Lonewolf Diaries: Silly Dames of ‘The View’
by Steven CrowderHonestly, I don’t get it. If there is a more under-qualified, un-interesting group of female hacks available for hire… Well I certainly haven’t found them. Ever since my grade school days as I mastered the art of “faking sick” and I stumbled across “The View,” I’ve been confusedly asking myself the same question… How do these dumb broads remain gainfully employed?!
15 years later, I’ve grown much better at creating ficticious ailments (the key is to lick your palms), yet I remain just as vexed with the “View-ladies” as the day I found them.
Here we’ve got a show, with a pretty basic format that is clearly designed to be personality driven. So in order to analyze the success of the show one would have to take an in-depth look at said personalities. So come on folks, follow me along down the logic trail!
Barbara Walters: How this one got into broadcasting, I’ll never know. She’s dull, terrible in her questioning, has a bizarre speech impediment not found anywhere else. Has she taken a gander at what FoxNews has to offer? The lady broadcasters over there are sharp as an arrow, laser-accurate with their questions. If anyone out there can explain the Barbera Wawa conundrum to me, please do.
Whoopi Goldberg: One of the least funny stand up comedians of her time, a bland actress and an even more grating host. Congratulations Whoopi, you’ve just taken first place in the “Triathlon of Sucky Entertainment.” I also find myself increasingly annoyed by her attempts to give off the whole “Gather ’round, it’s storytime/Mother Goose” vibe with her continued use of the words “child” and “girl.” If my pre-school teacher had been anything like her, I would have left the storybook circle, grabbed the nearest tinker toy and stabbed myself in the liver.
Elizabeth Hasslebeck: Bless her heart.
Sherri: She seems sweet enough, but that doesn’t change the fact that she brings little to the table. A lady who openly voted for her president based solely on race and has claimed to have had “more abortions than I care to count,” has no business being on America’s “favorite morning panel.”
Joy Behar: The worst of the worst. Never in my life, have I seen a comedienne with less of a sense of humor. She seems like the type of hag who would suck the “funny” out of a backyard barbeque, let alone a national broadcast. Seeing her interview Ann Coulter on Larry King Live, was like watching a 4-year-old see his first R-rated film; Never have I seen so much wit and sarcasm go clear over somebody’s head. To be fair, we can’t judge Behar too harshly, as making attempts at humor when you’re reading at a mere 2nd grade level can be daunting, I’m sure.
For one second, just think of the tools one would generally require to be humorous; Insight, quick-thinking, likability or a unique point of view. Joy Behar literally has NONE of those qualities, and at her age, with her brittle bone structure, I wouldn’t expect her to be particularly adept in the realm of physical comedy either.
Sure her consistently post-dated hairstyle make for a visually-based chuckle or two but I don’t see her pulling any Danny Kaye shtick anytime soon. Joy Behar… Is never even funny accidentally.
Combine all of these “sub-par” personalities with the collective inability to create a cohesive argument along with dialogue that is virtually incomprehensible (due to the constant interrupting of one another) and I find it increasingly difficult to find a single redeeming quality to the program. Am I missing something? What kind of people out there (liberal or conservative) will actually sit down to watch this trash?
If you do, how do you live with yourself? Have you no shame, sir (and/or ma’am)?!
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173 Comments
Totally a guy's viewpoint; can't say we disagree much… it's popularity is inexplicable but,once again no self-respecting male watches this stuff anyway. What would be interesting is the comments of the often brilliant female contributors to this site.
Ladies?
Daytime television is a vast wasteland of self-indulgent, pointless troll dung.
A terrible show! Everytime I'm at work (Hospital) and I have to go into a patient's room to perform a test if THAT show is on I immediately turn off the TV. Is there anyone more clueless than Joy Behar? And am I the only one who thinks she's a younger version of Helen Thomas?
Your comments on Joy Behar are right on the mark, Steve. Personally, I think she looks like Bette Midler after a realllllly bad plastic surgery operation. Bette, at least, has an advantage in that she can actually be funny.
well, there is Fox and Friends- but suppose that doesn't count. Yes- troll dung it is…
What I want to know is this: when Behar's parents named her "Joy"… were they being sarcastic?
Sadly, troll dung is not good for the flowers. . . though apparently you can shape it into bridges.
I got nothing.
I tried to watch the show when it first aired and it was pretty innocuous back then. They mostly covered entertainment topics and the only thing that was really annoying was Star Jones and her constant reminders that she was a lawyer. I'm not sure when it turned political but I don't think it got really shrill until Elizabeth joined the show and there was now an opposing viewpoint. I can't for the life of me figure out why it's still on the air. I know the audience is pretty much all liberal and sadly a lot of women vote that way so they're not going to mind seeing that viewpoint put out there. Nor are they going to mind the typical Hollywood, bash the evil Republicans attitude. I don't know any women who admit to watching the show– so there's a little comfort in that.
I've been baffled by The View for years…here's my take from not too long ago "A Room With A (Moronic) View". You might agree. Or not.
http://snarkandboobs.wordpress.com/2008/09/15/who...
Steve…nailed it. Now take off your shirt.
Steve, your view on The View matches my view! Never could watch it; can't see why anyone would watch it.
Day time TV is "group therapy for the masses." Come on if your home watching this stuff you know you've hit the bottom rung of boredom or depression.
It's shows like these that help solidify the "do nothing/victim" because these ladies understand how tough it is to be you. They will also point out many other reasons why life is tough for you, that you had never even realized. They know how they can help you just sit and watch…and watch…..and watch…..
You might be on to something there perhaps it's the actual birth place of trolls.
We'll have to keep an eye on what type of reverence, if that's possible, they show towards The View.
good point- will Auntie come with or without the pre-made pie filling?
Totally agree, Steve. In addition, when the "ladies" (using term loosely) start arguing, they are also shouting, which makes it truly impossible to watch the show. On the rare occasion that I've tried to watch to see an interesting guest (such as John McCain), I had to turn it off because the "ladies" are so incredibly rude to their guests when they don't agree with their politics or point of view. Pointless, crass show that crawls with the bottomfeeders! Can't figure out why it's still on. (IMO, Elizabeth could do SO much better!)
also, too dung burns quite well- dung bridge plus burning flag could spell bad things for trolls…
LOL! I now have a vision of our trolls, all sitting on their knees in a circle around a small black and white television. . . praying to The View.
is there anyone else here who knows this is the personal secretary of 'The Millionaire'? mega trivia…
Burning dung bridges is not a good idea. . .
Thanks for sharing. Sounds like it's time for your meds.
stinky stuff indeed; but most likely perfume to Auntie and her minions…
kind of a 'stoned henge'. wouldn't you think?
Elizabeth Hasslebeck: Bless her heart.
What more can you say.
Or just unhinged.
As a female, I am embarrassed. Women are emotional, true, but sometimes some facts would be nice. Why not research a subject the night before instead of the morning of the show for once? The show comprises of two has-beens (Barbara and Whoopi), a failed comedienne (Joy), a B-actress (Sherri), and a reality tv star (Elizabeth). People only watch to see fireworks on occasion.
The Babwa Wawa success is a complete mystery- if you can see her through the foggy soft light. Have NO CLUE what ANYONE sees in Joy Behr- I thought she was a school teacher- no way could she be a comedian. Does anyone with two brains cells watch "The View"? I've never even seen one episode.
.
Joy Behar is a comedian?
I refuse to watch this lower-than-dung tripe or these horrible women except in the rare cases when they have an interesting guest on (Condoleezza Rice qualified) and suddenly the collective IQ on the View stage skyrockets into the triple digits.
Those are generally the times when the rest of them shut up. A lot. And let their jaws hang while their intelligent guest says intelligent things.
One exception was Ann Coulter – Hasselbeck was just as snitty with Coulter as with anyone else she presumably hates. Hasselbeck is the weakest conservative possible grouped with a vicious, life-sucking group of hard-left harpies to be ganged up on by for the comedic enteretainment of a brain-dead audience without a hint of irony or self-awareness.
I hope I hit all my main points here.
Amen!!!!!
These women are out of touch with the reality of the peoples lives today. Overpaid and underworked. They dont even believe in the same feminine sisterhood they claim to share but regularly hurang Eliz Hasselbeck. When in this country did we loose the ability to disagree without being disagreeable?
At one point BW stood for opportuniities for women to break the glass ceiling. Now shes a poor characture of herself. ugh
The same brain dead liberals that watch Jerry Springer.
Are you really that f#%ked up!
The View is exactly why I never liked packs of women. It's taken me years to warm up to groups of women and they must be of a precise type. Take a random sampling of women, put them together and as a whole, they devolve into absolute boredom. Take a random sampling of men, put them together and as a whole, you'll almost always have a good time.
Now, I have great women friends and we a fun together, but it's taken years to amass this special group. I used to always have more men friends because, frankly, they're usually easier to relate to and are more fun.
The View makes me gag and I swear, I would automatically hate a woman if she told me she loved The View. She would immediately be one of those boring woman among the pack.
I take it you mean the troll? Or should I warm up my dueling pistol?
Elizabeth Hasselbeck concise opinions on er… ahem… um..
http://deansplanet.com/images/celebs/broads/eliza...
I think you pretty much colored the picture, thanks Anniee451.
As for women reporters on Fox News – do not forget that they are rather pleasant to look at.
(Do not misunderstand – *intelligence and character* come first. Nothing is more exciting than an intelligent conversation with an intelligent woman who is nice to be with.)
What I hate about the View is not just the rank liberalism but the *chaos*. Just shouting back and forth and over each other… no structure… no logic…
Another thing, I find it impossible to believe that any man could find Joy appealing in any way, shape, or form. Meeoowww.
I didn't even know _The View_ existed until my husband told me about it. Some misguided soul had set one of the gym TVs to air the show for those working out on the ellipticals and treadmills. The few segments I've endured involved both Behar and Goldberg, and I've no intention of watching more of either of them on purpose.
Thanks for the article, though, Steven! A good laugh before putting the kids to bed is a must.
LOL
If your not in the mood for falling into the mental quagmire of troll'dum put a happy face on it.
Think Toy Story, the trolls are the cute green aliens praying to "the claw." If you've seen the movie you know who's on the other end of "the claw."
Do you go to troll school? I mean, this is textbook troll work; random use of caps; scattershot insults; use of words like "Republi-hag;" made-up stats– it's all there! Your indoctrinators must be so proud!
The troll indeed, sometimes it’s hard to believe what you’re reading, just damn.
It's quite clear that watching that idiotic show has eaten holes in "whoooppeee's" rudimentary pea-brain, and I'm afraid that there are no meds available to reverse his condition.
Might I be so bold as to suggest a heaping portion of arsenic to put him out of his (or her) misery?
On behalf of men everywhere, I agree with you.
Ugh! These "women" give REAL women a BAD name. They're FUN SUCKERS, they suck the fun out of EVERYTHING. I don't know how any of them got to be where they are today, unless hating and berating someone who thinks different from you is an "in" thing, if that's the case then they do it well. And you're right Steven, Bless poor little Elizabeth's heart for hanging in there for as long as she has. There's no way I could have lasted as long as she has without backhanding the lot of them.
Sheesh, I'd go on there for free if only I could do THAT. 
Yea really, who knew? I don't even know who she is, where she came from or what she's done AND I don't care to either TYVM.
Only way he'll be on tv, huh?
Whether you think Fox News is part of television or not, he's about to make his second appearance on Red Eye. Technically that's tv.
hahahahahaha! I never laughed so hard at anyones comment before..Thanks whooppeeee!
Couldn't agree with you more. Hasselbeck annoys me because she's just as prone to yell as the others. I saw a clip from the Coulter appearance and why Hasselbeck wouldn't grab on to a presumed ally when she had the chance– I can't imagine. Hasselbeck was also on Hannity yesterday and she spent most of her time talking about how "close" they all were. Yep, I'm sure they're all best buds. I don't know if she's just not that bright or if she's afraid of losing a paycheck. Either way, she doesn't do conservatives any favors.
When I would stay home from school, not like I ever faked being sick, I would argue with the show constantly. That was the worst part of growing up in the sticks, no cable or satellite, so I had a whole five channels to watch when I was home sick. I'm glad I had an intelligent Mom and Grandparents or I might have grown up idolizing Joy Behar. *shutters*
Oh and you were being nice by calling them "ladies" Steven.
*Sigh* I know. I live in California so it's nearly impossible to find nice, logical, conservative women to hang out with. I don't hang out with men (out of respect for my husband) so my social circle is primarily made up of hubby's friends. At least they're mostly conservative…
The View is on the air because it is a perfect reflection of Lib/Prog Women in America. That's why so many Lib/Prog women watch it, which in turn is why sponsors advertise during it, and is why it stays on the air.
This is some of the funniest satire I've read in years! For a second there I thought whooppeee! was making a sincere comment. Then I realized that he/she/it was using satire to make fun of the lefties. How else can we explain the brilliant commentary?
The love and tolerance? The open minded perspective? The peaceful kumbaya moments?
"Hasslecrack"? How cute. "Visionary Barbara Walters"? How quaint. "Joy Behar IS hilarious" Side splitting sarcastic humor.
Thank you whooppee! for your most enjoyable satirical wit. I'm looking forward to more. Keep up the good work.
Sad thing, he saved the most scathing criticism for the one (albeit lukewarm and ineffective) conservative on the show…
…in the south, when a remark begins with 'bless her heart' what follows isnt generally a compliment…
and that really is all you can say about her in this situation.
Well if troll dung begets more trolls, you may want to reconsider any pie filling that Auntie might supply.
As a Southerner, yes, I caught the sentiment
On behalf of women everywhere, I agree with you. I can't stand hen parties.
Thank you. I relished the chance to offer a woman's opinion of this pap
At least they got rid of Rosie! Well, maybe that is too bad. Watching her try to read on tv?!?! I'm not even joking, it was sad. I would have felt sorry for her if she was not so horrible. She actually made Joy look good.
Thank-a-you, thank-a-you whoooo-pee.
Now take-a your Geritol while-a Bobbie ana Sissy dance.
Somebody turn offa the bubble machine please….
As to Baba Wawa, S Crowder; I TOTALLY agree with you on her in every aspect. She's useless, pointless, arrogant, bizarre…I *think*; I'm going to have to go with the fact that she stuck around so long in what was at the time much more of a "man's" business (I mean, Jessica Savitch didn't stick around long enough did she?) and scored maybe a lot of high-status interviews. Historical-status. She's richer than God and older than dirt now, but she obviously isn't going anywhere anyway; she's just rubbing everyone's face in it now.
Kudos on the Bette Midler reference!
The View has been on 15 years? And here I haven't seen a single episode. There must be an award for that.
"The View," I'm sorry to say, is powerful evidence in support of the worst stereotypes about women. The discussion is entirely based on emotion rather than logic and facts. It's 8th-grade girl cliquishness all grown up into full-bore cattiness — with poor Elizabeth Hasselbeck as the designated outsider. The fact that it is a successful show says bad things about women in America.
Heh, I grew up in the early 70s where the choices were – Sesame St/Mr Rogers, Newlywed Game/Price is Right, and Soaps. Later in the day was the Brady Bunch and I Love Lucy. Oh, and the Gallopping Gourmet. He ruled. It was still great to stay home sick
(And we had to get up to change the channel on a black and white then try to adjust the ears AND the hor/vert bars. Lemme tell you, it was not easy to watch television then.)
Barbara Walters makes me want to look away from the TV.
Whoopi Goldberg makes me want to plug my ears.
Elizabeth Hassleback… You said it best. Bless her heart.
Sherri… ? I don't even realize she's there.
And Joy Behar…. Joy Behar…. *shudders*
She gives me nightmares.
A group of guys together is fun? Sounds gay to me..lol
By even the faintest standard of objectivity Hasselbeck is as vapid as any of them, except maybe Shepherd, but "bless her heart" I guess because being an idiot is okay as long as you parrot the talk radio rundown. Brilliant.
bravo, sqt. bravo!
Bravo Steven. Answer: Concerned Women for America http://www.cwfa.org
C'mon, you can tell us – you're Rosie O'Donut, right?
Joy Behar is a bitter, bitter, bitter, bitter old haaaaaag. Why is she on tv? A can of paint (semi-gloss) is funnier.
Did I say she's bitter? ….and an old hag?
Were glad you have no strong opinions on the subject.
Well Done! Just the best analysis of that venal show I have ever read and I agree with it completely. I have NO idea why anyone would watch this drivel and completely stumped as to why any poltical hopeful would ever show up there. OR Larry King either. As far as The View is concerned , I find all of these women insulting to women. I am a woman and I find all of them embarassing to the sex. Then again I always have held disdain for those 'feminists' of old. ( We don't have any 'feminists' anymore, they died out during the Clinton Impeachment duringwhich NOW refused to support Monica Lewinski) I have never watched the show except when they run excepts of it because something outrageous has happened on it. Then again, I stopped watching Oprah years ago , so these kinds of shows are not favorites of mine in any way. Some comments here are very crtiical of Elizabeth Hasselbeck. I criticize her in ONLY this: She is so far and away superior to the other women I wonder WHY she on this show??
That's the two of us.
w00t!
*MissQuinn*
If we ever have a convention, we should invite them — but make them wear the little blue space alien suits from toy story!
As for being on the other end of the claw, if I recall correctly, that kid did have a passing resemblance to Obama. . .
Arsenic, draino, it's all good for trolls. . .
I say we make Jon here sit through at least 24 hours of "the view" That should be worse then water boarding anyday.
I'm sure he'd enjoy it anyway. 
I am too tired to log out so from TROLL TAKIN ACID:
and Nothing you say will change whom that TV show has hit………….
Visonary Bawbwa Wawa has relavant vitals and gets applause in the mail.
Focus groups show Hasslecrack is the Village idiot form House Hufflepuff s don't drink the polyglot juice.
an an Lonewulf we Slythireen know you griffindouches are Gay uh but not in a gay b ashing way do this I say
My delusions of snarkdom oh know don;t drink the blood of the Unicorn Gutfeld will be mad at you…..
Stewart Maher commedians are not trying to funny any more they have so many relavant points to make…..
I have never watched the View…………
and now I feel priviliedged….. thanks for the heads up Steve………………
I'm with Hanna!
I think that Hasslebeck is a saint for putting up with such people on such a frequent basis. I would have to quit my day job. And, of course, you're right. Behar is no Danny Kaye because he rocks my socks! Behar is a lame excuse for comedic intervention on "The View." Thank goodness I work construction with guys as I don't have to put up with this fodder from any women, I just get treated like a guy….and then laughed at because I'm a girl and then told I'm not a girl when I say that the estrogen causes my stupidity. I don't know what caused their stupidity. Thank goodness for a job!
Ditto.
Hmm well saying Red Eye is tv is kinda pushing it
If by comedian they mean the rediculous trash she passes as her beliefs and spouts from her mouth is funny, then yes.
On second thought, using "Draino" on trolls would actually be more environmentally conscious, because the leftover portion can then be used to clean toilets…; – )
LOL! Nice. . .
I can’t stand Joy Behar. Didn’t she star in “The Vagina Monologues”? Oh, my.
Is there a number above 10?
Amen to that. Women, for the most part, are ninnies. I'm part of a group at work that takes breaks together and they are all very nice, pretty sensible women..mostly a little older (late 50's early 60's) and I like them but they are NOT knowledgeable or bright. They know nothing and see no further than the end of their noses. When it comes to world or national affairs and events, they know only what they watch on the news. Cleaning is one of their "interests". You can't talk books (other than romance novels-kill me now!) or TV shows (other than Lifetime or Hallmark-kill me again please!). They have never heard of ANYTHING. Olive oil is scary…
Sorry for the rant, but man alive women are ninnies. And they-unfortunately-VOTE.
BTW, I would never watch this asinine show nor Oprah. What mindless drivel.
Spot on !
Spending an hour watching Joy Behar spew all that garbage from her piehole is more "torture" than waterboarding a liberal.
The View is a liberal's dream. Just base your argument in sentiment, bolster it with phony indignance, and validate it by putting it on national TV.
But it also has the added twist of being like a middle aged slumber party after five margaritas. It's all really great for the culture.
What's "The View?"
I thought John Beresford Tipton was the millionaire, who you never actually saw. It was his secretary you saw each week, and I forget his name. But of course I was a mere babe in arms when that show was on.
If you do, how do you live with yourself? Have you no shame, sir (and/or ma’am)?!
I can honestly say I have never watched an entire episode of The View. In fact, I'm fairly certain that I have only seen clips on other shows or online. Bottom line? My cup o shame runneth over!
From what I have seen of the show….I'd say you're personality analysis is spot on!
But I do know who Whoopee Goldberg is. He used to draw funny cartoons of fanciful inventions that could never possibly actually work.
My God imagine being married to anyone but Elzabeth who I think is "nice: but merely a token conservative on the show with no guts to really push her cause. The other hags give "feminism" a bad name. They are loud, angry, bitter, unfunny, bad mannered, sarcastic, charmless and ill-educated which i guess appeals to the brain dead audience in the audience or have enough time to waste to watch them on TV. Nothing ilustrates the description of Tv as a "wasteland" than this horror. By the way, it is also seen in other countries and does NOTHING to promote American women who are seen abroad as ball tearing and dominating.
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