‘Angels and Demons’ Unreal from Top to Bottom
by Kathryn Jean Lopez
“Angels & Demons” upset me.
But not for the reason you may think.
The new movie, based on the Dan Brown book of the same title, is, of course, full of nonsense. But most of it I expected.
The boots, I didn’t.
I know that the Vatican didn’t grant Ron Howard and his team all of the access they wanted. But after seeing the movie, I wonder if anyone having to do with the film even went to Rome. Or, more specifically, if any women associated with the movie went to Rome.
I was in Rome last year with a group of women. Our group was lead by a priest you’d love to walk you through life. But there was one issue he couldn’t fully appreciate: Shoes.
When we got latched onto a real expert on this front, we asked the important question: How do you do it? These streets are not made for walking in heels.
“You don’t wear heels,” she replied.
This is unheard of for the 5′4” among us.
And so the most ridiculous aspect of the new movie “Angels & Demons” for any woman who has tried looking taller on the streets of is watching actress Ayelet Zurer walking and running through the streets of the Eternal City wearing stiletto boots. In reality, the heels on those boots would be destroyed before she could hit her second church, and that’s saying something in a city full of them.
I’m no expert, but I have tried and failed. Heck, I wrecked shoes in Georgetown this weekend and running the “Exorcist” stairs to the cobblestone on M Street is no comparison to the damage Rome will do to Jimmy Choos – well, or Nine West.
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65 Comments
I didn't have a problem with the boots, but seeing Tom Hanks running through the Vatican in the thong just didn't seem right.
shoes. shoes? this is all you could come up with? banal, insipid, lame-brained…
Kathryn—as a long-time reader I was surprised (pleasantly) but this bit if levity….it was fun to read—thanks!
Who are you to complain, if that's the best your troll mind can come up with.
You, sir, are an embarrassment to trolldom everywhere.
Sorry Kit, but apparently it doesn't pass muster for soyukanji. Sadly, nothing short of a magnum opus is worth our troll friend's time. Yep.
By the way, for those who don't speak faux-Japanese, "Soyukanji" means "bed wetter".
Andrew,
I can usually tell if a post is worth reading in the first few words, and shoes was clue…..
I also read them if they are by Andrew Price, LaHawkSF, dcase, Major Graham, sgt, Lola; regular readers know who has something interesting to say…..
Ooooo, AndrewPrice. . . I like that one. Don't know the rest though? Ha ha ha. . . ;-P
Seriously, thanks for the kind words.
On the idea of being worth reading, I find it funny that our trolls seem to think (?) that it's a valid criticism that an article (or even a comment) isn't THE SINGLE MOST CONSEQUENTIAL WRITTEN WORK OF ALL TIME or that it lacks references and citations. Give me a break. This is a website, there is plenty of room for fun as well as more serious work.
Argh, more disappearing posts. . .
Hey, I don't see any trolls on that list. It's discrimination I tell ya!
Gee, soyukanji you need sense of humor injections. Dan Brown's books are badly written mendacious junk and those who read them and see the movies based on them are willful morons. If kathryn wants to walk all over him in stiletto boots, I would most happily watch and applaud,
Shoes Shoes Shoes, Why is it that women are obsessed with shoes? Loved the post by the way.
Always happy to see you, K-Lo. I haven't been doing so well at my NR reading duties, so it's great to see you here. Very funny post.
And I'll remember not to take my stilettos with me on my next trip to Rome. I wondered why my ankles were so sore after the last trip. Not to mention why I was shorter when I got home than when I left.
I always use your sauce on my chow mein.
Hello, Kit: Andrew's OK, but he's still practicing. I got it right, so I could retire.
You should sue
Your vacation pictures must be pretty interesting. Does California law allow you to show them to your grandkids?
Are you kidding? California law DEMANDS it.
Okay, it must be a woman thing, but I notice shoes too. I've been a martial artist for almost 20 years and I know I would break an ankle if I tried to throw a kick in high heels, but you see women do it on-screen all the time. Drives me nuts! I was watching Aeon Flux not too long ago (silly movie) and Charlize Theron has these wedge heels on while she's doing all her bad-a** scenes and I couldn't get past the shoes…
Good point. Again, this just illustrates the point that Hollywood’s “international citizens” know little about the real world.
Sorry counselor. Retirement isn't in the cards for you. So forget the stilettos and go straight to the saddle shoes. We won't talk about the matching poodle skirt that you gave away to the trolls.
Why doesn't that surprise me?
What? Are you kidding? I thought five foot three, 98 pound women in high heels and tight leather pants could climb walls, jump twenty feet straight up into the air and kick the crud out of muscular, uber-trained military men?
Are you saying that Hollywood has misled me again?
I actually know some women that can do that, but they prefer paratrooper boots to heels for their asskickery.
Do we even want to know what California law dictates vis-a-vis thongs? No, probably not.
I don't think we're allowed to call them poodle skirts anymore, I think the current guidelines from the White House Office for PC-ness is: Franco-American skirts. Which of course is probably going to lead to some lawsuit from a ravioli maker, but hey, it's to protect the children afterall.
Chef Boyardee protects children? Cool, once again my dietary choices are validated.
You know what I miss, Roller Coasters, I haven't seen one of those since I've been back. Do they even make them anymore? And if not, then why the heck not??
Welcome K-Lo!
Let's see you get Star Trek banned here!
I believe they can be found in most of our finer theme parks. . . and at many of our scuzzier ones too.
How was Mars?
If anyone doubts Hanks' acting ability the picture used at the top of this article should put all those thoughts firmly to rest. I mean look at that intensity! I challenge anyone to find an actor who does a "Did I leave the coffeepot on in the hotel room before I left?" look better than that one right there.
I know it seems weird to the men, but women do notice these things. I mention it to my hubby all the time. All the women cops on the CSI type shows wear stiletto heals and run around chasing the bad guys in those. I'm sure all women cops dress like that! LOL
I meant the twisty sphagetti-y, oh hell whatever those things were supposed to be.
I like Mars bars too, preferably deep fried.
Ah. Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.
The local ordinances are the ones to worry about, maybe you can do a search for a guidebook. World of difference going from Sacramento to Oakdale to Berkeley, let alone the special state law exemption needed for San Francisco. And even there, you also have to know the Parade Day variances.
Will you post pics?
As well as show that much cleavage, or wear designer outfits to gory crime scenes.
It might help if after you make your grand exit you'd get further away than a foot from the door.
Too risky.
Why are they obsessed with tiny feet to put in those little shoes? Women are getting surgery to fit in to those small pointed "fashionable" torture devices.
I blame caricature and similar non-realistic art, where features are emphasized or minimized at the artist's whim. As the most widely-available images of women long before photographs, they became standards to judge by. Uncounted generations have suffered from artists taking a minimalist approach due to their longstanding widespread inability to properly draw feet.
I thought it was part of Kalifornia earthquake training to get far away from doors, and buildings, and cities. Actually, you can secure your best odds of surviving an earthquake that hits San Francisco by preemptively evacuating to the East or Gulf Coasts, wherever gun rights are strongest for when the hordes of unprepared evacuees descend.
You are right on the money, except for the doorways. You're supposed to stand in the doorway with cross-beam support (even most apartments have one or two of those). I like your idea better. The doorway thing always sounded a lot like Dumbo's feather, or bringing Tinker Bell back to life–it only works if you're stupid enough to believe in nonsense. But since I'm stuck here for the foreseeable future, I'll just stand in the doorway with my gun. As long as I don't step outside the doorway, it's legal–even in San Francisco.
A first floor doorway going to the outside above a solid basement wall, maybe. That sets you up for a classic comedy scene where the house collapses into the basement behind you, followed by the outside wall falling down in front of you. Didn't Harold Lloyd once do that bit? I remember him from the ancient days before infomercials when the local stations had to dig up Sunday afternoon content. Oh, be wary of gas main leaks while defending your rubble, being in the middle of a fireball tends to throw off your second shot.
I seem to remember that scene too. I definitely remember Buster Keaton doing one in a windstorm that blows down a barn which collapses, while one huge wall falls on him. The catch was that he happened to be standing right where the open door landed. If I remember the history of that, Keaton got one shot to do it, there was no trickery involved, and if he had miscalculated where to stand, he would have been crushed. So maybe doorways can be handy.
This is one of the benefits I've found to getting older, you can seem to remember things younger people never knew. John Kerry was doing good for awhile remembering his horrendous battlefield injuries from 'Nam that earned him those medals. I would wonder if the internet would someday keep us all honest, but the frequent omissions leave doubt. For example, I can't find with Google any mention of the horrific hurricane seasons in the 1930's that so drenched the Great Plains much of the topsoil was washed away. Oh well, fifty years from now some diligent researcher on a government grant will find my mention of it while searching the ancient archives from the First Net, and proceed to devote their life to discovering the truth despite the obvious cover-up by Big Business of early evidence of Human-Induced Catastrophic Climatic Upheaval Progression. Best of luck, unknown future person, researching the HICCUP. Lord knows how well I remember it, like it just happened yesterday.
Loathing K-Slow as I do, I regret only that I was able to erase but one of your dings.
OT: Does anyone know why the 24 thread and Adam Baldwin's thread lead to a WordPress login prompt and not an Intense Debate login?
I assume that those women also *look* like they could win a fight, unlike most action heroines these days?
This is something that movies were actually better at about 20 years ago. Think of Linda Hamilton in *Terminator 2*, and compare to Lena Headey in *The Sarah Connor Chronicles*. And in B-movies and DTV movies, you had women like Cynthia Rothrock (professional kick boxer/martial artist) and Cory Everson (bodybuilding champion) in fight scenes. Women who actually looked like they could take on trained men as equals. Although those were also the days when a bullet could throw a man 20 feet through a plate glass window, so I suppose it depends on which type of action movie stupidity annoys you more…
My heart is hurting!
Perfect description and one I recognize since it's often on my face. Which must mean that I qualify for an Oscar.
No wait a second, just what is the costumer going to do with all of the Choos, Blahnik's, Laboutin's, etc. they ordered if ended up making it more realistic. I love my Manolo's but I'd never wear them if I was running all over Rome. Those are shoes you wear out, Nikes are shoes you wear everywhere.
Klo, as my fellow Hollywoodians will tell you, it is routine on a big picture for there to be several copies of every wardrobe item to cover damages done by wear and tear, and even more in the case of action pix where pyro, water, and running over cobbles can go through umpteen copies before the film is a wrap. Of course, your comment might also be adapted to every movie that ever featured a beautiful actress with every hair in place shot, allegedly, in some steamy jungle (or even at Disney World in summertime's humid heat) instead of the actual Culver City backlot where it was done. Maybe the bigger issue, therefore, is that today's punk kid audiences are so undereducated in both fact and reality that they'd BELIEVE those boots on those streets…and those nonsense non-historical histories in silly movies like this–have anything to do with the one real and no-doubt-chuckling God Almighty who might have said "Blessed are the boot-wearers, for theirs shall be the ankles of angst."
My great uncle always said big feet = good under-standing.
Big feet run in the family (along with a huge appreciation for comfortable shoes).
Great post! Had me laughing even before the morning coffee kicked in. Some of my favorite commenters, too. I've been looking for shoes to wear to a wedding, and darn but some of those high-heeled shoes look great . . . until I try to walk in them. Hopeless. Might as well try to walk tightrope during an earthquake.
I liked Lucy Lawless in Xena, despite the cheesiness of the show, because she looked like she could handle herself. I'm a tall girl with some muscle on me and I know what it takes to get some power behind a punch or a kick. Every time I see Angelina Jolie throw a punch I can't help but shake my head. How are we supposed to believe that a woman with pin-thin arms like that could hit anything without breaking all the bones in her arm? Jolie has the attitude but not the physique to be convincing. But I guess audiences aren't looking for feasibility most of the time. We had a couple of posts about this on my blog awhile back–Superman can't have sex. and Incredible Resilience
(Makes a note about heels in Rome in my "what detail will make this city I've never been to sound real if I use it in a book" file.)
Thanks!!
Don't worry, Hucbald – I got your back.
Don't worry, Hucbald – I got your back.
I saw the movie and unfortunately it appears that people forget this is "entertainment" and not meant to be authentic reality. I heard some people criticize the Catholic Church on the way out of the theater. That is real bad because the movie is fake. Word to the wise to Ron Howard and Tom Hanks, you can cause serious disillusionment in the church, so stop maligning the church to make a buck.
As one of my professors said about accomplishing a complex process and the necessity of getting everything right in order to get the right result:
"The devil is in the details."
Perhaps they focused too much on the over-arching angels and ignored those devilish details.
This reminds me of the tour of the Pentagon we took in the 90's when they did tours. A young Marine walked backwards the whole way while talking.
This is the greatest movie review in the history of the universe.
All the pith we've come to expect from the National Review.
I continue to be mystified by the popularity of Dan Brown, the worst "thriller" writer ever. Opaque plots, cardboard characters, leaden plotting and insipid historical research. Only proves the P.T. Barnum theory of public taste, I suppose.
I tried to read the novel about a year ago. I got 50 pages into it before I gave up and donated it to Goodwill. Brown's writing reminded me of a speaker who loves the sound of his own voice. Thand goodness I bought the book at a garage sale so only wasted about 50 cents.
K-Lo, thoroughly appreciated your observation. This is exactly the kind of thing that tends to ruin otherwise entertaining movies for me.
Plenty of people complained about "The Da Vinci Code" being historically innacurate — but I can almost live with that. What I can't tolerate is blatant stupidity. For instance: If you needed a super-secret hitman, would you choose a six-foot-four albino monk? Of course you would! Cause no one's gonna remember THAT guy…can't pick him out of a line-up.
You're so right, my friend. The devil's in the details.
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