Must Be Tough Being Caroline Kennedy

Poor Caroline Kennedy! All of her life she’s gotten anything she wanted and never had to work too hard for it. She has taken on some big projects, like editing a book of her mother’s poetry. Who knew? She has put on dazzling fund raisers for schools in New York City. No doubt, she was down there schlepping tables and putting up stage lights. Over the years she raised over six million dollars for her charity! Forget the fact she could have written a personal check for twice that amount without a change in lifestyle. Where’s the fun in that? When you’re writing a check in the privacy of a Long Island estate or in a 75 million square foot Manhattan apartment, you don’t get to wear a fancy designer gown or get your picture in the New York Times.

So one day Mrs. Schlossberg woke up and thought it would be a great service to America if she volunteered to be a United States Senator. Why not? She was extremely well qualified. Her dad and two uncles had both done it. One of them had served while drinking heavily most, so how hard could it be? She went to law school and had co-written a book about the right to privacy. You know the same murky constitutional right the Roe vs. Wade decision is founded on? Most of all she was a Kennedy and therefore entitled to be elevated to rule by divine right.

Her Majesty went around the state and allowed the commoners to touch the hem of her garment and kiss her ring. Then Caroline went home to select her wardrobe for the swearing in ceremony but somehow things weny off course. People were saying that maybe the next Senator should have some experience in government in order to best represent the people. Then her friends in the media had the nerve to start asking questions. Being royalty isn’t what it used to be.

There were rumors about her marriage, family and her employment of illegal aliens. People brought up questions about her passion for the job and looked at her past employment history where she had trouble staying with a job for more than a year. You all know how the story ended. She got dumped by Governor Patterson in favor of some woman from upstate who believes in gun rights! Can’t you almost hear screamed in John McEnroe voice, “Upstate? Gun rights? You have got to be kidding me!”

I’m sure Caroline Bouvier Kennedy Schlossberg believes someone owes her a serious apology. She may be right but that line starts right behind Sarah Palin.