Lonewolf Diaries: Time to Body Check Obama
by Steven CrowderI was back in junior high when my dad used this unforgettable analogy: “The role of the government is similar to that of a hockey referee. His job is to keep the players safe and keep the pace of the game. No more, no less.”
Granted, my dad was really just trying to simplify an explanation for me amidst a time in my life where I’d rather be lighting my own flatulence than engaging in true political discourse, but looking back… I realize that my father is a genius! Step aside Thomas Edison and Guy-who-invented-PopTarts, there’s a new sheriff in town.
The simple, yet brilliant description should be one of the “go to” weapons in any conservative’s quiver when it comes to debating the left. See, liberals hate it when you have a firm grasp on the role of government and more importantly, the founding fathers original intent. It makes their run-around, situational ethics a lot harder to peddle. Now of course using the “hockey referee” analogy may be blatantly Canadian of me, so for all you Southerners just replace “hockey” with “football”, and if you’re gay…. “Soccer.”
Now let’s break the analogy down for a second:
“His job (it’s purpose) is to keep the players (we the people )safe…” – The government’s first function (and arguably its only legitimate one) is to protect its citizens. This includes both external (thank you, United States Military!) and internal threats (thank you, police officers who’ve been continuously demonized by the leftist media!). Understanding this basic principle helps one swat down the comparisons liberals will try to draw between their ideals of intrusive government and things like “The Patriot Act.”
All you have to do is point to the Constitution and the first function of government… And while they’re distracted, be sure to strike them in the groin area.
Congratulations, you’ve now scored two valid points.
“…To keep the pace of the game (to maintain “flow” and allow the market to regulate itself)” – This one is important. A hockey referee keeps the pace of the game not only by enforcing the rules, but more importantly by KEEPING HIS WHISTLE IN HIS POCKET. See, that’s key. The referee is not supposed to hover, or have the whistle permanently clenched between his lips in an attempt to intimidate the players. As a matter of fact, the referee isn’t even supposed to call any minor penalties that don’t pertain to direct action around the puck. In hockey, if it’s an “incidental” penalty (ie: a victimless crime or bad personal choice) then it’s of no concern to the referee. This is of course why I picked hockey for my analogy and not a sissified sport like baseball. How a “man” can be a baseball fan, I’ll never know.
If our government were to put its “whistle in its pocket” (or in our case, just stop blowing it for one second), the market would be able to find its groove and eventually establish a quick pace and efficient flow.
The funny thing is that this simple analogy shows us that today’s leftists are wrong about the role of government on ALL counts.
The one legitimate function of government (our military and law enforcement) are the only branches that libs consistently and vehemently oppose. I’m guessing a liberal analogy would read something like this.
The role of a referee is not to keep the players safe, but to control the scoreboard. The final score of the game is up to the referee’s judgment and to be be administered fairly. The only time he is allowed to call a penalty is when a player is playing too well for his own good.
Who in their right mind, would pay to watch a game like that?!
Well… Sean Penn doesn’t count.
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
| 
Follow Us on Twitter
Subscribe via RSS
Got a Tip?
164 Comments
Fed up with Obama? Say you want a revolution? Check out this song at: http://www.myspace.com/rogerweber
You'll be ready.
"Well… Sean Penn doesn’t count."
You DID say "right mind."
Awesome again Crowder! You and Zo are my favorite bloggers here.
But hey, you even took a swipe at me this time. I love baseball and -checks for proof- I am still a man.
http://lonewolfarcher.blogspot.com
Oh, and I suppose it goes without saying, but hockey is the only true sport. Everything else is just a game.
ok a little off topic but in my view, if you need a judge to determine who wins, it is not a sport. Athletic event yes, sport no.
that said, nice post. i like when we can boil our philosophies down so they are pithy and easy to comprehend. Good work.
Now lay off baseball. At least it is a sport.
and for us fat guys we have bowling and curling. And arguably poker, it is on ESPN ha ha
I like the analogy, but in keeping with it… the ref makes sure no one cheats. In commerce, law enforcement requires REGULATION. how do you square that one?
he's not saying there should be no ref. The ref is there. just not interfering all the time.
or did i miss your point?
Hey Steven, they call "soccer" by the name "football" in every country on earth except for America, so are you implying that it's a manly sport everywhere else but is, for some strange reason, a "gay" sport only here in America?
Or are you simply saying that the soccer/football PLAYERS in America happen to be gay? Or are you implying that the soccer/football FANS in America are all gay, but that the players ARE manly?
All this speculating as to what you're implying has given me a headache…
Football here is real football. Not sissies running around in shorts kicking at a checkered ball. Hope that helps!
Steven, your right! Your father is Brilliant! That is probably one of the best analogies I have ever heard! Another great article. The saying is true:"The apple does not fall far from the tree".
Go Blackhawks!!!!!!!
sean penn = biggest puck alive.
HAHAHA …… Now we will see the real flame wars….
OK Footballers over there, Baseballers out in the Field, Basketballers go under the net and Soccer fans, Soccer fans ….. D$#% it quit screaming goal at the top of your lungs I am trying to line everyone up here.
OK ready FIGHT!
Waiting for game to be forfeited on account of Dumb.
Soccer is for fags, which is to say, "football" is for "cigarettes."
Seeing as I used to love going to the Salt Lake Golden Eagles Hockey games an eternity ago, I remember quite well the difference between a good ref and a bad one, I would say that's a great analogy.
There have been plenty of people trying to body check him, but he's wearing a lot of extra pads (the MSM, ACORN, Jeneane Gerrafalo) and hard to hurt, but eventually it'll happen…
Your dad taught you well. And you made the choice to listen. That is wisdom.
Now on the left they not only want to blow the whistle all the time. They want to change the rules of the game in the middle of the game. That is stupid.
Hockey is a real sport. It combines brute force with finesse, raw speed with dexterity. There's no time to run for another beer because the action doesn't stop. The main job of the referee is to stay out of the way and only stop play for a egregious foul. Hockey is like America was in the early years. If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch. Lord knows what hockey would be like if liberals made the rules: double runner skates, rubber sticks, airbags on the players and referees rewriting the rules continuously during the game. And there would be no winners or losers because we wouldn't want anybody to feel bad. I hope I haven't given Obama any ideas.
Perfect. I love analogies like that, and this is one of the best.
Yep, the second analogy sounds something like a Kurt Vonnegut story …
This analogy works as well on a wardrobe level. There is something about wearing black and white stripes that seems right for both referees and members of Congress. Unless of course your member of Congress comes from one of them thar orange jumpsuit states. . .
Because mostly women and children play soccer. Sexist and vaugely homophobic, yeah, but that's the way it is here… and that cuts across ideological lines, so don't just say that's a right wing way of thinking. It's an AMERICAN way of thinking.
We didn't like your"football" so we took Rugby and made up our own. I'll think about giving a damn about soccer when Arab nations man up and allow themselves to play against Israel instead of shunting them off to play with the (numerically larger for the most part) European teams. It's like making a NAIA school play against a (I don't want to HEAR IT College Football people) top flight Pac-10 team.
If you have a headache that's not our fault.
*MissQuinn*
Steven , May I use your dad's quote. Simple but o so true.
Exactly. What the heck is running around an open field for a couple hours then the final score is 1-0? It least if they ran in a straight line, like a marathon, it would make sense. The fact that schools promote this phony baloney soccer, instead of real sports, explains everything. The now outlawed Dodgeball is real life with life lessons. I wonder if Sartre or Kafka invented Dodgeball.
I will take 10 minutes in the penalty box. for the privilege to do the body checking. Hell I'll take a 3 game suspension.
Very Nice! Take it one step farther! Make Congress wear pink! I know just the guy to make them wear it! Actually pink for Congress works on two levels. One: as prison wear. Two: It matches there masculinity level.
LOL! Soccer truly does not fit the American psyche.
The media is leftist? You think any of these global media conglomerates are not maybe just a wee bit GOP?
NBC Universal = General Electric, the largest DEFENSE contractor in the US
ABC = Disney
CBS = Showtime, Paramount TV, Simon & Schuster
Fox = 20th Century Fox, Rupert Murdoch;owner of newspapers in about every major city in the world
The CW = Warner Brothers, Time magazine, Warner Brothers films, CBS
And the line about, "…Back when you were in junior high" – you mean this afternoon, right?
To reckelssly make reference to harming the gretest President EVER – you better learn to shut your retainer!
And don't forget. . . it matches their current politics too.
Disney is laughable along with Time, and GE
Disney blocked the release of The Path to 9/11. Iger's been in bed with the Clintons, even till now.
Just because one is a Defense contractor doesn't mean they are for a particular president.
Showtime? Anyone remember their attempt to air that one sided hit piece on Regan?
Fox is the only one you may have a shot at.
Body check is a hockey term. Nothing permanent, just a defensive maneuver .
Huh, indeed.
*MissQuinn*
Are you fokking crazy? Do you know the risk you have taken exposing that?
Every time you sign onto the internet, an entire team of Government specialists and their corporate masters can scan the inside of your brain. You know the TRUTH, THEY can't have that. THEY're coming for you.
Get off the net now! Run into the woods! Save yourself…..
.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This site is so moronic it is HILARIOUS ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
and EVERY fact is wrong too – - actually, there are no facts here, just ANGRY anecdotes.
That's the GOP!
When it comes to lies and spin control
….MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
I'm keeping my own scorecard.
"Gretest" Aye? Go back to world of warcraft son. Better yet pick up a book. May I suggest "See Spot Run". Twit!
I for one would like to see Barney Frank in stripes.
Did you have an actual point, or should we hand you a towel?
*MissQuinn*
Hey Crowder..what are ya'?…..Some kinda queer? Man that was funny, sorry to bring it up one week later.
I forgot about Frank. Pink is his color, throw in Prison, and he'd be in heaven.
Tiger stripes… raaaarh!
(Ok, I think I just made myself sick.)
Got to love the haters! You know you are getting to them when they feel obligated to respond.
I think teh vomit's secretly jealous of you, Archer.
Isn't lonewolf vomit good for tomato plants? Or is that ground Biden Buttocks?
So how 'bout golf?
You gotta stop that. I laughed so hard I spit coffee all over my laptop!
We’ll Mr. Vomit that’s about the dumbest $hit I’ve ever had the pleasure reading. Like a modern day retarded, EE Cummings. Lord son don’t go out without a helmet you might hurt yourself.
That was funny Steven, and your old man sounds sensible. Keep it up you're pissing off the liberals, it's fun to be the counter culture, and stick it to the man.
In real sports, you play to win. In soccer, you play not to lose. Ffffft.
Ground Biden Buttocks will grow so-so tomatoes, but you could, quite frankly, pick better tomatoes.
The invasion of the nit-wit troll continues, boy you’re dumb as a stump.
Seriously, are you like 12 or something?
G.E.?? The company that is all in with Al Gore?
CBS is Viacom, you airhead. You know, Comedy Central, MTV, VH1….60 Minutes.
Yer clueless
Screw the body check. High Stick him as hard as you can. We will all thank you later.
The role of a referee is not to keep the players safe, but to control the scoreboard. The final score of the game is up to the referee’s judgment and to be be administered fairly. The only time he is allowed to call a penalty is when a player is playing too well for his own good.
So, to build on the analogy, Libs are stuck in Little League?
Here is a fact. $60K per hour to scare the hell out of NY city residents. What a dope the POTUS and his staff are.
Thanks barack, I needed to pee down my leg today.
Twerp/
Im just curious what President Obama has accomplished that merits the claim of BEST PRESIDENT EVER? I think American liberals need to take a breath, and gain a little perspective. The man has been President for barely 100 days. I know that sometimes liberals get a little punch drunk with victory, but America has had Presidents who were truly Great men. Despite the fact that men like Washington, Jefferson, Polk, Lincoln, Truman, Reagan were all white Christians men doesnt mean that their accomplishments pale in comparisson to a President who has been in office for 100 days. The bullet hasnt even left the barrell and you are calling it a bullseye. Give it a rest already.
Right on! That is one of the best ways I've ever heard it put and my dad tried with nowhere near the blatantly obvious or creatively constructive way your dad did. Formerly a USMC Captain, it was how he said it was, no where near the easy analogy. Hockey rocks because of the fights, the players' ability to have such agility on a pair of blades (and not look like a figure sating fruit loop), and the ability to control a puck with a stick with such precision. The best thing of all is how the refs let it be. If only the government would let it be. I like this one especially the [and if you're gay.... "Soccer."] part.
The ref 'regulates' in the sense he applies his judgment of the 'rules' to the play of the game. Unlimited democracy and totally free markets cannot exist in today's world. Some 'small' amount of regulation is required to keep both in play. Otherwise, the game would turn into a riot, human nature being what it is. I believe that's where government has failed the country. We've not a good hand on the appropriate regulatory function of the operation of government. Unfortunately, our politically elected overlords have attempted to legislate the riotous nature of democracy and free markets by backing into a socialist democracy. This country's democrats or statists are for all practical purposes socialist democrats. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_democracy
We have too much legislation and politics and not enough appropriate public administration.
So very true — like all things European, cautious to the terrified extreme. Why else do you think soccer fans riot so much? Because they're bored to death.
"Threatened Federal Sanctions Against NYPD, Secret Service, FBI & Mayor's Office If Secret Ever Got Out"…
Some transparency in governing.
Please. Don't say buttocks and Frank in the same sentence.
Steve, to take the analogy a bit further, what about when the referee is on the take?
Hey! Lay the Hades off of BASEBALL!! Ya freakin' Caunuck! It's an elegant sport…full of strategy and spitting and…and…and well it's not as gay as Cricket.
Loved this post, man. The government needs to keep the freakin' whistle in the pocket! Your Dad rocks.
Hey Andrew, what's the matter with these folks- don't they get my sense of humor (especially "MissQuinn"- JEEZ!)?
What do you mean you don't like "MY" football? I'm from New Jersey!
My comment was simply meant to be humorous (including the "headache" remark!), but it was obviously totally lost on you.
Lighten up please!
My comment was meant to be humorous- ALL of it.
Looks like folks took it seriously.
Oh well, can't win 'em all…; – )
I couldn't tell, my computer doesn't have a sense of smell. . . and you gave no indication of nationality, other than "here in America".
I'll show a sense of humor when you're actually funny. How does that sound?
*MissQuinn*
Hey, watch it- I'm in scenic SOUTH Jersey, and it smells refreshingly like pine trees here! ; – )
I've never been able to figure out soccer anyway. Football, I love. Baseball bores me, but I understand it. Hockey has always been interesting, but I never really became a fan. But even though all three of my kids were in soccer leagues, I just didn't get it. For one thing, how can you be "off sides" when the sides are constantly moving in the middle of play? Besides, the best game of all is Australian-rules football. Now there's a real free-for-all. And I can speak Austrian. Never figured out the rules. Didn't care.
Pine Saul?
*MissQuinn*
Dude…
do you, like, even watch the news? I mean, surely even someone like you can notice news air time devoted to Obama in the 2008 campaign was about 3 to 1 over McCain.
"gretest President EVER…"
Well, "gretest" if you don't count the 43 that came before him. OK, I might say he's no worse than Carter, but, hey, it's only been 100 days. He still has lots of time to screw up even more than Jimmy.
Did your dad ever touch you in your special area? It's OK. These things happen.
Steven -Dude, where do you get "liberals hate it when you have a firm grasp on the role of government." With a statement like that, I think you ought to back it up. It strikes me that part of the problem with the political discourse these days, both right and left, is the constant villifying of one group against the other. What gives? Don't we all know that "liberals" or "conservatives" are the people we see everyday, probably work with, and maybe even are friends with? In my opinion, this does not move the ideals of democracy forward, but only entrenches us all further into our own narcissistic viewpoints. Where's the civility in that?
It is an elegant sport, but that would be "strategery". And don't leave out scratching…
"not as gay as Cricket"
or polo.
How many times do we have to point out to them that the biggest corporations are run by Democrats and assorted lefties? Huge corporations have boards and executives who know that the proles will never be able to organize against them, so they can pretend to be capitalists while carrying out their social agendas. All they have to do is look at corporate donations broken down by party, and the silly game of claiming big corporations are conservative would be over. And that would apply to their wholly-owned entertainment and news divisions. So the just shout "GE," "CBS," "NBC," and "ABC," convinced that this ends the debate. Even NewsCorp with its conservative leadership has liberal Fox affiliates all over the nation. It's useless arguing with lefty talking-points.
Well, they do pale in comparison in at least one respect. And Obama didn't hesitate to point it out and use it.
They don't understand
Hey Gary, LAY OFF the Canuck…LOL…and yes Steven's Dad does rock. Now if your talking sports – LACROSSE rocks. Beats the pants off hockey or baseball any day : P
Keep up the great work Steven,
from a fellow Canuck
Slapstick?
GE has made brokering Cap & Trade deals its new Business Model. Imelt, a Gore disciple, has been losing money there for years.
Rather than use up space refuting the rest, I must tell you, the GOP=Big Business stereotype expired long ago. But thats okay, Strawmen love to argue..
By they you mean you
Did your dad lobotomize you?
All your posts sound like some left-wing hack comedian who tries so hard to be funny, but no one likes him.
Did daddy not hug you enough? Is that why you troll this site because you need some attention? It's OK, no one cares here either.
Best line ever from the show _Sports Night_:
"We've got the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, and, because we have soccer highlights, the sheer pointlessness of a 0-0 tie."
You get a +1 for the burn
Pun = lowest possible form of humor.
(but I must admit I still had to smile…)
My dad hugged me so much I had to start avoiding him. It was like I was his shining star, his life line if you will. I remember he use to take me to the local ball games in the summer. He'd buy me a corndog and we would laugh and laugh. When I was twelve we had to move to a new city, and I had to make all new friends. I never have had as good of a time as I did with my dad when I was twelve, jesus does anyone?
Oh, it's easy to imagine what it would be like with Obama rules in hockey.
Remember when teams (particularly in the East) played the trap game in hockey? You'd go into a coma waiting for a team to make it through the neutral zone instead of dumping the puck and doing a line change. Under Obama, that would be the only legal play. And once you dumped the puck, the UAW would pick it up and put a new one on the ice for $59.75, plus over time. And the zambonies would be solar powered, but because they're Chrysler products they'd break down every 15 feet and Obama would have to nationalize another gas station attendant to fill 'em with gas because the solar power doesn't work. But they'd cost a cool million each. And I'm sure the fans scraping together six months of wages to sit in the nosebleed section would say that was money well spent.
I'm getting carried away now. Wish it wasn't so realistic.
That's troll-speak for "I am a flaming douche bag of whiz dumb."
You can't use a gun metaphor with a liberal. You have to speak to them on their own terms. "Your finger is still in your nose and you're calling it the biggest booger you've ever ate?"
That's called the Stanley Cup Finals.
Rick knows from first hand (no pun intended) experience.
Who the hell laughs and laughs over corn dogs?
"Dude, where do you get 'liberals hate it when you have a firm grasp on the role of government.'"
It's called "open eyes."
And you totally contradict yourself by immediately saying that both sides constantly vilify each other. In which case, Liberals *ahem* DO hate it when Conservatives have a firm grasp on the role of government. Just like you hate it when we have a firm grasp on logic, because it makes you look intellectually inferior (that means "stupid" if you're in public school).
Hey cornhole boy.
Nobody gives a flying monkey about your most intimate thoughts.
Now, pull up your pants and go home to your place under the bridge.
Not Over.
Minnesotan here, and you're absolutely bloody right! Although you're wrong about baseball. "The one legitimate function of government (our military and law enforcement) are the only branches that libs consistently and vehemently oppose." I don't think you could be more correct with this. Although the left loves to use law enforcement for their crappy ideas: like primary seatbelts, smoking laws, and hypersensitive DUI laws. They love to mandate and take away the police officers' discretion. They don't trust people, most especially the officer on the street.
One can’t assume that just because station A is sponsored by company A that this means that it is right-wing. Facts speak louder than words. Fact: The elite media is in bed with Obama. Fact: In many instances, big companies suck up to socialists for corporate welfare. Thus, the argument is circular.
"Where's the civility in that?"
It ended with 8 years of Chimpy Von Bu$h!tler from the left.
It ended with 40 years of dominating the debate and conversation with "You're nothing but a…homophobe / racist / sexist / intolerant / hater / poopy head…you can’t say anything now…so shut up”
It ended with the M$M sleeping with the DNC since the Jimmah days.
It ended with our Prez bowing to Saudi kings / good buddy hand shacking with Marxist thugs / apologizing to the world for ALL of the “wrongs” that his own countries done since 1776.
And, for me it ended with the first troll that told me to sit down and shut up because “We Won, get over it you conservative a$$holes.”
Not Over.
Oh look:
“…To keep the pace of the game (to maintain “flow” and allow the market to regulate itself)” – This one is important. A hockey referee keeps the pace of the game not only by enforcing the rules, but more importantly by KEEPING HIS WHISTLE IN HIS POCKET. See, that’s key. The referee is not supposed to hover, or have the whistle permanently clenched between his lips in an attempt to intimidate the players. As a matter of fact, the referee isn’t even supposed to call any minor penalties that don’t pertain to direct action around the puck. In hockey, if it’s an “incidental” penalty (ie: a victimless crime or bad personal choice) then it’s of no concern to the referee. This is of course why I picked hockey for my analogy and not a sissified sport like baseball. How a “man” can be a baseball fan, I’ll never know."
It was either that or rag on Jersey some more.
*MissQuinn*
Thanks Pete. You must be on a higher plane than I am, me being stupid and all. It's been fun but gotta go. I'm sure you'll have a good time talking amongst yourselves plotting, well, whatever. Good luck with all that. I expect a good lecture from you showing how you have the Truth and all others are deficient, because, you know, that's how it works. See ya.
[...] Obama: Air Force One Photo Op Triggers Panic in Manhattan – ABC News Steven Crowder, Big Hollywood: Lonewolf Diaries: Time to Body Check Obama Doug Powers, Michelle Malkin: ‘I feel the need, the need to freak out New Yorkers!’ — [...]
[...] Choose Between Jumping or Burning: Now That Would Be Torture Steven Crowder, Big Hollywood: Lonewolf Diaries: Time to Body Check Obama The LCA Broadside: CNN: Obama Puppet Show “Tea Bag” Riley Hunter, Big Hollywood: Air America [...]
[...] Day Hot Air: Obama flip-flops on potential torture prosecutions Steven Crowder, Big Hollywood: Lonewolf Diaries: Time to Body Check Obama Just One Minute: Torture Trials – Bring It On! Pronk Palisades: The Big Obama Lie: CIA Enhanced [...]
[...] Press Conference– Will Show “Lie to Me” Instead Steven Crowder, Big Hollywood: Lonewolf Diaries: Time to Body Check Obama Michelle Malkin: 100th Daygasm: Obama ‘asks’ networks for hour of primetime during sweeps Peace [...]
Here's your homework:
Next time, before you post here, do some research and find out who is the CEO of GE. Then, find out which President that CEO supported in the last election. Then, despite years of mismanagement at GE, find out which of President Obama's advisory boards that CEO was named to.
After all that, if you don't feel like coming back and apologizing to us for posting while uninformed, we really don't care what you think.
"The role of a referee is not to keep the players safe, but to control the scoreboard. The final score of the game is up to the referee’s judgment and to be be administered fairly."
Actually, all games of Liberal Hockey must end in a tie. It is the responsibility to make sure of this, no matter how badly one team may play.
Hey Crowder, "what the hell are ya'? Some kinda qu**r?" It's from last week, but I'm still laughing, sorry.
Haha! Good question!
Seriously people, calling football (not the rugby-with-20-pounds- of- armor-cause-we're-so-butch called "football" in the States) a ''gay' thing will put you in misery in 99% of the cases in Europe, let alone places like Turkey and Brazil.
Europeans, Africans, South Americans, heck people of the whole world except the Sates take their footie VERY serious.
Personally I think professional sports are as important as trained monkeys with cute suits but I'm geeky that way
Obama Bought The Presidency
Haha! Great observation!
Seriously people, calling football (not the rugby-with-20-pounds- of- armor-cause-we're-so-butch-we-need -the-extra-protection called "football" in the States) a ''gay' thing will put you in misery in 99% of the cases in Europe, let alone places like Turkey and Brazil.
Europeans, Africans, South Americans, heck people of the whole world except the Sates take their footie VERY seriously, and if you want to cause a rift between right-of-centre people across the globe, this is certainly the way.
Personally I think professional sports are as important as trained monkeys with cute suits but I'm geeky that way
Obama Bought The Presidency
EXACTLY!! Could not have stated it any more clearly.
[...] …because this column is one of the best things I’ve read on the role of government in a while: “…To keep the pace of the game (to maintain “flow” and allow the market to regulate [...]
or basketball……
Gary……
baseball……….
zzzzzzzzzzzzz………..
Edit: or Bears under Wannstedt
You should try no-rules stick fighting. Now that's a sport. We meet twice a year in LA of all places and show those fools what real men look like. Even the lovely women who take part in the fights put them to shame.
and again, I find myself all alone on the field being both a fan and participant of Ultimate Fighting type events. But then we knuckledragging sweaty smelly psychopaths with sticks dont fit in too well with civilized company.
that's just FAb – Bu – Lish!
that's just FAb – Bu – Lish!
I have dreams that Stephen Crowder ends up, unrestrained, on SNL. They want ratings? They could have ratings. SNL could be actually funny.
Then I wake up.
Wow! I was enjoying the article until you made the comment about soccer players. Now, I'm no liberal, so I'll pass on the "offended" talk. Instead, I'll just call out your ignorance. Here in Texas, soccer is hugely popular and we happen to be big fans. And, sir, I can tell you, soccer players are some of the roughest, toughest folk in the sporting business. Stories abound detailing players' prowess on the field while, in passing, mentioning said player has been playing six games with an undiagnosed broken jaw. And all this with just shin guards. So, dispense with the sports snobbery and know that my son (56 goals in a season) could stand toe to toe to any hockey player and hold his head high. By the way, at least we play with a ball, you know like most sports. Not a puck. How gay!
Sorry Dana, but soccer doesn't even come close to hockey when it comes to the level of difficuly to play. Hockey is by far the hardest sport to learn to play well. First it is played on a surface people are not even meant to walk on. Second you play with artificial feet (skates), using an artificial limb (the stick), moving a hard frozen rubber disk, at speeds faster than any human could possibly run. And while moving at up to 40 mph, opponents get to slam you into stationary walls, or have open collisions in the middle of the ice that send a player flying. Then the puck can be moving at over 100 mph when shot by the best players, and the goalie has to put his body in front of these missiles to stop them. No, soccer players are not as tough as hockey players. It's not even close. I love watching my 9 & 5 year old daughters play soccer. And I'm proud of their grit and skill, even being so young. But I'm a former football player (center & linebacker), and hockey player (goalie) and on my hockey team were also a lot of guys who played soccer too. And we all knew which game required more skill and toughness.
" I’d rather be lighting my own flatulence"
Is that really even possible?
The same way you square it when one team is favored by the calls of the refereeing team. Oh, but that doesn't happen you say … yeah, whatever, it does.
I say it therefore it is true. Wow, you have graduated from troll kindergraten.
Excellent summary of the last eight years of your life. Have fun trying to replace the 8 years you lost. And make sure you keep an eye on us evil conservatives because nothing would be worse than if we accidentally win again and you have to waste another 8 years like the last 8.
I have a hard time describing the players of any sport where they fall onthe ground and act like they're hurt worse than they actually are to try to draw fouls on the other side as the "toughest guys ever." That includes basketball players although they don't tend to roll around clutching various body parts at least.
You were doing so well until the baseball crack!!! lmao
Ahhh, now relating life to sports (even though I'm not all versed in hockey) I GET IT! Sad thing is the liberals won't even get it because sports are dangerous, physically and emotionally. The whiniest people I know never set foot on a court or field, maybe a course but putt-putt doesn't count.
I'm updating my status message Crowder, "put the whistle in your pocket and let the players play!"
Good post, good analogy, but I do have to lodge my complaint with the rest of the baseball fans.
The rest of the soccer crowd can go back to watching their eternally long games where there's maybe five seconds of real action total.
100 days in, the greatest President ever.
Hmmm. Interesting standards.
pattiann, I just sprayed coffee on my puter. fabulous!
I got you Saul. . . but soccer is such a hot button issue, there just isn't much room for humor.
I swear I left a post here last night…
Ok, I gotta say, that was funny. Nice pun!
FYI – In Australia we don't call 'soccer' football, we call it 'soccer' (and it is kinda gay). We save football for the men, who play Australian Rules Football (Aussie rules), Rugby League (League) & Rugby Union (Rugby), though we do have a 'soccer' league aswell for those guys who cannot 'man up' and play real football..
The thing that I don't get about 'soccer' is, why don't they just bend down and pick up the ball?
Considering how old some of these Congressmen are, I just hope they are wearing Depends.
Great post, and I've thought of this analogy before, myself. However, I do take umbrage with one of your statements:
"This is of course why I picked hockey for my analogy and not a sissified sport like baseball. How a “man” can be a baseball fan, I’ll never know."
However, after thinking about it, I think I'll have to let you slide on this one. You're Canadian – your home country has been so emasculated by socialism and P.C. nonsense for so long, it's not surprising that you'd be confused by matters pertaining to manliness… ;p
I hate soccer….I hate it so much.
"why don't they just bend down and pick up the ball" — LOL!
I have to admit, you Australians have a very practical take on the world. Keep up the good work!
I was thinking more of Harrison Bergeron.
Cornhole? Not only are you guys going under, but are you also turning gay?
Well, we all know which sport losses a player the most brain cells. My point was not that hockey wasn't difficult. My point was that soccer (the true and original football) is not GAY, as Mr. Crowder states. And my son doesn't just play "city soccer" like most kids; he plays in the Hispanic league. I'd love to personally witness any hockey player tell mis amigos they aren't as tough as he is. They'd have their puck handed to them Tejano-style.
It ended when I was three.
They do that in Maricopa County AZ, so Barney may want to think about relocating.
Yes, yes it is.
LOL! That probably explains why they have the adult-sized changing stations in the bathrooms at the Capital building.
I have a hard time reading incoherent rants.
Spew alert!
Soccer to me is like tennis, I don't mind playing it but I never, ever watch it and I do understand the offside rule (kinda). I also understand baseball and am also bored at this cheap rip off the original and best bat and ball game, Cricket. Which had no chance of being popular in America as a full test can go for five days…. Legendary!
And yes Aussie Rules is the best form of football out there, it is very chaotic if you don't know the rules (of which I assure you there are some). You don't need to speak Austrian, you just need to be able to yell incoherently at the umpire and opposition players.
Yes, MMA is quickly becoming my favorite sport of all. It is exciting, skillful, way more technical then most people understand and it is also great fun to watch.
Participant? You fight?
It is unfortunate but they are slowly but surely making football here in Australia more and more girly, not allowing the good old fashioned free for all and hard balls-and-all tackles that make it so great. Still good, but if I want something brutal I watch some MMA.
Will do.
I actually thought that Leftists would like Aussie Rules as we are one of the only sports that rewards you if you miss the goal! If you kick the ball between the two big stick you get a 'goal' which is six points, if you miss them but it goes in between one big and one of the small sticks you get a 'behind' which is one point. It's kinda like a pat on the head for being nearly good enough, isn't that the Left way?
Crowder likes it in the change room, showering with other men
[...] 12. Steven Crowder thinks it’s time to body check Obama. [...]
Crowder like to light his friends two, and perform fellatio
Don't get me started on Vonnegut. Best writter ever.. period.
Nope, Steinbeck is.
Tin Can Alley, Sheer Genius TYVM. JMO of course.
Why does there have to be at least ONE crass idiot on every article here? Begone Satan and get thee behind me!
I've always wanted to use that line. 
Oh how would you know you little worm. Get lost and head on back to the puff HO.
Crowder's analogy is incredibly stupid, and here's why. Hockey, like all competitive sports is a zero-sum game — meaning that only one team or competitor wins the contest. Both can't win, nor share in a portion of the victory.
Life's different. Its a non-zero-sum game. There's as much if not more cooperation in our society than there is competition. Why? Because it provides for a more secure, stable, and livable society. We all benefit from this.
Crowder's call to allow the market to regulate itself is mind-numbingly dumb. Only someone who doesn't invest would think this. I'd tell him to stick to his day job, but his career as a stand-up comic is as sad as his dalliance into political science.
What a piss-poor excuse for a column. Do you not have any other schtick than flailing half-assed attacks at liberals and folksy country bumpkin truisms that only make sense if you're a self-loathing Canadian and unfunny comic?
Your dad was being intellectually lazy, but that's excusable because you were and admitted idiot youngster. Problem is, now you should be able to think for yourself, and yet you choose not to.
Finally, why are you in this country? You have no unique skills to provide our economy. You've no career in entertainment. Do you expect to make a living writing misinformation and simplistic drivel on a laughingstock blog? Get off our public roads, stop using our public services, and go back to that communist dystopia we call Canada, you insufferable fool. Go poison the discourse with your inanity there, where you belong.
hehe. I just started appreciating them, actually, I'd read them, before. As for favs, I'd have to go with George Orwell, though.
Don't blame Canada for this moron.
The biggest sport on earth is gay? This guys a moron. Although hockey is underrated especially in the US.
okay okay. I see it. so what’s hovering and what's not, then? "bad personal choice"?
Let me hit you with the "little old lady" example. Say I'm a legislator and I get going on some issue like, "We need to make sure that there aren't predatory scammers out there exploiting little old ladies." you hear about this stuff- elderly types that wind up switching their phone plan or cable setup without realizing it. Is it fraud? Or is it something that the "ref" should let slide because, hey "Bad personal choice".
I admire Charles Bukowski.
You conservatives are so ungrateful! Don't you know that God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten referee? We now have a president who is the greatest automotive visionary since Henry Ford, the greatest banker since J.P. Morgan, the Einstein of the environment, an expert on health care and even has a plan for fixing the BCS! All you bowlers, hockey and football fans (especially SEC fans – Janeane Garofolo has a name for you) don't understand that you should accept your $13 per week bribe (if you are making less than $200k) and shut up while the Umpire in Chief charges up your credit card. This time in the penalty box is for your own good! It will give you time to think about selling your capitalist small businesses and apply for a Green job or be a Community Organizer! Do not question the Referee! SUBMIT! SUBMIT!
[...] Terror in New York – Obama will not release photo op pictures Steven Crowder, Big Hollywood: Lonewolf Diaries: Time to Body Check Obama Another Rovian Conspiracy: The Stupid. It Hurts! Political Crave: Obama: Taking The Responsibility [...]
[...] Terror in New York – Obama will not release photo op pictures Steven Crowder, Big Hollywood: Lonewolf Diaries: Time to Body Check Obama Another Rovian Conspiracy: The Stupid. It Hurts! Political Crave: Obama: Taking The Responsibility [...]
[...] Terror in New York – Obama will not release photo op pictures Steven Crowder, Big Hollywood: Lonewolf Diaries: Time to Body Check Obama The Lonely Conservative: Was this worth all the fuss? Another Rovian Conspiracy: The Stupid. It [...]
You must be logged in to post a comment.