Lost in Celebrity: Jon and Kate Detonate

by Jason Killian Meath

It’s clear: Jon and Kate shouldn’t procreate. The “grocery-aisle-reading” public know Jon and Kate Gosselin from the tabloid tsunami over the reality TV couple’s impending divorce and apparent infidelity. For the rest of the fortuitous one percent who don’t know who I’m talking about — “Jon and Kate Plus 8” is a program in its fifth season on cable channel TLC.  he show was originally intended to chronicle two stressed-out, but steadfast, parents who attempt to raise a pair adorable twins and a set of sextuplets in the ‘burbs. ”It might be a crazy life,” mommy Kate says in the opening credits, “but it’s our life” adds daddy Jon. But lately, ‘crazy’ means Kate discovering Jon sleeping with babysitters, tabloid reporters and a bevy of bar room broads. Meantime, Jon calls the cops on Kate to throw her off the property during daddy’s visiting hours. Yep — it’s just good ol’ American family fun on TLC — “The Learning Channel.”

Thankfully, these gory details aren’t directly addressed on the program – at least, not yet. Instead, the show attempts to behave as if viewers are still interested in mommy’s camping trip, or her recipe for Moose Munch, or dad’s go-kart race. Hard to believe just a year ago, Jon and Kate were featured giving marital tips, writing a book about touching family moments — even renewing wedding vows in Hawaii. This was actually when everyone might have become suspicious — since when did renewing vows half way around the world become so important to a family of eight kids? Since Mom caught Dad bedding the chick from the biker bar down the street. 

Make no mistake, when the show made its debut, I liked it. In fact, as a father, I was interested to see a family of 8 pulling their hair out over nap times, potty training and family vacations. As the show continued into season two and three, more and more parents tuned in and empathized right alongside those spunky Gosselins. What’s more — kids could watch right along with parents. It was like a slice of their own lives playing out on TV — times 8! It was all fun and games until Jon and Kate took a turn into reality show hell. Big-time bucks were flowing in through major sponsors, Jon and Kate ditched their modest suburban home and traded up to a sprawling 6,500 square foot million dollar McMansion complete with swimming pool and sprawling acreage. Suddenly, the formerly frugal Pennsylvania family was jetting off to meet Oprah, ski out west and sun themselves in Sand Diego. Like many families who hit the lottery — all this overnight good fortune tragically tore the family apart.

“Instead of seeing Jon and Kate together with the kids, you’ll see Kate with the kids, Jon with the kids – and as they all go through a transition, you’ll see glimpses of that transition,” Laurie Goldberg, senior vice president of TLC, said in an interview. Nice try.  By ‘transition’ do you think she is referring to Jon’s prancing around with multitudes of women in front of the world’s photographers — sometimes bringing them home to meet his understandably confused children? Ms. Goldberg’s network has struggled finding a purpose for the program amidst the cheesy way the Gosselins are splaying themselves out before the tabloid press.  The obvious story-line might have been to watch as a single mom struggles to raise her kids. But this is tough when Kate is all too happy to model her new bikini body before the paparazzi lurking on the beach or Jon is busy having a fling with a Us Weekly reporter.

The jury is still out whether all this infidelity, child trauma or viewer distress is bad for business. 9.8 million tuned into the premier episode which was heavily promoted to reveal juicy details of the martial eruption which had been playing out in the tabloids. But as the show slogs on, viewers are seeing less and less of the adult drama and, instead, are being served up heavily staged (and forced) moments with the kids. Perhaps it’s not a shock ratings have been slipping ever since.

Parents we were sucked in to thinking “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ was a family program — placed in prime time TV viewing hours and heavily marketed through family-friendly advertisers. So, what happens when a modern-day Brady Bunch implodes right before the viewer’s eye? “The Cosby Show,” “Family Ties” and the Brady’s were air-tight family dramas the way they were meant to be — scripted, with stars whose personal lives were often strictly controlled by studios and networks. If the actors playing Greg and Marcia were hooking up backstage (they actually did), no one was going to hear about it until decades later — like an imaginary tabloid time capsule that would wait for us all to grow up. Those days are over.

Today, children who watched the Gosselin kids must now be ready to catch a glimpse of their parent’s saucy indiscretions or manipulative motives on an “Entertainment Tonight” promo or on the cover of OK! Try explaining why Maddy’s mom’s own brother calls the show a “snowjob,” or why little Colin’s dad is splayed across the front page hosting a wild pool party in Vegas.  Good lord, the divorce isn’t even finalized (it is widely speculated that is being saved for Season Six)!

In the end, no one really cares about the fate of reality TV show performers. After all, they freely hurl themselves into living rooms to be judged and scrutinized.  But the eight Gosselin kids never asked for this… their parents were all too happy to cash in at their own peril (it’s beyond sad). And the many young viewers are just left scratching their heads.  Even for the families who endure separation and divorce — Jon and Kate are hardly role models. To call Jon and Kate’s behavior ‘trailer trash’ does a gross disservice for mobile home dwelling Americans everywhere.

Hailey Glassman, Jon’s longest lasting girlfriend, and coincidentally the daughter of Kate Gosselin’s plastic surgeon, recently summed it up, ”Jon and Kate have moved on with their lives. It’s only the viewers who haven’t moved on.”

With any luck they will, and this show will be splitsville.


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Posted Aug 20th 2009 at 6:55 am in Culture, Entertainment | 70 Comments