overpriced, cynical celebrations of a woman getting a rock, a dress, a cake and a glamour shot.
/no unicorns were harmed in the composition of this minor diatribe
dcase, that may have been true in pre-baby Boomer days, and maybe even for a small segment of married couples today. But it certainly was not my experience. In fact, after I proposed to my ex-wife, and before I let her answer me, I told her to answer this question inside herself first -'when hard times come, and they will, are you going to stick things out or cut and run?" I became disabled (not permanently) after 7 years of marriage, and she divorced me before doctors were even able to discover the source of my injury.
on this one, I respectfully disagree.
Ms Palin will most likely morph into a 'movement conservative'; most likely the GOP will look for a less polarizing figure. That said, no Republican will win anything without her support- so she will become a 'king maker'…
not too bad for a housewife from Wasilla…
don't forget immaturity in your mixture Nick. don't forget immaturity.
good points, all…
However, there is a sea change starting to happen in this field. No one likes emptiness, and tough times mean less self indulgence; more need for family to contribute. Like the old days. The 'male neutering' is becoming a thing of the past as increasingly females are seeking real men who can protect them.
Antiquated notion? Maybe not…
How can one expect these people to commit to something that can't be "fixed in post." Can't edit out the drool on the pillow or morning breath. It's really hard to edit out the toilet seat left up or snoring.
We shouldn't complain though, 'cause people with that attitude tend to not breed.
sorry for the sad story, Dom…
we humbly submit that this is starting to change As We Speak, Our own associations are showing this; the craven materialism is starting to wane and folk are, well, scared. Some of this is a good thing, as our old Jumpmaster once said, " a little fear is a good thing- it'll keep you alive" So, empirical evidence such as yours carries the sniff of a disappearing era.. so don't give up the ship, my friend.
That movie she was in with Christina Applegate!!! Awful!!!
The Philadelphia Story is more my taste!
right on target, mr crowder. there's only one hollywood marriage i can think of that i felt was inspiring – paul newman and joanne woodward.
Yup, the Hollywood of Newman and Woodward is loooong gone.
Here and there, I've observed what comes out of Hollywood over the past few decades, and often likened it to buying a lottery ticket…dollar gone and a piece of paper to crumple up and throw away. Carried a few fat, heavy, analog TVs to the garbage bin, too. I won't do that with the flat plasma HD, even if digital reception is poor, at best. It cost a hell of a lot more than the fat analogs. Anyway, I might pull out the old VHS, hook it up, and load some old Shirley Temple films I collected when my daughter was younger. Hollywood came out with some good stuff when times were tough. Fire all of Hollywood and their vapid musings might disintegrate into reality checks. There's enough stuff in the pre-progressive archives to fill the airwaves. Cam, et al., can let go of the image factor, go to work in the real world, meet an accountant, rough neck, electrician, get married, have kids, and watch Shirley Temple.
Marriage "is like an old-time rail journey…delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed". Marriages succeed because of an understanding that what is truely valuable in life will require sacrifices, and the hardest sacrifice is selflessness. The most miserable people I've known in my life are those who are obsessed with self.
Perhaps this is why I find it difficult to embrace the left…I know that it would be a relationship doomed due to the left's narcissism and focus on short-term gains.
I have a commitment for us Stan, and it's very simple. 2010 & 2012
I think it's called "The Wind Tunnel Affect"………….
"Cameron “My Career is Over Thanks to HD” Diaz" – Finally, somebody acknowledges that this woman isn't that pretty! She is overrated in every way. Don't forget, this is the same person who said on Oprah that unless you want rape to be legal, you'll vote in the 2004 presidential election. She's an idiot.
Marriage takes work and you only get out of it what you are willing to put into it. The Hollywood crowd has little ability to put anything into marriage because any effort they put into a relationship does not go into their career. Most of us outside of the "circus" see marriage as a help to our careers, but in order to see this, one must actually put their faith in another person…how many actors have this ability?….Will Smith…Tom Hanks…Paul Newman (RIP)…..others?
One word: selfish
What the world (the sheep) is lead to believe by folks like the Hollywood elite is that nothing else matters but 'me.' No, not this writer, but the individual.
It is a bold faced lie.
The greatest person to ever to walk the earth was the most selfless. We know Him by the name Jesus.
I'm going to join CBK in throwing a bit of a wet blanket on this thread.
At the risk of entering TMI territory, I decided that, when I got married, I was going to do everything right. So, being a musician, I waited for a musician to fall in love with, and glory be, I found one. Being a Christian, she had to be a Christian too, well, how can you beat a Church Organist/Music Minister who was also an amazing composer of choral liturgical music? Seriously, I couldn't believe my luck. Last unbelievable bit, she was a virgin, and we waited for our wedding night. Did I do it right, or did I do it right?
I was abjectly miserable. Difficult to explain – okay, impossible – but I think some people are just not cut out for marriage, and I think I'm one of those people. I really, really don't like having someone else around all the time. I actually enjoy my own company, and don't define my self worth by whether I'm in a relationship or not. In fact, I prefer solitude, and the older I get, the more I enjoy it.
In decades past, I'm betting that just thousands of guys like me took the stiff upper lip approach and lived out miserable lives out of some misguided idea of self-sacrifice or whatever. I decided God didn't create me to be miserable. Fortunately, my ex was miserable too – she really wanted a Church-going guy who was centered on all of that – while I was out playing gigs at restaurants and bars every night I could.
So, we had no kids and did a no-lawyer (Ha!), no-fault divorce. That was twelve years ago, and I haven't even had a GF since. Don't get me wrong, I love women, I just don't want one around all the time. Dinner and a movie is fine, but at the end of the night – and much more importantly, the next day – I want to be in my own house by myself.
I can't be the only guy who feels this way, but I may be the only one who admits it.
Yea, I knew Nancy Pelosi was really Michael Jackson in diguise…article at http://www.mozzsticks.com
So just like sex, Hollywood has ruined marriage as well by making it into a selfish act instead of one that is selfless. Is anyone really surprised? They seem to take really anything beautiful and twist it into something that people can toss aside if they don't like it. Next thing you know they'll ruin children as well by getting them any time they please, use them as accessories, and when they're no longer "cute" sending them off to boarding school…oops I spoke too late since that's already happening.
Perhaps it's best Diaz didn't get married so she wouldn't reproduce that kind of thinking in a child…God save us all if she and Maher have a sick and twisted love child.
I would like to add James and Gloria Stewart to the list as well.
(Married for 44 years…) Even for an old school couple that was a long time…
So sad, CBK. So terribly sad, that your view of women is so shallow and so grim.
I knew a guy like you once, and I used to quote to myself when I saw him: "Someday, I shall see thee pale with love." (It's a line from "Much Ado About Nothing".)
He's married and has two kids, and I laughed at his engagement party and hugged him twice. He was pale with love, he was, and so happy. I hope the same for you, CBK.
We shouldn't complain though, 'cause people with that attitude tend to not breed.
Problem is, we (and our children) have to pay their Social Security! (I don't have any children, by the way.)
i've always loved jimmy. nice to know he had integrity in his real life.
'The greatest person to ever to walk the earth was the most selfless. We know Him by the name Jesus." Yes, Jesus Christ, never married, no genetic children. That's quite a defense of marriage and procreation.
You guys are running? Great! You've got my vote.
Go away and stop spamming us.
My view isn't of women – it's of marriage and the industry that's sprung up around it – ring, wedding, cake, photo. That the more shallow women around me bathe in this isn't my problem, and it's a fine testament to those who don't. Separating the wheat from the part of it that ain't, though, every single person reading this has witnessed more weddings that were testaments to the self-absorption of a bride than those who've watched nuptials and said, 'wow, those two will be together forever.'
[...] Lonewolf Diaries: Marriage Is for Suckers and Ugly Folk by Steven Crowder [...]
Yes, all those horrible Hollywood libtards hate marriage. Let's all thank God we have such wonderful, faithrful, devoted family men leading us. You'd never catch a Republican cheating on his wife like the Democratic governor of South Carolina. Or hiring prosititutes to dress him in diapers like married Democratic Senator Vitter. Or preaching that gays are going to hell while slipping off once a week for a little gay sex and meth like that famous Democratic preacher from Colorado. Or trying to pick up anonymous men in an airport bathroom like that other Democratic senator from Idaho. Or hitting on teenage male pages like that OTHER Democratic senator from Florida.
Oh, no, the right wing is as pure as the driven snow. It's those icky liberals who can't stay faithful.
Yes, you are off base. How is remaining single in any way putting yourself ahead of others in your life? I do not have anything against marriage, but I fail to see the logic here. If someone doesn't want to get married, that is not selfish in any way. They are not taking anything away from anyone else. They are simply choosing to live their life out in a certain way, just like someone who chooses to get married. Remaining single is no more selfish than getting married.
Honestly, I can't even wrap my head around the notion that choosing to be single is somehow selfish. Does anyone care to attempt to rationalize this absurd notion?
I am certain, if he lives long enough, he will find that someone special that is perfect for him and they will have a strong committed relationship full of love. And how is the research coming along on cloning?
These days agreeing to pay the child support is commitment.
The good news is you don't have to participate in that, whether you get married or not. I sure as heck won't.
I mean, okay, I might want just ONE llama, and perhaps an emu for the afterparty, I mean, reception, but that's not too much to ask, is it? No, it isn't. Stop looking at me like that. It's not gonna cost THAT much. Well, if we can have your '68 Vette, instead of something CLASSY like a Rolls, like I wanted, but WHATEVER, we can have my llama and emu, can't we? Look, marriage is supposed to be about compromise… DON'T YOU LOVE ME???
d, I do hope sincerly that you are right. I really do. But, in the same way that the rush of patriotism and expressed love of country following 9/11 dissipated once we felt assured of our security by the military's success in Afghanistan, I think conspicuous consumption will be back with a vengence when times get better. I try to instill real values and virtues into my daughters (9 & 5) in the time I have with them, because God knows, how can their mother teach what she does not know? As I said I hope you are right. I just don't think that's the way to bet.
It's been several generations since we had something as tough as the Great Depression to live through. At the rate they're going, our government is bidding fair to land us in that kind of mess real soon. We're looking at years of severe, protracted societal pain if not societal collapse.
Those who have strong kin and faith bonds to fall back on will be ahead in the game of survival, and those who don't have them will start to rediscover the value those things hold very quickly.
I am becoming afraid that what we're heading for isn't going to be a simple recession unless the brakes are applied soon and applied hard.
You will find the right woman when you become the right man.
C Diaz: I'm totally committed to my relationships! Except for when I'm not.
S Crowder: 20ish white Christian male seeks caring committed relationship with Carrie Prejean… call me!
Srsly tho: "The relationship will go on to be tested through ups, downs, loop-dee-loops and unexpected hardships. Once that “feeling” of initial passion is gone, you’re left with each other, your relationship, and the moral fortitude on which it was built. No longer is it the director’s (or cameraman’s or lighting guy’s) job to keep the spark alive, it’s yours and your spouse’s alone."
Well put. Crowder gets virtual hugs for this one.
I plan to get married (I say "plan" as if randomly meeting a guy I would marry can be planned, lol) someday. To me, marriage is essential; I don't want to be in a "long-term relationship" – I wanna say, hey, you're cute and I like you a lot. Let's promise never ever to break up and to stick together. Because for one, once I find a guy I'm sufficiently compatible with and who I respect enough (who isn't a pansy and who doesn't need too much therapy), I'm not gonna want to go anywhere; and for two, if a guy wants in my life and in my bed, he can stand up before God and my parents and tell them he ain't goin' anywhere, either, first.
Some of my friends don't think like that. They're more into cohabitating indefinitely or waiting for some undetermined point in time (when they're ready to buy a house, or something financial like that) to get engaged. I don't get that, but you know, it's funny – I was just thinking earlier about the fact that my best friends from college, including those I mentioned above, come from families where the parents are still together. I wonder if being raised similarly has something to do with how we relate as adults, even though we make different choices regarding marriage? Not sure. Just something I wonder.
Well that simplifies things. You will know you have found your ideal woman when you tell her the both of you will be getting plain gold bands, dropping by the courthouse for the ceremony, and you will bring the cameraphone, and she is fine with that.
Justification list (use as needed): Just say no to blood diamonds, governmental-only ceremony to protest encroachment on what was originally a solely religious affair, and this is the internet age so why wait for photos.
BTW, do you have good health insurance or at least can duck very fast?
Hey if it's hard who wants do do it? Marriage? Raise a child? Go to war? Live within your means? Take care of aging parents? You get the picture. Just let the State take care of the hard things by allowing you to avoid them. And have no real life and no real test of who you are. No thanks.
Re: the Maher/Diaz mindset, Weird Al said it best:
It seems to me I'm relatively lucky,
And I know my love is fairly strong;
And I swear, I'm never gonna leave you darlin',
At least till something better comes along.
'Cause you're sort of everything I ever wanted;
You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow;
You're the woman that I've always dreamed of,
Well–not really, but you're good enough for now.
I just read as far as "So, being a musician, I waited for a musician to fall in love with…" and I have a feeling this is going to end badly. (Can I say that? I'm a musician, so maybe I can say that.)
I'm sorry to hear you went through that. It's good that you know these things about yourself now, though. And your post has given me interesting things to think about. I think it's not really possible to plan to do things "right" – if doing things "right" is only following a checklist of what seems to make sense. I think some of the "right" things (like waiting for sex) are excellent ideas, which I actually promote, but those several things alone actually insufficient. Scary thought that we can't just follow the rules and have everything work out! There's even more to it, like timing (OMG, TIMING, you can't plan that. "I'm gonna be married by 30!" many ladies say. Okay, you CAN, but if the guys you know aren't right for you, what are you gonna do? Nab one and make him miserable anyway? I hope I don't start to freak out as I near 30 and do something irrational!). And compatibility – and actually meeting someone compatible who you'd smooch when they have morning breath. Ugh. Man. No wonder you prefer solitude. We women can be terrible overthinkers. I'd think I'll be better off if I learn to appreciate solitude more and save the rules and the ways of doing things right for if I just happen to meet someone I can't get enough of who I could actually live with for 50 years.
Ha! You're from Texas. Me too.
My mom – the wisest woman I know, of course – said, when my marriage failed, "You try to make everything logical, and not everything is logical."
I hate that not everything is logical! LOL!
I see a couple of reasons why successful marriages are so rare in Hollywood:
1) Celebrities thrive on The Limelight. An important part of a happy and lasting marriage is that both people are willing to put their partner's needs in front of their own. When you are a celebrity, you are used to having everyone else cater to your every need and shower you all day with flowery adoration.
2) Entertainers live in an alternate reality, where they get to portray other people and live out their noble, yet pre-scripted, lives. Real life has no script and is completely unpredictable. Why else do you think so many celebrities are substance addicts? They spend so much time in fantasy land, that they cannot cope with real life.
3) Marriage (and most of OUR daily lives) is not always exciting and romantic. In fact, I'd argue that my favorite part of my 10+ year marriage right now is the relaxed and comfortable friendship that I have with my wife. Sure, I still give her a good rodgering when she gets a craving for the baloney pony, but enjoy going shopping for groceries, talking in the car during road trips to see friends and family, or other mundane tasks just as much as doing the mommy-daddy dance….as long as we're together.
So… basically she hasn't gotten married because she is selfish…. Ok I buy that… if I were a male I wouldn't want to marry her anyway… who wants to live with a selfish wench for the rest of their lives?
I should think Myrtle the Turtle or Tommy Tortoise would make fine candidates.
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I think you made a very good point…and it also kind of hits on what someone else mentioned…easy to have a baby…somehow that iS NOT a commitment, but getting married…whoo…that takes LOTS of thought. So many people I hear of nowadays postpone a wedding long after having a kid or kids because they need to save up for "the wedding"…or what's also known as "the party". Period. It's all show, it's all juvenile….it's all pathetic. I think there used to be some Hollywood couples that were normal married people (Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward) but that's because they were 'grown-ups' and those are in very short supply in all of society now.
"I hate that not everything is logical!" I KNOW, me too! And w00t for Texas!
So, you're saying it's all about the ring? Sort of gynocentric, though – as stated, no interest in getting married. The idea that that gold bands are "plain," explains more than I ever could.
Best advice I ever got was to always put the needs of my wife ahead of mine……
The person giving the advice then turned and looked at my wife and told her to always put my needs ahead of hers
25 years and going strong !!!!!…only a drop in the bucket since in my faith we are married for
Time and all Eternity (not just till Death do us part)
The institution of marriage is a covenant and a system that is endorsed by God…
anything else is just selfishness !!!!!!!
Oh yeah… I only have one wife and love her dearly (LOL)
There is something to be said about being by yourself…either sometimes or forever. My mother was widowed in her 50's and is just fine being alone-she is now 74…she loved my dad but doesn't want some other old guy hanging around vying for the remote! She has always been independent-drives herself all over (too fast) and manages as an adult should. My mother-in-law on the other hand, can't imagine that a person isn't totally dependent on someone else…(she's 85). Even before she got older she couldn't think of driving herself anywhere…or going to a restaurant alone…NOTHING. She thinks of two of her bachelor Norwegian brothers and just feels so bad that they never married…well, maybe they didn't want to..it is OK!! Although, there's something about a happy, cozy marriage and, in the words of a Dar Williams' song (I'll Miss you Til I Meet You):
"..But there are days I think of you
Saying, 'hey, that's beautiful,
Yeah, I see it too.'
It's just kind of nice to have someone to share life and memories with.
I wasn't alive for the Depression. My parents were just kids. But I remember Ford's 'WIN' (Whip Inflation Now) buttons, and Carter's rate of inflation, ridiculously high interest rates, '79 fuel shortages. And everybody said it would take many years to fix what was economically wrong. Especially taming inflation. But after Reagan got elected he got with Paul Volker and they agreed on a sound monetary policy that would bring inflation to heel, but have a strong recessionary effect in the short term. But they were right. And by '84 the economy was turning around and Reagan won 49 states.
Now I'm gonna make an anology here. During WWII, both the British and the Russians (seperately) investigated the possibility of trying to assasinate Hitler. And the high commands of both countries reached the same conclusion: victory over the Nazis would come sooner by leaving Hitler alive and capitalizing on his constant strategic blunders. So right now I feel that by Obama's insane over-reaching to spend like a crack whore, and nationalize entire segments of the economy, and tax the populus into oblivion, conservative candidates will have very fertile ground on which to make their cases to the electorate in 2010, and the right conservative candidate in 2012 will also be able to ride Obamas strategic blundering right back to 1600. But not Romney, Huckabee or any other faux conservative. The mother of 5 in Alaska keeps looking better and better.
LOL! Good luck to your future husband.
So, I guess that means that Cameron Diaz hates gay people. She insists that marriage is bad, but supports the gays to get married. *They* can be happy, but not heterosexuals. Hm
Hollywood has unfortunately molded us throughout the last several decades. It takes very strong parents to grab their kids by the ear and swim upstream against the mental and psychological flotsam projected by media. The "entertainment committee" in Hollywood has lead us peasants in the wrong direction, and it's time for THINKERS to push back. Promiscuity and narcissism have pulled us apart, and with government leaning in the same ultra-Liberal direction, we may totally unravel. I PERSONALLY agree with HUCBALD…I prefer to have my mind and my thinking under my own control, without having a woman performing a brain transplant on me. That's another issue, but as far as marriage and monogamy are concerned, I believe in it 100%. Commitment in relationship covers love, business, friendship, citizenship and all others. If there is no devotion or respect given to our partners, WHAT do we have?? A BIG FAT "nothing". Hollywood needs to be chipped away and floated out into the Pacific DURING the OSCAR ceremonies. That way, the entire entertainment cartel would be on this new island paradise. Then maybe we could begin to live a real life without their influence. I love kids, but I am glad I don't have any little girls watching all this crap. Lastly, I live much of the time in the FSU, and I can see here what breaking up the family unit has accomplished. It's not pretty, and it's happening in America right now. Long live marriage and commitment!!!
LOLz! +1 for quoting Weird Al!
Mormons have the best senses of humor!
Here my favorite "Cameron Diaz is stupid" story:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-4639...
Charlie's Angels star Cameron Diaz has managed to commit a political faux pas with her choice of handbag.
She took a bag emblazoned with a Chinese communist slogan on a trip to Peru, despite the country's recent history during which a Maoist-inspired insurgency led to 70,000 deaths.
Diaz, 34, was visiting the Inca city of Machu Picchu, a popular tourist site high in the Andes, wearing a green bag printed with a red star and the words "Serve the people" in Chinese script.
I once heard Dr. Drew say this in response to a question about Hollywood stars and their short marriages:
"The inability to develop and maintain interpersonal relationships is a sign of poor mental health."
If you think about that and apply it to Hollywood, it fits very well. And don't just apply it to the stars that can't stay married. Think of the ones that have maintained long-term relationships and you will find that they tend to be the more "normal" ones.
He didn't actually mention "only" the ring. He brought it full circle–no big wedding and no big rock. The right woman will realize it's not about the material things. You have a right to be cynical though. I know so many women who start planning the wedding before they find a groom. Hopefully you'll find a girl who'll show you that not all women are like that someday.
We don't all need the same things out of life. I know a lot of couples who have chosen not to have kids– and that's the right choice for them. There's no reason to think you're strange because you don't like being married– why should you? Because society says you should? You know what's right for you and I think it's better that you be happy single than make yourself — and someone else miserable– married.
Diaz seems to be protesting too much. I suspect she would be married if she had gotten an offer she liked. Maybe I'm wrong–marriage isn't for everyone. But I think it's hard for a woman, high profile or not, to be in her late 30's and not be married. I know a few single women around Diaz's age and there's a lot of defensiveness there. All the women I know personally would really love to be married and have a family– it's just never worked out for them.
Keith Olberman
Amen to the NO kids part, I am SO on board with that.
Who needs nasty little booger pickers to validate your life. 
Don't give the milk away Thorien, make him buy the cow.
Holy cow! The notifications are working again! This is the first time in at least a month I got a notification that someone responded to a post.
Anyway. I probably should have mentioned that I have two kids… Ah well. It's not for everyone. I do have some funny booger stories though…
A couple of great liberals…
Yup, those are pretty extinct, too.
"What good is commitment to a relationship if it’s only temporary?" -and marriage automatically means it's permanent? Sorry, Lonewolf, your point is definitely valid but the sad fact is that marriage is literally a piece of paper. HOWEVER, the relationship is not based on a white dress and ring, it's based on the two people involved. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel anyone? How about Jude Law & Sadie Frost? The difference being one couple was married w/ kids and the husband cheated like a dog. While the other pair have been together for over 20 years, happily unmarried. Cameron D. has never met anyone worth sticking with. She hasn't met anyone that she is ready to battle through life with. She's only met guys that only make her want to leave when things get rough. Why get married if you haven't come across that person? Why get married if you have come across that person but neither of you are interested in the legal aspects? Marriage is no longer expected from men OR WOMEN. It's a preference. Some people want the ceremony and cake and others just want the one they're with and a box of ice cream. Let's also add that many of us are the spawn of screwed up families-both divorced and still married parental units, so marriage is not so appetizing when you've seen it fail first hand.
I am one of those rare females who is a marriage dodger. Why? Because I hail from a family of fighting, cheating, half-siblings, screaming/ shouting holidays and THEY'RE ALL STILL MARRIED (because their Catholic of course). Why would I subject myself to that? I believe in not repeating your parents mistakes. It just so happens my parents mistake was marrying eachother. They never loved us kids enough to bless us with a divorce, so NONE of us are married. And they have the nerve to not understand why their children are anti-marriage.
Both my husband and I come from families in which our parents had been married a long time (30 years+) and the grandparents never divorced either. My mom did have one previous marriage before she met my dad, but my only experience was with parents who stayed married– and I do think that makes a difference. I've been with my hubby for 14 years now (11 married) and we never lived together prior to marriage (I'm proud I insisted on that). I don't know if living together is a bad idea or not, but everyone I've known who did that ended up divorced. My brother lived with his girlfriend for 6 years before getting married and they divorced two years after marriage. I swear his wife was a different person after the wedding. It's as if living together was the audition period.
I can't claim to have any answers, I can only say what has worked for me. I do think living together is a bad idea though. I know one woman who has been with her boyfriend for 14 years and she's still waiting for the engagement ring. They've bought a house together, so I don't know what the hold-up is. Supposedly they're going to get married before they have kids– but I won't hold my breath.
Steve, great points.
I've tried to live by the notion that you don't marry the person you can live with. You marry the person you can't live without. That takes care of a lot of the nonsense that goes into being in a relationship. Not all of it, but a good deal.
Re: Cameron Diaz. The only thing her and Bill Maher should be discussing is how often they canoodled with each other in the Playboy Mansion grotto. That would be the only thing remotely intersting about these two brainless celebutards.
What does the thread thing about long-term couples who don't marry?
I'm referring specifically to Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, who aren't married, but have been together for years, so long that Kate Hudson considers Kurt to be her dad.
Or, to make things interesting, the 'open' long-term relationship of Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed?
Is the more important concept "commitment" or "marriage?"
Your note was the last one I read last night and I was speechless! Me, right? A woman!! ha-ha. I am happily married for 25 yrs. but do NOT recommend it to everyone, even to my own kids. I am not going to be one of those empty nesters–"when are you going to get married, where is my grandchild?" Bleech! One of my daughters laughs when her romances crumble and says "Loves got to wait, huh, moms?" They know. Never say never and enjoy your art. Life has beautiful moments no matter who you are.
What do you think of playing pool but not having to call the shot?
Has-been. I can't believe the reporter couldn't find a reality star more interesting than Cameron!
How come in Hollywood marriage is considered archaic and outdated, silly and not necessary, when it comes to HETEROSEXUALS, but life or death important when it comes to HOMOSEXUALS? I hear stars say all the time they don't need the paper to be married, or that they feel married in their heart so doing the ceremony is totally unnecessary. Can someone explain this to me?
"Serve the people"
Note to self: Never buy Chinese-made pet food.
Oh, I just LOVE your screen name, "W" Right One! It is SO reassuring to know you are not really a h8er, you just like getting a "rise" out of people. Oh well, that is your thing and it works for you, so enjoy! Toodles!
Wow!I did that for 25 years,on the road as well!My best gf from all this time and myself are still best friends.We know to not destroy the relationship by living together or marriage.Believe me,it's not that it's all about me or her or anything,just not for us.Don't know if this is relevent but we're both the oldest siblings in large extended families.
I'll add Denzel Washington and Angela Bassett to the list.
These two highlight the major ingredient to a successful marriage: putting Christ first in your life and leaning on Him to develop selfless love for each other. From personal experience, it also helps to surround yourself with like-minded people who will encourage you during the hard times.
"I started off snorting little tiny pinches. I said to myself, I know I ain't gonna get hooked, not on no coke, you can't get hooked, I got friends been snorting 15 years and they ain't hooked."
–Richard Pryor
First of all as a free American I’m not led by any Washington politician right or left, they work for me, in fact if I had my druthers I’d kick’em all out. Sanctimony is boring from any where, left or right and there’s nothing’s worse than a know-it-all — busy-body that wants to tell you how to conduct your life. As far as your personal life, if you want to breed with baboons on the wild African Savannah have at it, just don’t look for the broader society to sanctify your stylish needs, you simply don’t take thousands of years of civilization (marriage) and throw it on it’s head to shut people up. Be careful what you wish for?
Acutally, from a spiritual perspective, Christ is the husband to God-centered churches, which are His bride.
Hence, you have biblical passages like the following:
*For wives
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
– Ephesians 5:22-24
For husbands, who must model Christ's mindset:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
- Ephesians 5:25-31
And before they play the institutionalized-misogyny card:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… (Eph 5:25)
For husbands and wives:
"This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
- Ephesians 5:32-33
Who wouldn't enjoy being in Christ's design for marriage? Husbands are respected for being masculine men while wives are treated as queens, not disposable sex objects.
Bingo!
Also, there are those who insist on a big wedding because that will make it feel right. Then there are those who will just go get the piece of paper to make official what they know is right.
She looked good in "The Mask" with Jim Carrey, but since then she looks like she ran a 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym….
I don't think either party has a monopoly on cheating husbands or hypocrites.
I'm not sure how to handle this kind of thing. My kneejerk is to demand they resign. But for the most part I have no dog in the hunt. What I mean by that is that the citizens of the states ought to have a say so on whether their elected official sticks around or not. If it were me I'd resign out of embarrasment. But that doesn't always hold true for these guys. I think it is sad that the citizens can't find anyone other than these guys to be their leaders.
As for finding diversity of thought on this site, there is quite a bit. But there are plenty of mindless posters. Of course there are the bomb throwers too. The sit doesn't charge admission. So were are stuck with anyone who choses to show up. (just like you and me.) I do lament the lack of thoughful discourse at times. (i'm just as guilty as others, but I do try to be thoughtful)
I tolerate the bad to get to the good.
Hucbald,
I'm sorry that your marriage went so badly.
However, you are right that not every Christian is supposed to be married. That was the question my future wife and I were asked by a Deacon and his wife, who gave us marriage counseling. After a lot of prayer and serious discussion, we discovered the answer was "Yes." But if the answer was negative at least we would understand why and thus avoid a lot of heartache later.
I'm convinced that there would be fewer divorces if Christians slowed down and asked "Does God want me to marry?"
Wow, you come off as a really enlightened beacon of truth!!
I'm doing the V-8 forehead slap right now!! Man I had no idea that everyone on here including me, was so stupid!! Gee thanks for your ultimate wisdom!!!!
Here's a suggestion, instead of painting everyone here with the same brush, try reading the posts and responses to this type of rubbish a little more slowly. You might discover that your self-righteous little rants are off base. Most of the posters here, including me, find ANY politician that says one thing and does another to be reprehensible and fit for impeachment. Especially when it comes to questions about their character.
George and Gracie….'nuff said.
You're not describing marriage, though. You're considering weddings. If I had based the sum of my marriage on my wedding, alone, I might possibly be as sad as you are. I understood, even then, however, that real marriage extends far beyond the wedding and encompasses a great deal more. it is, in fact, a refusal by many to see beyond the immediate that is the hallmark problem with marriage these days, if you ask me. It's too often seen as being a commodity, something to possess and own, that satisfies some immediate urge, to be replaced once it fails to do just that.
Stan & Dan, kinda got a ring to it.
Good post…my husband and I will have our 35th anniversary this coming December.
So my husband was in Iraq when his humvee was hit by an explosive device. He provided immediate security and ensured the Iraqi prisoner they were escorting right there in the back seat was all right. Then, he told me later, he started shaking, because he "came that dang close to never seeing his wife again". I've stood next to many wives who weren't so lucky and watched them cry as they received a folded flag. Ms. Diaz may feel it's a wonderful thing, that she is safe from such things, that she's free of such a commitment. That's okay, I suppose. I know what it means, anyway, when one's immediate needs aren't met or realized, when marriage is as much about fear, doubt, and anxiety, as it is all the feel-goods and happily-ever-afters. I can understand why someone might eschew the chance at disappointment and upset. I get that. But I also know what it is to be pulled into the arms of someone who's looked forward to doing just that for fifteen long months, and there's nothing in the world to compare.
your points (and sentiments) are valid- even poignant. It looks to us as the conspicuous consumption era is, if not over, will be limited to the uber-rich… and with a secular, anti-spiritual government in place people will just naturally return to their roots. Look at the success Bill O'Reilly had with the Christmas greetings; literally one TV host turned back a 30 year tide of secularization of the holiday… it is important for you to love your children but yourself as well and realize that you bring something important to the table and deserve better. Women are trending back to the traditional values- many don't even know they are doing it… as Adam Clayton Powell was famous for saying, 'keep the faith, baby'…
Um, no. W and R are my initials. I add the 1 because the site won't accept a name of fewer than three characters.
I DID read the post. It was all about how awful liberals are because they hate marriage and can't stay faithful, and commenter after commenter smugly agreed.
Yes. They support the right of every person to choose for themselves.
With all the time on her hands, Cameron can learn how to act. That would be nice.
BTW-In the main, marriage has been good to and for me. I recommend it.
Well, lets start out with this: You are not your parents.
So, do you want to decline on an opportunity just because your parents are defective? Yes, that will show them.
Lighten up! Your parent's mistakes are theirs, not yours. You can't repeat them.
PS-My parents were morons also but hey, I still love them, and I love my wife too!
Go make your own mistakes and see how it turns out. No guarantees in this life.
Good luck.
Hahaha.
She's only had, what, 15 years in the business to figure out how to do her job. Her best performance is still "There's Something About Mary" and it wasn't exactly King Lear.
The question is "what do YOU owe this society/God for your life and the freedom to choose." God and society want the next generation of those who would know God and who would continue bettering society. Be fruitful and multiply. If you abidate your responsibility to God and society – YES, responsibility – to get married and have children, you better be contributing in an equally BIG way. Otherwise, you're choice to not get married is just an excuse to indulge in selfishness, laziness and narcissism (yes, married folks can be all those things as well, not the point).
In addition, those of us with children know that you can NEVER truly pay your parents back for what they gave to you and sacrificed for you. You must pay it forward – if you choose to not get married and have children, you are not absolved of your debt to your parents, society and God. You MUST find another way to pay back what you owe. Otherwise, you're just a freeloader – grateful maybe in word, but certainly not in deed. and ingratitude is not a quality that is loved by God or man.
If you choose not to get married and have children, how are you paying your parents, society and God back?
"My motto, as I live and learn,
Is 'dig and be dug in return"
Langston Hughes
Kudos. Look forward to hearing you speak at the Houston Tea Party July 3rd event.
Hucbald, the question is "what do YOU owe this society/God for your life and the freedom to choose." God and society want the next generation of those who would know God and who would continue bettering society. Be fruitful and multiply. If you abidate your responsibility to God and society – YES, responsibility – to get married and have children, you better be contributing in an equally BIG way. Otherwise, you're choice to not get married is just an excuse to indulge in selfishness, laziness and narcissism (yes, married folks can be all those things as well, not the point).
In addition, those of us with children know that you can NEVER truly pay your parents back for what they gave to you and sacrificed for you. You must pay it forward – if you choose to not get married and have children, you are not absolved of your debt to your parents, society and God. You MUST find another way to pay back what you owe. Otherwise, you're just a freeloader – grateful maybe in word, but certainly not in deed. and ingratitude is not a quality that is loved by God or man.
If you choose not to get married and have children, how are you paying your parents, society and God back?
We went through all of the Church-approved pre-marriage counseling (With the head pastor and his wife, no less). I look back on all of that and just shake my head. I have no answers.
I agree with Hucbald's post.
The time I have alone is the most precious time of all; it's difficult to reflect and find peace when there is another person around.
If God does indeed speak in the silences, then I doubt married men ever hear Him.
Serial monagamy of short duration (determined by each individual's preference) is the only sane approach.
Remember: marriage was created, historically speaking, to preserve bloodline and family wealth. It was never intended to be romantic or loving. That part was taken care of on the side. When society decided that marriage should combine bloodline preservation AND romance, the formula fell apart. That's why divorces are more common than successful marriages.
Having said all that, I agree with Crowder that Cameron Diaz is a dumb skank…and I've met her a few times!
Another exception:
Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin bacon
I wish proponents of marriage would slam the gay marriage supporters with the fact that a large part of what gays do is mock. This huge aspect of homosexuality makes it pretty clear that it is a perversion of sex and love rather than love for someone who just happens to be of the same sex. Real love between a man and a woman is not based upon mockery of others.
We all know it should be the only equal to his genius……….Jane Fonda!
Jesus didn't marry, Paul didn't marry, and they paid-forward just fine. Beethoven didn't marry, Brahms didn't marry, and they contributed more to our culture than the vast majority of people do: Their musical compositions were their children.
They say you feel different about children when they are yours, but I'm not so sure. I see children as loud, undisciplined, uneducated, and highly energetic bundles of illogic. They are cute for a few seconds, and then I want them ushered out of my presence. They really do drive me to distraction.
The most miserable single-day experience of my life was the time I flew from New York to London sitting in the center seat, in the center row, of a 747, between two young married couples with babies. Both babies cried non-stop for that entire circa eight hour flight. Every seat on the flight was full, so there was no place to move to. Both couples apologized profusely, but I have never looked at children the same since. The idea of having to deal with one of my own gives me nausea.
Pynchon. Curious to get your feedback on my response to Hucbald: The question is "what do YOU owe this society/God for your life and the freedom to choose." God and society want the next generation of those who would know God and who would continue bettering society. Be fruitful and multiply. If you abidate your responsibility to God and society – YES, responsibility – to get married and have children, you better be contributing in an equally BIG way. Otherwise, you're choice is just an excuse to indulge in selfishness, laziness and narcissism.
In addition, those of us with children know that you can NEVER truly pay your parents back for what they gave/sacrificed. You must pay it forward – if you choose to not get married and have children, you are not absolved of your debt to your parents, society and God. You MUST find another way to pay back what you owe. Otherwise, you're just a freeloader – grateful maybe in word, but certainly not in deed and ingratitude is not a quality that is loved by God or man.
If you choose not to get married and have children, how are you paying your parents, society and God back?
Yes it does. . . much better than "Barack and Joe".
Are you contributing to our culture as did Jesus, Paul, Beethoven and Brahms? As Mother Teresa did? If children give you nausea, what ARE you contributing? Or, are you just hanging out while others pay the price?
Interestingly most of the definitions of marriage that can be found online indicate that marriage is a "social institution" in which society determines the legality/legitimacy of the union. What is also fairly uniform from one definition to another is that states, governments and judicial systems generally acknowledge such unions but are not responsible for their creation nor determine their legitimacy. Licensing and other formalities are merely for the purpose of acknowledgment by that government and have no actual bearing on societal legitimacy. That being said, such unions should not be considered contractual.
That might be why many couples, us included decided to have a very private ceremony, and a small dinner with immediate family to celebrate our wedding day. No frills, no bills, but lots of committment and honesty about the reasons we were getting married in the first place. To many marriages start off so deeply in debt because of the wedding, they are doomed from the onset. Marriage doesnt take a big production, just committment to each other. I encourage others to make it private and personal. It really does add to the enjoyment and purpose of the day.
Bring back real men and maybe we can clean up this mess we have made of America. Thanks CBK.
I have thought this too. On one hand I have a yearning(?) for times to be tougher. I find myself saying "toughen up" so often in my life (under my breath) to the people around me and in the public and myself. Let's separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the mice, the weak from the strong and all that. I fear the changes coming for America but I hope it sweats out some gumption from people . We will need strong men to help lead.
It is absolutely awesome that you were able to work in a Sean Penn insult into this. I think that you are spot on in pointing out that Hollywood is so wrapped up in themselves that they do not have the time to commit to someone else. To them relationships are nothing more than something that will give them time in the spotlight when they end. On top of this I think that it is very sad that the Hollywood elite have added children into this craze…as if it wasn’t bad enough already. I want to know why Child Services hasn’t stepped in and taken some of these children away–because seriously, these are going to be the kids you see on the News when they are 14 because they were doing drugs in a club and got in a fight with a cop. Who can blame them? Lets face it–today it is cool to be a parent, but not to raise your kid. We have kids running the streets with no rules whatsoever because their parents are too lazy and irresponsible to sit them down and…hmm…PARENT!
Maybe they figure that because the government plays such a huge role in EVERYTHING today, that it should no longer be their job to raise their own children (and hey–we aren’t far away from that concept). Stop drooling over celebrities and what they do…idolize someone that deserves it!! I hope that some day I can live in a world where people are more concerned about current events instead of which celebrity is breaking up…or dying.
I'm no fan of a Diaz, and I certainly believe that Hollywood diminishes the importance of marriage. But I'm wondering if Mr. Crowder is married himself, or is he really speaking rhetorically of long-term commitment? Marriage is really harder than it looks. I've been married for wonderful 6 years, but I've had a few very difficult days. I'm sure it's even more difficult living under the microscope of celebrity. Sure, she's selfish. It's hard not to find a successful actor in Hollywood that's not deeply narcissistic. But I'd be careful casting judgment until you've been in that position.
Actually Steven's post was about Hollywood, not liberals. Your statements are simply further proof that Hollywood is a beacon for liberalism. FYI not all conservatives are republicans and not all republicans are conservative. I think this is was Hank was getting at.
Either way, the fact remains that neither political party has a monopoly on adultery any more than Hollywood has a monopoly on liberalism. They are all simply prime examples of how selfish and corrupt our society has become with these kinds of examples to follow.
Who, or more properly what? Perhaps a gerbil?
I think science has bypassed the Maher level of sophistication in order to clone higher beings; you know, cats!
Moooo!
The term "Starter marriage" explains a lot.
Or if you're lucky (like I was) you'll find the right woman who will marry you anyway- in the hopes that someday you'll grow up.
Please tell your husband personally from me (an old army E-5)
Thank you and God Bless him and his troops for their service !!!!
"A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check
made payable to 'The United States of America ' for an amount of
'up to and including my life.' That is Honor, and there are way too
many people in this Country who no longer understand it."
I got so mad when my friend said she had just realized, after attending a Catholic church wedding, that a wedding is just a big party. Not sure how she got that from a church wedding, but I wasn't there, so whatever. I'm glad she told me that online, so she couldn't see me glaring at her words. I said, no. It's not. It's a public statement of commitment, making the commitment official and legal and such. The party is AFTER the marriage. *twitches*
I don't think he meant that choosing to remain single is selfish. He meant that marriage requires more than some people are willing to give, and he's annoyed that some of those people (especially high profile people) put marriage down to build their lame selves up.
what's better? To skip out on the whole institution… or make a mockery of it?
For example, I don't think Mark Sanford really understood or thought his vows through seriously enough. Or maybe he just "forgot". Ditto for Bill Clinton.
no matter how grotesque the individual (and I'm thinking, actually, of Rush)… the same concept applies- there is someone out there for everyone!
I knew I would vote you up on the first sentence. Read the rest and have no regrets. Best of luck, and God bless.
Here is a 'chicken and egg' question.
Does Hollywood suck all of the brains out of the unwary, or were they brainless to begin with?
No wonder I rarely see a movie anymore. You cannot be committed to another and still totally be committed to oneself.
Great blog.
Wow. It's hard not to respect the views of someone who has to use the word "like" repeatedly in a single sentence.
I think you are over thinking things and somehow have gotten a scewed view of the world through culture and not actuality. Not everyone, since the dawn of time, has wanted to pair off and get married, including women. One of the reasons that spurned the suffragette movement that then spawned the women's right movement. If you were taught that marriage was a total necessity then you were not taught any independence.
I never cared whether I got married or not growing up. I have now been married for 22 years and happily so. I respect that you have really figured out what you want out of life and are going for it. Good for you.
Every time I read of one of her utterances, I think to myself, "How is it that we graduated from the same high school?"
People live together for awhile, think something is missing, get married to try and find it, and instead find it is just the same but now it is harder to break up.
Also, common law marriage still exists, and still has a valid reason to exist. If you live together for awhile as married then you are married and the state gets to recognize it.
The only form of "living together" that makes sense involves separate bedrooms and no hanky-panky and no longer than a month, a final compatibility test. If you cannot stand each other as house mates then it will not work out as permanent bedmates. Otherwise, all living together shows is you are too chicken to ditch the "easy escape" option. You should take that as a sign it will likely not work out anyway.
Why are you thinking of creatures with a powerful sharp beak that can bite a finger off? Freud would like to know.
Platform: If you can’t find it in The Constitution you can’t have it, enjoy your freedom.
That's the kind of platform I can get behind.
As many have already done, I applaud you for figuring out what works for you.
I have a feeling – and it's just a personal opinion and philosphy of life – that people are a certain way for a greater reason.
Some people want to have kids and others don't. Perhaps just enough of the population doesn't have kids so that we don't overpopulate.
After all, human beings have no natural predators. The only thing that preys on us is age, accidents, murder and disease.
Perhaps the "not having kids" is just another way nature has chosen to keep the population under control.
In any event, it is better that you don't get married and make two people miserable, then to marry out of some kind of obligation. Same with kids. If you don't have that innate desire to procreate, it's best that you don't.
Kudos to you!
BTW, I'm happily married with 2 kids. I love it and it's what I wanted. But it's not for everybody.
Oh no! Are you saying that now because I have outed you? Oh for the love of Rush, I am so sorry! Look, I understand if you are not ready to come out yet, really I do. You just wait until you are ready. But really, you have nothing to be ashamed about. Remember what they say, there is a little bit of conservative in everyone! As soon as you are comfortable being who you were born to be, well, you just come on out of the closet and join the party! We are having so much fun out here!
Think about who/what these people are. They are so DESPERATE to have people accept and like/love them, they will sleep in their cars, sleep 9 to an apartment, or whatever they have to do to get as many people as possible look at them and like them. Once they're successful, they still have to go to therapy, and never seem quite normal/happy. Basically, they're maladjusted freaks. Anything they do, I generally do the other.
Talk about fugly babies!
Well no one else seems to understand weddings, so let me take a crack at it. Weddings are for family. Weddings are to join two people together in a sacrament, supported by family and friends, to create a relationship that will last for all their lives.
I told a friend who was considering elopement — the sad, dreary courthouse and plain rings routine — that a big wedding is what takes you and your spouse from "my family and your family" to "me and you against all of them." Dealing with all the details, the family struggles, the pictures of who stands where and who is going to deal with the drunk uncle who pinches the bridesmaids, well, all of that makes your beginning together, alone, all the sweeter. You are each other's refuge in the storm, and your families become The Other.
Finally, you have a group of family and friends who have stood with you, in the sacrament, to pledge their support for your marriage. They are there for you, to help you when times get rocky and to celebrate with you when joyful things happen. Are they there for the free food and booze and a chance to pinch the bridesmaids? Maybe. But certainly they are also there to give you their love and share your moment.
That is why the big wedding, the flowers, the cake, the band, the little moments that you still laugh about years later. Weddings are the beginning of a grand voyage, and I for one think it is a great thing to begin a journey well.
Because it is part of the ongoing gay quest to have "equality" where no other group has more rights and respect than they do. That they can get all the same rights with civil unions does not matter, they want "the word." It matters even less that the definition of equality others would use is to have no less rights than other groups, and respect is something an individual can earn.
The endemic thinking " look out for #1 at all costs " has a direct connection to why there are baby nurses and nannys in Hoyylwood paid $5000 a week to take care of the nitty gritty, 24 hr. baby first, you later, parenting requirements. In the wise old fairy tales, witches were drop dead georgous, but could not love, why? because they served themselves first at all costs.
Marriage is a complete (yep, that's 100%) giving of oneself to the other person. If you can't do that, and you can't accept that 100% of the oher person, it won't last. My advice to other wives: Men are easy, they want to be needed, appreciated and respected. If you can do all those things and lay off the bitching, he'll treat you like gold.
What? No Monkeys? No Pirates?
I was a nanny for a couple who had been childless and happy for 15 years and then had their own first child. They repetedly exclaimed how stunned they were at how different having their own child was to observing other peoples children. They were astonished at how self centered they had been , and how utterly unaware of that they were. They were in love with their child and saw him through those eyes. The whole world looks different when seen through the eyes of love, and the obligations of love create adults out of basic selfish human stock. So, whether one is meant to be single or not, being cheerfully obligated to love somehow in your life is a really significant part of becoming an adult. This seems to be what is missing in " Hollywood Love"… and well loved and trained children are a treasure, btw….emphasis on love and training
Indeed. My wife and have had our wedding. We're still saving up for the party though. Thinking of going all out with a pirate battle wedding like in POTC-3, with swordfights and cannons and all (hope the cake dosen't explode).
Actually, back then such things as wives received little mention, and the Gospels only cover the start and the relative end of his life, there is much not mentioned at all. To forgo marriage and children completely would be strange in that society, note also how often the importance of family and children is stressed in the Old Testament. For me, finding out he was married and had kids would not change his message and its importance one tiny bit in a negative fashion.
Also, to think that any wives were simply not mentioned keeps me from wondering how did he and why did he gather twelve single guys to hang out with and spread his message.
Let me guess, she goes strutting around little Cuba in Miami while wearing a Che T-shirt too.
LMAO! I have got to remember that one.
Marriage: give 110% (or, a 1000% if your that dits Diaz) and expect nothing in return. Yeah, sure, it's extreme but so what? You wanted in her panties so shut your pie hole and "sac up," pal. It's not about discovering after you're married that you like your privacy. You selfish prick. Marriage is about sacrifice. Marriage is about changing yourself for the betterment of the team. Great ballers do whatever is required of them and so do husbands and fathers. Today, I'm celebrating my 19th year with the most amazing woman alive and I can't wait to get home and chase her 3-kids-and-still-smoking-hot bod around the casa. At the end of the day, you can have your privacy. But nothing compares to sharing your life with your best friend.
She would need to get fixed too. Not being married has not stopped Hollywood types from having children and using them as trophies to be raised by nannies.
"if you want to breed with baboons on the wild African Savannah have at it"
I would advise against that. Those things bite really hard!
I think that is a very concise and accurate description of this article. Well done.
How about Jimmy Stewart and his wife.
Ms. Diaz easily makes the list of 'Women who I have no idea why anybody, let alone almost everybody, think they're so hot'.
This list also includes, but is not limited to, Uma Thurman, Julia Roberts (the love child of Bob Hope & Martha Raye?), and Sarah Jessica Parker.
And another Plus from another owner of every CD Wierd Al has ever released!
So do I. Could never imagine having more than one. They would gang up on me *lol*.
DO IT. OMG, YES. ^____^ (But why not have an exploding cake? Decoy! More of the real cake for you!)
I know that Trey Parker has an arrow in his quill with Bill Maher's name on it. Here's an excellent title for an upcoming South Park episode: Bill Maher: The Handsome Lady's Man Who Thinks You're Stupid.
Lucky man! Same here. I was at least far enough into the process to appreciate that I was definitely marrying up.
Well said, Bonnie. CBK has an important point, but I think he is too cynical. With weddings, as with other formalities, one needs to have a sense of humor about all-too-human failings. Magnanimity is called for.
One should not marry a person who values symbols above what they symbolize and ceremonies above what they celebrate. However, these things are important too for just the reasons you say.
Marriage is not just about one of the spouses, and it's not even just about both of them; it is a social commitment properly formalized in a social ceremony.
I can tell you that my wife and I did it right. We invested what we could prudently afford for our wedding and we had a fantastic time with all our friends and family. We held the reception in a church hall (less than ideal, but ultimately unimportant). We hired a friend to cater a very high standard of food, and we had good drink. The men wore kilts and we had a tremendous good time. Perhaps the best party we ever threw, and that's saying something!
The day needs to be memorable, and it needs to do justice to the nature of the commitment, both of the spouses to each other, and to the larger community of family and friends. We did that without any idolatry for things. And our wedding bands are plain white gold!
A master stroke and would probably garner 60 to 70% of the vote, but it will never happen takes to much power away from beaurocrats and could threaten the parasitic hive.
Monkeys + white wedding dress = brown wedding dress.
But I might consider the pirates.
Arrrrrgh!
You make some great points, both about the fashion of emasculating husbands and about the focus on the wedding as some kind of materialistic prize for women.
It's up to the husbands to grow some stones and resist the prejudices of the time, in this as in other prevalent forms of foolishness.
You're right about too many people pouring to much treasure into weddings. At the same time, it is not inappropriate for a wedding to be a big deal. That can be done without spending beyond one's means or neglecting what will be needed after the wedding.
If it's true that "marriage has devolved rapidly" then those who understand the institution rightly constituted need to affirm it more strenuously.
Weddings themselvs are an important part of the institution and are rightly prized by women. Sure, they can overdo it, and that deserves censure. But some amount of folly must always be budgeted for and taken with a sense of humor and compassion. To depreciate weddings because people get silly about them would be puritanical.
Biblically, a man is told to love his wife and a womans is told to respect her husband – because that's what each person needs. yeah, yeah, indivudals vary, but generally that's how the sexes line up. AND, they are told to do this for the one to whom they are married – not marry the one they love or respect – because it's the long-haul of the marriage that counts.
(cont)
(cont)
saying that – marriage is hard. especially when one of the members can't decide if that's where he really want to be. I discovered that I take committment very seriously after my husband left (managed 10years of marriage) – still (6 years later) hate the idea of "finding" someone else. But then, I'm not surprised, grandparents all clocking in at more than 50 years. My parents were just short of 31years when my dad died at the ripe old age of 49years & 2weeks old. Six years later my young 55 yo mom is still single and not looking. My brother's been married & divorced 3 times (by 30yo). He fell into the "worldly" expectations and married girls from seriously broken homes. My ex was from a broken home. That disconnect is HUGE and highly underconsidered in deciding who to marry. And my big advice for younger folks loking – background matters!!!!!
As for the whole – you owe it to society to marry & have kids – thing YOU are NUTS!
hmmm how bout we fire a cake from the cannons all over the invited guests?
Cameron “My Career is Over Thanks to HD” Diaz
Ha ha ha, rofl! That made my day, thanks!
It's like my favorite thing ever…I like cannot understand why people have a problem with it! Hehe.
Yes, this is true. The ninja monkeys I keep on payroll (I release them in the middle of liberal protests) do get rather messing with their pooh flinging.
Pirates it is then! Will ye be wanting a straight rapier with yer wedding dress or will ye be going with a cutlass?
You described Hedonist, they pretend they are Liberal because they don't know the difference. Meghan McCain wants the Republican Party to be the open sex party…sure why not turn the Republican Party into the Hedonist Party after all Governor Mark Sanford has shown Republicans have a knack for it…..
Maher is apparently congruent; Several of his traits point to an intrinsic "Loser Mentality".
The same goes for most of the people that agree with / "like" him.
Relativisation of situations too demanding, As well as their preference for instant gratification over significant and dignified historically correct commitments to aims with meaningful outcomes.
+++++++++++
"It is impossible to achieve the aim without suffering" (J.G. Bennett)
These Schmucks want to make themselves believe that the Smiler in chief and his pack are going to do the suffering for them? What a bunch of Schmucks! Oy!
Nick, beautiful,man.
"most importantly that people like her are not happy, and they're just trying to talk themselves into thinking they are. "
Bingo, back at ya
Life is a gift from God, you do not worry about paying back gifts. How you live your life, that is showing how much gratitude towards God you have for it. Trying to have children shows you feel the gift is worthy to give to others, although it is also showing gratitude to show others why they should show gratitude as well.
With families, gifts are given, we should be thankful, and we can also show our gratitude with whatever gifts we can give them.
As to society, that is more complicated as society is dependent on those who participate in it. The gratitude deserved varies between that for the bacteria in our intestines, to that a furred critter shows its fleas.
My wife and I got married in Vegas. We didn't want to put on a freeking floor show.
We've been married for 16 years and we're going strong.
CBK, when you find the right woman you'll know.
I get your point 100% , but never say never.
You are right on target. Hollywood is full of self absorbed, narcissistic, egotistical people. They are incapable of committing to anything except a dollar sign. What baffles me is why people actually look to these people as role models? The Golden Days of Hollywood, when one COULD look to actors and actresses as role models are LONG GONE. Actors nowadays are so full of self loathing that it comes as no surprise to me that they are as utterly screwed up as they are. God is completely out of their lives and their actions are proof positive of that.
You completely missed the point of this article. It is not about being single is being selfish. It is about self absorbed, narcissistic people who cannot commit to anything, except their own meaningless lives. They are shallow, superficial people whose narcississm has made them incapable of entering into a relationship that is not "all about them". I have been married for 27 years and a long lasting marriage is about thinking of the other person before you think of yourself. It is about sacrifice and compromises. These people in Hollywood would never go for that, because to them they are the only important people in the world
you bet- and it is happening; the 'metrosexual' is so yesterday as to defy description, and the Obama-worship has reached critical mass. In the words of the late great John Lennon- 'You don't know what you got, until you lose it'- and the US is now becoming aware of what it is losing- and has lost. The media will deny this and cover it up but it is happening…
Steven, I love you! I wish I could give you a big ol' kiss! I'm sitting in a world where that temporary mess is what almost every guy I meet wants and I'm the settling down and marrying type. I won't go on dates with guys that I know aren't right, just to keep dating. That marriage vow is forever, lasting, in sickness and health. I praise God that my parents enjoy each other so much now, after 25 years of marriage. They laugh more than they ever did when I was a kid, they still fight about bills and such, but they almost always laugh. There were times I was scared they'd split as a child because I saw the split families of my friends, but they have come to love each other so much, in spite of aging bodies and graying hairs. I want to be like that. I want to raise my kids in a home like I had growing up, in church and everything, they were a great example.
Steven…..If you weren't such a stud and I weren't such a babe, I'd ask you to marry me. But alas, that would ruin everything they've worked so hard to build in Hollywood. Oh, well, maybe I'll be uglier in my next life. Hahaha.
" Both babies cried non-stop for that entire circa eight hour flight."
Ha, those of us who have raised kids sit in those situations and enjoy the whole flight saying to ourselves "Thank God, mine are past that stage and it's not my responsibility to get that baby settled down." My oldest, at the age of 1, spit up an entire bottle all over me during the take off roll on a flight to Europe.
No wonder your marriage didn't last. You're selfish, thinking only of yourself. Going out everynight without your wife is being selfish. When you are married, you are part of a team, working together for a good life. You should have thought about that before hurting her. No, God doesn't want you to be miserable, but maybe if you were a better husband, you wouldn't have been miserable. Good thing you didn't breed. There's enough selfish people in this world without you teaching other to be that way as well.
Is it against the law to marry yourself? Apparently most of Hollywood is guilty, if it is…..
Bobbo, so one should be miserable just to make our parents happy?
I love being married. I'm wired that way.
But I don't expect everyone to get married or have children.
I concur.
I don't expect everyone to get married either. I hope they do, but I don't expect it.
Did you READ my post? I said if you're not married/don't have children, you should be paying back in OTHER ways. Otherwise, you're just a freeloader and an ingrate. It's not about "making our parents happy" – it's about 'paying forward' the debt you rightfully owe them, God and society.
Depends on how much you want to see those people again. (HINT: Aim for the in-laws.)
Those who don't have marriage/kids still owe SOMETHING to society. How are they contributing? Going to clubs? Being a "good person", whatever that means, is something, but doesn't cut it. Those with marriage/kids are "good people" and do much, much more.
How are they paying forward the debt you owe to your parents, and their efforts/sacrifices for you? How are they paying God forward for giving you the gift of life, loving parents, and a free society?
Every day, parents are knocking themselves out for their kids and this society's future – sacrificing beyond measure. If someone's not "into" marriage/kids, the question is what are they DOING?
That was simply beautiful, and rings truth with a clarity like the ringing of a bell. I never thought of it that way, but as a parent (and knowing now what went into all the seemingly effortless things of my childhood) I understand what you mean. My kids can never pay me back for what I've done, just as I can never pay back for what my parents did. Paying it forward is the only way.
There are ways for the childless bachelors and spinsters to pay society for what they've received. Serve a homeless shelter by helping out at Thanksgiving. Donate time to a museum, a zoo, a nursing home. Give a tiny bit back for all the riches you've received.
Thanks, Bobbo.
This deserves a golf clap. Maybe a standing ovation. Bravo, bravo.
Well, I don't speak ill of my ex, because I have a great deal of respect for her, and we're still friends (She's remarried, but decided not to have kids); so I'll let it suffice to say she never went with me to my jobs where I made the money out of choice. Her choice. If you think about that for a picosecond, you'll realize that most wives can't go to work with their husbands, but that mine could but decided not to. Even free meals at nice places wouldn't lure her, she decided to eat at home by herself. From that perspective, who was not supporting whom?
Also, in six+ years of marriage, I never hear the words, "I love you" out of her once. So, I'm at the very least not 100% at fault, and I'll leave it at that.
As to the selfishness charge, I've heard that for decades, and don't doubt that from certain perspectives – like yours – there is some truth to it. OTOH, I genuinely enjoy the company of women because they have different perspectives on everything – their motivations being different from men's – and I find that endlessly interesting. How then, is my denying myself that company selfish?
Bobbo wonders if I'm living up to the examples set by Paul and Brahms, and you think I'm selfish. Well, I have a different perspective, and I think the issue is that you and Bobbo – on some level – covet what I have without taking into consideration the price that I pay for it. I encounter this often too. For example, I take long vacations on my motorcycle once every couple of years or so – two or three weeks and 5K to 10K miles – and invariably I'll encounter some guy in a minivan with a wife and 2.3 kids staring at my bike at some rest area or something. The envy is palpable, but all he sees is my apparent freedom at that particular point, and not all of the things I do to earn it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an intense high-pressure gig coming up on the 14th, and I have a 210 minute practice session and a 60 minute workout to do this evening. By Sunday the 12th, that practice session will be 270 minutes… and I do that twice a day. Playing the guitar 7 to 9 hours a day is very selfish of me, I know.
Neither my husband of almost 14 years or me are envious of someone who is "free". He is self employed, working sometimes up to 18 hrs a day trying to provide for us. We miss each other. Over the years, we've grown together. That's one of the great advantages of marriage verses an occasional date. I can't have children due to health reasons. We accept that. We have plenty of relatives & friends kids to spoil. None of the men I know would change anything. They love their families & would be empty without them.
As a Christian, your ex probably didn't want to go to the bars because of the enviroment. I wouldn't. I must admit you both weren't right for each other. Who knows, maybe someday you'll find someone you want to be around all the time, the one who is right for you. You never know!
I do hope your job goes well. Practicing is part of your job & is not being selfish. Being hard working shows character. I applaud you for that.
Please know that my comments weren't made in anger toward you. I was defending good marriages. Be happy with your life doing what God wants to do in your life.
I don't have a problem with that either… some people are just not cut out for marriage. The issue is when Diaz says things like when she's in a relationship she is totally committed. But if your "commitment" lasts for only a few months, which is par for a Hollywood relationship, then the word commitment loses all meaning. It's a stupid thing to say.
"But the posters on here don't get it. What I've learned on my time here is that the first problem is that they can never admit when they're wrong. This prevents them from seeing any virtue outside their limited scope of thinking."
Sounds pretty self-righteous to me….
I feel the need to reply CBK though many others have intimated some of my thoughts. My best advice: find a real religion, practice it faithfully (no Cafeteria Catholics) and then you will find a girl who really understands marriage. I married six years ago, with a five hundred dollar engagement ring paid for in cash (no wedding band), and a total cost of under $2000. We have a very traditional marriage: I stay home with our children and he works as hard as he can so that I can stay home. I've never been happier.
I don’t give a damn what Cameron Diaz and Bill Maher or anyone does in their private lives, just stay out of mine.
sometimes I wonder why they let Crowder post here. He's a funny dude, but… I am an Iraq War Veteran (1/17FABN) and one of the things I fought for was dipsh!t celebrities being able to do,say, and believe what they want. Really Steven, should you even allow the words love and marriage to be in the same zip-code as the word celebrity??? Do any thoughtful people really care about what celebrities believe? No. I realize I'm posting on 'Big Hollywood', but I certainly don't come here to read movie reviews or to catch up on the latest gossip. I come here to remind myself that not all Americans have their head buried in the sand.
Narcissist: noun.
1. Person who's life is more enjoyable than mine and doesn't pretend to be humble about it.
People who wish to get married should do so. People who don't shouldn't. The #1 cause of bad marriages is people who should NEVER have married doing so anyway because they're "supposed to."
I recall a lady friend in my past once telling me, in straight-seriousness, that she believed that in the near future marriage would become a strictly "old people" thing. By which she didn't mean "outdated," but rather that because people were living longer and because society was becoming less hostile toward out-of-wedlock births, single parenthood, cohabitation etc… and thus people would be "playing the field" as a socially-acceptable passtime much longer…
(continued)
…"Marriage," in this theoretical near-future, would evolve into something you went looking to do once you reached the point where companionship was a more immediate need than sex. I opined that, with the then-recent invention of Viagra, this would mean that men would NEVER marry, and thus "marriage" would become the exclusive domain of older female/female couples.
She agreed, and also seemed rather taken with the idea. Amazingly, this relationship never quite went anywere…
Oh then I guess we should not hold our breath waiting to hear Bill's announcement of his engagement to "Supahead".
No stupid, it's proof that they don't feel the paper is worth diddly, they are just trying to play some political correctness crap. They don't give a rat's rear about the gays deep down. And it is not a civil rights issue. It is a simple matter for gays to just to go and do a civil union.
Monogamous and committed are not the same thing. This just confirms that it was a rather dumb thing to say.
It's tough to shake some people's belief systems, and it's not limited to this site. I've been to other places like Town Hall and Huffington and I've run into the same thing. In the case of Huffington, I was banned after challenging some of the nonsense being peddled there.
But your problem, and it's not limited to just you, is that when you have an opposing point of view it gets lost in the presentation. When you post self-righteous crap no one is going to pay attention to the actual message. You might have something to say that has merit, but when you bury it in snark, then you have to ask what you're really trying to accomplish with your post. Is it just to rattle someone's cage or is it an earnest attempt to bridge a gap.
Ask yourself that next time before hitting the submit comment button.
Wierdly enough, I actually like my in-laws, but there are some of my own relatives I wouldn't mind keeping their distance *grins*.
I can't agree more. My husband and I are Christians and we have been married for over three years and we are very happy. Because of our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ we had firm foundation to build on and we continue to build our lives together even though it is not easy at times.
Oh man, I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm gonna have to read up before this year's ITLAP Day.
Hollywood>COMMITMENT????
that is laughable….any time one gets married my wife and I ask HOW LONG????
drinking lots of Captain Morgans helps. Thankfully, I'm always ready for ITLAP day. I already have the long hair and dangly mustache. A simple change of wardrobe in the morning and strapping on of the sword and flintlock pistols and I'm all set for work.
So, you're saying you "pay" by having a job playing guitar. We ALL have jobs AND we have families. Playing 7-9 hours a day and gigging is NOT a "price" – I work in a law firm, have a side business, and still find time to nurture and cultivate my relationship with my wife and 3 kids. High-pressure gig? Got news, buddy, we ALL have "high pressure" gigs. If a fireman/doctor blow their gig . . . so, maybe your "high pressure" gig, is not really that big a deal. Maybe it's just a rationalization for you to remain an adolescent? I get the single-minded obsession to create something lasting and true and beautiful. But, you can be great AND be married/have a family.
Envy? I envy you like I envy someone who cheats on their taxes. Sure, they may 'get away' with something. In a moment, I may think "wouldn't it be nice." But, that moment passes and I'm left with an abiding sense of being a "man", of giving back to those who are largely responsible for my being here, of not being a cheat. The whole point is giving back, not taking what you can.
[...] Big Hollywood: Lonewolf Diaries – Marriage is for Suckers and Ugly Folk by Steven Crowder If you’ve been taking notes from such brilliant minds as Bill Maher, Cameron Diaz or ever taken a [...]
Precisely, Mr. Crowder.
But who is this actress Cameron Diaz you speak of? Oh yeah she was in that movie with Jim Carrey a few years back. I liked her in that. Why hasnt she done any other movies since?
One of the things I've discovered about marriage is that it is one of the ways in which God shows us what it means to truly love someone else; to make real sacrifices for them after the romance has worn away, to make yourself do things in their best interest even if it leaves you exhausted, unfulfilled and feeling shortchanged. It can be a huge sacrifice. Having to live with losing some of my freedom – my own bank account, never having to answer to anyone if I wanted to drive somewhere at 3am, staying up all night gaming with my friends – was a part of that, and relatively speaking, the sacrifices I've had to make are nothing compared to what my wife gave up for my sake. But that's part of the oath you take when you enter into it – "for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health." When we understand how to make that work – and when we struggle and agonize over it – I think we begin to see what it must be like for God to love us, faithless, self-obsessed sinners that we are.
My wife and I haven't had children yet, but from what I've seen of my friends who have, I'm guessing that experience will take us even deeper into that understanding of real, selfless love. I'm sure there are times when our friends have envied us with our relative freedom; when the kids start crying we can say, "Well, we must be going" and head for the door. But the more time I spend with them, the more I start to see what they're getting out of their parenting experiences. They're growing in ways I haven't even begun to. And I'm starting to have fun spending time with the kids, even though they're not perfect angels. Suddenly the notion of having kids of our own doesn't seem so alien.
I have some sympathy for you in that you wanted to find someone who would have the same interests; i.e., music. I wanted to fall in love with a woman who was as much of a geek as I am, into roleplaying games and computer games and sci-fi and fantasy and all of the stuff that I tend to overindulge in, but when you need that woman to be a born-again Christian (and recognize that Jesus has to come before anything else), suddenly the available options thin rather dramatically. I was fortunate in that I was able to turn my wife into enough of a geek that she can tolerate my hobbies and encourages my career in comics. I don't know how difficult my life would have become if she and I could never discuss Star Trek or quest together on World of Warcraft. Likewise, I'm also an introvert – I much prefer to spend time alone, and need it in order to recharge and deal with the world. Again, fortunately, my wife is like this, also, so that helps a great deal (though it was really tough when we first started dating – getting each other to talk was like pulling teeth!).
But since we met online – and pretty much came to the conclusion that we would get married before we ever met face-to-face – the entire physical aspect of the relationship was extremely difficult for us, and in some respects, it still is.
I don't know you from Adam, and I don't know your ex. I think it's pretty messed up that your ex never said "I love you." But every marriage has its problems; there are things you simply can't plan for or foresee. And while I want to be sympathetic, I have to admit that it's hard not to be skeptical when the thread begins with "marriage isn't for everyone" but ends with "God doesn't want me to be unhappy." After all, Jesus clarified that divorce existed not because some people aren't meant for marriage, but because people were hard-hearted. I just think it's something that happens far too often in the Church, and I fear that we have become a generation who feel no shame in breaking our sacred promises.
I think I could have gone my entire day without hearing "I still give her a good rodgering when she gets a craving for the baloney pony."
But I see what you mean.
I can't say I think much of it. Not knowing much about Kurt and Goldie, I admire their willingness to stick together, but why not marry and make it 'official'? What stopped them?
I admit have a particularly Jesus-oriented view of life, so while they might not see it this way, I can't see it as anything other than adultery. Thus, I conclude that "marriage" is the more important concept.
I think it goes without saying that this sums up my answer on Gene and Shannon, too.
I seem to recall marriage being created by God because it wasn't good for man to be alone, so I have to disagree with you here.
*Everyone* has a knack for hedonism. We're born with it.
It was strange for women to get mention at all in matters of importance, and yet women are mentioned in the Gospels. Women's testimonies were not considered worthwhile, and yet the Gospels specifically mention women informing the Apostles about Jesus' resurrection.
As you say, there wouldn't have been anything wrong with Jesus getting married – it would have been perceived as normal in his society. And given the singular importance of Jesus, isn't it far more likely that, had he been married, we would know all about it? Why wouldn't we have heard about the deeds of Jesus's wife? Why wouldn't we have countless writings on the Son of the Son of Man? What reason would the Church have to hide such information?
While Jesus could have gotten married, I see no evidence to suggest that he did.
Likewise, the twelve single guys didn't have any attachments that would prevent them from following Jesus around during his earthly life, and then traveling to other countries after his death and resurrection to spread his word until most of them were murdered.
Remember that Jesus invited others to follow him who were unwilling to leave their families, wealth, or other attachments. The single guys were the ones who took the invitation.
I wanted to plan for marriage, but the women I had targeted weren't romantically interested. How inconsiderate of them!
There's an old saying: "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans."
Speaking from experience, I'd encourage you to not to freak out if you're unmarried by 30. My wife and I didn't marry until near then, and I think we benefited from waiting as long as we did (not that we were *trying* to wait, it just worked out that way). We both knew who we were, what our flaws were, and what we wanted in life.
LOL! Somehow I knew I wouldn't have to explain ITLAP Day to you.
Indeed, how rude!
Thanks for the advice.
Lawyers give back nothing. Lawyers only take. That's all lawyers do. Lawyers create nothing, lawyers produce nothing, and lawyers provide no essential service. A lawyer is the moral equivalent of a prostitute. Lawyers bear false witness for a living: Prosecutors prosecute the innocent, and defense attorneys defend the guilty, routinely, as a matter of course, and they do it for nothing more than money.
That's why, back when churches were real – and belonging to one actually meant something – no lawyers or prostitutes were allowed to be buried within church gates on consecrated ground; lawyer= whore.
Now I understand you pluperfectly, and know why you think you are qualified to self-appoint and judge me.
If you are my accuser, you are an enemy of the saints and elect of God. Remember, Satan is the arch accuser, and a lawyer too. If you really want to be a Follower of The Way, and not a hollow thing called a Christian, you must quit being a lawyer. Consider me a cease and desist order from God Almighty. I am His advocate. It is He I represent. I am held by His retainer.
I'd rather have a sex offender for a neighbor than a lawyer. I wouldn't have to be polite to a sex offender.
and I wasn't the least surprised when you were the one to bring it up *grins*
This article is completely true, and it's something the teenage generation needs to hear, along with the newer "entitlement" article. I suggest a hybrid multi-media event with the catchphrase "It's not about you."
Whenever you're feeling so good that you just need to take yourself down a few pegs, browse google for results of the query "I'm no longer in love with my [husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance]. Universally, the advice is almost always "Well, it's not fair to you to stick it out in the relationship where you go amounts of time where you aren't completely and fully happy or head-over-heels for the person." There we have the dirty deed. "It's for their own good that you end it." And there we have the justification for said dirty deed.
Despite all indications to the contrary, this is a good sign. Even though we're using faulty logic to excuse ourselves from guilt, at least we recognize that guilt accompanies the action. Now all somebody has to do is take a hammer to the faulty logic, and we've got normal people again.
The sad truth of it is, if you go into a relationship thinking about your own happiness and expecting the other person to seem like your prince charming or whatever female equivalent all the time, you're walking into your first divorce.
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