Akmed’s Heroes
by Rodney Lee ConoverSo I’m having lunch with my buddy Sandy Frank, and we’re laughing about his idea to update ‘Hogan’s Heroes,’ but have the series set in Guantanamo Bay Prison. You know, a guy pulls back his prayer rug, revealing a tunnel that goes to Raul Castro’s rape room; the fat lovable guard who “knows nada!” and of course the foreign guy who kisses everybody… wait – I fused the wrong Richard Dawson in there for a second…
… Anywhoozer, I’m thinking later how crazy it was that they even got Hogan’s Heroes on the air, but at least the fascists were the bad guys and the Americans were the good guys. CUT TO: Any given night this week, no less than three contemporary movies are running on cable where the fascists are the good guys and the Americans are the bad guys… wow, talk about crazy.
And everyone over 35 remembers that, amazingly, the farcical sitcom Hogan’s Heroes grew out of the Hollywood-made drama; “Stalag 17,” where – get this – the fascists were the bad guys and the Americans were the good guys! Hey Sandy, looks like all you gotta do is make the Gitmo terrorists the good guys and the Americans the bad guys, and its green-lightville, baby!
But it’s all moot because our new president signed an executive order to shut down Guantanamo Bay Prison requiring it be closed within a year. And I say; “More power to ‘ya, President Obama – close down Gitmo!” Now I know what you’re thinking: “But Rodney Lee, if you close down Gitmo, where do you put the prisoners?” Answer: American prisons… “But Rodney, then they’ll get the same rights under the Constitution that regular American prisoners get.”
This is true.
But for you folks who don’t want Gitmo closed and the “detainees” relocated to American prisons to get fair trials and rights and lawyers and book deals and remote interviews on Oprah; I ask you: What good are rights under the Constitution when you, yourself are under a 270-pound Samoan cellmate named; “Chester”?… Say what? Chester lost a friend in the 9-11 attacks? Ouch, mommy!
And good luck chatting with your ACLU lawyer with a mouthful of shower soap and a shiv in your ear. Oh, and about that speedy trial? Hope it’s speedier than ten minutes because that’s about how long these guys are going to last in an American prison. “But Rodney, they’ll segregate them from the other prisoners – they’ll be protected.” … Oh yeah, a lot of good that did Jeffrey Dahmer, who was “protected” in prison – yet was beaten to death with a meat tenderizer (kind of ironic, eh?).
But I digress… Back to Guantanamo – I hear you get to read the Koran, eat three squares and what – pray five times a day? I got bad news for the idiots who think the enemy are being treated poorly at Gitmo: Put these guys in Rikers Island and the only thing they’ll be praying for is to be back in Cuba. Give these fanatics a choice between San Quentin and Abu Ghraib and they’ll form a naked pyramid faster than you can say; “Thank-you Slave-mistress Lynndie, may I have another?”
Put them in American prisons, my friends, and as Ross Perot used to say; “Problem solved.”
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21 Comments
No problem.
John Murtha wants them in the prisions in his district.
Then can we relocate any that won't fit into the prision into his office?
“Any given night this week, no less than three contemporary movies are running on cable where the fascists are the good guys and the Americans are the bad guys.”
Really? What shows are these?
How about that old show where the American government was looked upon with mistrust and great pains were made to restrain it lest it become insulated from the people and build empires and start needless wars? I think it was made back in the 70’s…..the 1770’s.
All those fascist “other” countries where they listen in to your phone or throw you in jail without due process….I’m glad I don’t live in any of those other countries and live right here in Oceania.
Stalag 17 was a great movie. Remember what sorts of things the Nazi fascist villains did to the heroic American prisoners? Stress positions? Sleep deprivation? Wait . . . who exactly are the fascists in the Gitmo movie?
Give these fanatics a choice between San Quentin and Abu Ghraib and they’ll form a naked pyramid faster than you can say; “Thank-you Slave-mistress Lynndie, may I have another?”
LOLOLOLOLOL!!! Love it! My laugh o’ the week!
P.S. Terry, uh, good one?
Is David Deluise Related to Tom Deluise? Hope I spelled the Last name correct. I did go to see bachelorman.com Stupid Terrorist they should be in Gitmo. Dumb Liberals just wants to make America INSECURE! While Republicans wants to Secure America. McCain is a Disgrace for also wanting Gitmo Closed!
I would not count on these guys being raped or killed in prison. I am sure
there are lots of muslims in the prisons they can get protection from. They might even garner some converts to do mischief upon release.
Thank you. EXACTLY what I’ve been saying for the last two years. You think prisoners score points killing pedophiles in U.S. prisons? Wait till they get a batch of these lowlife targets.
Well,I think your right but why move them here?
If I’ve learned anything from the koranimals it’s that they are just as good at killing each other than they are at killing us.We need to learn to use thier own intolerane against them.
Soooo…here’s what you do.Go down to Gitmo and spread rumors that they all snitched on each other,or show them some offensive cartoon or something.Then feed them a dinner of free-range halal beef ribs,the biggest ribs you can find,let them spend the whole night in thier cells sharpening the ribs on the concrete.The next day you let them all out onto the yard and let the religeon of peace work it’s charm.
JLP
I never thought of it that way. At first I was just pissed at liberal oafs wanting American rights for non-american scum. But you are right, put them in our prisons and Gitmo will look like club-med.
This is funny stuff.
But what were the movies where the facists are the good guys and the Americans are the bad guys? This way I won’t have to watch them to find out.
lwwalker – January 28th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
“Stalag 17 was a great movie. Remember what sorts of things the Nazi fascist villains did to the heroic American prisoners? Stress positions? Sleep deprivation? Wait . . . who exactly are the fascists in the Gitmo movie?”
See this is how a liberal thinks. They see a Nazi prison, guards are treating the prisoners badly, and prisoners are the good guys. Now they see Gitmo. Guards treating prisoners badly, prisoners must be the good guys. No critical thinking. No distinction between American prisoners who were fighting the maniac Hitler and the Islamist Terrorists who vow to eradicate Jews and Christians (and any non-Muslim for that matter). To understand how the liberal mind works, see Evan Sayet’s video at Heritage Foundation. A real eye-opener.
I have a FANTASTIC Idea! Murtha said they are no more or Less Dangerous put them in my district! How about THIS
Put them in Murhtas Neighborhood, they are no more or less dangerous. maybe the Nutsack will think twice before opening his ugly mouth!
I agree. Put them in General Population though. The only thing convicts hate worse than a pervert is a terrorist. The guards want even take bets on the Gitmo scum in GP. Its better than letting them go like the LIBs. want.
Keep up the subversion.
Buy a season or three of Hogan’s Heroes for the children of a liberal you love.
They will thank you.
Yeah, blowhole, way to conveniently forget to mention the ones who’ve been released then gone back to innocently killing people.
You’re a joke.
You should play the Sgt. Schultz character in this remake, you dumbass.
” I know nothing.”
Dear Mr Blifil,
re: “Hope you sleep well at nights”
“…zzzzzz…..zzzzzz…..(that’s me sleeping like a baby) zzzz…deriding liberalssssszzzz… zzzzzz… mister anti-American blifil…. zzzzzzz…
…mmmm… big hollywood… mmmmmmmm… big hollywood… mmmmmmmm…”
I think Sheriff Joe out in Arizona said he’d take the terrorists from Gitmo. Let’s see how they handle wearing pink and eating bologna sandwiches.
UCFENGR: You are spot on! I worked briefly with a Catholic prison ministry and our guys on the inside said that the most successful “missionaries” were the Muslims especially those preaching a Black Nationalism combined with Islam. [Kind of ironic if you consider who sold their ancestors into slavery.] The Gitmo transfers will be quite successful in their dawa — conversion tactics– with the alienated. These guys will lap up the violent Medina passages of the Quran and the Hadith sayings which urge them to give vent to their violent tendencies. Once the newly programmed-to-jihad converts are released, we can expect little concern for OUR RIGHTS such as the right to life.
The ‘muslim’ missionaries that are so successful in prisons are Nation of Islam adherents. Actual muslims think they’re a cult. A cult of useful idiots, but a cult nonetheless. The terrorists will not associate with them.
Additionally, I do not believe that there are muslim gangs in our prisons besides N.O.I. gangs.
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