Hollywood Political Mental Disorder

by Joseph Lindsey

Mental disorders don’t come to Hollywood they’re cultured there. It all takes place inside the social interaction of petri dishes disguised as auditions, lunches, movie sets, movie premieres and fund raisers.

After ample time is spent cultivating inside these infected petri dishes, subjects unknowingly begin to show signs of “Hollywood Political Mental Disorder,” or HPMD. The frustrating thing about HPMD is that the cure is so close the subjects can’t see it.

Most subjects come to Hollywood healthy and open minded only to have the openness of their mind infected by simplistic antidotes that can be swallowed but never digested by the human spirit because they lack logic and reason.

HPMD takes hold

After settling into town, subjects are given the dialogue of second-hand-word-of-mouth politics. A dialogue which can be believed only if accompanied by free booze from parties the subjects are directed to attend. If subjects forget their lines, Hollywood snake oil salesmen will remind them what to say every time they turn on the TV or stroll past a magazine rack full of Obama Porn.

In the early stages of infection subjects remain pretty on the outside but are only able to parrot what the last person said to them about what it is they’re supposed to know about the world. On the inside, subjects must lose all rational censure so as to remain part of the group’s mutual incomprehension as to why everyone else is not like them.

Sufferers of HPMD gradually become cruel to all those outside their group. The reason for this behavior, they will tell you, is in the name of “making the world a better place for everyone.” (Except for those cured of HPMD or those who’ve never been infected.) HPMD is not new to Hollywood. Modern subjects can be found clinging to peace and love from the 1960’s in the form of hope and change while pimping it across the globe like Facebook heroin.

HPMD gets a face

With the recent introduction of President Obama into the infection, subjects are given the ability to actually worship a political pop idol. With this addition, subjects become advanced carriers of HPMD and are unable to deconstruct their idols domestic agenda. An agenda set to level the playing field of their lives to that of a vast wasteland of cultural diversity where people are forced to search out opposing races for tea at noon, so as to not look cowardly. A three minute and thirty second You Tube Iranian foreign policy encapsulates their pop idol president’s agenda. The subjects buy into it because they feel good when reaching out to psychos. They adore the fact that he’s done the same drugs they’re currently on, and are subconsciously comforted by the fact that they voted for what they see him as most, a black man.

A more sinister way of infecting HPMD to subjects

Served up hundreds of times a week in tipsy town, HPMD also takes hold inside “recovery meetings.” Meetings where subjects with a still gelatinous brain in the shape of an apple martini are served bad coffee alongside a stale plate of victimhood mentality, of which can only be digested by one sort of mind, a soft one that leans to the left. The soft brain of the subject, now victim, goes on to become caught up in the self-creation of its own drama and driven to a level of self-importance that leads them to want to heal their past through healing the world. Once HPMD takes hold of subjects in recovery rooms they become willing to go to any length to get better so long as they don’t have to rise above the group.

What to do in the face of HPMD

It’s difficult to know what to do with subjects suffering from HPMD when one comes across a gaggle of them, or even just one. Field test by conservatives have found the best way of treating people with HPMD is to treat them like sick friends.

Example: If you went to the hospital to see a sick friend and they threw up on you, you wouldn’t yell at them. You’d show compassion, hand them a fresh towel and leave them to rest.

Libertarian field tests show they can sometimes be defused by agreeing with them on one of their rabid topics, then blinding swiping them with the antidote of logic and reason. This is best attempted in the morning before the subjects brain is given a feeding at the liberal troth of “The Daily Show,” The New York Times, MSNBC, NPR, and current White House press briefings. Yet research shows that even these advanced carriers HPMD are not the most extreme.

HPMD as profit

Full blow carriers of advanced HPMD like Bill Maher and Janeane Garofalo will find they can make a healthy living speaking with venom and hatefulness towards those who have used the cure of logic and reason to escape the disorder.

Precautions in closing

When one comes across one of these hateful subjects suffering from HPMD give no response and hand them a fresh towel after the outburst, leave the scene, calmly walking away with a smile before their next regurgitation. You won’t want to have to keep cleaning up after their mental barf.


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Posted Mar 26th 2009 at 9:21 am in Celebrity News, Politics | 63 Comments