Stand Up Notes from Flyover Country: Vice — Legalize It!
by Jeffrey JenaThere is no doubt the State of Ohio, like many others, is in a financial mess. If you looked at the history of our economy you would notice that there have always been ups and downs. Individuals seem to understand this and plan for times of lean and times of plenty. Governments and our elected officials seem to have missed that day in Economics 101. Governments always seem to be shocked when the economy goes south for a while.
Our Governor Tom Strickland has a plan to balance the Ohio budget. Here it is in a nutshell: “Let’s gamble our way to prosperity!” As a comic my natural instinct is to ridicule this idea and to highlight the fact the Governor is ignoring that four times in the last twenty years the voters, by a wide margin, have refused casino gambling.
In addition to our Governor thinking that gambling is the answer a new group of casino gambling vultures is waiting in the wings and trying to get yet another vote on the ballot. Governor Strickland is taking advantage of a loophole in the lottery law to call slot machines “video lottery terminals.” You remember the lottery, don’t you? It was going to solve all of our school finance problems. To paraphrase Dr. Phil, “How’s that working out for you?”
Among the reasons given for this overriding of the will of the people are jobs! Gambling will create jobs. Fair enough–we can always use more jobs for Ohioans. The second thing we often hear from these people and politicians who support slot machines at racetracks and building casinos is that even though they are personally opposed to gambling, they don’t want to “tell people how to run their lives” or “legislate morality.”
When politicians say they don’t want to tell us how to live our lives with a straight face it is funnier than anything I have ever said on stage. That is exactly the point of all government. But, in the spirit of fairness I will take the supporters of gambling at their word and say we need something for Ohio which will create jobs, bring maximum revenue to the state, and not worry about telling people how to live their lives or what moral values they should observe.
If the State of Ohio gets into the gambling business we are getting into a crowded field. Michigan, Illinois, West Virginia, Indiana and Pennsylvania already have casinos and slots so let’s find some new markets to tap without regard to morality that will raise some serious cash and create tons of jobs.
Let’s sell dope! We can be the first Government to get in on the ground floor of what we all know is a high profit business. Forget trying to get a few Hoosier farmers and Kentucky rednecks to come over here and pull a few handles on our one armed bandits, I’m sorry, video lottery terminals. We will have the entire world’s crackheads and heroin users making a beeline for the Buckeye State. Besides the jobs in manufacturing and the distributing of the product our tourism will be off the charts! We will also have to hire a lot more cops, prison guards and drug counselors! Jobs for everybody!
Of course when other states see how much we are raking in they will start selling dope too so we have to be ready for our next non-judgmental venture: pornography! I can see a chain of state run “gentleman’s clubs” that stretches from Cleveland to Cincinnati and from Toledo to little old Ironton! Of course, with the government running them they may not be what you have come to expect from private sector clubs. In that sense, it would be kind of like government healthcare.
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51 Comments
I am still wrestling with the imagry of a government-run "gentlemen's club"
$50.00 at the door
10 drink minimum, although even ten drinks won't get you drunk, strict controls on alcohol levels
my imagination fails on thinking how the goverment rules would effect the, ah, ladies working in one of these places.
Good article, it always appears that liberals are more then willing to legalize sin to make a profit. How wrong.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2115965/...
I'm pretty sure that government-run clubs would have to be EEO compliant, meaning that the ladies would have to be diverse-ethnically, weight-wise, age, attractiveness. Just imagine!
Liberals are truly mentally ill. Here in CA we’re in a major financial mess and instead of promoting financial responsibility, cutting taxes, cutting spending, creating a friendly business environment, etc they promote stupidity such as taxing drugs and releasing prison inmates. These idiots here in CA couldn’t run a Taco Bell profitably and we have these imbeciles running a state that if considered its own country would have the 8th largest economy in the world. Remember, these are the liberal idiots [redundancy] that ran Hollywood out of Hollywood.
Medicaid/Medicare: Broke
Social Security: Soon to be insolvent
Fannie/Freddie: caused the financial meltdown with democrat approval
VA: Broke
Indian Health Services: Broke
Liberals: Govt did such a great job with Medicaid/social security/Fannie-Freddie/VA/IHS that we should turn over all healthcare to them.
This has been on the ballot so many times that it's getting really irksome. There ought to be a time limit on how often they can offer up the same tired ideas. We didn't want it last year when the casino was lobbying their butt off and exploiting the loss of DHL in our area. We didn't want it the time before that when they told us Indiana was "stealing" money from Ohio. And we for sure don't want it now during a recession. What kind of cruel is it to tempt people with get rich quick dreams when they're down to their last few bucks.
Every time this comes up, it'll get a big no from me.
P.S. Not that it matters, or that I feel he deserves any deference, but Governor Strickland's first name is Ted, not Tom. Just wanted to make sure the angry letters to his office get addressed properly.
I remember a story from a few years ago about the Candanian government trying to provide "medical marijuana." It turned out that the government was such an incompetent pot-grower that the stuff they gave out was making everyone even worse. There was a remark at the time that that was one way to deal with the drug problem: just give the government a monopoly on the stuff.
Unfortunately, I can't find a link to it. Does anyone else remember this, or did I just imagine it?
This seems what one would typically expect from the Left. Do not try to balance the budget by making cuts in spending but rather balance it by taking something away from others. They always want to use other people's money.
I seem to remember that many years ago (70's maybe?) the feds did run a club in DC as an undercover sting operation. Although my memory is a bit sketchy, I think they ran it for 2-3 years, made several arrests, and did manage to make a profit during the time is was running.
And many wouldn't be "ladies"
Even if there is some tongue firmly planted in side of cheek involved here, I actually am one of those old timers that pretty much is in favor of letting people have their vices. It is something to do with this individual right to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness, thing. I would say "go for it, Ohio." I never could get behind this you can't smoke because I have to pay for your lung disease, stuff or "no more burgers because you are overweight."
"Since when should the government be in the gambling business?"
I suppose they figure since they’re in the ponzi scheme business with social security why not expand to casinos.
Liberal logic:
Hippie wife says to hippie husband, we’re going broke with all the pot we’re buying; we need to cut our habit in half. Hippie husband says “no way! I’d rather pimp out my daughter than cut spending on pot. If we have to we’ll sell her.” This type of democrat logic has brought CA to the brink of financial ruin.
Here in Missouri, the state promised that the gambling revenue would be strictly set aside for education ( that old for the children saw). After a couple of years, they figured out how to siphon it off to the general fund, it's been scrambling ever since. Sad thing is, the same people that gamble are the ones who should most avoid it.
The demographic is overwhelmingly poor and old. The police/security force that is mandated does provide retired highway patrolmen with alot of jobs though…….imagine that ! And there are the special state regulatory people, the auditors, the compliance people, etc.,etc. etc. Another govt. jobs program with little benefit to the community, after all , what do casinos produce ?
I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said, but why do you have to go there with "Kentucky rednecks."??? Living in KY, this gets so old, and it's such a small segment of the population. Trust me, I can make fun of myself more than anyone else does, I just hate being grouped into that stereotype when it's really not true.
But as a more direct response to your post, KY just got done trying to legalize gambling in all of our racetracks, including Churchill Downs, home of the Derby, all in the name of saving the horse racing industry. The statewide campaign by the media and horse tracks was one where they tried to paint themselves as "thisclose" to going out of business, and maybe even losing the Kentucky Derby to another state, truly pitiful. The worst part was that they attached school funding to the gambling bill, so if you voted against gambling, you were against education. You mentioned the lottery's original intent to help fund schools, this was no different. Luckily, the Republican controlled Senate, most of whom represent those "Kentucky rednecks" out in the state, voted against it b/c their constituencies were whole heartedly against it. I live in Louisville, which is becoming more and more a bastion of progressives, but I couldn't thank those rednecks fast enough when they voiced their opposition against the bill.
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This article: More inventive fear mongering from the people who brought us talk about "Death Panels".
In nearly every state that has legalized gambling/lotteries/vice/etc in recent memory, the legislators sold it to the public with the "this will fund education" argument. In North Carolina, three-plus years of powerball later, they're laying off teachers statewide.
Liberal thought process: "I see a problem. Everyone else tried this one thing to fix it. It doesn't look like it worked for them, but it is what everyone else is doing, so I'll try it too. Maybe it'll work for me, because I'm me and not them."
Lotteries wouldn't work at all if the public schools did a better job teaching basic math skills. Or at the very least, teaching the difference between "Possibility" & "Probability".
I'm a Tarheel too, and have yet to talk to a teacher who likes the education lottery, and still get hit every August w/ the please donate school supplies pleas. It just doesn't work, and where the hell does all that $ go? If it doesn't buy supplies or pay teachers, where are the millions going? Is it all administrators? Someone please do an in depth conservative study, or at least a link to one.
well spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to provide free food and lodging to healthy teen agers who were growing marijuana is as stupid as anything I can think off. Right wing prison crazy republicans are bigger morons than liberals anyday.
Then there is the $500 billion for wall street insurance and banksters. The moran republicans have no problem with that but spending $2 billion on removing clunkers gives these repuglicans morans all sorts of problems.,
Right wing conservative repuglicans have fu up this country. They lied us into war, they lied us into blowing billions for wall street banksters and they are lying to blame others. Jail liars from both reuglicans and democrats.
aw
I hope you understand you're an idiot.
I knew the name but made a spelling error my spell check missed . The error is mine and not our fearless editor!
I accept full responsibility, and if you are a reader you know that means nothing when a Democrat says it!
No problem. Figured that's what had happened and just wanted to give you a heads up. I read that you braved the town hall with Sherrod. Couldn't muster the will to make the drive in from Clermont for what I figured would be a farce. Thanks for the effort and I'm sorry they didn't deem you worthy of an index card. Ol' Sherry's head would have probably gone all Scanners if you got the chance.
The Government already runs "Gentleman Clubs" I get screwed every time I pay taxes.
Did you put out the salt blocks Satan? I didn't. But, something is sure attracting the trolls.
LOL!
Eric if you wear "Redneck" as a badge of courage and honor, it will not hurt so much. I do.
BTW, Cog, why did they take out the "Death Bill" language if it did not exist?
Both you and Mr. Jenna make me proud to be a transplanted Buckeye; an expat from Detroit, I've got to tell you that gambling has done wonders in Detroit…..for a few. You travel through areas that make a third world country look advanced, to visit the glittering lights of downtown…and hope a hobo does choose to relieve himself on your shoe.
Yes, gambling and other innovations from Granholm & company "blew me away"….all the way to the Cincy suburbs.
visit the website for the Mackinac Center for Public Policy; I know they have done some analysis. Many costs are teacher benefits, and others are non-essentials that some districts had outsourced to significant cost savings.
As a fellow Buckeye, I support legal gambling in Ohio.
As for the other vices mentioned, if dope is legalized, my beloved southeastern Ohio — and the entire Ohio River valley for that matter — will not be the remote paradise that I treasure. It will be overrun with democrats looking for their next dime bag. Let me visit there, reminisce about my youth, drink my PBR and shoot tin cans off of the fence in relative privacy. Please!!!!
This is the same crap they keep trying to sell here in Maryland – we have to save the horse racing industry! we might lost the Preakness! our gambling dollars are being siphoned off to West Virginia! I believe the last time it was on the ballot, it was narrowly defeated, but they'll keep pushing until we have legalized gambling in Maryland. The lottery and Keno are bad enough. The lottery is just a tax on those who are bad at math.
Hah!
When they legalized gambling in colorado they said it would bring in much needed revenue (never saw it go to anyone except the back smokey room people) and then said it would only be in the mountain resorts/front range.. Well, now the deaths in the front range from vehicular manslaughter are way, way up (drunks leaving casinos at rush hour on sundays) and families coming home from camping trips and ski trips are usually the victims. I strongly suggest you reconsider your support.
My biggest problem with legalized gambling is that it is fundamentally breaking the backs of people who can barely afford it to "pay for education" (*cough* General Fund). I was born and raised in Northern Nevada. Walking through casinos on an ordinary day, the stereotypes rule…the little old ladies gambling away pensions looking for something to do, the addict who can't stop and loves the free drinks, the desperate dad who wants to buy his little girl that (whatever popular item). Not to mention the crime rate increase that oftentimes comes with a casino.
At least I never had to pay a state income tax, even if it meant my dad had to go patronize the local establishments regularly. Wish I had saved it all for when the rest of the family is supporting him while he's on Social Insecurity.
I remember my Dad telling me forty-some years ago as we drove through Las Vegas, "They don't build those big casinos with the money that they lose."
The proliferation of casinos around the country have never delivered on the promise to revitalize local economies. Building a new casino in Podunksville doesn't transform it into Vegas; it's just becomes the place where local losers go to squander away what's left of their money after purchasing lottery tickets and cigarettes.
My favorite bumper sticker says, "Lotteries are taxes on the mathematically challenged."
They are not Casinos they are Progressive Town Halls. That is not a Dope Dealer it is just a Progressive Medical Clinic. It is called Transformation you can believe in.
You can read about the farce on my personal blog http://www.jeffreyjena.wordpress.com The title is "Sherrod In Cincy Show: Lots of Dog Very Little Pony"
Since when should the government be in the gambling business? Or any other business for that matter. Please God, lets get back to limited government run by CITIZEN politicians! Throw the bums out , every last one of them and let's start over by repealing most of our inane laws that do nothing to better our lives, only hinders us and gives career politicians unconstitutional power over us. No law should be passed unless it applies equally to everyone. What a novel idea.
And Ohio elected this genius to be governor because…?
Looks like a win win for Ohio and California. Buy your drugs from Cal at wholesale prices for
resale in Ohio. Tho it would seem to me if all Ohioans are high it would hurt sales at the video terminals.
As Nathan, above, stated just because it never worked before…… lets do it anyway.
Mammals love games. It is one of the best ways that all of them teach their young about the rest of their lives. This instinct often plays out in our modern world through gambling.
Here in San Francisco, a few years ago as a cab driver I would pick up 65 and up year old women early in the morning to take to the gambling bus which took them out of the City for the day – an excursion to a casino. They were always really up for it, as a break from their Days Of Our Lives boredom.
Gambling can become a vice in specific individuals, but hundreds of millions world-wide love to play with cards, dice, roulette balls and they have no sickness.
This is not to address the specific political shenanigans Ohio might be pulling.
Drugs and whoring, on the other hand, are serious problems. You do not want the government to ever become the pusher or pimp. This is not a threat, but an obvious observation: when cities, states and the Feds start usurping the farmer’s daughter to collect taxes on her vagina which they also use to sell drugs, a lot of politicians and their police enforcers won’t die peaceably in their sleep.
We lose money with every transaction…but we'll make it up in volume! Let's throw everyone in the government healthcare pool!
Psst…it's moron. Moran is my democrat congressman. Well, actually, he is a moron, so maybe you're on to something here. I always use a French accent when I say his name…
Gambling should be legalized. It's the perfect tax, because it's a tax on STUPID. Like Dennis Miller says, "I want to help the helpless but I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless."
Now that’s putting your thinking cap on Jeffery, you are thinking like a liberal. I know that’s a oxymoron.
Well, the Guvmint DID run the Mustang Ranch for awhile – jokes were a-plenty about the only time you got, ugh, this would never ,make it by the censors
Well, I was sorry that in a moment of "compassion", I fell for the line in a proposition some years ago that would let the Indians have gambling casinos on their "reservations" in California.
As soon as it passed a lot of Las Vegas professional managers came in to run things – and they found a "loophole" in the term "reservations" – it was wherever the tribe wanted to buy land – so most California cities have big casinos all around the cities.
The money has been a corrupting influence – hundreds of millions buying politicians – a neighbor of my parents is in a local tribe getting $30,000/month for a venture – doing nothing other than being a member of the tribe.
It's a good gig if you can get it.
Right, but Miller doesn't turn down Las Vegas cash when they pay him for his stand-up gigs there.
Almost all realize that if they go gambling that the odds are against them, but it is an adventure – a vacation and like all vacations it costs some of your hard-earned.
Not everyone likes the ballet or the 1812 Overture. Most can't afford traveling to Machu Picchu or in old age could even make that altitude.
Entertainment almost always costs money. Isn't it stupid to pay for most of the movies that Hollyweird churns out?
Let's be fair, there are many different types of gambling. Lotteries are "poor taxes" and are offensive to me. That type of gambling promises the poor a quick payoff, that will almost never happen. There's no skill involved, so it's completely random.
Then there is gambling that involves an element of luck and an element of skill, such as Poker. Further, it's fact that more affluent people compete in such games of skill and luck, while the poor participate in the pure luck games. Making "Gambling" illegal is too much of a blanket statement. Further, we legalize the government based gambling, but disallow people from doing far more personal based gambling. We conservatives always talk about getting government out of our life… we should really think about whether we're being hypocrites. Either all gambling is illegal (lotteries, and any type of betting), or we need to evaluate to what level government should be involved.
Even further, shouldn't the free market decide some of these issues? Investments and informed, and skill based gambling. We embrace this, but because cards are involved, it's suddenly horrific? Folks like me want the ability to take $20 – $100 to a friends house, play some cards with some friends, and have some fun with our own hard earned money without the fear of the State or US Government breaking down our doors and arresting us.
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