Reality TV: The End of Shame
by Joseph LindseyWhen the end of the world comes, the four horsemen of the Apocalypse won’t greet us; The Real Housewives of New Jersey’ll tear us to shreds.
Television long ago brought something to the world that should never have been mixed: entertainment and reality. Because the moment you stick a camera in the face of reality, the reality gets lost. What you end up with is the ability for a camera to be on while a human being sheds all traces of its shame. That place where one openly cowers in a passive emotion while being in a public place.
I love a good car crash, not the sort that involves a motor vehicle and some poor slob texting-in his fantasy baseball picks. I’m talking about the car crash that is “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” Like a rubbernecking commuter getting one last look at those pretty flashing lights, I can’t take my eyes off that show. Its complete lack of shame coupled by the site of human beings unconsciously relishing in their own self-destruction is thrilling to me.
Shame is the lost gesture in today’s ugly world of reality TV and we need it back. It’s what separates us from the animals.
In one of the shows more shameless moments, a 45-year-old divorced housewife, we’ll call her Danielle Staub, asks her boyfriend, 20 years her junior, if he’d like a blowjob in the bathroom. It’s not that she asked that question, “Would you like a blowjob in the bathroom?” over dinner in a restaurant; in real life that sounds like fun. But when a camera is on you and you know it, do you really mean it? Or are you just saying that for the camera?
But don’t get Danielle wrong, this particular housewife has a resume. It reads like this:
“You either love me or you hate me, there is no in between,” says the single mom of two daughters. She prides herself as one of the first female American Express Black card members in New Jersey. She is also active in her local parish and regularly attends mass.
That’s how the resume reads of a human who has shed its veil of shame and now lives in the make believe world of reality TV. But reality TV is never real; it’s always produced, manipulated or rigged for a predetermined outcome.
The loss of shame is not a title exclusive to “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” it belongs to every bit of media that crosses our path today. You can hear it in the lyrics of Eminem. See it in the films of Woody Allen. Download it as Pam and Tommy, or Kim or Paris. And for the first time in history you can watch a reality TV President on ABC, CBS and NBC.
“The Real Housewives of New Jersey” is over, and I’ve come to my senses. Now when I find myself in glee of another human’s shameless moment, I shut the computer down, turn the radio off and I back away from the remote. In the end, it’s what separates me from the animals of New Jersey.
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61 Comments
It is like watching a train wreck. I am fascinated and appalled all at the same time and I can't look away. Didn't we learn from the Loud family in the '60's what people will do in front of a camera? But take heart, there is shame. It's my shame for watching, but why can't I stop? Where's Dr. Drew when you need him?!
I've never seen the show, but am I safe in assuming they all have those hideous New Jersey accents? If I did watch, I'd have to do it with the sound off.
To anyone from New Jersey who may read this: sorry, but the truth hurts.
Thank the Lord that I can't get this sort of crap in my house. Its like eating dinner out of the toilet – its kinda edible and some bits may still resemble lima beans and corn, but why would you do it when there's real food available elsewhere?
Just. Turn. The. Box. OFF
Go outside and read a good book, take a walk or go do something useful in the world. You won't be feeding the need to produce this steaming pile of s*** and you won't be ingesting it and having it work its way in to corrupt part of you, too.
Can't be any worse than Rock of Love (or whatever the flavor of the month of Love happens to be right now). Thankfully, my wife has weaned herself of these shows and I no longer have an excuse to rubberneck while she watches them.
The "Real Housewives of…" shows have some educational value-I hope that they're still around in a few years so I can show my sons (ages 5 and 9) the kind of woman to avoid at all costs. Sometimes a negative example can be helpful. "Son, if you meet a woman like this, run the other way…"
Will Americans do ANYTHING for money? “The Real Housewives of New Jersey" is a train wreck, car crash, and shame in the form of beautiful women who don't realize completely what they are putting in their message.
I am bringing back the art of shunning.
I would suggest caution with reality shows of every stripe. Just as you are what you eat, eventually, you are what you watch.
I have never heard that metaphor about the toilet before. Hysterically funny and incredibly accurate. I will use it in my arguments for and against a lot of topics.
For a long time I have been wanting to make a t-shirt that says "bring back shame" but now I also want one to say "Shame: it's what separates us from the animals" I need to get working on that. Thanks.
I've never seen this show, but this is why I can't watch "Jerry Springer" or "Maury," or any shows like that. They only exist to give me someone to sneer at, and that's not healthy.
I'm with you. Let's get together and do some public shunning and shaming and some scarlet lettering again.
She regularly attends mass? Given everything else she does…that's disturbing. Doesn't she think that anyone from her church is going to watch the show?
My girlfriend loves these kind of shows, she just wants to see what they are going to do next. I don't understand them, any of the Housewives, Hell's Kitchen, Survivor, any of them. The whole reality tv thing is a total blank to me. When she turns one of those shows on, I'm usually sitting at the computer watching car crash videos.
So many of these "reality" shows just seem to bring out the worst in people. They are truly soul-deadening.
The old liberal attitude used to be summed up by "I don't care what they do, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses." Today, it's "I'm very interested in what they do, I hope they do it in the street, and possibly do it with the horses, preferably with a film crew standing by." Can it get much worse? Don't answer that question.
How did this entire article miss the Jon and Kate +8 divided by 2 debacle? Exploit the kids, pretend the marriage is fine, milk the show for all its worth, and when the pretence can no longer go on, kaboom, a "life altering decision".
Really, at least the housewives have interesting storylines written in. Let's be honest, there is no such thing as reality tv.
Season 2 of "Survivor (Australia)" opened my eyes to the honesty of "reality t.v.:" people will sell their souls for fifteen minutes of fame. I would never wish fame or celebrity-hood on my two sons.
And what was that very short-lived Fox reality show where some contestant is hooked up to a lie-detector test…? Yeah. Was his not-even-15-minutes' worth it? I wonder if he ever regrets going on that show.
While I think Lindsey is basically right about how cameras distort reality and make the participants into attention-whorese, he's forgetting an important part if his examination-NEW JERSEY.
As a lifelong resident of the Garbage State, I can say there are many reasons why NJ is known as the Armpit of America.
Yeah, or jump on the internet where you can be lectured about what you do with your free time by a stranger in a thread about a program that they've never watched.
shana, uhm, do you think you got in enough scatological verbage? I think maybe you defeated yourself, a bit.
Jon and Kate need to both be spayed and neutered
Ugh. I actually watch some reality TV, I'll admit, but so much of it has gotten so sleazy, with the flood of Real Housewives and those shows on E! and VH1. There are tons of articles about the Housewives in the magazines of every waiting room, and it kinda depresses me. This is the kind of entertainment people care about? And yet, after being bombarded with headlines, I finally caved in and checked out Jon and Kate Plus Eight last night. Those poor kids. So adorable and normal, but who knows what the show will do to them.
I did watch Survivor for the first time this past season, and I gotta say, I actually really liked it. I enjoyed the challenges and thought the contestants were pretty likeable. It was really kind of fun to see the friendship between the young, good ol' southern Alabaman cattle rancher and the geeky, awkward, Jewish man from NYC, especially in the end when J.T. chose to take Stephen to the finale over the easier competition. I don't care how easily manipulated I am, sometimes I just like going along for the ride.
At least on "Hell's Kitchen", they're doing something. Gordon Ramsay may not be my idea of a model citizen, but by all accounts he's a hell of a chef, and he's very good at getting people to wake up to the reality of what it takes to be at the top of the restaurant business.
I do not watch reality tv at all. I have always gotten embarassed when people make fools of themselves and it seems to be a regular thing on "reality" tv. When I have come across it channel surfing or previews I am disgusted that anyone would think it ok to treat people so badly or act so shamelessly with out embarassment. I had hoped this so called "reality" tv would go away. Hell it even has its own channel now. Unbeliveable.
"In the end, it’s what separates me from the animals of New Jersey."
Come to new jersey and say that.
First off, let me say that you can find women (and men) that are equally vapid, materialistic, and shameless in every state of this union. These women are gleefully playing into the stereotype to profit from it. Most women in NJ are not like this. Also, this "New Joisy" accent is also NOT truly representative of how MOST people talk here. That is primarily a Staten Island accent, though it can be found in certain pockets of North Jersey.
“You either love me or you hate me, there is no in between,” says the single mom of two daughters. She prides herself as one of the first female American Express Black card members in New Jersey. She is also active in her local parish and regularly attends mass.
Ok… what is confusing to me is how can one be a "Single" mother (which to me means sans husband) AND a Housewife at the same time?
The extent of my "reality" tv viewing is What Not to Wear, Say Yes to the Dress, and America's Next Top Model (which I know is stupid but I just can't wait to see what ridiculous thing is going to happen next on that show)…
I agree with you about "Survivor". The difference between the competitive reality TV shows and the 'candid' reality TV shows is that the 'candids' are nothing but putting 'drama' on display and the exhibitionism/voyeurism are an end in themselves. At least at the end of 'Survivor' the contestants usually return to their privacy (unless the 'fame' was their goal to begin with.)
What's disturbing is that these women have children. It's one thing to behave like a tramp, but to burden your children with your skanky behavior is another thing. Like mother, like daughter.
I keep expecting/hoping "reality TV" will run its course and fade away.
It's pronounced "New Joisey"…; – )
She is the living illustration of "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." It doesn't look like she's going to find it.
I used to watch COPS and Forensic Files, but I couldn't' stand anything else. At least those bordered on documentary status.
It's a moot point anyway, as I got my cable TV shut off about two months ago because I couldn't go on paying both for it and for my Internet access. Funnily enough, I don't miss the TV channels at all. (But take away my Internet and I'll kill you.)
I feel the same way about cable ironically… and besides it's not like you can't watch most of the shows on cable on the internet in the first place… only a couple of days later.
Never!!! And we can thank MTV's "Real World" for all of this crap…
The only time I have ever seen any of these shows is when they happen to be on the tube at my local watering hole. (One of the bartenders is really into them.) One of my friends made the same point as one of the posters above ' "It's like some horrible accident you can't look away from." Now I understand that Bravo is soon premiering "New York Prep" about the trials and tribulations of hot, rich, spoiled and media-obsessed prep schoolers. I am sure there will be a heavy emphasis on their sex lives. To those who ask "Can it possibly get worse?" the answer is a ringing "Yes."
Nah. Idiocracy tells me that this smut will be around 'till 2505.
Here is a SOUP bit that perfectly parodies the current reality TV fad and its portrayal of women:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9IbQtTfygw
The only good reality TV is DEADLIEST CATCH.
Well said. Succinct. Perfect.
Some of the Cops episodes bring to mind certain troll posters here.
rick ross wears a shirt!
(It's a Che shirt, but still…)
Reality TV isn't going away. It's cheaper and the ratings are as large as fiction programming any more. "John and Kate Plus 8" and the episode this week about them breaking up (which I didn't watch) got I believe the biggest ratings ever for TLC.
They're all predicated on a reality often forgotten by people who live outside media centers – the vast majority of America, who have TV as their main entertainment – think that when you have been on television you're somebody.
Secondly, when you can laugh at crazy rich people, you feel better about your own life when you're living paycheck to paycheck.
You're describing voyeur TV. All reality TV is not that, and much of it is informative and can even be thrilling, so it lets people live vicariously.
I learned this in 1978 when I was a big winner on a game show. Relatives back in Texas who never cared what I was doing out here took off from work to watch the show.
Testify Shana! I hadn't thought of the "dinner in the toilet" analogy but it's particularly apt in this case. Unfortunately, I don't want to get divorced so I can't just toss the idiot box to the curb but my wife is slowly realizing that "The Bachlorette" might not be "reality".
There is only one reality show on T.V., COPS! The rest of them are contrived, artificial CRAP.
I think that the appeal is that these individual are so skanky, you can feel almost clean in comparison. It's an illusion of course; watch crap and it WILL get on the bottom of your shoes.
For crying out loud people, take a chill, it's tv for goodness sake. It's supposed to be a mindless wander. Stop taking this stuff so seriously. Surely "Big Hollywood" should know escapism is escapism, they've made their bones on mindless drivel since tv was invented. If people on reality tv choose to expose themselves it's their business, stop judging or quit watching.
CrisD, Hon, I'm a moma to a toddler and an autistc son, and 6 other older children. Kah-kah becomes part of my daily vocabulary whether I want to think about it or not. And I couldn't think of a better description for what I had just read.
Hey, you want to watch it, Ray K, go right ahead. If hearing some idiot who thinks going to mass makes her a good person offer her boyfriend a blow job on TV does it for you, whatever.
Call it what it is.
Its more honest than the description of it you'll probably find in the program guides.
Surely conservatives like us who are concerned about the trash being shown on television (which has been degrading American entertainment culture and making people stupider) can speak out and demand better programming from the Hollywood folks, right? Because the last thing I want to do when children and adults alike are swallowing this stuff is stand idle and tolerate their behavior.
Sure, it's the people's choice to blatantly demean themselves in front of millions of viewers, but is it so wrong of us to tell them they're wrong?
Actually, it's not, although there may be some folks from Queens who say it like that. However, many Jerseyans do manage to turn "walk," "talk," "dog," and "coffee" into hideous squawking noises that make non-Jersey/NYC eavesdroppers want to rip apart their eardrums.
LOL! It's funny because it's true!
Gotta disagree with BevfromNYC – definitely not a trainwreck. In a trainwreck there's someone to sympathize for: the engineer, the conductor, the brakemen, the passengers, and the poor train itself. Here I can only sympathize with my TV for forcing this dreck to be squeezed through the tuner and on to the screen.
Ugh, Staten Island! *shivers*
You can imagine these guys posting without their shirts.
That's what they said about rap…in 1978!
As a lifelong NY-er there have always been two types of women I just will not dategirls from "Lawn -Gyland" and the aformentioned Jersey girls. Jesery-ites are in a tough spot. They've got NYC toward the north end, and Philly toward the south end. And except for Washington crossing the Deleware to take Trenton, they're overshadowed by NYC & Philly.
My former in-laws were both reared in NJ (live in Ohio for 30 yrs. now), and man how they would bristle when I would tell my young daughters about an upcoming trip to visit my parents in NY. "we're going to the greatest city in the wordl girls. We're gonna see the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State bld'g, we're going to Broadway, etc, etc."
And my F-I-L would say something like, "Well you know, the Statue of Liberty is actually in New Jersey girls."
And I came back with "He's right girls, but you've got to be in New York to catch the boat to visit it."
I never watch that trash. I am forced to watch in commercials. Then I change the channel as quickly as possible.
And with a mullet
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