Lindsay Lohan: Reality is Calling, Please Pick Up
by Jeffrey JenaYou can say a lot of things about the modern Hollywood “Celebrity Class,” but no one has ever accused them of being short on a sense of self worth or ego. Case in point the recent publicity shenanigans by one Ms. Lindsay Lohan.
In case you haven’t heard Ms. Lohan, former teen movie star, is suing E*Trade for $100 million. Why? In a recent commercial, part of the E*Trade series of talking baby ads unveiled at the Super Bowl, one baby refers to another baby named “Lindsey” as a “milkaholic.” Ms. Lohan’s claim is that the American public thinks of only one person when it hears the name “Lindsay” and that she is that person. Furthermore, that this funny little ad has so damaged her career and her reputation that she should be compensated to the tune of $100 million.
My response: wow! I never thought of Ms. Lohan in reference to this ad until she grabbed some tabloid headlines by filing this suit. This redefines the concept of hubris. Oedipus, the old standard for hubris, pales in comparison to the monumental assessment of self on two levels.
Ms. Lohan is under the delusion that she has become “The Lindsay.” That most of the people in the civilized world think only of her when they hear that name. That by braving rehab a few times, posing for Playboy and making a series of forgettable teen films she has achieved the status of Madonna or Cher. A bold claim when the only Lindsey who has been in the news lately is Ms. Lindsey Vonn a multiple medal winner in the recent Olympic Games.
I did a little experiment with some friends who play tennis and said, “Hey, how about Lindsay making a comeback?” To a person they all remarked that it would be great to see Ms. Davenport back on the courts. I did the same with some musician friends who thought it would be great to see Lindsey Buckingham back with Fleetwood Mac. In politics Lindsey is a Senator from South Carolina. I know that Ms. Lohan spells her name with an “a” instead of an “e” but I put that down to her undereducated parents. If you have never seen any footage of these two, they are a pair of gems.
Let’s set the name thing aside for a minute and move to point number two. For a minute I will concede Ms. Lohan her point that she is “The Lindsay.” Let’s also concede the point that the folks at the ad agency for E*Trade had some ax to grind with her and intentionally used the name “Lindsay” (Do we know that the baby in the commercial isn’t a “Lindsey” for those who wish to split spelling hairs?) as a disparaging reference to Ms. Lohan. How much is she damaged?
The combined total U.S. gross box office of every film Ms. Lohan has made in the last six years is $28 million less than she is asking in her law suit. Maybe she will use her lawsuit winnings to reimburse the producers of those turkeys. Her top salary demand for any film was $7.5 million and that was in 2004 before she put her career and life into self destruct mode. I am guessing I could get her to do a film tomorrow for a new Kia, a pass to the VIP room at the right Hollywood night club and a few Starbucks gift cards. If this ad has done anything it has helped her sagging fortunes by giving her a way to garner a little free publicity.
Oh yeah before I go, if Ms. Lohan should prevail in her lawsuit I want everyone to know that I will be in court the next day. Among those who know comedy and golf I am universally known as “shankopotamus.”
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74 Comments
Meh. My impression was that this is just a nuisance suit that will almost certainly be dropped because its sole purpose is to get publicity for Lohan. Which it has.
I don't think it's hubris at all. Why, I know a person named "Tommy" who is now inspired to sue the people who make Tommy Guns, Tommy's Burgers, and the estate of Tammy Wynette (close enough)!
Does anyone really think she initiated the suit herself? I'm willing to bet a pinky toe it was an agent/manager trying to keep her name in the headlines, following the "no such thing as bad publicity" rubric.
I have to admit that when I saw this commercial, the name Lindsey & "milkaholic", brought Lindsey Lohan right to mind. Sad, I know, for a 41 yr old to know,but it happened. Still, I would think this would fall under 1st amendment protection as it is clearly parody.
I guess this answers that profound movie she did "I Know Who Killed Me." Suicide maybe???
"Furthermore, that this funny little ad has so damaged her career and her reputation that she should be compensated to the tune of $100 million."
BWAAAA-HAAAAAA-HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! She thinks THAT is what damaged her career?! ROFLMAO!!
Youre right…these idiots dont suffer from a lack of self-worth – just the opposite.
Jeffrey – Using the words celebrity and class in the same set of quotation marks is just, well, wrong.
I think it is more a case of her wishing she was "The Lindsay" than her thinking she actually is. What really is the tragedy here, I think, is that a judge can'r fine her $1,000,00 for bringing about a frivolous lawsuit.
So it damaged her reputation as a classless tramp?
In what way?
The World's Greatest Rock'n'Roll Band anticipated Lindsay with their mid-'60's semi-obscurity "Ride On Baby" (available on the "Flowers" collection of B-sides and various other odds and ends).
"By the time you're 30
Gonna look 65
You won't be pretty
And your friends will have kissed you goodbye"
if she couldn't get away with stealing a fur coat than i doubt she'll get away with this. i wouldn't be surprised if this was dads idea and not her agent.
Personally I'm surprised she was able to put down her martini glass long enough to file a lawsuit. If she wins, I'm going to sue Keith Olbermann for smearing my good name.
I haven't been this amused since Spike Lee threatened sue the cable network that dared to use "his" name. I have to agree with Mastermama, though. The words "Lindsay" and "(insert anyword here)holic" does conjure up an image of a certain celeb, and would be protected speech.
Maybe she should sue Lindsy Graham too.
Actually, most Lindsay's I know spell their name with an 'a' rathar than an 'e.' It never made sense to me, either.
So Lindsay "Today Im A Lesbian" Lohan's thinks that its not her lack of talent, her drug addiction, her alcohol dependency, her sham bisexuality, her utter stupidity, and her money grubbing attention seeking parents that have damaged her 'career" and "reputation, but instead its this E-Trade ad.
But sadly, I suspect E-Trade won't have the tenacity to take this to court and let a jury of intelligent people determine what we already know.. that Lohan is full of herself — instead they will settle out of court for an undisclosed amount.
GRRRRR.
BTW—- Michael Lohan has determined that the reason for this suit is that he's just sick and tired of people on Facebook pretending to be Lindsay – so this is why he encouraged Lindsay to file suit. *words fail*
Lindsay Wagner had more sex appeal and was interestingly bionic; Lindsey Graham has far more intelligence, and Lindsey Vonn has a much better bod. It would have been more interesting if the babe in the commercial was called Reille.
So, she ran out of money for her and her "lover's" habit, so she decides to whip up some fake hysteria and a crocodile tear or 2 and play what boys and girls??? THE VICTIM!! The most protected class in our society. You can't say anything bad about a victim, then you are an insensitive asshole, so good job toots. Keep up the bad work. Tell Heath Ledger Hi for me when you see him.
Can her ego get any bigger?
Lindsey was the name of a friend's pulpwood truck, and was named for the gay interior decorator from whom he bought the cab/chassis, discarding the box..
Whoa, not even Cher would make a move like that and who has ever heard that name attributed to anyone else???
Who is Lindsey Lohan? "Former teen movie star?" Last teen movie star I followed was Annette Funicello, back when I was going to teen movies. If the picture posted with the article is La Lohan, Annette was much better-looking.
Oh, dear. I hope I won't get sued for saying that.
Ms. Lohan’s claim is that the American public thinks of only one person when it hears the name “Lindsay” and that she is that person.
Funny, but the only time I think of Ms. Lohan is when I hear the term "slattern". If the prefers, I will now think of her as "The Slattern".
Not that it changes your point (I agree with you wholeheartedly), but…
"The combined total U.S. gross box office of every film Ms. Lohan has made in the last six years is $28 million less than she is asking in her law suit."
Actually it's about $127 million more. Like I said, it doesn't really matter. I'm just a Box Office junkie.
3/28/08Chapter 27PArch $56,215
7/27/07I Know Who Killed Me $7,498,716
5/11/07Georgia Rule $19,103,072
11/17/06Bobby $11,242,801
6/9/06A Prairie Home Companion $20,342,852
5/12/06Just My Luck $17,326,650
6/22/05Herbie: Fully Loaded $66,023,816
4/30/04Mean Girls $86,058,055
Interesting trend over time from 2004 to 2008. Not surprising, just interesting.
Indeed.
Lindsay is following the precedent set by "Spike" Lee, who sued "Spike TV."
What's in a name?
so if I hear that some one has a drinking problem and is the other woman, I'm supposed to automatically think of this Lohan girl?
Ok if that's what he wants.
I think I meant to say "movies made since 2006" but it came out wrong. My apologies.
didn't i hear she was a listerine-aholic? no? never mind, then, sorry
Would somebody please stick a pin in that great big fat head of hers.
Stupid ugly has-been drunken druggy loser failed child star bitch anyhow…………………..
I was actually just going to say that. Most people named Lindsay do spell it with an "a." It's far more common than with an "e," though I'm certainly not defending her parents.
with what?
Monumental assessment of oneself sounds like Obama looking at himself.
Maybe this is what happens when you are a girl and eat way too much pussy!
What about Lindsay Buckingham, the great guitarist and song writer of Fleetwood Mack?
They did defame her character, plain and simple. She is the most famous Lindsay, as of late, & it is a well known fact that she has had problems with drinking. There is no coincidence in what e-trade has done, & is this not getting them plenty of attention as well? It was an intentional defamation. The 100 mill is out of bounds, but I think that the behavior is unacceptable. & in case no one noticed, there is a very real obsession with celebs in this country. To ignore that is ignorance.
Why is being referred to as a milkaholic damaging?
it won't come as a surprise to anyone but her fellow liberal idiots in Holly wierd when Lyndsy wil lbe found dead of a drug overdose before she is 30, but not before she descends into doing porn movies because she can't get a faux job in Hollywierd and heavne forbid she get a real job
This just in: Lindsay Buckingham is suing Lindsay Lohan for stealing his name and fame. No one hears the name Lindsay without thinking of the guitar frontman of Fleetwood Mac. Lohen wishes she was as well known as Buckingham
Who is this story about? Who, "Lindsay"?. Who is that? Oh, the sometimes lesbonian pop-tart?
Why is there a story about that "Milk-aholic Tramp?"
'I did the same with some musician friends who thought it would be great to see Lindsey Buckingham back with Fleetwood Mac.'
Either your friends don't know much about music (surprising for musicians) or (and this is much more likely) you're damn liar!
Fleetwood Mac toured last year and might do so this year. The only reason they might not is because they are recording a new album and waiting for a tour to promote it. Even though their last album was in 2003, they never stopped touring. Lindsey has been part of Fleetwood Mac since their return to touring (after a COMEBACK live show that aired on MTV/VH1) in 1997! He did leave in 1987 (it's one thing to be stuck in the 80s, but that is pretty literal) but it was the "The Dance" show that put him totally back in the fold. Just like with your kissing Leno's ass, this is sad, desperate and transparent!
This isn't defense of Lindsey Lohan, but the fact that you have to fabricate this story might show that she has some kind point!
Can Spike Jones sue Spike Lee?
LOL!!!
I'd hit that…
I mean, really, can you imagine the following:
***Someone offers to pay YOU $7 1/2 MILLION? Not for a year's work, but for a few measley months. Provided you catered food, a limo with driver, nice clothing, a cushy trailer to nap in, a hotel for when work took you out of town, and people to help you do your job.
You would most likely be able to live the rest of your life on that money – and leave a fabulous estate (if the government didn't steal it all) for your children – and their children.
This young woman apparently made that much money for making
Lindsay who?
what kind of parents name their kid 'Olbermann'?
maybe all the 'Lindseys/Lindsays' can make it a class action. i'll call my dental hygienist to make sure she gets in on it…
Apparently, someone has forgotten to toss this used, crusty, dried-up tampon of a human being into the trash bin.
Considering Ms. Lohan's past it's not really a stretch that the makers of this commercial were thinking (in the back of their heads if not in the front) of Linsey Lohan when they were naming the "milkoholic" I don't know whether Lindsey has to her credits, "alcoholic" Isn't she the sex-tape-no-underwear-in-public-bush-shot-baby-dropper-heavy-on-the-gas-pedal-hit-and-run-driver-jail-bird-shaved-head, or am I getting her mixed up with Britney Spears? To me they're one in the same. What do they do? Is she a singer/actress or is she an actress/singer? I remember she was in Robert Altman's last film. "A Prairie Home Companion" She was good.
Jed–Celebrity and class can be used together with the critical linkage "types have no." Those three words must have gotten lost in cyberspace after Jeff hit the send button… ;o)
She is not now, nor has she ever been, a milkaholic. Now, alcohol and illegal drugs, no problem, but she is incensed that a commercial would insinuate that she drinks milk. $100 million STAT!
maybe "look at that stupid girl" as well;
. . . "she bitches 'bout things that you never see"
Yeah – hey, I heard that the disputed E-trade commercial supposedly threatened the roll-out of Ms. Lohan's new perfume line, "Intoxicated" (slogan: "What are you looking at?!")
Hey Jeff Jena,
You're a DB. My daughter is named Lindsay with an "a". Does that make my wife and I undereducated?? At least we don't waste our lives blogging about celebrities. You are a pathetic loser.
If you are correct it does not mean that LinsAy is not the ignorant little tramp this indicates.
Not by me. and as far as I can tell most of the women with obsessions for Celebs also have "Tramp Stamps".
As of late Lindsey Vonn is who most people think of.
So sad for your antiquated thoughts.
Do you have a mundane point to make here?
You apparently spend you time reading them.
P.S. The last guy i knew named Brian was an sloppy fat loser who owed the IRS $50k and had 2 children with learning disabilities. That you?
See how it works when you make personal attacks? You leave yourself wide open.
I'll join you. We'll make it a class action suite.
I watched the E-Trade baby interview on the Tonight Show last night.
(excerpt)
Jay Leno: Lindsay Lohan is suing your company for $100 million for ruining her career.
E-Trade Baby: What career?
Jay Leno: Her movie career.
E-Trade Baby: Name one movie she's been in during the last 5 years.
(silence for 5 seconds)
E-Trade Baby: Bzzzzzzzzzzzz, Times up.
As a native of that L–o–n–g Island (living in exile), I gotta say that Lindsay's almost as big a source of pride for us as Joey Buttafouco.
Oh, fer the luvva Pete.
Even if, for the sake of argument, it could somehow be proven that Ms Lohan is now a one-namer like Cher or Madonna or Whoopi, and if you could somehow get past the 'fair comment and parody' rule of the Falwell decision, legally there are insurmountable problems in that
1) There's nothing defamatory in suggesting someone drinks a lot of milk;
2) Even if you could stretch that (beyond what any judge would) to imply "alcoholic," truth is an absolute defense to a charge of defamation. If it's true, it ain't defamatory- and La Lohan's multiple adventures in rehab would pretty much automatically flush this stupid case.
My only query is whether her attorney will be sanctioned under California's Frivolous Suit rule.
maybe she's a member of PETA and hardcore vegan? only organic vodka & cigs, that sort of thing?
"Name one movie she's been in during the last 5 years."
you mean besides a roadside sobriety test video?
It would imply an embarrassing unexplainable bout of sobriety.
a fine catch!
The moral of the story: Don't flatter yourself too much, or you might look like an egotistical idiot, suing for more than most 100 200, 300, 400, hundred or maybe even a thousand people could only dream of splitting equally!!!!
Can you believe this girl is only 23? Looks like she's racked up a lot of miles at a young age.
I always thought Lindsay Lohan was named after the Olives.
I'd assumed her mom drank a lot of Martinis when she was carrying her.
Etrade's commercials are one of the few new productions worth watching on TV.
I did think of her name when I saw the commercial, actually. But my guilty pleasure is tabloids, so it really is no surprise. She is the one who put the bottle to her mouth and has proven she is an alcoholic, thus she destroyed her own name. As a public figure, she is prone to parody so this is simply a publicity tactic. If anything this helps her name. She'd be far healthier if she were addicted to milk instead of tequila and the booger sugar.
Lindsey who? Never heard of her.
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