Review: Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

by John Nolte

For something you expect to be a light, fluffy, slightly moronic romantic comedy, “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” has an awfully seedy undercurrent to it. The over-arching story might be about the redemption of Conner Meade (Matthew McConaughey), a flashy, Manhattan-based, fashion photographer who uses women like Kleenex, but that doesn’t mean the film opposes the idea that emotionless sexual encounters with strangers can still be fun. As Conner learns life lessons about true love, much of the supporting cast comically, and as though it’s their duty, seeks out sex with those they’ve just met. 

Ultimately a movie has to be about something, and while “Ghosts” has its share of problems in every other area, having your protagonist go off in a wholesome direction while celebrating your supporting players sleazy ways, undercuts the one spot where the film had a chance to succeed — with a cohesive, unified theme.

It also leaves an unseemly aftertaste.

Things start out like you expect in a story about a playboy stud destined to learn the error of his loutish ways. We spend the first few minutes watching Conner squirrel through his ridiculously glamorous life as a celebrity photographer whose subjects are all strikingly beautiful, near-naked young women who seemingly enjoy being treated like trash. Conner charms, lies, insults and ultimately gets what he wants from them. So effective is his near-sadistic, blunt-force approach that even after his latest conquest watches him thoughtlessly break up with three heartbroken women all at once via teleconference (to save time), she buys his line and jumps his bones.

The wedding of Conner’s younger brother Paul (Breckin Meyer), takes him home to the estate of his recently deceased Uncle Wayne (Michael Douglas). Wayne was Conner’s mentor in female conquest, the man who taught him that “the power of a relationship lies with the one who cares the least,” advice Conner took to heart and has practiced ruthlessly for decades.

It was over Jenny (Jennifer Garner) where Conner almost lost his footing. She was his first love and his last. Unable to bear the idea of a relationship, he walked out. Unfortunately, she’s part of the wedding party and to convince her, everyone, but mostly himself that he made the right decision in leaving her, Conner puts a strain on the entire event by loudly and drunkenly denouncing love, marriage and commitment –  and for extra credit decides to sexually make his way through some very willing bridesmaids.

Uncle Wayne quashes those plans when, like Ebenezer Scrooge’s Marley, he returns from the dead to forewarn Conner of the error of his ways and three coming visitations — the ghosts of girlfriends past, present and future.

Well-paced and frantic are not the same thing, and “Ghosts” is frantic from open to close. McConaughey does what he always does: instead of act, he charmlessly swaggers with confusion over the difference between self-confidence and self-satisfied as the plot tries to cover up countless flaws with a flurry of weak jokes and bad special effects. The production values as a whole are surprisingly lacking. Most of the film is set on a single estate and a few other interiors, none of which are designed with any imagination. The photography lacks warmth and whether CGI’d or not, the exteriors all look it.

Jennifer Garner does all she can to give the film a heart but she can’t surmount McConaughey’s uncanny knack for shallowness which swamps even his attempts at sincerity. The only memorable scenes arrive courtesy of Douglas who channels Robert Evans and squeezes all the life possible from a one-dimensional caricature. Even saddled with flat dialogue, Douglas skillfully manages to breathe life into his flashback scenes mentoring young Conner in the ways of manipulating women into the sack.

But back to that sleazy aftertaste… “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” might someday work as a time capsule of sorts into the devolution of liberal feminism. If the goal was to devolve into living fantasies for slobbish men who objectify women and find them useful only to satisfy their sexual urges … you’ve come a long way baby.

“Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” opens everywhere Friday.


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Posted Apr 30th 2009 at 6:33 am in Reviews | 45 Comments