‘Oh Dear,’ Miley Cyrus is Closer to the Lord
by John Nolte“Oh dear…” Elizabeth Snead over at the L.A. Times laments in her headline upon learning Miley Cyrus is, thanks to her boyfriend Justin Gaston, “closer to the Lord”:
Miley Cyrus says she’s gotten much holier since she started hanging out with her God-fearing underwear-model squeeze Justin Gaston.
“I’ve never been closer to the Lord since I met him,” she says on on the “Rachel Ray” show that airs Friday. “He’s really made me read my Bible.”
We’d have to agree with Miley about feeling all holy roller. Because every time we see Justin, we say to ourselves, “Oh, thank heavens!”
Far more alarming is the news that Miley has learned how color her own hair.
Miley, Miley, Miley… Justin, Justin, Justin… There are rules in celebrity culture and a celebrity media in place to enforce them. A few tips before you’re mercilessly mocked into an unemployed punchline because thankfully there’s still time. Ms. Snead is only firing a warning shot. You’re still allowed back in until character assassins like Bill Maher and David Letterman take over.
1. Spiritualism is fine, religion not so much. And by “spiritualism,” I of course mean “narcissism.” Worship a red string, worship a rock garden, believe in anything – any god you can think of — no one will laugh at you, certainly not the L.A. Times … just don’t believe in the God.
2. Good heavens, man, don’t give pop princesses Bibles. This creates a dangerous panic in the ranks of the pop-culture enforcers who have already written their “Miley Trainwreck” stories. If you go and get her all God-ey and stuff, if she leads a centered, emotionally healthy life, all that work was for naught.
You never ever mess with the narrative. Sarah Palin taught us that.
3. Justin, if you insist on giving Miley something, make it something that earns respect from celebrity gatekeepers, like heroin, meth, liquor, condoms, an STD or an unwanted pregnancy. This gives you an edge, an air of the all-important bad boy mystery that gets reality show producers thinking.
Miley, you obviously get the worst of this deal, so at the very least insist on your life being ruined at the Chateau Marmont.
4. The two of you shouldn’t think of this as giving something up; think of it as embracing a whole spectrum of new possibilities. In Hollywood you can be anything you want and still flourish — a drug addict, a wife beater, even a child molester.
5. Make sure to shake this Jesus-thing as soon as possible, today if you can, but definitely before the cock crows twice. Shake it before you slip — before you get a DUI or are caught smoking a doobie. Here’s the problem: If you respect an objective moral code those who have no moral code will never forgive you for breaking yours because the very behavior they practice only offends them when someone who thinks it’s wrong slips and does it. Steal as many babies from Malawi as you want, but never ever fail to meet a moral standard you set for yourself … for that is the only unforgivable sin in CelebrityVille.
I believe that because I read it in the L.A. Times.
Of course there’s always the possibility you two crazy kids cooked this whole thing up as some kind of publicity stunt to win over the rubes for that new album or tour.
In that case, like nevermind.







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76 Comments
Society might be going to hell (note: pun) but the joke is on the lefties. Religion and the Bible have given my life purpose and happiness, so I encourage my friends and loved ones to pursue both themselves. Elites in the secular media can condescend to people like me all they want, but I pity them because they'll never know the wisdom and satisfaction only religion provides. But hey, they still have Kaballah….and "the clap."
God bless that girl.
Even more.
Amen, Skip. Just when she seemed headed down the path to adhering to John's rules above — going green with her car, the topless photo shoots, breaking away from mommy and daddy's disciplined life — she gets a Bible in her hand. Tito, get me a tissue…
I have to say, I like Miley. She is not doing too badly for a kid handed all that celebrity. Most of them have gone round the bend by the time they get into a career as far as she has. Hopefully she won't end up like the Britney and the Lindsay type. I love how she is loved by little girls, and hated by everyone else. Typical messed up culture of ours. Geez.
>>>"Lord"
To the Left that word is like red to a bull. She could have said "god" (in the generic non-religious sense), the "creator" (in that semi-acceptable "deist" sense), or great spaghetti monster in the skye. All these things the Left just maybe might overlook. But "Lord"? Nah ah. That's Bible-believing christian talk. Don't go there girl.
You go girl.
I hope Miley will prove all the naysayers wrong. I hope she continues to succeed in a healthy way, showing all the Hollywood types that they can't peg her as some uneducated hick that's just bitterly (as if) clinging to her religion.
Hope she reads it.
Poor Justin has hurt his career big time. I'm serious. If anyone has looked at a Calvin Klein ad where you can't tell his emaciated, glassy-eyed models from heroin addicts (because, uh, some of them ARE in order to get down to that weight), than you know that CK is so NOT going to allow a Bible-reading devout Christian model within ten miles of him. And – of course – there's that little minor thing of the Bible's admonitions against homosexuality. Ahuh. Yeah – for sure such icons of heterosexuality like Calvin Klein, Giorgio Armani, Valentino, Dolce & Gabbana, etc. will pencil Justin at once for their next show. Poor kid. He's drop dead gorgeous too.
I think you're generally right about getting main stream media's stamp of approval but she will get work because she makes money and if one researches professing Christians have no trouble selling huge amounts of records, in fact to a degree that is not affected at all by media's scorn. It's a little akin to those conservatives who make many of Hollywoods' blockbusters despite disdain for their ideals. Interestingly a new study shows that stars DO NOT mean box office for movies so many religion/America haters are not really that important.
I hope Miley and Justin get over to the Jonas Brothers house soon. The boys seem to be weakening of late. I hope this is a true and thoughtful return to decency. I'm just not holding my breath. Fame and fortune, access to excess, love on the run. That siren call has been very hard for these youngsters to avoid for long.
"Miley Cyrus says she’s gotten much holier since she started hanging out with her God-fearing underwear-model squeeze Justin Gaston."
Really? Just the concept as outlined in this sentence right there doesn't strike you as BEGGING to be mocked? Really? Male underwear model? Manufactured tweener pop-idol? Y'don't see where the funny is? "Omigod, my boyfriend is, like, a suuuuuper Christian so I'm, like, totally into God and stuff now." Gag writes itself.
I think we're getting a little too touchy here. It's a gossip column. Snark is its' stock-in-trade. The headline is deliberately provocative to get you to read the piece, which really isn't. I'm not sure what's so damning about the piece aside from the headline anyway–the author agrees the boyfriend is hot. And she makes fun of Cyrus claiming she's going to color her own hair. Because that indeed sounds kind of dumb. I'll bet Cyrus' skin is a lot thicker than the indignant posters here. She'll be happily counting her money from her movie's haul this weekend, where her 10-year old fans will run out to buy a whole new bevy of branded merch. (made in China by 10-year olds just like them!)
Ehh… just that it makes no sense to the real world, you know? Any other kid deciding to get her God on gets a shrug at worst. . .Miley gets her God on b/c. . .her b/f happens to be Hardcore Jesus? Laugh at her? Get your snark on because you're oh-so-much better than that? I think the snark is envy disguised, if you ask me. :p
Meh, I guess the humor is lost on us plebs… I'm not even offended, just more bemused as to the fact that it's one country, 2 different realities.
*MissQuinn*
Oh, the Left doesn't mind you saying "Lord," provided you don't get lazy and leave off the "Obama."
So she's getting even more religious? She won't crash and burn and make desperate attempts to regain the spotlight? She'll end up disappointing all her legions of fans awaiting her first Penthouse spread?
Hey, I know they're out there, you know it, let's all be scared of that together.
The closer you are to God the closer the Devil tries to be to you.
Have you guys ever watched Miley's show? More than once? I watch it all the time with my kids, and guess what – It's an entertaining, funny show. The older kids are getting to the phase where they think Miley's not cool enough (or rather, they are too cool for Miley) but then they'll be in the living room with it on, laughing away. Or I'll hear the Best Of Both Worlds CD's coming from their room. Sure, the Disney marketing experts are working their magic, and they are very good at what they do – milking the product for as long as they can. But it's decent, clean entertainment from a kid with lots of talent. I hope she steers clear of the pitfalls – and I predict I'll be taking a vanload of kids to her movie this weekend. Favorite Miley episode – when Billy Ray mocked himself in a contrived mullet moment. LMAO on that one.
Have you guys ever watched Miley's show? More than once? I watch it all the time with my kids, and guess what – It's an entertaining, funny show. The older kids are getting to the phase where they think Miley's not cool enough (or rather, they are too cool for Miley) but then they'll be in the living room with it on, laughing away. Or I'll hear the Best Of Both Worlds CD's coming from their room. Sure, the Disney marketing experts are working their magic, and they are very good at what they do – milking the product for as long as they can. But it's decent, clean entertainment from a kid with lots of talent. I hope she steers clear of the pitfalls – and I predict I'll be taking a vanload of kids to her movie this weekend. Favorite Miley episode – when Billy Ray mocked himself in a contrived mullet moment. LMAO on that one.
"it's one country, 2 different realities."
Well said.
"it's one country, 2 different realities."
Well said.
"it's one country, 2 different realities."
Well said.
LOL! I completely forgot about "Tito, get me a tissue"! LOL! Comedy gold, Jerry!
This is probably TMI, but I like the show. (I'm 44!) It's got some good comedy and some good acting. Yeah, there's been some stupid clunkers, but I think it's a good, decent show. Even the one with Ed Begley, Jr. in it. He had a great cameo and it didn't even get very preachy.
This is probably TMI, but I like the show. (I'm 44!) It's got some good comedy and some good acting. Yeah, there's been some stupid clunkers, but I think it's a good, decent show. Even the one with Ed Begley, Jr. in it. He had a great cameo and it didn't even get very preachy.
Until this article I had never heard of "the Dish Rag". So I just now read through 18 of their past articles for context.
There is an earlier Miley article, dated April 8, where there's no "snark" at all. In fact, out of the 18 articles only two other celebrities are "mocked": Britney Spears for walking off stage after only 3 songs and Lindsay Lohan general public displays of weirdness.
There's even an article called "New mother eats her baby's placenta. (And, we thought Nadya Suleman had issues)." where they don't make fun of the woman like they do with Miley in the above article. In fact they justify it with "you should know that animals eat their placentas after giving birth. And humans are, after all is said and done, just animals. And it's supposed to be pretty common in some other cultures".
Aside from being mostly harmless vacuous twaddle, it's seems they "turned up the snark" a bit for Miley claiming to read the Bible.
THE MAJOR MISTAKE right-wing religious fanatics make is that anyone who disagrees with them, the "lefties", are not religious. How arrogant and stupid you people are. Just because someone differs in your lofty opinions of yourlelves that person is labeled evil. Jesus loves all people, could never have been a Republican, although He has forgiven and loves you. Did He not say: "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven?"
But, back to Miley: It will take about 1 year for her to "go Hollywood" and get pregnant or caught using drugs.
Call me old fashioned but I'm hoping that this rediscovery of her father's faith will yank her back from the edge. She seems to be a sweet kid. While I prefer my daughter listen to her dad in my house, it really doesn't bother me having her music on my daughter's tv. Could be much worse as far as I'm concerned.
The Bible has been around a heck of a lot longer than the LATimes and I suspect will continue to be.
I predict, in the not-so-far future, that sincerity will make a comeback. We are so utterly saturated with mockery, snarky glibness, snidery, sarcasm, and detachment, that sincerity looks positively "edgy" by comparison. It's the only thing daring and risky in entertainment anymore.
When Ann Coulter called the left "godless" in the title of her book, nobody on the left complained.
AMEN.
Sure beats Annie Liebovitz and Graydon Carter.
Thank you for: "If you respect an objective moral code those who have no moral code will never forgive you for breaking yours because the very behavior they practice only offends them when someone who thinks it’s wrong slips and does it. Steal as many babies from Malawi as you want, but never ever fail to meet a moral standard you set for yourself … for that is the only unforgivable sin in CelebrityVille."
Hypocrisy is always a danger that Christ warned about.
But there is also a difference between being a hypocrite and a struggling, growing, failing, trying Christian.
AND, there is also a difference between real faith and publicity stunts.
Time tells and God knows.
In the meantime, we hope for the best (1 Cor. 13)
"It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven?"
Heh. Amateur mistake number 227: Failure to offer a complete quotation. Immediately after that is, "But with God, all things are possible." Mistake number 226 is, "The love of money is the root of all evil." Actually, it's, "The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil." Read Job. The guy was rich, then poor, then rich again. Wealth, fairly gained, is no evil.
The real root of all evil is covetousness – envy, jealousy – a desire for that which God has blessed another with. That's why the Commands of God begin, "I Am the Lord your God" and end, "Thou shalt not covet anything that is your neighbor's." The Commands are a top-down – or God's Eye – view of the metaphorical Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil: The final fruit of sin is godlessness, and the root of sin is covetousness.
This is why, by the way, that progressive taxation – all forms of socialism, in fact – is immoral: It is government condoned and enforced covetousness – the populist envy of the wealthy – and theft.
Hope this helps, and Happy Easter.
I have to agree. I work in a children's hospital operating room and we have videos/movies we show to the patients while they are waiting to go for surgery. I see a fair amount of what passes for children's entertainment on a daily basis. I think that Miley's show is really good. It has a great deal of slapstick Lucille Ball type humor. I'm considering investing in the series and movies on DVD to save for my 8 month old when she gets older.
so you are saying that all republicans are rich? News to me.
In you logic, Jesus loves all people, just the libs a bit more than the GOP.
God, you are funny!
Then…what's he doing in the fashion industry to begin with?
All I can say is a great big YEP to that!
stopstuff,
If you actually read what Jesus says rather than pull one of the two selective quotes which seems to comprise the Leftist Gospel (the camel one and the one about not judging), you would find that he does not easily fit into the cosmic sugar-daddy mold you're making for him.
He talks quite a lot about hell and judgement–more than anybody else in the whole Bible, in fact. Yes, he condemns selfishness and greed; but the biggest thing he condemns is the attitude of seeing oneself as sufficient without his grace. This is the sin of the Pharisee, along with casting aspersions on the humble Publican in the back row.
Actually, a lot of Jesus' imagery of the Kingdom of Heaven is decidedly conservative:
He is the Good Shepherd, the OWNER of the flock who will fight for his posssesions rather than run away like a hired bureaucrat.
He likens God the Father to the owner of a vinyard. Note his condemnation of the evil tenants who try to collectivise it and refuse to pay their rent.
He urges us to be like the merchant who invests his life savings to purchase the Pearl of Great Price.
Most of the actual "right-wing fanatics" I know are well aware of their sinfulness, but confident of Jesus' love and assistance. I pray with them that Miley and Justin turn out all right.
Have you ask yourself why you're rooting for their failure? What's in it for you?
Amen.
Where there are people trying to live up to a moral standard, there will be hypocrisy. Those who love to point out and condemn hypocrisy in others would not like to live in a society in which it wasn't necessary.
Damn! I'm mad at myself. I didn't give Justin the support and respect he deserved for his courage at being a Christian in the model world. I should have commended the worth of his faith instead of pointing out its cost to his career. Yes, his Christian faith IS out-of-step with the debauchery, the drug use and the cynicism that pervades the modeling world. And, unfortunately, he may well see that his assignments are lessened as a result – for which I am deeply sorry. But I wish to commend him deeply for his wonderful and wise choice in professing his faith openly. That is a truly wonderful thing.
Think about this just on the surface – Miley Cyrus is readingthe Bible and gets all kinds of hostility from the LA Times. Why? Why should tht bother the people of the Times?
Maybe Miley will rethink the wisdom of her posing near neddid with the magazine (Vogue?)
I think I will believe God before I believe the Times. And, the Times if going bankrupt.
LA Times??? Are they still in business??
There is nothing wrong with Miley getting closer to the Lord. If this were any other religion, she would be praised for it… say that you're a Christian and you get attacked. Kind of interesting that the only religion that really comes under extreme scrutiny is Christianity… makes it seem like it may be the true faith to follow.
OMG She mentioned Jesus! OMG! On Good Friday? OMG! Hey LA Times, go the way of the Dinosaur.
Click on stopstuff's name and read through his comments on his Intense Debate page.
Here's some of stopstuff's "zingers":
"…the stink of fascist right-wingers…"
"…Palin deserves the comments made about her…"
"Slug brain idiot. You can shove that up your ***, freak!"
"Riley Hunter lays piles of poop with ever word coming out of his anus-like mouth."
"P_Tooey is a neurotic freak and needs to be back on medication."
Stopstuff is also fond of substituting the "c" in republican with "KKK". Typical theology ala Jeremiah Wright.
I'm not sensing the love of Jesus there stopstuff ol' buddy.
Here's an ironic one:
"…stop the VULGARIZATION OF AMERICA. by tolerating bad behavior by anybody including elected officials, rap "singers", sports players, and the like. Come on people, show some pride and clean it up!"
I think stopstuff, you need lead by example. Your mouth is writing checks your body can't cash.
She's subliminally trying to atone for the sins of her daddy, "Achy Breaky Heart." Yikes! Where's the mental floss?
I'd like to see Bill Maher invite Tony Dungy onto his show and tell Dungy how stupid he is for believing in God. Also, how God and religion is bad for people. I'm an atheist, but I harbor no ill will towards those who are religious. Maher is extremely solipisistic.
That's so beyond stupid that you must have had a little "red-guy" on your shoulder when you "thought" it up. Talk about a person that lives in the dark.
[...] JOHN Nolte has a hilarious – and salient – take on the embrace of orthodox Christianity among celebr…. He offers the following pieces of advice to Miley Cyrus and her boyfriend: 1. Spiritualism is fine, religion not so much. And by “spiritualism,” I of course mean “narcissism.” Worship a red string, worship a rock garden, believe in anything – any god you can think of — no one will laugh at you, certainly not the L.A. Times … just don’t believe in the God. [...]
"I predict, in the not-so-far future, that sincerity will make a comeback."
Careful what your askin' for there, friend: The most recent person to gain success with Generation Y by being 'sincere' and telling them "hey, stuff DOES matter" was Barack Obama, after all
He was sincere, all right, but without substance.
I'm thinking that you sort of just proved the "right-wing fanatics" right.
How arrogant and stupid is it to speak a prophecy of destruction on Miley? Can't you even hope for the best? Aren't you supposed to "love all people" just like Jesus? How can you quote scripture at us and then do something like that?
Or is it true that as a person "who disagrees with them" you are not actually religious at all, but scoff at anyone, like Miley, who mentions the Lord as someone important in her life?
Hollywood already considers Miley white-trash because of her father. This only reinforces that belief. Because as everybody in La-La Land knows….. people who believe in Jesus and aren't products of Yale, Harvard, Manhattan, or Beverly Hills High are by definition: redneck, fascist, hypocritical, white-trash (see Brtiney as an example). And their worst possible PC sin is if these pieces of trash say something really crazy like: "I believe fetuses are unborn babies, and that abortion is murder." Juno (Greek Goddesses are cool in L.A.) can get away with being pro-life, but only so long as she never mentions why she's pro-life and she decides to give that baby up for adoption to a single mother/ex-wife out of revenge for having a childish pig of a husband. If anybody wonders why this nation is so screwed up and confused – look no further than the moral dilemma and hypocrisy that Hollywood not only perpetuates, but needs; as the conflict between good, evil, and hypocrisy = drama, drama, and eventually more $$$$.$$ by the truckload. L.A. knows what sells to the masses of "peons & morons" they manipulate like Pavlov's dog.
So….why is a 20 year old model dating a god damn 16 year old? Nobody is disturbed by this?
He's obviously using her for the publicity and, clearly, she is too young and dumb to realize it. That's fine, but a 20 year old, esp. one who could have his choice of women it seems, choosing a 16 year old? How can any person, esp. women, respect that? That's insane. If he worked at dairy queen and so much as asked her out he'd be in prison.
Don't confuse this guy with Roman Polanski or Woody Allen. He's a professed, dedicated, Christian. He seems to be more interested in giving her lessons on the Bible than Kama Sutra. Miley's got two parents; let them make those kinds of choices for her and give her advice for the next two years until she's eighteen- at which point it's all moot.
I'm about as conservative as they come, but if you need a bible to "give purpose to your life", then I feel sorry for you.
Four years is nothing. And the age between 20 and 16 is very little, at the end of the day. The maturity between a 16 year old girl and 20 year old boy isn't that different, even if 16 is sort of young. I mean, honestly… my 16 year old daughter hasn't grown a bit for the last three years while my 18 year old son is about where she was at 12… as tall as he's likely to be but physically immature.
If he was 25 I'd find it creepy. 20? Not so much.
Judging by the photo shoots of her of late and encouraged by her parents who have something like 5 kids by 2 or 3 different people I suspect she will become the latest poptart.
Miley Cyrus probably does get down on her knees and er.. pray with her boyfriend
or they play xbox games
One wag pointed out a few years back that liberals love Christians, so long as they're dead.
Thanks for suggesting we check out stuffbutt's posts on Intense Debate. After the first two or three, it starts to get funny. By the third or fourth page I was laughing so hard I think I scared the neighbors. He's so impressed with his wit and wisdom that he sometimes duplicates his brilliance on both Breitbart.com and Big Hollywood. He must like negative ratings, though. If he went over to the Daily Kos and HuffPo, he'd be well into triple positive digits by now. Cap locks and all.
I'm a pretty sincere guy in my daily dealings with people. To most people, this doesn't make me look edgy, it makes me look like a tool. Especially when it involves showing concern over something. Prime example being one of my professors' had a family member die recently and got the call during our class. Maybe 3 people in a class of 27 got why I stayed to make sure she was okay. Everyone else acted uncomfortable while in the room, but after she let us leave, they got all jubilant that class was letting out early once they thought they were out of earshot down the hall.
It's hard not to love that girl. "Pop tarts" devoid of anything resembling values or morals abound. Miss Cyrus is the antithesis — possibly the antidote — and for the moment at least, she's more popular than free money.
I trust Billy Ray is proud of the daughter he raised.
Like the libs aren't rich? Puhlease!
And they are misers when it comes to charitable donations as well!
Who won't be going to heaven?
I hope she has taken a good look at the pop stars and child actresses that have gone before her, and learned something from them. She can have a very bright future if she follows the likes of the Mowbry sisters instead of the Olsen twins and others of their ilk.
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