Rumbling For Rush
by Jeffrey Jena
Fade In:
Exterior: An old building somewhere in downtown Austin, TX.
Cut To: Close up: A sign which reads “The Austin American-Statesman”
Cut to Interior: A small squalid desk covered with trash. At the desk sits a man from Maine who pretends to be a Texan named John Kelso. He is a frustrated small time liberal writer who wonders how he came to such a low end. Sitting here inside the belly of a dying dinosaur newspaper with the end of his career in sight he comes up with a plan. He will attack the number one media personality in America, Rush Limbaugh. He will challenge Rush to a fistfight.
This is how I see the movie in my head starting after reading an absurd article by liberal columnist John Kelso.
In a nutshell Mr. Kelso wants to fight Rush because he doesn’t like some of the things Rush has been saying. Let’s put aside the fact that Kelso misquotes Rush, makes illogical leaps, projects his own hatred and hypocrisy, engages in hyperbole and allows his jealousy of Rush’s success and the fading influence of his own medium to show through.
Mr. Kelso apparently also hates the First Amendment. You see, I believe there were some great liberals, real men who would argue against what they did not like with substance and ideas. Men like Thurgood Marshall who once said something to the effect that it is the right of free expression of ideas we hate the most that we must defend the most vigorously. Mr. Kelso’s idea is that if someone from the other side of the aisle says something we don’t like we should try to punch them in the head. You see in Liberal World the Constitution only applies to them.
The very liberal Mr. Kelso uses some very deep and well reasoned arguments to justify his position. He engages in some ad hominem attacks! He makes fun of Rush’s weight, belittles Rush’s recovery from drug addiction, insinuates that Rush isn’t charitable…. Nervy move considering the photo I found of Mr. Kelso shows an overweight, sloppily dressed guy clutching a beer, which from the look on his face isn’t his first of the day.
Free Speech Hater John Kelso
The thing about liberals is that there’s always a double standard. Yes, Rush is overweight but if a conservative writer points out that Bubba and Mrs. Clinton are both a safe distance from starvation, he’s insensitive. If I point to Al Gore’s girth as a possible cause of global warming, I’m afraid to engage in serious discussions of the issues. Yes, Rush has a drug problem and is in recovery as are most of the donors to the Obama campaign from Hollywood. If I bring up Al Gore’s son or any number of Kennedy’s drug and alcohol problems, I’m out of line. I don’t know how much money Rush has given to charity because he doesn’t talk about his charity work but I do know he has been given several awards which he has kept very low key. I have seen the income tax records of a lot of prominent Democrats like Al Gore and Barack Obama and their donations to charity are barely a blip on the radar screens of their incomes. I could be wrong but I’m guessing there is no “John Kelso Foundation” in Austin.
I’m sure the name calling doesn’t bother Rush. He’s used to it. He doesn’t have to time to respond to small time crackpots trying to raise their profile by attacking him. So here’s the deal, Kelso, I challenge you to a fight! Rush doesn’t have time for low rent morons, but I do. Me and you in an MMA style smack down. You can have all the money for whatever charity you deem fit. Turn me down and everyone will know what I already know: you are a coward and a hypocrite.
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77 Comments
I'd have to see the tale of the tape before any money comes out of my pocket. By just looking over the photos my preliminary pick is Jena, 4 to 1 odds.
If the rules allow, I will be at the ready for a tag-in.
Your move Kelso.
Funny how the tolerant liberals among us are always the least tolerant, the nastiest, and the first to employ violence. I guess the moral high ground ain't as high as it used to be.
The easist way to get famous is to attack someone famous, and liberals are all about easy.
Guys, Kelso is a humor columnist for the Austin American Statesmen. Moreover, he's in the soft, cream-filled Liberal center of the Conservative Texas Twinkie. He's just playing to his audience, nothing more. This is not something to get riled about.
little wannabe hemingway.
if he ever got in a real fight i guarantee he'd regret wearing white pants.
Great article Jeff. Thanks for being the mouthpiece here for those of us who respect Rush and are irritated and angry with the misquotes et al from the higher than thou left.
Oops… That looks like I think McCain is a conservative…
Jeffrey … every time I read your stuff I get "writer's envy" — just keep it coming. It almost matters not what it's about … JUST WRITE, dang it!!
Long live El Rushbo … always the last man standing!
LOL!! Don't worry AS, I don't think anyone here would mistake McCain for a conservative!
A broom could beat Joe Biden. Fistfights seem to work in S. Korea. I think CSPAN would have a huge audience, if at any moment, someone would kick the crap out of Barney Frank, or Chuck Schumer. Hell, I'd pay to see that.
From the above photo of Kelso, I am disquieted – it looks like Santa has gone to seed.
not a fighter…..but please, please, please. Let me fight him. Please. I'm sure he has at least 80 pounds on me, but I can still kick his ass. Not that I'm bragging; I'm pretty certain my mother could kick his ass.
I would be happy if Mr. Kelso would just face Rush one on one in a verbal duel. It would be very interesting to see if he can hold his own against Rush. My money would be on Rush.
Many high-profile conservatives, including Rush, have to keep their charitable activities discreet to prevent liberals from sabotaging their good works. For instance, early in Limbaugh's national radio career, he was a vocal contributor and advocate for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation headed by Paul Michael Glaser (Starsky from 'Starsky and Hutch'). The foundation told Rush to stop mentioning them because they were losing contributions from liberals who didn't want to be seen on the same side of an issue with him. Liberals hate Rush so much they were refusing to help children suffering with AIDS.
Then I guess that he just lost his sense of humor then…
Oh let me in the ring with Frank. I have a black-belt and a grudge…
Damn I'd pay money to see that fat a** Kelso (way to ruin the name of a good horse BTW) get his butt kicked. Come on its for charity dude. Do it!
Pay-Per-View brothers and sisters. In this corner Ali-Bali-Bo-Bali-BamBam and his murdering Muslim Miscreants, and in this corner Babbling Joe Biden and his Fancy Lads Slobbering Barney take it in the keester Frank, and Chuckey the big mouth Schumer. In a scheduled 12 round Cage Match, are you ready to rumble! Bell rings!
If Obama were serious about paying down the deficit – here's a good venue. Put members of Congress in the ring and auction off the bout to the highest bidder. 2 rounds – for 50K – Frank & Harry Reid should command 100K. Pelosi – Priceless. A trillon buck could be earned in no time, and think of the joy of the thrashings. Maybe the Romans had it right?
Liberals' moral high ground is the sewer.
Well, it's on then.
Never fear Jeff, most libs are sissy Nancy’s anyway. All mouth and bad attitudes.
But, if he does start to get the upper hand on you, do like I do, throw a handful of dirt in his face to blind him, then kick a mud puddle in his middle, then stomp the mud out of the puddle.
There’s no such thing as a “fair fight.” If you’re forced to fight, then fight to win.
Losing is hazardous to your health.
Not Over.
[...] More on ad hominem attacks over at Big Hollywood. [...]
LOL!! What a fantastic idea folks! We could get rid of that deficit in no time!
don't be coward and a hypocrite, be real
Are you happy with what you have ?.
Do you only want a little truth concerning God ? What kind of love is it when one has a little or no interest at all in finding out about the character of their partner ? One just doesn’t care who they are ! It is in issues as this that we can have a measure to test the extent of our love for God. Is He any interest to You. Enough to open a book and learn. You must learn the immortal truth of life.
GO AND LEARN YOU OWE IT TO YOUR SOUL AND EVERONE ELSE
http://godssecret.wordpress.com/2008/12/17/are-yo...
Many times I've heard and read people using the quote, "I may disagree with your speech, but would defend to the death your right to say it." I'm willing to bet that most on the left wouldn't be willing, nor would they do it.
I realize that it's Sunday and all, but why are you "spamming" this thread?
I read your comment twice, and can't make out 1 coherent word that makes any sense at all.
And, I might add, I have a full year of collage under my belt, before I realized I was smarter than my professors.
Please take it somewhere else.
Not Over.
wow. you all are sooooooo smart. you'll have the congress and the WH back in no time. I can't wait.
Let the Republicans and the Democrats go at one another. Who ever loses leaves the House of Representatives, “term limits” and raise money to boot, win-win.
Have we finally found a liberal as dumb as Fearless Leader? Let's all talk it up and try to make Kelso the face of the democrat party.
"which from the look on his face isn’t his first of the day."
Priceless!
You have made a terrible error. I have plenty of liberal Democrat friends. None of them are in recovery.
The fairest fight is the one where you are the last one standing…
I wouldn't bother with this twerp; he looks like a cardiac arrest on standby…but I sure wouldn't mind giving his newspaper a push into the street…with a Kenworth 900L and 32,000 in the box barreling down on it.
Non sequitur: your point is uncoordinated.
This is a discussion of a political nature…
"Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's; render unto God what is God's."
Thank you very much. We can't wait either.
Explanation of why with so many medications of a much better nature out there, "Medical Marijuana" is being pushed in the state legislation of so many states.
Many years ago (it was in the late 1980's, I think), "B-1 Bob" Dornan (R-CA) nearly squared off against a Dem colleague that wouldn't shut up when Dornan was speaking on the House floor. The Dem kept interrupting Dornan and B-1 Bob had enough and grabbed him by the tie and was about to throw a punch when they were separated.
Jena, you're high. But you're also not entirely stupid, as you would never issue your asinine challenge to anyone you actually believed would take you up on it. As for your claque, hope you're getting off on your little circle-jerk.
There's more substance in a list of shampoo ingredients than in Kelso's editorial.
As an Austin resident, I can confirm that there is no John Kelso Foundation. I can also confirm that he is very popular here because he's about the only interesting columnist at the Austin American Statesman. He does have a sharp humor, but his liberal default position places him back in the realm of "ordinary".
But if you need a trainer for your bout, I'll be your corner man. I'll take you to my old MMA gym in Austin and get you whipped into fightin' shape.
Maybe more than just a physical resemblance. I've heard it bandied about that the closest Papa H ever got to running with the bulls, was watching from a balconey above the street. Kelso probably has similar courage of his convictions.
Hi Lucy, Hi Ellen…your Daddy loves you! Lucy, are you wearing your glasses?
Can we take up a collection to pit Chuck Norris against the entire Democrat Congressional Contingent? I'd buy me a ticket to that show.
John Kelso is often very good and often quite funny. When I read Mr. Jena's piece I thought it might be a case of "conservative overreacts" (how I often feel about Debbie Schlussel's columns even though I enjoy her writing). Nope. Mr. Jena called it exactly right. A lazy, sloppy, insulting, uninformed column without the slightest wit behind it. I would say that Mr. Kelso let down his readers, except most of the folks in Austin who will read it will clap for anything along the lines of "Limbaugh sucks!" so he can get away with phoning one in.
On the plus side, the column did point me to an interesting-sounding beer joint that I was not previously aware of. So it may not be a total waste.
Oh, I forgot to add that those who would like to see a Biden-Palin fight can go here:
http://www.atom.com/spotlights/kung_fu_election/
I've just openly challenged John Kelso to a duel with cavalry sabers, to be conducted on horseback.
And when we do, we won't forget our SHIFT keys.
Except for the trolls.
I actually like the idea of a fistfight being used to settle political differences… It would save a lot of time in useless arguments in which neither side listens. Plus, liberals are mostly pansies and wouldn't stand a chance against most conservatives (Obama vs. McCain, notwithstanding; although I would bet on Palin over Biden any day of the week!).
You presume their will BE a WH to take back. I understand the Chinese will foreclose in 2 yrs after BO can't pay the bond interest due.
I have never developed a taste for Rush, I think it is a style issue.
However, when the libs attack him, it is always personal and always a distortion of what he actually says.
That is just plain lame. If you critique someone, have the b*lls to deal with his ideas.
Here in Texas we call Austin, "The city in Texas to live in… if you don't like living in Texas."
Seriously, It's sorta/kinda like "San Francisco on the Balcones." (Google Balcones Escarpment if you are not familiar with Texas geological formations).
I'm not riled, just calling out a fat bloated guy who is a horses behind.
Andrew, I have always liked the idea of single warrior combat! Here is a short blurb from my stand up act..
I like Star Trek but have you ever noticed that no matter how far into the future we go, no matter how technologically advanced we become, the fate of the universe always comes down to a good fist fight.
Even though they both have huge starships Kirk and the Alien leader meet down on the planet and duke it out!
That worthless daily rag has been called “The Anti-American Statesman” for years. With good reason, I might add.
Thanks you ,most humbly.
Actually Glenn I'm not high, but that's my business. And you are right I know Keso to be a typical liberal who talks big but has no game, also in my younger and supider days to quote that great conservative philosopher Toby Keith " I could really hold my own." so I wasn't fearful if he did accept. Kelso is a coward and I am calling him on it…. If he accepts I am on a plane to Austin. My point, in case you were too busy toking up to get it, was that this moronic bucket of lard only issued this challenge to Rush because he knew Rush would never even notice much less accept. His article containd no facts just ad hominium attacks about weight, ( from a fat guy) about past substance abuse problems, ( from a guy who I found a photo of holding a beer) etc. So I just thought it would be fun to throw it back in his face.
I saw over and ove,r while the MSM was keeping up the attack on Rush, how Rush was jumping up and down with both arms raised. I guess this was their way of making fun of Rush gaining weight. I wasn't surprised to see that coming from them. They even sped it up a bit. Too bad they really didn't understand Rush was just imitating Michael J. Fox.
I'd bet an AB Steak John Kelso would throw Oreo cookies at Dr. martin Luther King if he were alive today.
This guy's pure ignorance.
Support heavy metal music on the EIB
Did you not hear Jack Nicholson.
We can't handle the truth.
"mommy, why is santa mad at rush?"
i have noticed the internet leftists getting frisky lately. have had two blowhards on my regular tech forums threaten me since the election. all over standard political b.s. that wouldn't have been an issue last year. i think they feel they have numbers on their side now, and want to go around stomping on dissenters.
I've got a little $$ left over from the stock market raping, name a date, and the money is yours. If you let me know in enough time, I will definately be there. I'm sure we all here could use the entertainment, and I like the idea of you k'oing a guy who looks like a derelect Santa from Macy's. Sounds like a good time would be had by all.
The further you move away from the center of town, the more Bush/Cheney stickers you see. Driving though Westlake and Lakeway is a refreshing visit to reality.
It's actually been lowered to fit libs standards.
And you did it well Jeff!
Hell Palin could take down OBAMA anyday.
I'm pretty sure my 3 year old niece could kick his ass. WRITING!
I doubt Rush Limbaugh has lost an ounce of sleep over John Kelso. And when John Kelso loses his job at the newspaper, I'm sure the North Pole could use a Santa Claus stand-in.
http://the100mostannoyingthings.blogspot.com/
Again, someone has commented on the fact that liberals don't contribute to charity. Let's get this right: liberals don't believe in charitable contributions. Prominent liberals believe that their effort and work to place marxists in power are contribution enough. You see, charitable contributions are given to people whom the liberals see as potential constituents, and they would like to see money confiscated from producers and redistributed to the more deserving — society's victims — as "entitlements" in return for the votes of these constituents. So there is NO hypocrisy in Gore's tax return as it documents his parsimony toward charity; indeed it is a rare manifestation of consistency and intellectual honesty.
The top 1% of income earners pay 40% of the taxes — yet they cast 1% of the vote. They, and their spokespersons, are now irrelevant.
I don't like it either, but there it is.
HA! Not only is that a hilarious observation, it is an accurate portrayal of human nature.
(I believe that as soon as conversations become polarized enough in a democracy, it inevitably takes force to determine a clear winner. Single-warrior combat seems to be the most efficient–and entertaining!–way.)
Calume7
The only place on the planet that I know of that you can legally have this duel is Antarctica. This is because the only laws on Antarctica are covered by one treaty that basically says No No and N0. No you can't have a military base, No you can't mine and No you can't pollute. So long as you agree to clean up any waste afterward, don't start your own military or mine for gold you can do whatever you want.
Not encouraging you. Just pointing the fact out.
Jeffrey Jena: You should go to Austin regardless. You could cover South By Southwest. Do some reporting for BH on what the hipster-lib "underground" establishment is doing. Mix things up a little, content wise.
I suppose I ought to be grateful there are no pictures of me holding a beer floating around on the internet.
What does this have to do with Hollywood? Isn't that what this website is supposed to be about? It seems that one can take any topic, write it as an imagined movie scene for the first paragraph, and get it posted here.
You need to stop insulting horses' behinds like that. He's more like a skunk's behind, smelly and full of vitriol.
Big Hollywood is a counter to the Daily Kos and HuffPo, where the Conservative side of Hollywood can be heard.
I actually do participate in MMA smackdowns (full contact stick fighting) so if you need a tag team partner, hit me up.
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/showdown
I suggested it earlier, but Palin v Pelosi-Pistols at 30 paces on Pay-Per-View could procure a good sum.
In words of the great William F. Buckley "Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other views, but then are shocked and offended to discover that there are other views."
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