Hybrid Predictions For 2009
by Joseph LindseyI had silently moved through Hollywood as an actor and screenwriter for more than fifteen years before I left. Most of that time was spent amongst people I liked and some I even loved, and still do. However, none of them did I agree with when it came to the topic of politics and how the majority thinking in Hollywood affected the work I did, was asked to do, and the movies that so many in this country are forced to sit through.
I spent my days with the shades draw on sunny L.A. mornings reading The Weekly Standard , and nights watching Fox News with the sound turned down. But that’s not why I left. I left because I found that when I wasn’t able to be around and talk openly with like-minded people my creativity felt stifled, dishonest. I found myself just bobbing my head in silent agreement like a performing monkey when all I really wanted to do was have an open minded, calm, conversation about the world, especially after 9/11.
I’m not here to be cruel; I don’t hate people on the left, I don’t wish them to have heart attacks, die in office or drop dead on their actors’ mark. I just feel my ideas and my work are more interesting when challenged in an open minded, spiritually enlightened, compassionate way. I use those Hollywood buzz words because if you want Hollywood to hear you; you have to speak their language. You can’t invade a foreign land and then ask them to speak English, well, not right away anyway. With Big Hollywood I now have a “safe place” like I did as a kid, thumb in mouth, blanket over my head and a GI Joe doll in hand.
The thing I find most disturbing these days is the dangerous mixture of pop culture and politics aimed in only one direction. Because of that, the line between the Hollywood mouthpieces and Washington D.C. public servants continues to blur into one scary hybrid, making it hard to tell who’s “Dancing with the Stars” and who’s handing out the bailouts. So, armed with that knowledge, I bring to you my list of predictions for this Chimera in 2009. They’re sure to bring a thrill up your leg, or a chill down your spine:
1. Alec Baldwin will walk away from his mortgage on a condo in Canada and look to buy a townhouse in Georgetown with his eye on a government seat, one he hopes to just buy in on, or be appointed to because of his last name.
2. LeRoy Neiman will be appointed to the cabinet position of Secretary of Obama Murals and be sent out across America to tag any building seven stories or higher.
3. Nancy Pelosi will send 100,000.00 copies of Susan Faludis’ book Backlash to the woman of Afghanistan; she’ll then receive an award at Premiere Magazine’s Women in Hollywood Awards for being the one who liberated the woman of Afghanistan.
4. Now that they can stay in America, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins will ask for their money back from Rosetta Stone for those Italian lessons they took.
5. Fidel Castro will die and at his funeral attendees will include 12 Oscar winners, 7 Grammy winners, 3 living dictators, 4 Nobel Prize winners and one former US President stopping by on his way to build housing for Hamas.
6. Chris Matthews will guest star on Grey’s Anatomy as a mental patient with a permanent thrill up his leg.
7. Rahm Emanuel will work with Industrial Light and Magic on just how his Commander in Chief can “slow the rise of the oceans and heal the planet.”
8. Al Gore will make a sequel to An Inconvenient Truth titled, An Inconvenient Ice Age. In it he will outline how recent global cooling has come about because of global warming, Y2K and Sky Lab almost falling on us in 1979. It will be animated, direct by Seth MacFarlane, voiced by Leonardo Dicaprio, Rosie O’Donnell, Bill Maher, Jon Stewart and Charlize Theron, with a soundtrack by Bruce Springsteen.
9. Young Hollywood celebrities will be seen wearing t-shirt that say “I’d Rather Be Waterboarding,” when waterboarding becomes all the rage. They’ll say it’s not torture if performed between consenting adults and done with vodka laced Red Bull.
10. President Obama will take walking on water lessons from magician Chris Angel at the MGM Grand.
Those I’m pretty sure of, as for the rest of this gestating beast, we’ll just have to wait and see what it does.
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40 Comments
I suppose there’s some value in putting all the barn door targets in one place — Baldwin! Gore! Pelosi! Fidel! — but other than that, it seems clear that living in Boulder does not make one funnier. Or even funny.
Also leaving Sean Penn off the gag list seems a fairly large oversight.
(Memo to Powers That Be. At what point do site editors start to, you know, actually edit?)
I’m certain lack of talent had nothing to do with your departure. Absolutely nothing.
Welcome to Big Hollywood, Joe.
And, as you might of already guessed, disregard the haters.
Pay no attention to the bugwitted fools who profess to actually know what is and is not “talent.” Most of ‘em wouldn’t recognize real talent if it bit them on their skinny arses. Keep up the good work.
I am a recovering liberal from the left coast. You are about to find out how intolerant and hateful the tolerant and loving folks in the community of compassion really are. The fantasy that they are morally and intellectually superior is all they have. Let’s pretend it’s true…..it’ll be fun.
Thanks from a simple and average citizen. I served in the military for 22 years and see our country in a very different light than most of the people I interact with as I work in San Francisco, CA.
It is refreshing to hear words from ones heart from a person that definitely thinks before following the mentality that “mainstream” Hollywood presents; a rare thing these days. The overwhelming majority have bought into a twisted vision of what this country is.
Your statement that you don’t hate or desire to be cruel to those on the left is typical of a conservative and basically honest person, by voicing your opinion you have unleashed the beasts and they will certainly use “disproportionate force” in their return volleys, as they won’t accept your freedom of speech.
My wishes for the best of luck to you and those you find dear.
Ah, the early morning drive-bys. Who doesn’t love the smell of petruli and Starbucks in the morning?
Oh, and Joe (Lindsey, not the above poster), these little gnats come by the fistful. Feel free to squash at your discretion.
Joseph
I see you acted in a film with Ron Jeremy and John Doe. That could have made fore interesting conversations around the snack table.
BTW no one in Hollywood ‘forces’ anyone to sit through a movie. You are free to leave at anytime. I’m also guessing that you probably like more films coming out of Hollywood than you dislike. Many Conservatives claim to hate Hollywood but look forward to coming attractions just like everyone else.
“BTW no one in Hollywood ‘forces’ anyone to sit through a movie. You are free to leave at anytime.”
They just reel them in for the sucker punch and then force them to choose between sitting through the film, or wasting their ticket purchase.
But I think you miss the point of “force” as a rhetorical, not a literal state of affairs. Hollywood exploits its market dominance, helped by a legal regime that somewhat shields it from market competition, to fill venues and sales channels with repugnant pieces of film, while just enough movies to pay the bills.
“Many Conservatives claim to hate Hollywood…”
Like who? Conservatives hate the vacuous and sanctimonious attitudes of many Hollywood, not Hollywood as a whole.
“…but look forward to coming attractions just like everyone else.”
Hollywood does occasionally remember why it’s there and does good work.
“BTW no one in Hollywood ‘forces’ anyone to sit through a movie. You are free to leave at anytime.”
They just reel them in for the sucker punch and then force them to choose between sitting through the film, or wasting their ticket purchase.
But I think you miss the point of “force” as a rhetorical, not a literal state of affairs. Hollywood exploits its market dominance, helped by a legal regime that somewhat shields it from market competition, to fill venues and sales channels with repugnant pieces of film, while just enough movies to pay the bills.
“Many Conservatives claim to hate Hollywood…”
Like who? Conservatives hate the vacuous and sanctimonious attitudes of many Hollywood, not Hollywood as a whole.
“…but look forward to coming attractions just like everyone else.”
Hollywood does occasionally remember why it’s there and does good work….
Interesting point about your creativity being stifled. If you think about it, Hollywood lacks real creativity lately, maybe from being so immersed in their own-different movies-same stories.
You escaped the toxic-congratulations.
Lefties are consistent , if nothing else.
Consistent at missing the point.
#9…Priceless! I want my, “I’d rather be waterboarding,” t-shirt.
Funny…this article doesn’t seem that open mined, spiritually enlightened, or compassionate. It’s just nasty and condescending and not-so-thoughtful like most of what I hear from the right. Nothing positive added to the discourse in what appear to be the worst of times. You guys have had the white house for the last eight years and the congress for years before that. Yet, look at how badly the country has done. Oh yeah…that’s all the lefts fault somehow. Amazing. “The dangerous mixture of pop culture and politics” this from the side that gave us two actors as candidates? Wow. Think I’ll pass on your next blog.
Cliff Odets wishes he could write like this: “However, none of them did I agree with when it came to the topic of politics and how the majority thinking in Hollywood affected the work I did, was asked to do, and the movies that so many in this country are forced to sit through.”
Bye bye Matthew. Here’s my prediction…..sometime in the next two years we’ll get another movie depicting the POTUS as a sort of super hero action figure ala Independence Day and Airforce One. So as not to be too obvious, he/she will be Asian.
That is hilarious. And more truthful than anyone could ever imagine. But didn’t Alec Baldwin tell the audience at the Maher show that if they wanted someone to blame for the financial mess blame teh Democrats? Someone who saw that told us that on DHP. I thought it was an interesting thing for such a joiner to say. In public. To the audience that Chris Hitchens flipped off.
I find it interesting that the left wing liberals come to conservative sites,bash us on it, and then leave. Do they think that it bothers us?? Why can’t they simply have a calm, rational discussion about it with a conservative about their views. They don’t because with the facts behind us; they will lose and then the conversation becomes an argument. How do you know when a conservative has won?? When the leftist begin name calling or they start bashing Bush and his administration. The people in Holly wood endure this everyday but can’t say anything for fear of “blacklisting.”
I, as a, conservative do not go to left wing web sites to see what they are saying because most of what they are saying is already on television, in the newspapers (most of which are failing), and their movies (e.g. The Day after Tomorrow, The Happening, & The Day the Earth Stood still{remake}). Their even on sitcoms. Their major topic for the last few years was “Man made global warming” and now what are they going to do now that mother earth is cooling. My guess is blame global warming for global cooling or ask their socialist president what their next agenda is or maybe follow him. Do you know what Barack Hussein Obama’s agenda?? It is to turn this beautiful country in a socialist country.
Hey Matthew – As a Democrat I am embarrassed by your post proving (yet again) that most of the ‘liberal left’ in this country take no time to understand both sides of an issue but take only what the ‘media’ feeds them. You neglect to mention in your ‘wisdom’ about the last eight years that it has been key Democrats who have allowed for the pillaging of most of America’s bank accounts. Where were our ‘protectors’ in the Dem party when we needed them. To busy ‘complaining’, to busy thinking up something more clever than ‘Village Idiot’ or ‘Impeach Bush’, or my favorite ‘Dogs & Cats Hate Bush’. I suggest you check the bumpers in your driveway before you feel so righteous as to say Conservatives are the only ones who are ‘nasty and “condescending”. I stay hopeful my party returns to a level of intelligent reason.
This is too funny with these mad dog liberals that come on here an attack a conservative artist. They love to throw wisecracks but they can’t take them. I know a hell of al lot of leftist losers in this town with no damn talent but because they goose-step with the crowd they work. Peer Pressure works on the weak minded…Sieg Heil! OOPs, i forgot, now we say Brrrrrrrrack!
As I have mentioned before on DHP to another blowhard liberal, next time you clowns go to one of your hip Hollywood freakfest and you sit around babbling about a world without conservative christians, why don’t you have the stones to sit there and start telling your fellow pod people, that you think Bush is the greatest President and you can’t wait until Sarah Palin is the next President in four years. Then after the moment of silence in the room and the hateful stares, the people of tolerance will come after you like a pack of hungry wolves. Then you will understand what it is like to be a conservative in the Hollywood in a world full of leftist mediocrities, who preach tolerance to the planet, they’re going to save by taxation. Sing to the choir of all the brain dead kool aid drunks, it won’t have an effect on those who disagree with the Holy tenets of the religion of Liberalism. Then you can talk about your wet dream desires to a final solution… a world without conservative dissent.
This is why I spend my time talking treason to the leftist fascist-elite establishment. I have been out here for 29 years, I raise the funding in the private sector and do MY films my way, like Sinatra. I have never taken a dime from Hollywood, so they can’t stop me from working or making films as they did Mickey Rourke for the past 15 years. I have two films out there and i made profit for my investors, one film 180% return and the other a 200% return. The third I was blacklisted by those wonderful people who brought us every anti-veteran film ever made. I told most of the ’suits’ i negotiated with to pay me an advance or stick it up their gagooza’s. I don’t make films for free, I even had the stones to give these business geniuses MY contract and they lost their minds and I was told through a plant ‘where going to take Jack’s film and run him out of the business’ . Hollywood liberals have stay up all night to try to steal from this sicilian/irish kid from Boston. I still have my film and i can’t get funding in the private sector, which is were I get my juice to keep on working. Too many Democrats messing with the economy. I funded all three of my films in the 80s when RR cut taxes. In the clinton ear of happiness and surplus I couldn’t raise a dime for a chicken sandwich. When W gets in, i was able to raise enough funds to make release prints and DVD inventory and now I am selling baby…. selling.
Now, we conservatives have the internet and I can sell my film directly to each individual American out there that supports the troops and you libs can’t stop this hole that was created by AlGore. All you can do is insult the film, the artist and what the hell is that? Who gives a crap what your opinion is. In order for you nitwits to piss on my work you have to lay out 25 smackaroos, then I don’t really care what your opinion is because I can go out there with YOUR money and but Ann Coluter’s new book, thank you so much. We are going to take back this cancerous pop culture and treat you liberals they way you treat us, just like we are going to treat the Divine Tiberius Drusus Nero Marcus Obamus Caesar the way you mad dogs treat President George W. Bush, a man of class. What you liberals mad dogs don’t understand about class is that you are born with it, you can’t acquire it like a suntan.
So bring it on my fellow brother Americans who dwell in the dark side.
“I know a hell of al lot of leftist losers in this town with no damn talent but because they goose-step with the crowd they work”
Didn’t many of them get gigs on Joey?
You forgot Barney. A piece on the people who live in MA that elect Barney, Kerry AND Kennedy?
LOL Sammy, we use to call the hot dogs at Fenway park to the vendor.. “give me two barney franks”
Jes I applaud you for your integrity. I bow. That was as honest a thing I have ever seen said anywhere. I can’t forget there were Republicans allowing it to…like Trent Lott, etc. And of course the Go Alongs to Get Alongs….
“give me two barney franks
————————————–
And there went my appetite. No thanks I’ll just have a small 10 dollar beer. SHUDDER!
Jes, all one has to do is drive to the West Side of Los Angeles or the Republic of Soviet Monica and see all the wonderful hateful bumper stickers all over everyone’s car in those areas. There is so much love coming from those cities where the children of FDR dwell. You remember when they hung Sarah Palin in West LA as a Halloween prank? They are so loving our fellow Americans who are running on two cylinders.
Too often, it’s spooky to read a list of Predictions such as yours and come across an item like #3, which rings so true that I fully expect it to be described in tomorrow’s headlines. It’s a blueprint for the vacuous, self-serving and pointless window dressing which most public figures act on.
Boulder’s not to my taste (we’re down here in Littleton), but with your exposure to both coasts, you’re probably tempered by now!
Hope to read more of your posts here at BH, and soon I’ll have something of substance over at my Blogger site as well (studiobazoo.blogspot.com) Best of luck with your novel.
For what it’s worth:
Speaking as an average “Jane” who is not from or living in Hollywood and who is moderate-conservative, I rarely actually pay my hard-earned money to see movies in theaters anymore. I DID pay to see Fireproof. That and Mama Mia! are the only two I can recall actually going to see in the last year, and I only went to Mama Mia! because my mother insisted it HAD to be seen on the big screen (she’s in love with the movie, and, incidentally, a card-carrying liberal septugenarian). Anything else can wait until it’s out on DVD, and most of it isn’t even worth that.
it’s been noted that at the first earth day, 1970?, the hysterics predicted a coming ice age. glaciers were supposed to cover manhattan by now. sometime this year, the old speeches will be dusted off, and all the environmentalists will compliment each other on his far sighted they were.
sure, they last twenty years of global “warming” will have to be tossed down the memory hole. but they’ve done it before.
and what is the “posting too fast” notice all about?
“I’d Rather Be Waterboarding” T Shirts here
http://www.thoseshirts.com/
plus LOTS more conservative ones
#3 Yeah and I’d bet she’ll send them in English, too.
#3 Yeah, but she’ll probably send them in English.
Great thoughts. Mr. Lindsey.
Let’s hear more.
Me too, Jes. I’d say my politics would really be called Conservative Democrat, if only the party wasn’t so completely and utterly corrupt. I live near Chicago, and what the Democrats have done to this area should warrant a French Revolution-style uprising. They can’t raise taxes any more (Cook County is already the highest in the country), so they want to push through a Statewide Income Tax hike to fund the failing Chicago schools, which according to them, “Don’t get enough money.” The problem is, this week’s headlines in the paper were the $57,000 spent on cappuccino machines for teachers and administrators (many of which can’t be found).
That among the 100 complaints forwarded to investigators for money misused. I’m sure that has nothing to do with why our kids education sucks and so many drop out. It must be the Republican’s fault because of them just being a bunch of racists and stuff. {rolleyes}
That was hilarious, I loved #8. What a refreshing change to hear from Hollywood conservatives. Thanks Brietbart for making this possible.
Varmint,
The posting too fast notes are my fault.
I did something wrong so they got this new policy- – - Sorry!
I won’t do it again or at least make sure I don’t get caught – Honest!!!
“the movies that so many in this country are forced to sit through.”
Yes, I hate when Hollywood comes to my door and forces me to watch their latest films
I left a message on your blog. When I came back to the Big Hollywood site to leave a comment I was not surprised to the the 5th columnist have found the site and will, I’m sure, be peppering the comments with their HATE & misinformation. Sorry we can’t have idiot filters on the site!
I want a shirt that says that!
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