Lonewolf Diaries: Time to Body Check Obama
by Steven CrowderI was back in junior high when my dad used this unforgettable analogy: “The role of the government is similar to that of a hockey referee. His job is to keep the players safe and keep the pace of the game. No more, no less.”
Granted, my dad was really just trying to simplify an explanation for me amidst a time in my life where I’d rather be lighting my own flatulence than engaging in true political discourse, but looking back… I realize that my father is a genius! Step aside Thomas Edison and Guy-who-invented-PopTarts, there’s a new sheriff in town.
The simple, yet brilliant description should be one of the “go to” weapons in any conservative’s quiver when it comes to debating the left. See, liberals hate it when you have a firm grasp on the role of government and more importantly, the founding fathers original intent. It makes their run-around, situational ethics a lot harder to peddle. Now of course using the “hockey referee” analogy may be blatantly Canadian of me, so for all you Southerners just replace “hockey” with “football”, and if you’re gay…. “Soccer.”
Now let’s break the analogy down for a second:
“His job (it’s purpose) is to keep the players (we the people )safe…” – The government’s first function (and arguably its only legitimate one) is to protect its citizens. This includes both external (thank you, United States Military!) and internal threats (thank you, police officers who’ve been continuously demonized by the leftist media!). Understanding this basic principle helps one swat down the comparisons liberals will try to draw between their ideals of intrusive government and things like “The Patriot Act.”
All you have to do is point to the Constitution and the first function of government… And while they’re distracted, be sure to strike them in the groin area.
Congratulations, you’ve now scored two valid points.
“…To keep the pace of the game (to maintain “flow” and allow the market to regulate itself)” – This one is important. A hockey referee keeps the pace of the game not only by enforcing the rules, but more importantly by KEEPING HIS WHISTLE IN HIS POCKET. See, that’s key. The referee is not supposed to hover, or have the whistle permanently clenched between his lips in an attempt to intimidate the players. As a matter of fact, the referee isn’t even supposed to call any minor penalties that don’t pertain to direct action around the puck. In hockey, if it’s an “incidental” penalty (ie: a victimless crime or bad personal choice) then it’s of no concern to the referee. This is of course why I picked hockey for my analogy and not a sissified sport like baseball. How a “man” can be a baseball fan, I’ll never know.
If our government were to put its “whistle in its pocket” (or in our case, just stop blowing it for one second), the market would be able to find its groove and eventually establish a quick pace and efficient flow.
The funny thing is that this simple analogy shows us that today’s leftists are wrong about the role of government on ALL counts.
The one legitimate function of government (our military and law enforcement) are the only branches that libs consistently and vehemently oppose. I’m guessing a liberal analogy would read something like this.
The role of a referee is not to keep the players safe, but to control the scoreboard. The final score of the game is up to the referee’s judgment and to be be administered fairly. The only time he is allowed to call a penalty is when a player is playing too well for his own good.
Who in their right mind, would pay to watch a game like that?!
Well… Sean Penn doesn’t count.
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Fed up with Obama? Say you want a revolution? Check out this song at: http://www.myspace.com/rogerweber
You'll be ready.
"Well… Sean Penn doesn’t count."
You DID say "right mind."
Awesome again Crowder! You and Zo are my favorite bloggers here.
But hey, you even took a swipe at me this time. I love baseball and -checks for proof- I am still a man.
http://lonewolfarcher.blogspot.com
Oh, and I suppose it goes without saying, but hockey is the only true sport. Everything else is just a game.
ok a little off topic but in my view, if you need a judge to determine who wins, it is not a sport. Athletic event yes, sport no.
that said, nice post. i like when we can boil our philosophies down so they are pithy and easy to comprehend. Good work.
Now lay off baseball. At least it is a sport.
and for us fat guys we have bowling and curling. And arguably poker, it is on ESPN ha ha
I like the analogy, but in keeping with it… the ref makes sure no one cheats. In commerce, law enforcement requires REGULATION. how do you square that one?
he's not saying there should be no ref. The ref is there. just not interfering all the time.
or did i miss your point?
Hey Steven, they call "soccer" by the name "football" in every country on earth except for America, so are you implying that it's a manly sport everywhere else but is, for some strange reason, a "gay" sport only here in America?
Or are you simply saying that the soccer/football PLAYERS in America happen to be gay? Or are you implying that the soccer/football FANS in America are all gay, but that the players ARE manly?
All this speculating as to what you're implying has given me a headache…
Football here is real football. Not sissies running around in shorts kicking at a checkered ball. Hope that helps!
Steven, your right! Your father is Brilliant! That is probably one of the best analogies I have ever heard! Another great article. The saying is true:"The apple does not fall far from the tree".
Go Blackhawks!!!!!!!
sean penn = biggest puck alive.
HAHAHA …… Now we will see the real flame wars….
OK Footballers over there, Baseballers out in the Field, Basketballers go under the net and Soccer fans, Soccer fans ….. D$#% it quit screaming goal at the top of your lungs I am trying to line everyone up here.
OK ready FIGHT!
Waiting for game to be forfeited on account of Dumb.
Soccer is for fags, which is to say, "football" is for "cigarettes."
Seeing as I used to love going to the Salt Lake Golden Eagles Hockey games an eternity ago, I remember quite well the difference between a good ref and a bad one, I would say that's a great analogy.
There have been plenty of people trying to body check him, but he's wearing a lot of extra pads (the MSM, ACORN, Jeneane Gerrafalo) and hard to hurt, but eventually it'll happen…
Your dad taught you well. And you made the choice to listen. That is wisdom.
Now on the left they not only want to blow the whistle all the time. They want to change the rules of the game in the middle of the game. That is stupid.
Hockey is a real sport. It combines brute force with finesse, raw speed with dexterity. There's no time to run for another beer because the action doesn't stop. The main job of the referee is to stay out of the way and only stop play for a egregious foul. Hockey is like America was in the early years. If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch. Lord knows what hockey would be like if liberals made the rules: double runner skates, rubber sticks, airbags on the players and referees rewriting the rules continuously during the game. And there would be no winners or losers because we wouldn't want anybody to feel bad. I hope I haven't given Obama any ideas.
Perfect. I love analogies like that, and this is one of the best.
Yep, the second analogy sounds something like a Kurt Vonnegut story …
This analogy works as well on a wardrobe level. There is something about wearing black and white stripes that seems right for both referees and members of Congress. Unless of course your member of Congress comes from one of them thar orange jumpsuit states. . .
Because mostly women and children play soccer. Sexist and vaugely homophobic, yeah, but that's the way it is here… and that cuts across ideological lines, so don't just say that's a right wing way of thinking. It's an AMERICAN way of thinking.
We didn't like your"football" so we took Rugby and made up our own. I'll think about giving a damn about soccer when Arab nations man up and allow themselves to play against Israel instead of shunting them off to play with the (numerically larger for the most part) European teams. It's like making a NAIA school play against a (I don't want to HEAR IT College Football people) top flight Pac-10 team.
If you have a headache that's not our fault.
*MissQuinn*
Steven , May I use your dad's quote. Simple but o so true.
Exactly. What the heck is running around an open field for a couple hours then the final score is 1-0? It least if they ran in a straight line, like a marathon, it would make sense. The fact that schools promote this phony baloney soccer, instead of real sports, explains everything. The now outlawed Dodgeball is real life with life lessons. I wonder if Sartre or Kafka invented Dodgeball.
I will take 10 minutes in the penalty box. for the privilege to do the body checking. Hell I'll take a 3 game suspension.
Very Nice! Take it one step farther! Make Congress wear pink! I know just the guy to make them wear it! Actually pink for Congress works on two levels. One: as prison wear. Two: It matches there masculinity level.
LOL! Soccer truly does not fit the American psyche.
The media is leftist? You think any of these global media conglomerates are not maybe just a wee bit GOP?
NBC Universal = General Electric, the largest DEFENSE contractor in the US
ABC = Disney
CBS = Showtime, Paramount TV, Simon & Schuster
Fox = 20th Century Fox, Rupert Murdoch;owner of newspapers in about every major city in the world
The CW = Warner Brothers, Time magazine, Warner Brothers films, CBS
And the line about, "…Back when you were in junior high" – you mean this afternoon, right?
To reckelssly make reference to harming the gretest President EVER – you better learn to shut your retainer!
And don't forget. . . it matches their current politics too.
Disney is laughable along with Time, and GE
Disney blocked the release of The Path to 9/11. Iger's been in bed with the Clintons, even till now.
Just because one is a Defense contractor doesn't mean they are for a particular president.
Showtime? Anyone remember their attempt to air that one sided hit piece on Regan?
Fox is the only one you may have a shot at.
Body check is a hockey term. Nothing permanent, just a defensive maneuver .
Huh, indeed.
*MissQuinn*
Are you fokking crazy? Do you know the risk you have taken exposing that?
Every time you sign onto the internet, an entire team of Government specialists and their corporate masters can scan the inside of your brain. You know the TRUTH, THEY can't have that. THEY're coming for you.
Get off the net now! Run into the woods! Save yourself…..
.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This site is so moronic it is HILARIOUS ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
and EVERY fact is wrong too – - actually, there are no facts here, just ANGRY anecdotes.
That's the GOP!
When it comes to lies and spin control
….MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
I'm keeping my own scorecard.
"Gretest" Aye? Go back to world of warcraft son. Better yet pick up a book. May I suggest "See Spot Run". Twit!
I for one would like to see Barney Frank in stripes.
Did you have an actual point, or should we hand you a towel?
*MissQuinn*
Hey Crowder..what are ya'?…..Some kinda queer? Man that was funny, sorry to bring it up one week later.
I forgot about Frank. Pink is his color, throw in Prison, and he'd be in heaven.
Tiger stripes… raaaarh!
(Ok, I think I just made myself sick.)
Got to love the haters! You know you are getting to them when they feel obligated to respond.
I think teh vomit's secretly jealous of you, Archer.
Isn't lonewolf vomit good for tomato plants? Or is that ground Biden Buttocks?
So how 'bout golf?
You gotta stop that. I laughed so hard I spit coffee all over my laptop!
We’ll Mr. Vomit that’s about the dumbest $hit I’ve ever had the pleasure reading. Like a modern day retarded, EE Cummings. Lord son don’t go out without a helmet you might hurt yourself.
That was funny Steven, and your old man sounds sensible. Keep it up you're pissing off the liberals, it's fun to be the counter culture, and stick it to the man.
In real sports, you play to win. In soccer, you play not to lose. Ffffft.
Ground Biden Buttocks will grow so-so tomatoes, but you could, quite frankly, pick better tomatoes.
The invasion of the nit-wit troll continues, boy you’re dumb as a stump.
Seriously, are you like 12 or something?
G.E.?? The company that is all in with Al Gore?
CBS is Viacom, you airhead. You know, Comedy Central, MTV, VH1….60 Minutes.
Yer clueless
Screw the body check. High Stick him as hard as you can. We will all thank you later.
The role of a referee is not to keep the players safe, but to control the scoreboard. The final score of the game is up to the referee’s judgment and to be be administered fairly. The only time he is allowed to call a penalty is when a player is playing too well for his own good.
So, to build on the analogy, Libs are stuck in Little League?
Here is a fact. $60K per hour to scare the hell out of NY city residents. What a dope the POTUS and his staff are.
Thanks barack, I needed to pee down my leg today.
Twerp/
Im just curious what President Obama has accomplished that merits the claim of BEST PRESIDENT EVER? I think American liberals need to take a breath, and gain a little perspective. The man has been President for barely 100 days. I know that sometimes liberals get a little punch drunk with victory, but America has had Presidents who were truly Great men. Despite the fact that men like Washington, Jefferson, Polk, Lincoln, Truman, Reagan were all white Christians men doesnt mean that their accomplishments pale in comparisson to a President who has been in office for 100 days. The bullet hasnt even left the barrell and you are calling it a bullseye. Give it a rest already.
Right on! That is one of the best ways I've ever heard it put and my dad tried with nowhere near the blatantly obvious or creatively constructive way your dad did. Formerly a USMC Captain, it was how he said it was, no where near the easy analogy. Hockey rocks because of the fights, the players' ability to have such agility on a pair of blades (and not look like a figure sating fruit loop), and the ability to control a puck with a stick with such precision. The best thing of all is how the refs let it be. If only the government would let it be. I like this one especially the [and if you're gay.... "Soccer."] part.
The ref 'regulates' in the sense he applies his judgment of the 'rules' to the play of the game. Unlimited democracy and totally free markets cannot exist in today's world. Some 'small' amount of regulation is required to keep both in play. Otherwise, the game would turn into a riot, human nature being what it is. I believe that's where government has failed the country. We've not a good hand on the appropriate regulatory function of the operation of government. Unfortunately, our politically elected overlords have attempted to legislate the riotous nature of democracy and free markets by backing into a socialist democracy. This country's democrats or statists are for all practical purposes socialist democrats. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_democracy
We have too much legislation and politics and not enough appropriate public administration.
So very true — like all things European, cautious to the terrified extreme. Why else do you think soccer fans riot so much? Because they're bored to death.
"Threatened Federal Sanctions Against NYPD, Secret Service, FBI & Mayor's Office If Secret Ever Got Out"…
Some transparency in governing.
Please. Don't say buttocks and Frank in the same sentence.
Steve, to take the analogy a bit further, what about when the referee is on the take?
Hey! Lay the Hades off of BASEBALL!! Ya freakin' Caunuck! It's an elegant sport…full of strategy and spitting and…and…and well it's not as gay as Cricket.
Loved this post, man. The government needs to keep the freakin' whistle in the pocket! Your Dad rocks.
Hey Andrew, what's the matter with these folks- don't they get my sense of humor (especially "MissQuinn"- JEEZ!)?
What do you mean you don't like "MY" football? I'm from New Jersey!
My comment was simply meant to be humorous (including the "headache" remark!), but it was obviously totally lost on you.
Lighten up please!
My comment was meant to be humorous- ALL of it.
Looks like folks took it seriously.
Oh well, can't win 'em all…; – )
I couldn't tell, my computer doesn't have a sense of smell. . . and you gave no indication of nationality, other than "here in America".
I'll show a sense of humor when you're actually funny. How does that sound?
*MissQuinn*
Hey, watch it- I'm in scenic SOUTH Jersey, and it smells refreshingly like pine trees here! ; – )
I've never been able to figure out soccer anyway. Football, I love. Baseball bores me, but I understand it. Hockey has always been interesting, but I never really became a fan. But even though all three of my kids were in soccer leagues, I just didn't get it. For one thing, how can you be "off sides" when the sides are constantly moving in the middle of play? Besides, the best game of all is Australian-rules football. Now there's a real free-for-all. And I can speak Austrian. Never figured out the rules. Didn't care.
Pine Saul?
*MissQuinn*
Dude…
do you, like, even watch the news? I mean, surely even someone like you can notice news air time devoted to Obama in the 2008 campaign was about 3 to 1 over McCain.
"gretest President EVER…"
Well, "gretest" if you don't count the 43 that came before him. OK, I might say he's no worse than Carter, but, hey, it's only been 100 days. He still has lots of time to screw up even more than Jimmy.
Did your dad ever touch you in your special area? It's OK. These things happen.
Steven -Dude, where do you get "liberals hate it when you have a firm grasp on the role of government." With a statement like that, I think you ought to back it up. It strikes me that part of the problem with the political discourse these days, both right and left, is the constant villifying of one group against the other. What gives? Don't we all know that "liberals" or "conservatives" are the people we see everyday, probably work with, and maybe even are friends with? In my opinion, this does not move the ideals of democracy forward, but only entrenches us all further into our own narcissistic viewpoints. Where's the civility in that?
It is an elegant sport, but that would be "strategery". And don't leave out scratching…
"not as gay as Cricket"
or polo.
How many times do we have to point out to them that the biggest corporations are run by Democrats and assorted lefties? Huge corporations have boards and executives who know that the proles will never be able to organize against them, so they can pretend to be capitalists while carrying out their social agendas. All they have to do is look at corporate donations broken down by party, and the silly game of claiming big corporations are conservative would be over. And that would apply to their wholly-owned entertainment and news divisions. So the just shout "GE," "CBS," "NBC," and "ABC," convinced that this ends the debate. Even NewsCorp with its conservative leadership has liberal Fox affiliates all over the nation. It's useless arguing with lefty talking-points.
Well, they do pale in comparison in at least one respect. And Obama didn't hesitate to point it out and use it.
They don't understand
Hey Gary, LAY OFF the Canuck…LOL…and yes Steven's Dad does rock. Now if your talking sports – LACROSSE rocks. Beats the pants off hockey or baseball any day : P
Keep up the great work Steven,
from a fellow Canuck
Slapstick?
GE has made brokering Cap & Trade deals its new Business Model. Imelt, a Gore disciple, has been losing money there for years.
Rather than use up space refuting the rest, I must tell you, the GOP=Big Business stereotype expired long ago. But thats okay, Strawmen love to argue..
By they you mean you
Did your dad lobotomize you?
All your posts sound like some left-wing hack comedian who tries so hard to be funny, but no one likes him.
Did daddy not hug you enough? Is that why you troll this site because you need some attention? It's OK, no one cares here either.
Best line ever from the show _Sports Night_:
"We've got the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, and, because we have soccer highlights, the sheer pointlessness of a 0-0 tie."
You get a +1 for the burn
Pun = lowest possible form of humor.
(but I must admit I still had to smile…)
My dad hugged me so much I had to start avoiding him. It was like I was his shining star, his life line if you will. I remember he use to take me to the local ball games in the summer. He'd buy me a corndog and we would laugh and laugh. When I was twelve we had to move to a new city, and I had to make all new friends. I never have had as good of a time as I did with my dad when I was twelve, jesus does anyone?
Oh, it's easy to imagine what it would be like with Obama rules in hockey.
Remember when teams (particularly in the East) played the trap game in hockey? You'd go into a coma waiting for a team to make it through the neutral zone instead of dumping the puck and doing a line change. Under Obama, that would be the only legal play. And once you dumped the puck, the UAW would pick it up and put a new one on the ice for $59.75, plus over time. And the zambonies would be solar powered, but because they're Chrysler products they'd break down every 15 feet and Obama would have to nationalize another gas station attendant to fill 'em with gas because the solar power doesn't work. But they'd cost a cool million each. And I'm sure the fans scraping together six months of wages to sit in the nosebleed section would say that was money well spent.
I'm getting carried away now. Wish it wasn't so realistic.
That's troll-speak for "I am a flaming douche bag of whiz dumb."
You can't use a gun metaphor with a liberal. You have to speak to them on their own terms. "Your finger is still in your nose and you're calling it the biggest booger you've ever ate?"
That's called the Stanley Cup Finals.
Rick knows from first hand (no pun intended) experience.
Who the hell laughs and laughs over corn dogs?
"Dude, where do you get 'liberals hate it when you have a firm grasp on the role of government.'"
It's called "open eyes."
And you totally contradict yourself by immediately saying that both sides constantly vilify each other. In which case, Liberals *ahem* DO hate it when Conservatives have a firm grasp on the role of government. Just like you hate it when we have a firm grasp on logic, because it makes you look intellectually inferior (that means "stupid" if you're in public school).
Hey cornhole boy.
Nobody gives a flying monkey about your most intimate thoughts.
Now, pull up your pants and go home to your place under the bridge.
Not Over.
Minnesotan here, and you're absolutely bloody right! Although you're wrong about baseball. "The one legitimate function of government (our military and law enforcement) are the only branches that libs consistently and vehemently oppose." I don't think you could be more correct with this. Although the left loves to use law enforcement for their crappy ideas: like primary seatbelts, smoking laws, and hypersensitive DUI laws. They love to mandate and take away the police officers' discretion. They don't trust people, most especially the officer on the street.
One can’t assume that just because station A is sponsored by company A that this means that it is right-wing. Facts speak louder than words. Fact: The elite media is in bed with Obama. Fact: In many instances, big companies suck up to socialists for corporate welfare. Thus, the argument is circular.
"Where's the civility in that?"
It ended with 8 years of Chimpy Von Bu$h!tler from the left.
It ended with 40 years of dominating the debate and conversation with "You're nothing but a…homophobe / racist / sexist / intolerant / hater / poopy head…you can’t say anything now…so shut up”
It ended with the M$M sleeping with the DNC since the Jimmah days.
It ended with our Prez bowing to Saudi kings / good buddy hand shacking with Marxist thugs / apologizing to the world for ALL of the “wrongs” that his own countries done since 1776.
And, for me it ended with the first troll that told me to sit down and shut up because “We Won, get over it you conservative a$$holes.”
Not Over.
Oh look:
“…To keep the pace of the game (to maintain “flow” and allow the market to regulate itself)” – This one is important. A hockey referee keeps the pace of the game not only by enforcing the rules, but more importantly by KEEPING HIS WHISTLE IN HIS POCKET. See, that’s key. The referee is not supposed to hover, or have the whistle permanently clenched between his lips in an attempt to intimidate the players. As a matter of fact, the referee isn’t even supposed to call any minor penalties that don’t pertain to direct action around the puck. In hockey, if it’s an “incidental” penalty (ie: a victimless crime or bad personal choice) then it’s of no concern to the referee. This is of course why I picked hockey for my analogy and not a sissified sport like baseball. How a “man” can be a baseball fan, I’ll never know."
It was either that or rag on Jersey some more.
*MissQuinn*
Thanks Pete. You must be on a higher plane than I am, me being stupid and all. It's been fun but gotta go. I'm sure you'll have a good time talking amongst yourselves plotting, well, whatever. Good luck with all that. I expect a good lecture from you showing how you have the Truth and all others are deficient, because, you know, that's how it works. See ya.
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