ObamaTV on NBC: ‘Law & Order: Soda Police’
by Nicole W. CiandellaThe Law & Order franchise has always made a fetish of being “ripped from the headlines.” Law & Order: SVU—the popular, sexed-up spin-off of the now-retired original—seems particularly intent on cramming up-to-date political commentary into every hour-long episode.
Remember Terri Schiavo? If you don’t, you can refresh your memory with SVU Episode 7×08. Want to hear your favorite detectives debate the standards of Army recruiters? That’s 11×08. And don’t miss 11×10, in which a man kills “anchor babies” of immigrants and claims he did it because he was brainwashed by a right-wing television personality. (Bill O’Reilly was not a fan of that episode.) And then there’s the October 13th episode.
Here’s the “plot”: a beautiful blonde woman named Lindsay is found dead. The detectives investigate. It turns out that Lindsay had a lot of enemies. See, Lindsay was a PR representative for a big soda company—and, of course, soda kills children.
“Lindsay Elding and all the soda companies know their products are poison,” one angry (but sympathetic) lobbyist tells the detectives. When one detective protests gently that lack-of-exercise—not soda—is to blame for childhood obesity, the lobbyist is indignant. “Ask Davy Gamm’s mother,” he says. “She’ll tell you what soda did to her son.”
Cue sentimental scene between female detective and dead child’s mother:
Davy’s Mother: Davy was 12 when he took his life. I tried to make him stop with the cola. But he was addicted to it.
Det. Benson [slowly, with furrowed brow]: Soda made him kill himself.
Davy’s Mother: I collected all the research. High-fructose corn syrup can make you obese. And obesity can make you depressed.
Det. Benson: And depression can lead to suicide.
So let me get this straight: you’re saying soda killed your son because soda can make people fat, and being fat can make people depressed, and depression can make people kill themselves? Guess I never thought about it like that before! Color me convinced!
And there’s more. Davy Gamm’s mother—who’s a nurse—reveals that she filed a wrongful death suit against the soda company for her son’s suicide. When Detective Benson says she’s “not sure” that the company can be blamed for Davy’s death, Davy’s mother shakes her head sadly and replies:
“That’s what the jury said. But we would’ve won our suit if that woman hadn’t built the ColaNow athletic center for the community.”
That woman, of course, is Lindsay. Not only is she guilty of killing children with soda, she’s also guilty of building gyms for underprivileged communities in her corporation’s name. Good thing she’s dead!
In true Law & Order form, the episode has a (predictable) twist: it seems that Lindsay wasn’t killed for her soda-peddling after all, but over a personal grudge.
Yet the real message of the episode is clear: soda is the new tobacco. It’s the monster in the closet; it’s coming for your children; and it’s to blame for whatever’s wrong with your life.
So keep your kids off soda! Or, actually, don’t. Just keep them off Law & Order: SVU—not just because it’s political propaganda masquerading as crime-drama, but because really, when you get down to it, it is a very, very bad show.
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174 Comments
Of course in the L&O universe, you know who makes, sells and drinks soda?
Tea Partiers!
; )
It's about damn time stories like these reached the unwashed masses.
I am absolutely sick to death of walking down the street, only to get jumped by soda deliver personal who wrestle me to the ground, and pour bottles of soda down my throat.
This has got to stop. And I'm proud to see modern liberal Hollywood step up to the cause.
I saw the show, and called NBC. Of course ignored. Law and Order, a primer on the real agenda of the Regressive/Socialist. Plot is always the same. Someone broke the law, the cops make the Progressive/Socialist case, and the DA twists, ingnores, or makes up Constitutional justifications to put the "Mean" people away, even if they are innocent.
I hate the show, but am facinated at the same time because it allows me to glimpse into the mind suffering from mental ill…..Sorry….Progressive/Socialism. ;0)
Davy's Mother: That glowing death ball in the sky killed my Davy. You made the death ball, so his cancer your fault. I demand that you blot it out from the sky.
God: It's not a "death ball," it's the sun.
Davy's Mother: Tell that to Davy, you heartless Republican.
They forgot to also blame soda for the morbidly obese national debt and severly depressed economy!!! Oh, and soda also makes teaparty people so stupid and, and, and uuhhhhh soda makes people "all of a sudden" not like Obama…and, and, and….OH CLIMATE CHANGE…. SODA IS TO BLAME FOR CLIMATE CHANGE!! Give me a freaken break!!!! People make choices on what to put in their body not mind controlling soda!
Just last week I had to shoot a junkie that broke into my home and started stealing my stockpile of Fresca….
You win the internet!
Soda does indeed make one fat. If that's all you ever freaking drink! Good grief the folks at L&O have lost their minds. Personal responsibility? What's that? Sounds more like hate speech to me you evil right wing fascist racist!
That must explain all those Mountain Dew whores I see soliciting on the street corner.
Brilliant!!
Dude, Fresca?
I mean really, Fresca?
Oh, if they'd only come up with a sugar-free alternative, all of this carnage could have been avoided!!
/facepalm
You know what else makes people depressed? Barack Obama as POTUS. OMG! Everyone who voted for Obama is a MURDERER!!!!
How is this idiotic show still on the air? After this many years I think it's time to pull the plug.
Yeah, remember that time when Law & Order wasn't a ham-handed exercise in leftist masturbatory fantasy? Nope, neither do I.
Well, there was the first couple of seasons with Michael Moriarty as the DA, but then they got Sam Waterston and Dick Wolf abandoned any pretense towards balance.
SVU jumped the shark a long time ago.
Tell me about it. Just last week the local paper was reporting on another senseless slaughter at Orange Crush house down int he ghetto. 2 Dead, 4 wounded, and 36 cases of soda destroyed.
These soda wars have got to be dealt with.
Just make sure you keep a bottle of whiskey and a stack of Clint Eastwood DVDs on hand in case you need to talk yourself down.
That's right. Those nasty carbon bubbles.
Soon the Soda Cartels' war will be spilling into our streets!!!
I blame soda for global warming. All those burps. They add up.
Let's get James Cameron working on it.
How's "Avaburp" grab you?
Prediction: legal drinking ages for soda soon.
It's such a shame to see what those young people will do for soda, one can at a time.
The government must step in and institute a fairness doctrine for soda. Any eating establishment offering soda with sugar must also offer the sugar-free alternative.
Actually, I'd be all for that…not the government intervention, but more diet soda choices. I mean, cola? Really? You think that's the only flavor diet-soda drinkers want? Give us root beer, give us Dr. Pepper, give us Fresca! Diet soda drinkers of the world unite!!
Tell me you didn't laugh at that……
They should just legalize all of it. A war on soda is unwinable….
Dr. Pepper should lose his medical license for pushing this poison.
Oh yes, I laughed. As an amateur comedian I will go almost anywhere for a laugh.
But Fresca? That's a bit too far for even me.
I never really got into the law and order shows. The one cop drama I liked was NCIS and now the PC crowd has ruined that one. The bad guys are now all military, Christian, corporate, or a combo. I actually saw Gibbs (former bada$$ investigator) ruefully remove a plastic bottle from the trash and place it in the recycling. Shark meet jump.
Agreed. That would take the illegal profit out of it and spell the end of the Pepsi and Coke cartels.
Soda Police, eh?
In honor of Ms. Obama, an honorary song is in order.
How about "Cheeseburger in Paradise" from Jimmy Buffet?
Hold the soda………..
You're a rabid anti-frescite!!!!!!!!!!
Watch any PBS special on third world countries and you'll likely see a Coke sign somewhere. This of course, explains why these countries have abject poverty, disease, political corruption and a tendency to slaughter the members of other tribes.
Contrary to this is that in Mexico, Coke is made with sugar which explains why that country is the shining example of proper governance, health, lawful order and prosperity. And, because soda and the evil HFCS, er, corn sugar, is such an evil that millions of immigrants are trying to get here so that they may partake in it's addiction and eventual death by indulgence.
The problem with Hollywood is not the morons that produce, direct and act in its trash, it's the morons that fall for it and believe that what they attempt to sell is the truth.
The quality would be better too, no more buckets of RC Cola being pushed on those who don't know better. Remember that entire 3rd grade class that went blind from bathtub soda?
Damn right I am. Ever since they hired Che Guvera for that ad campaign with the Swedish bikini team.
That crossed a line.
Those damn Swedes and their hotness…..
I may not have a come back for this one (it's that good), but this isn't over yet.
Off Topic:
Nicole Ciandella is a cutie….
But diet soda KILLS!!!!! They injected rats with like 10 lbs of sugar substitute and they all died! Everyone who has ever drank a diet soda will die! We are all going to die unless we write laws against IT!
The bikini team was fine. Che is the one who pissed me off. It was a non union set, so he opened fire on the light and sound crew.
Busted the who ad campaign budget.
Yeah, my kids get soda from time to time. Usually we have water. None of my kids have yet to go to a dealer to get their soda fix.
I would like to see a right wing show target global warming fanatics, cap an trade freaks, union thugs , anti war crazies like code pink, you get the point.
Oh, Luisced. You've been duped by the evil soda cabal who ran that study for the express purpose of scaring people away from diet soda. If people drank diet soda, the evil soda companies could not kill millions of children a year with Coke and Mountain Dew!
I remember that, they tried changing the can to red for Che until he tried to abscond with the Swedes. Their handler, "Olaf" put a stop to that and Che's reign of soda madness.
Now if they'd just drop the damn restraining order….
I humbly await your response good sir…..
And yet NBC and L&O have no problem taking piles of cash to advertise these products,as well as alcohol.
Nah… I am a Rum and COKE girl. ;0) Thats why I was so upset with the show. I have been a fan of coke since I was a kid, heck in my family we put out Cookies and a coke for Santa Clause. Have been drinking Coke for going on 40+ years, and still trim and svelte. ;0)
So, Coked up and Suicidal. How times change. It used to be Coked up and Homocidal.
It doesn't have to be "right-wing", it just has to be about common sense and fact.
Somebody should create robots that follow Asimov's rules to protect us! (See "The Humanoids")
Yeesh, no wonder about the only thing I watch is the Food Network. But now that I think about it, will Hollywood go after them next? Is Giada Di Laurentis guilty of the crime of taunting me with tiramisu and manipulating me into a sugar frenzy? Is the Diner, Drive In and Dive guy responsible for me gorging my face with BBQed pork sandwiches and garlic fries? And forget Paula Deen, the butter queen, she's a liberal hang-wringer's worst nightmare. Poor thing wouldn't have a chance in liberal food police court.
I know that sounds silly, but no sillier than Law & Order's idiotic soda plot.
Run & Coke will do, its classified as a happy drink.
But I do like caution those who may not be familiar with entering the inner modern liberal sanction. It has been known to cause brain damage.
If it starts to get too much, you need to have plans on how to get back to normal.
Oh yeah, because the war on drugs worked so well.
next thing you know some one's going to want to have a war guacamole.
Noticed that myself.
nice work on your blog, shows a lot of effort.
I swear to God, I thought this was a parody when I began reading it. Yeah, right – 'Soda police', sure. I kept waiting for Ciandella to suddenly burst out laughing and confess "No, wait, folks, I'm just making this all up to show you how ridiculous L&O is'" – but – it – didn't – happen. I keep reading and suddenly she's quoting real dialogue from the show and telling me the specific date when it was aired and that's when it hits me between the eyes! Oh, my God – this is for real! She's not making this up, this insane lunacy of a plot was actually written, performed and aired. My God, I knew L&O and the Lefties of television were unhinged, but I didn't realize until now that they are absolutely drooling, don't-blink-when-the-light-bulb-goes-on crazy.
All that AND brains….
If all your son does is sit around drinking cola and playing video games instead of getting some exercise, of course he's going to be obese. It wasn't the cola that killed him, it was his behavior. I can go out to McDonald's and have hamburgers for every meal, and eventually I'll probably end up having a heart attack, but it's not McDonald's fault that I choose not to eat their food in moderation. If you abuse ANYTHING it can be harmful to your health, even water.
Gosh, I miss JAG…
In this country, you gotta make the soda first. Then when you get the soda, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.
; )
In NYC? That wouldn't shock me one bit.
Wow, thanks!
"Soda Police" Sung to the tune of "Dream Police" by Cheap Trick:
The soda police they live inside my head.
The soda police they come to me in my bed.
The soda police they're coming to arrest me, oh no.
You know the price is cheap, and those calories ain't nice.
and when I crash and burn, I don't think I'll survive the night, the night.
Cause they're waiting for me.
They're looking for me.
At every grocery store, they're drivng me insane.
Calorie cops inside my brain…
Benson is hot. That, and Ice-T promised to stab NBC's CEO in the throat if the show got cancelled.
Maybe now Obama will stop blaming Bush and start blaming the real culprit SODA ! Bad soda, go to your room!
More L&O dialogue than I have heard or read since the last report here. No surprise. Nicole, thanks for "taking one for the team"! It's a nasty job, but someone has to keep an eye on those creeps.
Time to start a new program, net-based, that does the same thing to L&O that L&O does to conservatives and white heterosexual males, especially businessmen. Guilty of causing depression and suicide by their psychological bullying of our more vulnerable citizens.
You know how it starts. One can of Coke. People tell ya don't do this,you tell them"I can handle it,don't worry." You take the next jump"Dr. Pepper",then bam you're on Red Bull and you don't know what happened. You stand there looking in the mirror and realize you now look like Barney Frank and act like Nancy Pelosi. There's no way out!!
Say ello to my lil FRESCA!!!!
This episode sounds like something a writer at the Onion would come up with—–at least their's would be funny deliberatetly.
I thought that's what wives were for?
Apologies to all conservative woman, but that's a joke I could not, in good conscience avoid.
LMAO at the dialogue. Ed Wood would be proud.
People always laugh at me when I tell them DEMOLITION MAN is becoming reality but you see new signs of this almost daily. I mean, they did ban tablesalt in NY did they not?
Nice.
Clap, clap, clap!
Well done, if I had a cap I'd doff it.
I once had a dream where I was a smuggler of then-banned Mountain Dew. Maybe it was a premonition.
Too much air pressure will kill you.
One of my favorite sayings is the only real difference between humans and dogs is we no what's coming.
The evil, evil capitalism, coming to kill our children unawares, again? Will they ever stop their relentless crusade, & what is next? Pretty soon, if we keep allowing it to flourish, people will have jobs instead of welfare!
& people will be living their lives without the omnipotent government control, to guide us. Oh the endless evil in such an innocent looking little soda pop can. Thank God for hollywoods ever caring advice, without which we could possibly have lived unfettered.
Hey you inspired it dude!
Now I'm confused because I blame Bush for the soda wars.
Soda boarding some one is unconstitutional.
I drink too many Cokes and I am overweight. My fault. Poor lifestyle choices. But this problem didn't arise until after I was grown up and living on my own. Before that, MY PARENTS used to go out of their way to KEEP ME FROM DRINKING TOO MANY SODAS. Hint to Mrs. Whiney Fictional Mom…
Seriously, I was depressed before I started sucking down sugary soft drinks with caffeine in them. It's called self-medication. Did not make the depression go away, of course – just gave me momentary breaks from it without addressing my actual problems. Having addressed the actual problems, I now find myself depression-free and weighing 286 pounds. I blame the Coca-Cola Company for NONE of it. My life, my choices, my fault.
I'm a conservative and I feel the same way about sodas as I do about guns and cigarettes and porn and skydiving and lots of other things. They are intended to be enjoyed by responsible adults in moderate amounts and with due regard for safety. People who abuse them must deal with the consequences.
Man, I can't wait for that show to get cancelled, like its parent. With plots like this, it's only a matter of time.
I think it is criminal that the government doesn't take over the CocaCola corp. The people have been demanding it for so long. The last election was a clear mandate. What is the Soda Czar waiting for? Bring the troops home and put them in the grocery stores where they belong.
And let's keep in mind those ruthless Mountain Dew-7Up wars. There are certain parts of town you don't want to go into at night, it's–well, let's just say it's not pretty. I still have nightmares about the Brookhaven incident of '98 sometimes. Never forget, people!
He might be drained from Round Umpteen of our conservative/libertarian clash this weekend. Drugs and prostitution references everywhere, oh my…
That's so horrible and misogynistic I had to give you a thumbs up!
What? That's illegal. You are not allowed to be personally responsible. Uncle Obammy will take care of you.
Once more, we see the double standard Hollywood employs. When lawless activists on the Left are the subject, their crimes are (usually) condemned, but at the same time somehow justified, and often balanced with someone on the Right being singled out as the real cause of it all. In short, extreme but understandable. But when lawless activists on the Right are the subject, then there's no possibility (and thus no effort) of understanding; they are simply inhuman monsters. Good to see Law & Order's smugness is alive and well.
Another reason I gave up on network tv years ago. It's nothing more than leftist propaganda. My wife likes L&O-SUV. She read this article w/o a comment. Go figure.
It's only funny because it's true.
((Should I be ducking now?))
Ah yes, now I remember why I don't watch that show anymore. Or maybe it was the addition of Sharron Stone. Can you say "Jump the shark"?
I was watching "The Soup" this weekend (you gotta love a show that mocks reality TV) and they actually featured a clip of SVU on the show as an example of really bad writing. It wasn't this episode -that'll probably show up next week. Yep. Law & Order is so bad that other TV shows are making fun of it.
Oh good Lord, don't get me started on the Dewers. Those hillbillies. They make the Russian mafia look like really funny joke deleted by commenter in the name of diversity awareness.
Exactly. It's ridiculous to me that the mother in this episode didn't bother to actually be a parent and monitor her son's behavior while he was alive, but, once he's dead, decides to go after the company that makes the drink he overindulged in? How does that make any sense? Who's the one who let him become addicted to the soda in the first place? He was a kid, somebody had to be supplying it for him as he grew up.
Is there any wonder why NBC is dead last in rating. It's only a matter of time before L&O SVU goes the way of its older brother.
Tell me about it, I just watched 2 of this seasons shows via the internet and in one it was a rogue CIA agent. and in the other it was middle class white people plotting to blow up a building at Norfolk Navy Base, with the built in remarks about "redneck militia's" .
No more middle eastern bad guys, Its all white people or corporations. Heck one week NCIS Los Angles had some corporation killing US Marines, the next week it was marines killing marines over stolen Iraqi treasures. Its getting sick on TV.
Have you noticed that the drum beat against tobacco had backed off a bit, since the POTUS smokes like a chimney.
First alcohol, then cigarettes, then music/videogames/TV, salt, and now soda?
Jeez, with this much villainy portrayed to these products, I feel like I need to drink a keg, smoke a few packs of unfiltered cigs, while listening to death metal and playing Doom, with plenty of 2 liter coke bottles and a pile of salt to lick.
Personal responsibility? There's no such thing! We both must find it and eliminate it once and for all!
\\m//
I once took a thing of Mountain Dew for 7 months.
Empty vodka bottles?
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