A Day in the Life of a Right-Wing Extremist
by Moxie
9:00 AM:
Crawl out of bed, go downstairs and hit the “on” switch for my Anger Manufacturing Plant, located conveniently in the basement — right next to my wine cellar.
9:10 AM:
Sign a few five-figure checks from the big drug and insurance companies and instruct Consuela to go deposit them in my bank account.
9:30 AM:
Go back to sleep with my life-sized Founding Fathers dolls, dream of freedom from the socialist Obama regime.
10:00 AM:
Wake up due to the noise created by the lawn crew with their jobs, and work on the astroturf. Smile and realize how much this must anger liberals.
10:05 AM:
Crawl over the 1,000 printed pages of the ObamaCare bill and yell at the lawn boys. Tell them to hurry because we will begin drilling for oil in the yard, any minute now.
12 PM:
Wake up again. The drilling has begun in my backyard. Consuela is crying because she found an oil coated baby seal beached by the koi pond.
12:05 PM:
Retrieve the baby seal for processing in the Anger Manufacturing Plant.
1:10 PM:
Prank call Princess Pelosi’s cellphone, suggesting new and innovative ways she might want to alter her face using “green technology” and stimulus dollars.
1:15 PM:
Let the shower run for a long time until the water is good and hot. Turn up the central air and open a few windows because it’s a bit too steamy in the bathroom.
1:45 PM:
Call other right-wing extremists, find out if they want to be extreme today, (they do) and set up a meeting at the range.
2:05 PM:
My driver takes me to target practice in the Hummer. While cruising on the freeway, toss 500 Obama Joker posters out the window. Laugh maniacally.
3:29: PM:
Rifle through my closet and discover I mainly have clothing that would give me away as “well dressed” and therefore a highly paid lackey of the blogs, drug companies and insurance giants.
4:00 PM:
Visit the local Goodwill store to find sloppy clothing, such that a liberal might wear.
4:00-5:00 PM:
Spend time in the Moxtopia business office, boxing and preparing my manufactured anger for shipment to various extremist elements on the east coast.
5:15 PM:
Receive instructions from my contact at the drug company for tomorrow’s Town Hall Meeting.
5:18 PM:
Tell him I am doubling my rate and prefer to be paid in cash. Tax dollars kill babies through abortion, I remind him. And babies need drugs too.
5:50 PM:
Purchase a second Hummer using “Cash for Clunkers”. Just in case the first is out of gas.
6:00 PM:
Make a “Wise Latina” joke to Consuela, while snitching on myself to flag@whitehouse.gov, detailing my own “fishy” ideas about ObamaCare.
6:59 PM:
Recognize people all over the world are still suffering from socialism and communism.
7:01 PM:
Wonder if any in the Obama regime might be convinced — in the interest of fixing the fake global warming catastrophe – to melt down and recycle the iron fist of communism, because capitalism is a much more efficient manner of making sure everyone has money.
7:50 PM:
Realize the iron fist of communism will remain intact and sitting on the mantel in the flag@whitehouse.gov office.
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138 Comments
I like the cut of your jib, but a truly evil Republican wouldn't buy a second GM product. Maybe something along the lines of a Range Rover Sport. Too fast, too thirsty, too much leather, too capitalist. Who could ask for more?
What always gets me charged up is producing copious amounts of swastika signs, man there’s no better way to get your day started, and you can never have enough.
we are all going to be 'tagged' and reported to WhiteHouse.Gov for this post…
So, snitch away. Patrick Henry, Sam Adams and John Jay would all be proud!
Now you just HAD to bring up that traitorous old bag, (the name that shall not be said aloud). Not kool man.
Well, back to cleaning my tricked-out AR-15.
I love the smell of WD40 in the morning.
Not Over.
Hey, Moxie. Aren't our contacts at the drug company so much easier to deal with than the Halliburton brain implants we used to have? It's funny you think it would be the other way around
Personally I like to sing the Horst Wessel Lied in the morning while looking East. Old habits die hard but it kick starts my day.
Does this pink, Brooks Bros. shirt go with these Orvis khakis??
And Quisling would be proud of this Crew in the WhiteHouse.
8:10 PM: bbq the baby seal steaks over gasoline doused charcoal briquettes. laugh as the mounting smoke chokes the liberal neighbors as they install their xeriscape "garden".
I'm afraid not Konrad.
But the big question is however, does my sky blue Hermann Göring Nazi uniform, (with matching jet back swastika of course), make my butt look big.
It's OK to lie to me, not to hurt my feeling you understand.
Not Over.
I've been noodling about the swastikas "Her Blinklessness" saw at the rally. I suspect it was a cross-this "pro-abortion Catholic" wouldn't know the difference. Thanks for the helpful suggestions,Moxie!
Surely you had the radio set to Rush in your Hummer with the upgraded stero surround sound in order to ensure you had your complete talking points for the day. After all, he is the leader of the party and you wouldn't want to miss anything he has to say. :-}
I'll have you know Miss Patti, that in my spare time, and at my own expense mind you, I fly up to the Arctic Circle twice a month, just to be first to club those little tasty morsels and sell them on the black market so you could enjoy a nice BBQ with your right wing extremist Obama hating family.
Just doing what I feel is best for the GOP.
Nor Over.
I'll have you know Miss Patti, that in my spare time, and at my own expense mind you, I fly up to the Arctic Circle twice a month, just to be first to club those little tasty morsels and sell them on the black market so you could enjoy a nice BBQ with your right wing extremist Obama hating family.
Just doing what I feel is best for the GOP.
Not Over.
you bet…
I'm just not myself until I've clubbed the first baby seal of the morning. And that reminds me, I need to send in my dues to the Baby Seal Cub Clubbing Club. Fortunately I just got another bonus check from AIG.
Now you’re talking ALLAMERICAN.
It made Goring's butt look big. Why should yours be any different?
Mine's a traditional Waffen SS. I wear it while posting to 'Big Hollywood', while keeping one eye peeled for the black helicopters.
Baby Seal is really not very good grill meat. It needs slow cooking.
Which reminds me, my fillets from the "Endangered Species of the Month Club" haven't shown up yet.
UNDERLING, please pay attention. Keep thinking, "Obama, not Bush. Obama, not Bush."
I saw a "I Miss Dubya" bumper sticker the other day. Who'd a thunk?
Do any of you Evil Righties know where I can get a New copy of Gotterdammerung mine's completely worn-out.
Wow! you guys all live very busy lives, I must be lazy. All I do every day to be a good Right-Wing Extremist is to give Obama exactly what the left gave to Bush for 8 years. Except of course with 1/10th the blind hatred, incessant vitriol, and misguided self-righteousness. But I reiterate, I must be lazy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPMqVIFe7z4&eu...
The show trials for anti-government protesters have begun in Iran. I trust the Obama administration is carefully taking note of how these trials are conducted. Soon the trials of those turned in at flag@whitehouse.gov will begin here. Should I wear my Brooks Bros. suit or my homeless duds? Decisions, decisions.
All of you guys overdress.
I have a lot of earth and foliage colored burlap strips on a mesh coverall.
Goes so well with the Remington and the spotter scope.
"Here, thuggy, thuggy, thuggy." In a quiet whisper, of course.
I thought Hummer is Chinese owned now. I think HUmmer works better. I got heckled by a Prius driver in my Suburban, next to a 12-cylinder Mercedes roadster. Hmm… Suburban at 18MPG, carrying 5 people, versus Mercedes V12 at 12MPG, capable of 2 occupants. You do the math.
I’m a simpler man, a freshly starched brown shirt, black leather boots, party arm band ah… goose stepping with the family, greet the neighbors with a hearty sieg heil …the simple life.
"Pro-abortion Catholic"!
The Guys in Rome are putting the word out about that. Don't bother showing up for Confession or Mass; you're already out. They don't have enough bead laps you can do to pull your a$$es out of Damnation. Sorry.
Teddy, man, do I feel sorry for you. For about two or three seconds.
And I thought I was the only one….so lonely,
Only 1/10th? Step up your game, man. We're not going to carry you.
Yep.
And no Government Motors truck, either. FORD. All-American from the beginning, and no Dali-Bama scrote tending now. Make mine Excursion. Or the huge van.
Underinflate the tires by eight pounds or so. Park outside the SEIU and idle with the air running full blast and the windows down while you run Rush, Sean, and Mark. Then turn on the satellite radio "the Little People" can't afford, set "Talk Right", and turn it up, baby! All the way up!
Cleaning your .357 while you listen is also great!
The 1955 Bayreuth Festival production, I assume? Some of the performers in that one were actual nazis…
You can find it on Amazon.com
They have a word for "pro-abortion Catholics".
They're called "protestants".
Looks like my schedule.
Oh, note to self: Fire all 10,000 employees working on cure for cancer.
Looks like my schedule.
Oh, note to self: Fire all 10,000 employees working on cure for cancer.
NOT PROFITABLE!
The bald eagle is particularly delicious this year…
Well, sure, for casual wear.
And you can use just about the entire bird.
I make the beak into a hand puppet to amuse the grandkids.
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I thought they made it easier just calling them Kennedy's
StanH & OT you guy's maybe right. As for myself I believe in going all the way in for a penny in for a pound. So on that note I bid You Sieg He….. …aahhhhhh. You know how it goes..
Geeezzzzz
That means I have to dump all my oil and antifreeze in the storm drain to make up for what you are missing
Your Zionist monthly check will be docked accordingly
/slacker
Hey! Finally a subject I'm an expert on. Thank you.
I almost forgot to mention ALLAMERICAN, I had rotator cuff surgery about a year back, and I can again Sieg Heil pain free. If you would like I can recommend the Doctor.
OT, it’s hard to beat a SS uniform, but I’m a Flyover American, my neighbors would think me being uppity.
OT, it’s hard to beat a SS uniform, but I’m a Flyover American, my neighbors would think me uppity.
I found that the best baby seal clubs are those made from the wood of old-growth forest trees.
You raise a good point sir, however, my preferred blunt object is a freshly sawed off branch of a Kalifornia giant redwood tree, (being in Kalifornia mind you), whittled down to a fine instrument of destruction by homeless indigenous Americans using only the crude 9th century tools that the lefties are willing to leave us with after passing their “Cap and Spend” bill.
Not Over.
Just don't forget to give the indigenous Americans your smallpox-infested blankets.
Just don't forget to give the indigenous Americans your smallpox-infested blankets.
Just got a new shipment in yesterday, ready for disbursement. It’s a go on that blue thunder.
Not Over.
Danke Bruder, I appreciate it as long as it's not that Schwein Mengle he's murder and he gives me the creeps. He also has no sense of humor…….A sure sign he's a Far -Lefty. Let us keep these suspicions to ourselves for…Now. Yours in The Cause. AA
Vat no Vodka……I'll just have to re-invade Poland and Russia in my Panzer again and drink Zubrowka but this time….. No More Mr. Nice Guy.
You forgot to schedule time for "warmongering".
>fillets from the "Endangered Species of the Month Club"
That is hilarious, Tom. Wish I had thought of it!
Ken, it was a busy day, but I'll do my swastika printing and double up on warmongering tomorrow.
Shows what I know, I can hardly keep up anymore. I had to double-check to see if Land Rover was still owned by Ford (it's not, btw). Anyway, congratulations on your self control. Whenever I encounter a Prius owner I laugh derisively until my eyes water and I'm forced to drive under 80 mph until I regain my composure. They're a menace to society, I tells ya!
Your not lazy Brother your just a good decent guy. You know what happens to them…ask John McCain. He'll tell you all about it.
Not really into uniforms guys, and I like to dress simply with style. I especially like my midnight black (it's the in color this year) sealskin dress, sleeveless of course to show off my truly toned upper arms. To accent the arms further I wear solid gold snake arm bracelets the one on my right arm has emerald eyes, the left ruby.
I wear virgin silk stockings (virgin silk is tough to come by, those sly little worms), I high light my outfit with lamb skin shoes (oh so soft, but you can only wear them once, they wear so quickly) and a lamb skin bag (such a steal at $ 7,500). Of course I never go out without my diamonds, everyone knows that. Then it is off I go to a day at the Soup Kitchen and to pick up my Welfare Check.
Please, do not denigrate the VFW like that. If you have been in one, then you know her picture is in the the place of honor on the urinal. They would never waste one by tearing it up!
We Extremist don't need a schedule. It's Always that Time.
Saying all the one-liners from the movie 'Blazing Saddles' will always make my day!
I actually do this one.
"Prank call Princess Pelosi’s cellphone, suggesting new and innovative ways she might want to alter her face using “green technology” and stimulus dollars."
Except I do it at around 6:00am when she's just starting to fall back asleep from waking up from her plastic surgery nightmare.
A Bonafide Evil Conservative Republican would be watching John Wayne movies as He cleans his Legally acquired weapons and takes stock of his ammo while re-newing his NRA Membership. Then takes off to a VFW meeting to discuss with his fellow Vets on how to stop the Obama Administration and to tear up photo's of Jane Fonda. Now that's a Bad Guy…….But I Love Him.
My dear Moxie,
I fear you have planted an "Obama Approved Security Camera" somewhere in my house, because aside from writing big checks to the drug and insurance companies, I think you have described my day to a tee.
I guess it's just how all of us typical "right wing radical extremists" live our lives today in the ObamaNation.
Not Over.
Saw one too! On the back of a friggin' Prius……..Huh?
Moxie, next time you talk to Big Drug honchos demand the black community addictive drug research be sped up. My Meth project went way to far into the white trash segment and they won't return my calls.
I like to punish a few young people with babies each day and make those who don't get punished actually pay for their own baby bailout. Otherwise my day looks a lot like yours.
I have XM and have at times played the "O'Reilly Factor" at loud volumes with all the windows down in my big a$$ Chevy truck. I have had libs with Obama stickers make snide remarks about right-wingers before rolling up their windows. I just love to make them angry!!!!
Maybe you could schedule a beer summit for tomorrow to plan your next Town Hall meeting crash?
Withe the baby seal instead of "I heart you" it's "I club you?"
OK. So we put away the "white" hat and pulled out our "black" hat…same values and beliefs…just different color hats. Obama and the DemocratSS are still the *bad guys* no matter what they say or do from this point forward…mmm tasty baby seal….on a stick!
I would never lie to you. You look very Military very Dashing Kameraden. How about me in my Black Wrap Around Panzer Tunic with the Das Reich Eagle Cuff Band and woven Reich Eagle on my left arm. Blacks not my favorite color makes me look to Warlike . Speaking about arms my right arm is killing me from the Salutes. How about you? I wish the Fuhrer would give us a break . See you at the next Bund Rally the Beer and Wurst is on Me.
"1:15 PM:
Let the shower run for a long time until the water is good and hot. Turn up the central air and open a few windows because it’s a bit too steamy in the bathroom."
Hot water and the central air must continuously run in order to destroy the environment in a proper fashion.
Also let your car idle for hours, needlessly boil pots of water, TV and PC is never turned off and run the garden hose 24/7 at a trickle to avoid being reported to Obama's environmental rat patrol.
As a committed right-wing zealot I always try to find time during my hectic day of oppressing everyone in sight and destroying the environment to do a little recreational drinking and cigar-smoking. Usually I dress up as Edward Arnold from "Meet John Doe" or any other Capra film in which he happened to be cast. I am working zealously to attain both his physical girth and sense of entitlement. Hey – If we all looked like that then nobody would screw with us.
A day is not complete if I don't get to tell a few racist jokes, burn a science book and foil a gay wedding.
And I have to daily announce my virulent hatred and intolerance for anyone different from me, particularly African-americans, Latinos, the LGBT community, and women (in that order).
Comrade! A true communist patriot dresses simply.
Like my Sea Green Commissar uniform complete with hammer-and-sickle belt buckle and 2 pounds of medals on my chest.
Of course we also sell Josef Stalin bobble-heads to decorate your victory mansions, and used newspapers as napkins! Beat THAT, capitalist dogs!
Looks like my schedule.
Oh, note to self: Fire all 10,000 employees working on cure for cancer.
NOT PROFITABLE!
Earth First! We'll log the other planets later.
Earth First!
We'll log the other planets later.
I hope to God you're a chick…
Keep it it up with attacking good-faith opponents to your goverment health care coup- see where it gets you in mid terms, you myopic Bolsheviks.
I love in the polls were it shows all this opposition, then Obama and the Gibster
tell you "we need to educate the public"
LOLOL… constitutionally aware patriots don't need any lectures from Marxists
http://reaganiterepublicanresistance.blogspot.com
Not one word on listening to talk radio to receive marching orders? I'm disappointed!
It's the weekend, Bill. Talk radio is a weekday activity, but of course Rush Limbaugh told me to write this post. Didn't you get the memo?
Perhaps there will be a sequel, where I can document more talk-radio listening and warmongering.
I like your style Moxie!
Rush talks to me subliminally; I thought you were receiving the same messages
DallasE of course your right and I genuflect at your most honorable correction. I've been in many a VFW and have had the intense pleasure of many a intimate Head to Face relation with Ms. Hanoi Jane Fonda's photo and I'm proud to report to you it was a Bulls-Eye Every-Time. Again Thanks for the Clarification. Please feel free to post me anytime the Spirit moves you . AA
I use one of my old sand wedges. Don't tell anyone, but I'm secretly into recycling. It makes me feel "dirty".
Well, I usually start off my day slipping into my full-length fox fur and planting a quick bomb at an abortion clinic. Then I take a drive out to the nearest protected grasslands and set traps to snag a few of those pesty little endangered kangaroo rats that are hindering the approval of my 3,000 tract cookie-cutter housing development which I intend to have my sneaky sub-prime mortgage broker finance to unsuspecting buyers at 30% higher than the appraised value of the property. On my way back I stop by my 6-story rat-infested apartment building to collect rent from the slum dwellers who reside there, making sure I kick the building manager's dog on the way out.
This post has been linked for the HOT5 Daily 8/9/2009, at The Unreligious Right
Ouch! The truth can hurt. *sniff*
Not Over.
Michelle…honey…put the cheeseburger down and get back to your lead infested garden.
Not Over.
1:30: Visit tanning salon appropriately dressed so that my neck turns a nice shade of red.
2:35: Stop off at local library and publicly shred all copies of the Koran. Save several sheets in case of "emergencies".
4:13: Adjust trailer jacks for the 3rd time this week, due to goose-stepping practice.
I hope you remember to kick the dog while it was still peacefully sleeping.
Now THAT would put the icing on the evil conservative cake.
Not Over.
1:30 PM: Accepted marching orders from Big Pharmaceutical companies.
1:40 PM: Goose-stepped to town hall meeting on health care, asked pre-programmed "fishy" quesion of patriotic Democratic Congresswoman.
1:41 PM: Attacked fist of patriotic SEIU genuine grassroots organizer with my face.
Gee Tom, why would you think that? Don't tell me you are one of those straight laced, hide bound traditionalists?
1:00 PM: Go back to work on new improved version of AIDS virus that will wipe out the black and gay communities more efficiently.
2:00 PM: Sit down in ramshackle trailer and use crayon to scrawl illiterate letter to editor denouncing liberals for putting flouride in drinking water.
2:10 PM: Use elite conservative private-school education to lobby for law forcing patriotic welfare recipients to throw excess children in nearest river.
3:00 PM: Find abortion clinic to fire-bomb.
3:20 PM: Find Jewish family's house to fire-bomb.
3:21 PM: Accept pat on head from Neo-Nazi Skinhead organizer fro fire-bombing Jewish family's house.
3:40 PM: Find Muslim family's house to fire-bomb.
3:41 PM: Accept pat on head from Evil Neo-Conservative Plotters in Israel for fire-bombing Muslim family's house.
3:42 PM: Demonstrate anti-semitism by criticizing Rahm Emmanuel. Accept pat on head by Neo-Nazi Skinhead organizers.
3:43 PM: Demonstrate racism by criticizing Barack Obama for forcing Israel to disband Jewish settlements on West Bank. Accept another pat on head from Evil Neo-Conservative Plotters in Israel.
Oh Bobblekins sweetums, you are so cute when you try to be forceful, but this is ME, so watch yer step. Now make me proud snookie–go thrill the media.
1:20 pm – Spent $150,000 on designer suits because I have at least 5 townhalls to attend in the next day and a half. Especially love the little Prada bag I got for a bargain price of only $7,500. All this, of course, is paid for by Pharmaceutical company stooges. Gotta love 'em.
3:00 pm – So excited! Hot Insurance guy just showed up with a bag of cash! What a surprise. Being a part of the Angry Mob sure has it's benefits.
Inspired by all the foaming, fomenting, red-neck trailer-trash, mouth-breathing scum from fly over country—I slithered to DC and pasted oJoker posters on every tree. Boy am I tired!
Almost forgot to report, I keyed every car with a oDumbo sticker on my way out of the city of terror.
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