A Father’s Day Note to the President: Mind Your Own Business
by Michael WilsonI’m far from a perfect father. For example, just the other day, on my watch, my one-year old, Ben, who is now rumblin’, bumblin’ and stumblin’ all over the house, took a dive on the corner of our entertainment center and gave himself a nice shiner. Within a few minutes, he’d forgotten about it and was wobbling around on two legs again, proud of his newly acquired mobility. But I felt bad for not catching him. I suppose the President, who made it a point on Saturday to pontificate to us dads about what kind of fathers we should be just ahead of Father’s Day, has never missed either of his daughters just before they got an “ouchie.” If neither Sasha nor Malia have ever scraped a knee, had a black eye, or even fractured a bone, then I guess he can pretend to be the perfect daddy. But then, you could also argue that without said minor injuries, the First Kids probably haven’t lived much of a life.
President Obama’s righteousness about fatherhood comes from the recognition that his own dad was, indeed, a douchebag. He knocked up Obama’s mom and quickly fled the country, only meeting his son once, and bringing him a basketball. There are fathers like that out there, but they’re few and far between. And they deserve our scorn. And I understand the President’s desire to talk about his own experience as a fatherless child. I get it. It must have been terrible and I’d probably talk about it too if my dad Bruce Wilson hadn’t been the incredible dad he is to this day (see my movie “Michael Moore Hates America” for an interview with Pops).
But on Father’s Day, I’d like to remind the President that his dad is an aberration. The vast majority of dads out there would kill and die for their kids. I certainly would. And the vast majority of divorced dads out there, like me, would never abandon their children. Instead, a government system has preyed upon loving, caring dads and made them nothing more than ATMs with limited, government-determined access to the people they love the most in the world–their children.
Fathers are systematically discriminated against in an unnecessary and perhaps unconstitutional family court system. The judge in a family court frequently decides who should have primary custody of a child with limited testimony, evidence and understanding of a given family. These judges are essentially determining which parent might be a better parent within a matter of moments, and in the process, changing the very foundation of relationships the “losing” parent has with the child. In the vast majority of cases, the mother wins custody and the father is required to pay for the honor of not being able to see his children. That fact should frighten you. Deeply.
Another fact that should scare you is that a steep majority of the Child “Welfare” workers, who make determinations about whether or not you’re a good parent, are women. There’s nothing wrong with that, I suppose. I mean, after all, the good and caring government, while it sticks its nose into the intimate workings of your family dynamic must be entirely un-flawed, unbiased and fair. They’d NEVER side with someone of their own gender for completely biased reasons. And since everyone who works for the government is a deeply compassionate and caring person who would never work at that job for the incredible pay and Cadillac benefits, we can rest assured.
But the fact remains, these glorified DMV workers are mostly women and they decide the future of your family. Shouldn’t there be some gender balance?
The other fact that should frighten you even more is that the Child Support System is rigged. There is actually a financial incentive for government to intrude on your personal business. When I got divorced, I was making some decent dough, and though my custody arrangement regarding my daughter was a shared arrangement, I agreed to pay my ex-wife a little child support to help her out. To this day we have the same bills and expenses, so there wasn’t a big reason to do that, other than that I wanted everything to be as amicable as possible.
I simply wrote my ex-wife a check every month and that was that. Until something or other came up and she got angry with me. She called the county to have them collect the payments to teach me a lesson (no, I was certainly NOT behind on my payments, but here in Minnesota, every recipient can CHOOSE to have the government collect the payments). And thus, the System got involved. YOUR tax dollars are now paying someone to collect and process a check I was writing for free.
Being someone with a disdain for government intrusion into my life, especially in the most sensitive, important part of my life, I had no choice but to find out how this could happen. It turns out that the more enforcement cases there are at the county level, the more money the states give the counties. The more cases the states are accounting for, the more money they get from the federal government. So the bigger and more “involved” in your life government can become, the more security there is for the long-term established government employees. And judges. And case workers. And social workers. And it’s enough to make a person insane, when you think about it. A malicious government machine can feed itself and make itself bigger, nastier, and more entrenched in your personal life. And there is NOTHING you can do to stop it. Try, and they’ll throw you in jail or prison WITHOUT CHARGE, where you’ll be BEATEN TO DEATH, like happened to Brian Armstrong, a father in New Hampshire who lost his job and couldn’t pay up.
The Family Court system should be abolished. There is no reason for its existence other than to feed itself and to destroy families–especially fathers. Every aspect the system handles could be handled by district, state and federal courts. You want a divorce settlement and custody arrangement? Come up with a mutually agreed upon contract or sue in district or state court. What if there’s abuse? Call 911 and the offending party is arrested and tried under criminal statutes. There’s a custody dispute? File a suit over your contract at the time of the divorce.
If the President wants men to be good fathers, then he ought to think about doing what he can to get government out of the way. Eliminate Family Courts and sexist judges. Put people on the bench who understand that most fathers would choose to be with their children every day, every moment if they could.
Maybe the President should let us act like the men we are and get government the hell out of the way. And if he refuses to let us be good fathers without Big Daddy Government poking its stupid, overbearing nose into our lives, the least he could do is quit making speeches about how we need to do a better job.
Happy Father’s Day, dads.
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142 Comments
Wow, I can't disagree with this more. In many minority communities the father is a rumor, not someone who would kill or die for their kids (the statistics are staggering). I dated a woman for over a year who's last husband barely noticed the kids because he started dating a new woman with her own kids. It was a constant cause of pain for her to watch the kids be ignored and sometimes placed in danger by someone who couldn't possibly care less (and he was one of the many men who did everything humanly possible to avoid paying child support).
There are a lot of wonderful fathers and I like to think I'm one of them, but if they're the majority, it's certainly not by a landslide.
Instead of the nanny state, under Obama we are becoming the "Daddy State" It is none of the Governments business, especially the Federal Government's business if I am a good Father, none.
And Happy Father's Day to you too, sir!
I have a friend, a divorced father of two. He's a good guy and loves his kids. I won't elaborate since it isn't any of my business but you should hear some of his horror stories.
I must respectfully disagree with the primary thrust of this post. I think President Obama just might be the worst president in American history. But that does not mean he never does anything right. I think he deserves credit and support for this "national conversation" (as cliched and loaded as that trite expression is) about fatherhood. On this one issue he is mostly right.
Although the secondary thrust – please get government out of our way – is of course right on target. Government paternalism has wrecked a significant chunk of the African-American community.
Des, your own words argue FOR Wilson's article, which you believe you couldn't disagree with more. "In many minority communities…" Minority, as in, the few. Yeah, those communities are in serious trouble, but to use the same draconian laws on the vast majority of communities where dead beat dads are an anomaly is cruel, counterproductive and, well, idiotic.
Also, I'm against cops strapping a prisoner down and beating him to death, then hiding the body and ignoring the family. I'm certain the Bill of Rights is also against such Castro evil. Even Jack Bauer stops the beating after he learns the location of the bomb.
Amen, Michael. As a vet of the divorce/custody battles, and an inhabitant of a no-fault divorce state I have to agree with everything you said. The way the current is stacked against honest, hard-working, and loveing fathers is pathetic. My ex and I worked things out fine, always…until she discovered what a free ticket she could have if she just picks up the phone and calls a lawyer. she and the lawyer used every good intention, every good means of support against me; completely wiped me out and made my next four years a living hell. Then she continued to have kids with other men, divorce them and use her kids for support. She's got four now, by three diferrent men, and not a decent mother to any of them. The government system if monstrous. Tort reform? I say what Shakespear said: "First….kill all the lawyers." (I'm kidding…I think.)
Thanks very much for this excellent article! As a victim of the Family Law Courts, oh, wait, I mean, as a father, I agree whole-heartedly with your points. Also, for years I've worked in the legal system in one way or another, and have found the system works exactly as you point out: basically, family law courts are systems whereby women help other women to eliminate men from their own families and, doing what governments do best, stealing money from hard-working men. My own experience with family law court taught me what I tell all the other fathers out there: once your wife takes you to court, you no longer have children. Give up, because you can't win.
And, as Ann Coulter pointed out in her latest book, the vast majority of prison inmates have one thing in common: they had no fathers when they were growing up. It takes a father to raise a child right; just ask Ted Bundy what it takes to raise a homicidal maniac.
As a result of this, there is a rather cynical blog called "Roissy in DC," which posits that because the family-law system is deliberately rigged against men, men shouldn't get married or have kids (since both can be taken away by the state whenever the woman says so) — rather, they should stop "romanticizing" women (who, by design, would merely take advantage of good, decent "beta provider" males' earning power and go straight for the abusive bad-boy types) and use them as mere sex receptacles, since the current system leaves no other option.
Though he does give radical feminism a thorough thrashing, and acknowledge that men and women are not interchangeable, has it really come to mere "pump-and-dump"? Is this truly the only thing left? The older folks here surely have no problem, but if you're young like I am…I shudder. Surely, Roissy is laughing at me for not "opening my eyes to the truth" and embracing his forget-the-future cynicism.
I get the sense that the most important words in this article are "something or other"…
This is such a complex topic– I worked as a school teacher, so I can certainly say that I have seen firsthand how important fathers are. That's not even a debatable point. I do know that the majority of social workers (and elementary school teachers for that matter) are women. But it's also true that men don't seek those kinds of jobs. The schools I worked for actively sought male teachers because they wanted the kids to have the male role models, they were just hard to find. So– maybe realize that men can and need to insert themselves into that process if they want to see some evenhanded treatment.
As a kid who grew up in a family of four kids who never saw a dime of child support come our way, you'll have to forgive me if I think there's a reason to have some system in place to make sure that parents don't bail on their kids. But I don't think it should be an automatic that the kids go to the mom or that a simple call to a lawyer is all it should take for the courts to go after the dad. Government– like everything else– is best when used in moderation.
I don't understand. What are you implying here?
I simply wrote my ex-wife a check every month and that was that. Until something or other came up and she got angry with me.
Are you saying that she might have had a legitimate reason to be angry with him? Because one could indeed interpret it that way.
I was tempted to put words into your mouth, I confess, but I'd rather hear your own.
The key phrase here is "the current system leaves no other option"… because it really doesn't.
Why, it's almost as if they want to make every man in the country into a commitment-phobic hedonist.
The plural of "anecdote" is not "data"
Just because certain types of fathers may get noticed more, doesn't mean they're the majority. You may have 20 or 30 windows on your house. If one is broken, that's the only one you're going to notice.
It's not the role of the president to give us lectures about parenting. Is there a single aspect of our lives that is not subject to his intrusion? I can't think of anything. He's everywhere, at all times on all subjects, there he is with another government solution.
From my perspective, I don't give two shakes what this fraud has to say about "fatherhood". Barry Soetoro suffers from a classic case of abandonment from both of his biological "parents" and his hatred for both of them. Meanwhile, we as Americans are the punching bag for all of his social engineering experiments forced on us because he has abandonment issues.
Michael, this is the most poignant article I have read since BH launched, and I have been a close reader since the beginning. I am a divorced father of two, who got injured then divorced because of the injury, ruined financially, unemployable because of the injury, unable to make my support payments, and my ex-wife insists on interferring with the relationship between me and my daughters. And I can't lift a goddamned finger to stop her. I weep daily for my daughters and how their mother's behavior is damaging them, now and for the future. I have only seen my daughters for 9 days in the last 12 months. I certainly don't need President Firefly telling me anything about fatherhood.
http://shermansmarch.blogspot.com
"But on Father’s Day, I’d like to remind the President that his dad is an aberration."
This is demonstrably not true in the African-American community. I tried to Google the statistic, but it was not on the first page of results. If memory serves, however, about 31% of African-American children live with single mothers. Someone less of a Google luddite than I can correct me if I'm wrong, but the percentage is quite high in any event, and the fathers often assume no responsibility for the children. None at all.
Your points about how the deck is stacked against men, however, are perfectly valid, sadly. I'm divorced/no kids, and I got off easy, with no hang-ups at all, but this is rare. Many of my friends my age can't even live their lives properly because of onerous burdens placed on them by family courts. A guy almost has to be a sucker to get married today.
What about the women who deliberately choose for their children to have no father in their lives? The men don't deserve all the blame, not by a long shot.
To make matters worse, we're supposed to celebrate this as men getting their just desserts for "oppressing" women for centuries. Forget any principle of legal equality — it's all about whose ox is gored. But forgive me for not holding to the "progressive, modern, 21st-century" view of how to relate to a woman, which is "pump-and-dump." Single motherhood ends up producing legions of screwed-up kids, and we're supposed to call this "good," on pain of being damned as "sexists"?
Ha. I see right through it. I don't care what the blasted numbers on the calendar say — THIS IS WRONG.
or Ted Kennedy…
In my practice, I saw the disparity between the treatment of men and women time and again. At one time, I told a judge that I thought he would grant custody and support to the mother unless I could prove beyond a reasonable doubt that she would eat the kids during a feeding frenzy. "No fault" divorce hasn't helped. At least before that, someone had to prove some kind of wrongdoing on the part of the other spouse. Today, the law says one thing, but the courts do quite another. The courts still assume that the mother is automatically the better parent, regardless of the evidence and the legal requirement that no such assumption be made. The husband is assumed to be the wrongdoer, even though that is not even supposed to be an issue, and then he is punished, usually by the loss of the children and punitive payments to the ex-wife. In the misty past, that made a certain amount of sense, because the woman was considered the "natural" custodian, and often had no way of making a decent living because she had married right out of high school and had no decent employment skills. That has changed completely over the years, yet the courts behave as though that were still the case. I represented men and women in divorces in about equal proportion, and believe me representing the woman was a cakewalk compared to representing a conscientious man who wanted to have at least equal physical custody of the kids. I survived my own divorce largely because my ex knew I didn't have to hire a lawyer if she wanted to up the ante as time went on. And the kids were lucky because both of us loved them, and refused to use them as tools in the divorce. That is a rarity.
As someone briefly entangled in the criminal justice system (it doesn't take much if you seem "threating" to another party) I hope the family court system is better but I doubt it. It's all about the $$$$JACK if you get cornered into a probation period. If you show up and pay the money it's barely tolerable. Guys that can't pay get deeper and deeper into the system until it swallows them whole. It's easy to see why so many people say "screw it, lock me up!" It was weird watching people struggle against the system rather than submit to it, knowing they couldn't or wouldn't hack it anymore. I've never been so glad to finish and walk out of any situation in my life. Bigger, more intrusive bureaucracies are NOT THE ANSWER!
I gagged when I read about the Father's Day article by Obama. Axelrod is certainly doing his job making Obama some kind of super being and cleaning up Michele's image. It's sad that it is image and not substance.
As for the garbage against men. The whole thing with the "father" mantra the last years seems to be another one of those stupid feminist ploys of putting men in the back seat in the name of equality.
Feminists have never had my sympathy for anything except equal pay for equal work. Unfortunately too many feminists don't recognize that women are not always equal for all jobs (like lifting walls when framing a house). Anyway… the libs hate women like me. Libs hate anyone with common sense and that's why they go rabid on people like Palin. IMO.
I don't believe the numbers for the black community are relevant to prove black fathers drop the ball. I would point out what studies have shown. Welfare destroys families. It's been proven here and in Africa. Liberals use humanitarianism to create dependency not liberty. And it destroys instead of helping. This article and the horror stories by other men show there is a real problem with the applications of liberal ideologies. It also shows how destructive feminism has been for our men (and women I would add).
We are now watching our nation being bltizkrieged on every front by manic liberals who are going in for the kill (our economy, taxes, health care, CAPS, Industry). You name it – they are targeting it. I'm sick of it all.
Well said!
As a bartender I hear these kind of stories all the time (although mostly from the men). Between that and some of my friends, i've decided that in Missouri the woman would have to be a crack-smoking axe murderer to not get the kids and support. Even then she still will if dad works third shift.
I don't understand what the criticism is in here. I'm as republican as one can get, but the lengths some republicans go to criticize the president is ridiculous. What's next? Will Obama be crucified for breathing? If we want to point out the failures of the president, why not use vallid reasons, instead of using trivial ones?
I thought we were supposed to be "post-racial" now, so the numbers for the African-American population should be irrelevant next to the numbers for the whole. According to the 2000 census african-americans were just 12-13% of the population, so even if 75% of the fathers in the african-american demo are deadbeat (I made up that number as an example) that's still only about 9-10% of the total.
As mentioned above, the only reason we think of this behavior as typical is because we don't get reports on the dads taking care of business.
I have been with my significant other for many years now. His daughters were 4 and 8 when I met them. His ex has done nothing but interfer with his ability to act as a caring father, from the day she called him from the opposite side of the country to tell him she wanted a divorce to today, Father's Day. The worst day was when we arrived to pick up the girls after driving 1,500 miles non-stop so we could make his Grandmother's 80th birthday. Without telling him, she had moved, had cancelled her phone service and would not answer her cell phone. We spent three days of vacation waiting on her to allow us to pick them up because she had decided two weeks prior that she was also going to our vacation destination and wanted her 'weekend' with them and he said "No". Imagine, not seeing your kids for 46 weeks out of the year, having your phone calls to your kids ignored for weeks on end, then in the middle of your vacation time with your kids, your ex wants to interrupt it for her visit. Yes, we did miss Grandma's birthday. [continued]
One of her favorite phrases when turning down any request by us has always been, "Let's stick to the terms of the custody agreement." Well the terms of the custody agreement require that she provide us with 30 days prior notice that she wants to spend her 'time' with the girls, not two weeks. No matter that his family had all planned their vacations around our visit so this would be a family event. When we finally did pick up the girls she had told them that it would have been illegal for us to have picked them up any earlier. Nice. The girls were worried their dad was going to be arrested for seeing them. Not to mention the time she called in the middle of another vacation with them to tell the oldest that she had redone her room and couldn't wait to for her to see it. I'm sure you can imagine the attitude of the oldest for the rest of the time we had with her. Or the many times she sent them with two outfits, one set of socks and one change of underwear for a 4 week visit. [continued]
Or the time that she sent the girls to visit with a shopping list of items for them telling them they wouldn't have clothes and supplies for the upcoming school year if we didn't buy them. Or the time the youngest volunteered that she had found a note from her mom on the stairway when she went to snuggle with her on a Saturday morning at 5am. The note said "mom" had gone to the gym to work out, leaving three very young children home alone with no knowledge that the adult was missing. I could go on and on (obviously) with similar stories of what has happened over the years. [continued]
"You're not oppressed anymore, and that's a good thing. But you take it too far, ladies, and you want too much. You want to have your cake, eat it too, lick the spoon and f__k the cook."
–Craig Shoemaker
It would be interesting to get in more men as social workers, to level the playing field. Who would have their work reviewed by women supervisors. Who would face criticism they are obviously biased towards the men. Etc.
Remember the liberal-speak. Whites and males will always discriminate against others, and are never discriminated against. Also to level the playing field first you sweep away everything on it then send only your own people in, and declare it a start but state there is still more work to be done.
Our story isn't even the worst I've heard. A friend of mine is the step-mom to three kids and their bio-mom physically and mentally abused them, mostly because she is on drugs. You would think that would get their dad quick custody right? Nope, took three years and tens fo thousands of dollars. She was even allowed to retain custody when she married a convicted child abuser and they now have a child together. What does anyone think is going to happen to that child or how she is going to turn out? The system is broken. My guy has never missed a support payment, in fact he has over paid over the years, even sending her extra money for Christmas presents for the girls for several years so they would have a good Christmas, even though that meant he didn't have a Christmas. Did they call? No. It is very difficult to watch all of this happening and not be able to do anything to help. Thanks for letting me vent. To you fathers and mothers out there on the short end of the stick, know there are those of us who understand and support you. "Happy Father's Day" to you unacknowledged Dads who have earned the title.
It would be interesting to get in more men as social workers, to level the playing field. Who would have their work reviewed by women supervisors. Who would face criticism they are obviously biased towards the men. Etc.
Maybe I'm still a little naive. But I didn't see this as a teacher. They're different fields but they do tend to overlap — all too frequently. Anyway. I've talked to people who work on the administrative end and men are highly desired in these positions. I've met many a recruiter who has told me that male teachers will be hired faster than women every time just because they're too hard to come by.
I see why you'd be cynical. But in a way it's unfair. Men tend to look for higher paying work than education and social work (I've been told) so they've basically always been primarily a woman's job. But I never saw any discrimination personally against men in those fields and I have no reason to think it would end up being a big problem. And besides, I doubt most men would have a problem standing up for themselves in that situation.
Completely random – I just came from Roissy's site.
The site will rub many the wrong way, but that's sort of the point – it comes from the premise that men should stick up for themselves, look out for their interests, and refuse to be feminized. As a bachelor, I've no problems with this. That it's a site that appeals to secular Conservatives is a bonus.
Speaking for myself, I don't need any advice on fathering from some guy I don't know and don't respect.
If my Dad offered it up, fine. Otherwise, the POTUS should remember who the hell he is.
And besides, I doubt most men would have a problem standing up for themselves in that situation.
Because most men are big and strong and can take abuse? As opposed to women who…
After all, most women who wind up in heavily male-dominated fields have no problem standing up for themselves, right?
If we are going to have true equality, first we need an accurate definition of "equal." Offhand, correct me if I am wrong, it seems you have some pre-conceived notions you might not be aware of.
Speaking of Father's Day:
A 20-year-old girl was shot and killed in Iran Saturday by the Basij – the 'morality' police – while holding her father's hand.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBVX9Wk91_g&fe...
Where is President Obama? Where is Fox News?
Heh, "Basij" sounds like "besiege." The dogs. I hope the protesters don't go quietly.
Last year I went to Canada to visit my family and had a great "boys night out" with my college-age nephew and a bunch of his friends. After the required amount of microbrews and hockey talk, the guys embarked on an astonishing discussion regarding how to avoid being raped by the Canadian legal system as a "father" or "husband." These guys were amazingly well-informed on the law, even down to the amount of days you could live at a girl's place before the government declared you a "common law husband," giving her all rights of divorce and alimony, etc. All expressed frustration that while it was possible to avoid some problems, if you decided to have kids they were essentially the property of your wife and could be taken away at whim without any realistic recourse on the father's part. Much discussion of pre-nups. But the thing that frustrated them most was the very real possibility to have the children you've always wanted, then have them taken away, never or rarely to be seen again–leaving them to pay so much in child support and alimony that they could no longer afford to have children again.
The cruelty of the current system in the US and Canada is unbelievable, and if you read "The Myth of Male Power" by Warren Farrell (1993) you can see that things have actually gotten worse for fathers over the last two decades. (The alimony system for husbands has improved slightly, despite vigorous opposition by feminists who didn't mean for equality to work in that inconvenient manner.)
A good place to start with reform (other than dumping the entire Kangaroo Family Court system into a black hole) would be resolving the issue of fixed child support payments that do not take into account loss of a job, or reduction of income via other means, such as industry pay cuts, etc. If a husband suffered a reduction in income while not divorced and had less money to spend on his kids, it would not be considered a crime. Take the kids away and give them to someone else, and suddenly the fact he can't buy them the latest video game makes him a "deadbeat dad." Absurd.
I don't like Obama, and didn't vote for him nor will I ever vote for him. But I think Wilson's article is way off. In the black community 70% of children are born out of wedlock and all other ethnic classes are gaining fast. While this article is about being a good father and one can still accomplish this feat even if their child is a bastard, but the odds drop. I don't know if I need to remind anyone about all the black fathers that are MIA. Its far, far far from an aberration. Being a good father isn't visiting your child on birthdays and Christmas. Being a good father starts with spending significant time with your child, communicating, teaching, and supporting your child. Its an incredibly hard act if you don't live there, but it can be done if at the very least you lived with them throughout their formative years. I can't express enough the importance of fatherhood. The most important relationship a young girl will ever have with a male is with their father. Screw this up and your daughter may have a destiny with a pole, or she will forever be picking all the wrong guys, and in some cases resort to lesbianism. As for the boy, same deal. A boy is lost without an ever-present father. Someone to guide him, teach him, and install the right character so that he doesn't just become a character.
Just a thought… if your stat about the 31% of the African American community are correct, that would be less than 3% of the overall population. I'm not saying it doesn't suck. I'm saying it's a tiny, tiny minority… and the result is draconian laws that affect many, many good people.
Take care,
Mike Wilson
People need to stop feeling sorry for women and demonizing men. Sure, a lot of guys are jerks. But guys get away with doing a LOT of the jerkwaddy things they do because women, by and large, let them get away with it. (Guys are douches? Well, why don't we act more like them, "have sex like men," and give them exactly what they want for nothing more than the promise of a bagel in the morning!) If women would stop doing stupid things/jack@$$ men and then whining about it like they were incapable of making better decisions, and acting like it's everyone else's/the government's job to take care of them, we'd all be a lot better off.
Or maybe I'm just unreasonably bitter.
I take sarcasm from it. "Something or other" as in I put the kid in a blue shirt instead of a pink one so she went a little nuts. I think this Wilson guy lays it out pretty straight and if he did something to warrant the reaction, he would have laid it out on the table for all of us.
I think the point is that an ex can just call up and say whatever they want and the father now likes a tool. I know I would fell like an idiot if I was paying my support to the county. That is a program/need designed for people that CAN'T make their payments because they are in prison, or they are completely absent. I think a negative vibe comes from having to have it taken out of your paychecks or through the govt and it's not necessarily the guys fault, it's the adult relationship in a divorce. Unfortunate.
MovieBob, the truth is, I racked my brain and really can't remember what the "something or other" was. I'm sure it was a minor disagreement, but the point is that instead of remaining amicable and without being a burden on you, the taxpayer, there was a decision made to have the small amount of Child Support I agreed to pay collected and processed at a cost to you when it wasn't necessary. And I feel like that system, if it should exist at all, shouldn't be used to "punish" someone who was never a single day late on an obligation. That's all it was… but I'm sure if you want to paint me with some brush to make me look hypocritical, my answer to your question won't suffice.
Mr. Wilson, If I had a gigantic bag of money I would invest it in you. You seem like a guy who has a valid and intelligent view on everything and could make a thing or two happen. I hope you have some smart business people knocking at your door.
Thanks for this, I needed it today.
@Michael Wilson
Thank you for your column. Fathers are portrayed as the bad guys in society in whether in pop culture or the courts. So, the President should focus on this cruel sexism instead of just irresponsible dads.
The only thing I'd add is how the feminist movement's pushing for reproductive rights (read: abortion) has contributed to this anti-father climate. This excerpt from Armstrong Williams' column explains:
"Men's rights are trampled on all the time when it comes to reproductive rights," said Dianna Thompson, executive director of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children. It is time to fight back, to force our government to re-evaluate the logic of treating men as little more than fertilizers.
(cont.)
This case raises serious questions about a father's say in the life of his own child, as well as the extent of the government's duty to help project human rights and encourage the family unit. Sadly, these profound questions fall by the wayside in a society that worships at the golden calf of individual choice, and relegates the voice of fathers and unborn babies to the margin.
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/jun/17/a...
So, all fathers including myself must fight against these anti-male stereotypes instead of buying into them.
So we should just ignore the statistics about children in fatherless homes, fathers who don't pay child support, and child abuse? I cited two things, one statistical and one anecdotal (actually two statistical if you want to talk about child support). I'm not exactly sure where in your metaphor you're dealing with the statistical side.
The minority decisions that are made can't continue to affect a pivotal role in this country~ the relationship between father and child. I think we all understand there is a minority issue but why the heck should that have anything to do with another man's relationship with his kids. Men in prison should not have the same laws enacted as two adults that just couldn't get along. It's comparing apples and gorillas if you ask me.
Something to consider: men and women are different. Fields like social work and teaching are jobs that have skills that appeal to women more than men. I worked at a private small business where we dealt with kids who had learning disabilities related to phonemic awareness. Out of a staff of about 15, we had 1 guy. I saw three or four others come on to start training in the time when I worked there, but they never made it out of training. Believe me – there was no discrimination involved. The ladies I worked for would have given their eye teeth for another man or two. We had an equal number of male and female students and some of them had self-esteem and other behavioral difficulties. Having another male staff member or two beyond the one we had would have been very useful as some of the boys responded very, very well to another male when it came to one-on-one work.
But when it comes to verbal acuity and communication skills that you use when teaching, women are stronger naturally much like men are better at spatial reasoning.
I suppose one could say Hussein Obama isn't old enough at 47 or whatever to lecture Dads on how to be good fathers especially when his kids aren't old enough as yet to know or what it is to have to ask to get an abortion if one was needed, etc. On the other hand If I had multi-millions in my bank account I suppose I could also be thinking of myself as a good father since I wouldn't even come close to knowing what poor people or middle class people have to go through to put food on the table or clothes on kid's back. All in All just another of those sappy moments of Liberals putting a spin on how great and thrilling this Guy is or suppose to be.
If a mother you had never met came into your classroom on the first day and told you horrible things about your students father, but she was dressed well and seemed like a very nice person, what would you do? Would you have an automatically cautious relationship with this man? Most likely. If the father couldn't attend this and that because he was at a second job to make up for the child support he is paying which means he isn't spending time with his kids and his money that could be spent to spend time with his kids is used by his ex wife to do those fun things he always dreamed of would you consider him an uninvolved father? This is often the case. It's biased and very often in school and extra curriculars.
it seems you have some pre-conceived notions you might not be aware of.
Really? So you assume that I have never worked in a male dominated profession before? That I have no idea what it's like to deal with backbiting co-workers, male or female? Puleeese. I worked in Hollywood for awhile on a TV show before going into teaching. That's the most shark infested environment you can imagine. I'm sorry, but your attitude is very dismissive for someone who has no idea what experience I have.
I have dealt with being called the cast-iron b**ch because I stand up for myself, but I have never been called unfair or discrimintory. And most men I know, and have worked with, have no issues standing their ground– they don't last long if they do. I think your comments speak of your own preconceived notions. Not mine. Although you can feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. What female-dominated profession have you worked in? What discrimination have you faced just because you're a man? If you're going to blanket-statement assume that all women are going to automatically throw a male co-worker under the bus, I'd like to know why. Or should I just back down from this debate because I'm a woman and can't stand up for myself?
You know, this thread is very frustrating to read. I feel like a lot of people are using it as an excuse to vent their personal grievances and malign women all at once. Most women I know are decent human beings– believe it or not. Maybe I live in an alternate universe.
Yeah, that happens. I had a kid in my class who claimed that her dad would hit her every time she was afraid of getting in trouble. You bet I approached him with caution. But it didn't take long to see that when the father and daughter interacted, she had no fear of her father at all. I began to realize that the kid had learned how to manipulate the system– the previous year she had been taken out of the home by CPS for making the same claims– so the parents were constantly walking on eggshells. That was a tough one. I tried to initiate a relationship with the parents so they'd know I wouldn't automatically jump at every accusation, but they were understandably gun shy.
Unfortunately teachers deal with this kind of stuff a lot. I can't speak for everyone, but most teachers I know try not to take sides right off and wait and see how the kids interact with each parent. It's not a perfect world though…
This is actually a very good column. As a woman, myself, I believe that men have been wrongfully diminished to an extent which has brought irreparable harm to our society, and to children. I just hope that American men realize that most women appreciate them, and do want men to be men.
As a dad, and a family man, I have to admit that Barrack H. Obama probably is a good role model, But Yes, I agree that he, thanks to his msm lackeys, has gone way beyond his "job description", and his abilities, as self-appointed moral & political authority.. I reject that.
"HAPPY FATHERS DAY" TO ALL DADS…
My dad had flaws, which I was aware of, but I wish like crazy that he was still here on this earth to celebrate Fathers Day.
Hey Sadie…. Right On, from another rational, anti-feminist woman.
That was a completely sexist and biased post. And it's not the DMV (dept. of motor vehicles), it's DFCS (dept. of family and children services). If the DMV came after you for support, you do have a problem. Reading your blog post, you sounded like Alec Baldwin. That is exactly what you reminded me of. Does he deserve custody of his daughter? And furthermore, what was so horrible that you divorced? Divorce is the problem. People who quit because it's "too hard". My hubby and I have been married for 15 years, together 19. We have survived together the murder of our 3 year old daughter and our only surviving child is autistic and non-verbal. MANY men would have left after the death of a child, but throw in a special needs kid? Not my husband. There is no reason people should be divorced and I think you're a jackass. I am a Republican, have NO respect for resident Obama. I also have no respect for you. Hiding behind a right-wing agenda and the spewing left wing principles. Divorce is actually higher among liberals.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. Here's another article fingering no-fault divorce as the root of the problem. It discusses many of the same issues you have brought up here: http://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php...
While I TOTALLY AGREE with Sadie that feminists have done more harm than good for men, ocassionally we mess up to ( Oh and boy's that doesn't mean that your right and we're wrong… YOU are still wrong as always). The really sad thing is that feminists just cant accept that we're different from men for A REASON that someone WAY above Obama's and the governments pay grade decided was best.
Do I like making less money for the "same" job? NO! However I have a lot of perks that men will never have and most probably wouldn't want anyway. I also see the larger problem with how a lot of younger mothers were raised, and how their mom's were raised. My mother taught me to cook, do laundry, clean a house, and how to sew ( I have two Singers) and ejoy doing it. Most younger girls I work with have no idea how to do those things because "feminists" have taught them that it's patriarchal. mysoginistic, unfulfilling, etc. and beneath them.
Good for you, Amy. I'm glad you were able to remain married. I'm not a sexist. I stated facts. Refute them if you like. The DMV comment was intentional. It was humor. I called DFCS people "glorified DMV employees." You didn't get it. Yeah, divorce is a big part of the problem. But it's really none of your business "what was so horrible" that I divorced. It was bad, and it wasn't something I had any control over. The piece was about the fact that most fathers are good and government is interfering in their ability to be fathers, so that government can become more powerful. Do you disagree that this is a very bad thing?
Take care,
Mike
No, that "suffices" fine. I've no reason to doubt your word, so if you say you don't remember I'm obliged to take it as true.
It merely struck me as significant that you were able to recall both the slights done to you and your own honorable actions with rather exacting detail; while the specific grievance of the other party is "something or other." It gives a sense of vauge condescension, or dismissiveness, or deflection – though it would be rather in poor form for me to presume to know which, if any, is the case.
Reading these posts, I come to the conclusion that it is now official: There is NOTHING Obama can say or do that "conservatives" cannot find a way to tie back to abortion and/or feminism…
Exactly! This is exactly how men feel in divorce with children involved. Most fathers are decent human beings– believe it or not. Unfortunately everyone falls under the same custody/child support system… the one that was developed for horrible men.
You're absolutely right. Most men I know are good men and loving fathers.
You know what my husband did for me today? He gave me a gift! On Father's Day! He said he wouldn't be a dad if I hadn't given him children. I was very touched and humbled.
Your job is so easy here..write something Anti-Obama …anything..and you are bound to be a crowd pleaser. It did not take a brain to do what you did. In fact the formula is so easy. Any fool (and there are many here) can post anti-Obama crap on here and be successful. Doesn't mean they are right .
Anyway anything to keep you guys happy and working so that you can be taxed for my health care is fine by me.
He is the guy who basically abandoned his kids for two years while he was off campaigning.
It's pretty slanted towards women (I have my own getting screwed stories), but it also varies wildly from state to state. My ex-girlfriend lived in Florida and has been completely ignored by the system. There was a court agreement in place, which he refused to follow. She was forced to give him 6 weeks of vacation in the summer, even though he rarely showed for his regular visitation and wound up blowing off most of his summer weeks. She wanted to take him back to court, but there was a three month backlog, and when she went to the court for legal help, was told that her ex-husband's salary counted against her (so even though she didn't have a job and he wasn't paying support, they said she made too much to qualify for legal help). She eventually got him back to court, and the judge ordered that he pay an extra $20/week for the next 15 years to make up what he owed (which he promptly ignored).
She's finally gotten the IRS involved and it looks like he'll have to pay, but she's been through three years of hell where she lost two jobs because the kids got sick or injured under his care, but he refused to take them to the doctor, so she had to miss work. I'm not sure why states have such wildly different laws (Illinois doesn't even have guaranteed visitation, so you are forced to hire a lawyer to get any time at all, and a judge can pick any number he/she feels like). Support is also strictly enforced here, while the custodial parent's have far more options.
Then I guess it's none of the governments business whom you marry and whether you decide to bring children in the world. See what happens when you are just blindly anti-Obama? You paint yourself into a corner, just like your McCain did. You don't have a shot in 2012. The economy will turn around before the midterm elections.
Government paternalism? Did you just make that up?
Not to mention GW's daddy issues. By the way, are you saying that BHO does not have biological parents? Why the quotation marke? Your syntax is also a mess.
My child's father is a white 55 year old peice of crap. He got himself in trouble by leveraging the whole family with a bunch of debt, went out and conned an old lady out of her money and now the only thing way I know he is around is by searching the county court records. This is one of the first opinions on Breibart that I can't agree with. Yes, the family courts are a crock. On the female's end of things, I worked hard from my family, only to have it all ruined by a troublesome father that constantly put the family in jeopardy. I am quite sure I am not alone!
Sir, if you are trying to maintain a relationship with your daughters, then he wasn't talking to you.
BO is a media whore. He doesn't care a whit for anyone except the teleprompter and the camera.
Thanks Mike
O's self-righteous indignation is sickening to those of us father's that have always accepted and embraced our responsibility, even in the maelstrom of divorce.
I'm really glad I only heard about this 'speech' this morning, I would have hated it to have ruined my Father's Day.
Vauge?…vauge? MovieBob…you strike me as a strange duck. Do your feathers fluff up when you write the drivel you post? Vauge? Bottom line Bob…keep the gov out of our business. You work for the the gov…right Bob?
Well, as Chris Rock says, "Hey, your a father, you are SUPPOSED to love and take care of your kids. You don't get no medal or props for that. That is your job!"
I agree. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
Out of wedlock births constitute nearly 40 percent of the total births int he United States.
We know that, biologically, every one of those birth involved a male — how many stick around to care for and nurture the child?
And your dead beat is one in a small minority. Shoo troll.
Why should they, when, if the "mother" of the child says, "hey, he's a jerk!". Then the full force of the law will do everything it can to make sure they rarely, if ever, get to see their kids, and that they'll be paying for them for the rest of their lives anyhow?
Not me! I actually liked his Father's Day speech; it reminded me of the one Bill Cosby gave on the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education.
Out of wedlock births constitute nearly 40 percent of the total births int he United States.
It's certainly none of the Federal Government's business who I marry.
I couldn't agree more. I was trying to hint at this above when I said that men aren't usually drawn to these fields. There are very few men working as elementary school teachers, though more work in jr. high and high school. Social work I'm not as familiar with — though I have had some interaction with them during my teaching years. I would have loved to see more men enter the field, which is why it bothers me when someone suggests that women wouldn't react favorably to that. I think men bring much needed balance to an all-female workplace and things usually run smoother when they're there. It's just hard to find men who want to do the job.
Nick, I'm with you on this one.. this one you can't really point at any President in particular… it's the CPS/government system that's allowed to act as a "Gestapo" with no checks/balances in the entire system.
(If you ever get the chance, nicedoggie.net (even though Misha's gotten away from that bit of posting for a while) used to post story after story about the CPS system and some of the cockamamie things they were allowed to get away with… and it is just downright scary what they've been allowed to do _unchecked_.)
Should Hussien be fixing the Economy or Something?
Then that should have been something going through his mind when he was pulling his you know what out of his pants. Where was his brain and sense of self-preservation then?
sqt: The problem with getting more men into teaching professions is that they first have to survive four years of ed school, which at most institutions is dominated by radical feminists. Besides the abuse, there's the risk that you will get flunked out for having politically incorrect opinions, or just plain being the wrong gender. It's not a money thing — where I live, teaching actually pays pretty well and there are some major perks.
Excellent point, Sadie. Our welfare system essentially pays mothers to kick the fathers out.
No you don't. You can get a degree in anything prior to getting a credential. I got a four year in Journalism before getting credentialed. You can get a math or business degree if you prefer not to take your courses in education. To get a credential you'll need to pass several tests, go through a credentialing program and do your student teaching. That process took me just over a year. And they love it when men apply to credentialing programs to be teachers. I bet you'd find far less political pressure than you think.
Hey, you want to ruin it for men and women by being insane harridan's, be my guest.
"Yes, the family courts are a crock. On the female's end of things, I worked hard from my family, only to have it all ruined by a troublesome father that constantly put the family in jeopardy. I am quite sure I am not alone!"
Shouldn't bring that up around here, you're gonna ruin the narrative
"Everybody knows" that the media, gov and ESPECIALLY the family courts are all wrapped up in an eeeeevil gay/female/jewish/liberal conspiracy to take the world away from it's rightful male owners, after all
Obama was getting an ice cream with his kids. It was front page news on MSNBC on the same day this happened.
As for Fox News: I'm not a devoted fan, but they've been pressing this issue for days. They're the only news portal to correctly report that Obama only made a statement on Iran after three days of Congressional (mostly Republican) hounding on the issue. Reporters aren't allowed inside Iran right now so it's basically YouTube and Twitter. But at least Fox is trying to point out what a douche we have as president.
And a happy father's day to you, Mr. Wilson, and to your dad, who raised a good son.
"You work for the the gov…right Bob?"
You have no idea how funny that is…
Though I am sympathetic to the points you make, I have known several divorced fathers and mothers over the years. Most of them can tell stories of negative experiences with family court. Each case is unique. Both mothers and fathers can be treated unfairly. Nevertheless, I agree with you that more needs to be done to make sure that all parties are treated fairly with the children's needs coming first.
Fox News is reporting on this you liberal hack. Obama the affirmative action president ahs said nothing because he likes what is going on in Iran.. Obama is a joke and is one of the dumbest people ever to be elected.strike that…..he is the dumbest, just like the followers in his cult….
Is there anything Obama won't pontificate about?
Great article. Really great article. My brother pays child support yet has his child 40-50% of the time. He loves having his son but has to take it in the financial shorts. Fathers get the short end of the stick.
Do any of you have a solution?
I agree that the courts are biased for the mom, but for years she was the one who had stayed home and was getting dumped by hubby. No, we have not updated the system in accordance with our new realities. What rules do you think should govern the process? When is a call to a lawyer a good thing vs. a bad thing?
I've heard lots of griping (and done some – after I got married my #1 piece of marital advice was don't get involved with a guy with kids unless "she's" dead), but I've never heard what should be done.
As for the Family Court system & abuse – just filing criminal charges doesn't work. Kids refuse to name who has done things, they are too young to be good witnesses, so no criminal case – then what? Who decides who gets to try and figure out how to parent (classes) or who interested family members are? I am a CASA, neither case I have had went to criminal court, neither had a mom who had a clue (one drugs, one just uninterested in safety).
There are lots of ways we can improve the "services" gov't actually needs to fill in society – the question is HOW!?
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