My Weekly Date With A Liberal
by Jon DavidAs a conservative in Hollywood, I could not be more proud of Andrew Breitbart and the unveiling of his Big Hollywood.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Breitbart slowly approached the woman and unveiled his Big Hollywood. She gasped, but created no words. He had seen this reaction before.
BREITBART
You don’t have to say anything. I already know.
—
Note: The above scene is WGA registered.
Let me talk about myself in the 3rd person for a moment. Jon David is a graduate of Stanford University, as well as the prestigious American Film Institute. He has written and directed commercials, music videos, and feature films. Moreover, he is an accomplished singer/songwriter, having placed songs in many televisions shows and movies. His band has played venues ranging from the Viper Room to the Staples Center. In other words, Jon David kicks ass.
Note: Everything in the above paragraph is true with exception of the name Jon David. However, there is particular veracity to the asskicking part.
When Breitbart asked me to participate in Big Hollywood, I was extremely flattered, bordering on emotional. I saw what he was doing. I saw the end game: a tinsel town where the conservative perspective could be represented without fear of prejudice. Alas, there’s about time we had the venue and the collective courage to say “We are conservatives,” without fear of occupational repercussions or ostracism.
I, unfortunately, do not have the aforementioned courage, but my cup runneth over with the aforementioned fear, which resulted in my decision to write under a pseudonym.
In all fairness, I wrestled intensely with my cowardice, before being pinned within seconds of the opening round. Laying flat on my back, having scarcely broken a sweat, I realized that my contribution to Big Hollywood would in fact, require my anonymity.
Note: a personal rationalization of embarrassing proportions.
Let me explain where I’m coming from…from whence I come…from where I come. Let me explain how I got here. It took me 2 years to raise my hand in a classroom at Stanford. I assumed that everyone there was smarter and was convinced that what I had to say, not only would not matter, but would invoke intense ridicule from other students. One day in my 18th century literature class, while discussing Alexander Pope’s The Rape of the Locke, my sexually ambiguous professor asked if anybody had something to add to the discussion. Well that day, that identity forming day, something happened: my hand went up, almost involuntarily, as if my body was screaming at my heart and mind to scream out with equal passion.
My sexually ambiguous professor called on me, clearly not by name, but rather by frustratingly pointing me out in the back, as if selecting a donut through the glass.
And then it happened: I spoke. The words traveled quickly as if they had known for years where they were heading and simply needed to be released in order to reach their destination.
What followed was one of the most incoherent pieces of oratory ever uttered in a class room. Not only was there no destination, the origin was in question is well.
The point of this story is twofold with maybe several folds not yet recognized. One: Sometimes anonymity is the right thing. Two: Some people are in fact smarter than others.
(Note: to this day, I don’t know if my professor was a man or a woman)
This being said, I have decided to look for a niche inside Big Hollywood…a niche where I can shine…where I can matter, by shedding light on a side of the Hollywood experience that is equally important, relevant, and in need of examination, and yet greater minds would most likely pass right over it….and that is Dating in Hollywood.
Recently a friend of mine wanted to set me up with a girl he knew. So he did what people do these days and he told me and the girl (let’s call her Dora) to look each other up on Facebook. We exchanged a few witty back and forth’s, albeit mine, a bit wittier, but she held her own, being a Romanian yoga instructor with aspirations of modeling and acting….all things were looking good. She saw my picture, so I cleared that bar by an ass whisker, and the notes I sent were received with much humor and good will…and then nothing. Dora vanished.
I asked my friend what happened. He told me that she couldn’t date me because I was a Republican. I asked him how she knew I was a Republican. He said I told her. Why would you tell her I’m a Republican? Because she’s a liberal. You’re an idiot. You don’t want to date her anyway. Then why did you set me up with her? I don’t know. I do: because you’re an idiot. Note: he too, was a Stanford English major.
My theory was that McCain had been gaining ground in the polls, and my friend (also a liberal,) committed either conscious or unconscious “PDS” political dating sabotage. He knew it would be the end of it, which is odd because I don’t think a Republican would not not date a girl because she was a liberal….particularly a Romanian yoga instructor with aspirations of modeling and acting.
This was a troubling interaction to say the least. Would I have to hide professionally and socially? If so, my chances of finding “the One” in this town would be less likely than finding a Prius without an Obama sticker. These are not good odds for me.
There has to be a way we can all co-exist. I refuse to believe that Dora is representative of most women in Hollywood.
Personal relationships are integral to the success of an artist in Hollywood. It is not a meritocracy. It is who you know. It is who you walk in with at a party. And if you can’t walk into a Hollywood party with a Romanian yoga instructor with aspirations of modeling and acting on your arm, simply because you’re a conservative….then your climb is even steeper my friend.
As a noble and anonymous crusader for Big Hollywood, I have decided to dive on the grenade for all conservatives and date One Liberal a week. The following self mandated criteria must be met weekly.
- She has to be a confirmed liberal
- I can not tell her I’m a conservative until mid way through the date
- I shall report in excruciatingly painful detail my ultimate demise on a weekly basis
As mentioned earlier, anonymity is required for this very important research project. In no way, can my liberal subjects know my true identity. They must respond honestly and organically if we are to learn anything from this experiment. The divide between the sexes is great and mysterious. The divide between the sexes with opposing political perspectives could prove to be dangerous enough to cause irreparable harm to anybody willing to explore it.
It’s time to raise my hand again. It’s time to matter.
Coming Soon:
My Weekly Date with a Liberal by Jon David
Note: by “coming soon,” I mean I have to get a date.
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79 Comments
Expect to be “coming a lot.”
Sexually – once over the initial, frail revulsion – women are preternaturally turned on by what they’ve been raised to assume is evil.
Oh my, this is going to be excruciating and delicious at the same time. I can’t tell you how much I am looking forward to your missives to us Conservative “lonely hearts”.
This ought to be better than any sitcom, Jon!! But how does one respond “organically?” Anyway, you deserve a medal for doing what other Americans refuse to do.
Will you wear Kevlar?
How many dates do you think you’ll complete before you are outted?
Well to begin with, your Liberal “friend” is a DICK! Had he been a REAL friend he would have told her that you were a high powered director, much in demand, and that you had just finished a little film that had “Oscar” written all over it. Your connections to Vogue would also have come up. But I digress. It’s so odd how much one’s politics seem to actually MATTER in Hollywood. As a former reluctant talent manager, I was always amazed at how my musical clients were so willing to put their politics out there on stage, be it at The Roxy, The Cat Club, The Viper Room, or The Joint. My advice was always the same – “Why take the chance of alienating 50% of your audience right off the bat?” But they persisted. I see the same phenomena in films. And then they wonder why so many people don’t buy the cd or the movie ticket. Duh. It will be interesting to see how many Liberal women forego the possibility of a real relationship with someone, who may actually BE “Mr Right,” just because he is…well…Mr “RIGHT.”
So this Mr. David was scared into anonymity by a liberal college professor? How sad. And he anonymously ridicules said professor’s sexuality. That’s cowardice.
If Mr. David ever has anything to say under his true name, when he can face criticism for his comments, I might give him another chance.
Is Mr. David afraid of being ostracized or “blacklisted” for coming out as a conservative?
If he DID come out, and he WAS put out of work because of it, wouldn’t that make a great story for Big Hollywood?
EXT. HOUSE- DAY
We see Useless Dissident through the window, looking at a grouping of computer monitors.
INT. HOUSE-DAY
Useless Dissident chuckles to himself a few times. His fingers go to the keyboard. He writes, while saying aloud:
USELESS DISSIDENT
This is really funny. I wonder if this will actually happen. It sounds really promising.
FADE OUT
-sorta like the dating version of ‘Jackass’?
Entertainment value aside, I still can’t understand why you would do this? This is madness! It’s like going out and trying to wreck one car a week on the LA freeway. But it’s worse than that. Its wasting the most precious thing we have, time! After all you may find some hopeless liberal woman that for any number of reasons is desperate enough to temporarily shed her ideology vetting process. What will follow is the loss of weeks, months or years of your life with a woman who will wake up one day and hate you for being a conservative pig.
Once I thought I did see a Prius without an Obama sticker. But I was mistaken. Good luck Jon. Women are crazy. Liberal women, insane.
This is going to be entertaining! Thanks for doing this hard work for the benefit of the rest of us.
I live in Hollywood, and also date a liberal. When she told me she would break up with me if I voted for McCain, I immediately told her she should just break up with me right there. She immediately had a fit, but came running back within a minute. This was at the Hollywood farmer’s market.
I find these liberal ladies here in Hollywood are usually on some sort of “Daddy” complex, and it makes no surprise to they dream of Obama as their totalitarian ruler.
I suggest staying close to your roots, constantly prove them wrong, and they won’t stay out of your bed…
Chris Ballance – ‘After all you may find some hopeless liberal woman that for any number of reasons is desperate enough to temporarily shed her ideology vetting process. What will follow is the loss of weeks, months or years of your life with a woman who will wake up one day and hate you for being a conservative pig.
true enough.
But you did get the part about her being a Romanian yoga instructor with aspirations of modeling and acting, right?
Jon: Thanks for taking one for the team. I know I certainly wouldn’t want to date any liberal Romainian yoga instructors with aspirations of modeling and acting, . . . ah, er, well, maybe I’d be willing to take one for the team as well. Anyway, good luck and keep us informed!
Jason: I know I shouldn’t respond to trolls, but regarding your four points:
1) You missed David’s point entirely, and it’s called humor, not cowardice.
2) He can face criticism just as easily under his true name or a pseudonym. I’m sure he can ignore it either way too. (Do you even realize the irony of your slamming David for not using his real name when you only identify yourself as “Jason”?)
3) Well, duh. Aside from the fact that he actually said this at the start of his post (you did read the post, right?), it’s a common theme even among those who have chosen to reveal their true names.
4) Yeah, great story, but it certainly wouldn’t help his career any. Of course, that’s probably what you want.
Every one knows John that we can date them but they can’t date them. Put a liberal bumper sticker on your car, computer and your ass. Then you can date every liberal/actress in Hollywood.
Tell you what, “Jason”, tell us your full name & where you live & your employer and THEN we’ll decide on who is practicing cowardice.
Now that’s funny! I see a sitcom in the making…only Hollywood would make it the other way around, a secret liberal stud in Texas serial dating conservative Christian gals, then having camp-outs with Matthew Mcconaughey & Woody Harrelson to gab about it. Mmmm, maybe not the camp-out..too Broke-back Mountainish.
I too am a conservative filmmaker with a decent credit list, surrounded by gorgeous actresses who parrot liberal talking points to elevate their suspect intelligence.
While it can be tedious, nothing beats converting these wayward flowers to the enlightenment of conservative and libertarian thought. For every date or potential date ruined by my outspoken love of limited government and low taxes, I’ve had an equal amount of satisfying experiences where a starlet from Iowa baffles and amazes her friends by extolling the virtues of Reaganomics after a few dates with me.
Gee, it sure takes a big man with solid values to use an alias to post cheap shots about the sexuality of a professor he might have had in college. One of the pitfalls of the “proof by anecdote” style of debate is when you fail to actually give real names. It makes me think that you have embellished your story of your Stanford Professor (hell, how do we know you even went to Stanford if you don’t use your real name), an embellishment crafted to help you with your precariously built persecution complex.
Sorry, but other writers on this blog use their real names. Either out yourself, or forever be suspected of being a liar. I know..what kind of a conservative lies. Unless it’s about WMD’s, torture, hiring and firing practices at the Justice Department…etc.
He’s going after the Liberal women because once you bathe them, they are GREAT in the sack.
TITOV slave to PC Fascism eh? Awesome. Its called having class not to identify the proff, but a leftist zombie wouldn’t know what class was unless hey they were complaining about class warfare. Right?
Titov and others who want Jon to “out” himself…you’re missing the point. If he does then there is no “research project”, hence no interesting, probably funny postings about the “research project”. Geez, you libs are so sensitive.
I would wager that most of the aspiring actresses who come from the Midwest and the South, come from Conservative households. Maybe even, GASP!, Christian households. But, once your here, you gotta fit in with your fellow waiters and waitresses. What a shame.
At first I thought this was a piece from John Davidson. I was just imagining you singing “After The Lovin’” to your liberal lady.
Welcome Jon. Looking forward to more.
I apologize if this appears more than once (or four times).
I lived in LA for a year and a half (late ‘05 – early ‘07) but I moved. I’m currently saving up to go back sometime this year.
When in LA, I met a nice Persian girl. We were both working as extras (non-union) and we started talking. It turns out she’s a fan of Star Wars and other nerdy things (just like me). We hung out a few times and she said she didn’t like me “like that” but truthfully the jury is still out on that one. Anyway, here we are in LA and I meet the only girl who is a.) Republican – I’m an independent but it was still a surprise, and b.) Catholic – not 100% observant but she did say she was waiting until marriage, which didn’t help this secular Jew very much.
But I respect her choice and a lesser man would’ve fled to the hills.
So there are conservative girls out there. This one moved out of LA last year and I hope our paths cross again. In another universe, she could be the one.
This is GREAT!!! I will be checking in for the updates. Nice to show that we can have a sense of humor about stuff like this too. I know when liberals watch SNL sketches and Youtube viral videos, they think they are getting the cold hard facts on thier parties policies, but it’s called entertainment. We can laugh too guys.
I think a show on this topic would have to have a conservative man and liberal women.
Everyone knows liberal women are easy and that sex makes or breaks ratings. If you had all conservative women, they would all make you wait until you are married thus making it impossible to do this once a week.
Dude, LIE.
Let me repeat the main point I was making. I think that the author of this post is possibly not telling the whole truth about his Stanford days. So many of these “anecdotes” you guys like to tell on this blog about your horrible political persecution don’t exactly pass the smell test. Why I am to believe that this guy studied at Stanford and was so flummoxed by the politics of the professors that he didn’t raise his hand for two years? Really? I’d be curious what your grades were, considering most colleges worth their salt base some grades on class participation.
This website was MY idea! Seriously, this IS what I’ve been looking for. Thank you Andrew Breitbart. Until conservatives begin to have a say in pop culture, by the time people go to the polls, it’s too late. I can look back 30 years and point to the liberalism in soooooo many movies and TV shows. Many great ones too. But with a liberal slant nonetheless. I’d like to see the pendulum start swinging back the other way. Had it with the same ole same.
TITOV:
You’ve missed the main point. Typical.
Why are libs so humourless?
I went through similar grief when I lived in LA, and sadly, the Romanian yoga instructor with aspirations to act/model is very typical. Some of it isn’t political, though. If she’d been told that you were a conservative with a three picture deal at a major studio and had casting approval on all of your projects, she’d have swallowed her politics (among other things) to get on your good side. Most Hollywood liberals are motivated by the same desire that they had in high school to sit with the cool kids, except that in this case, the cool kids have the capacity to make or break entertainment industry careers.
Somebody’s gonna get lucky.
the bookkeeper – January 15th, 2009 at 11:51 am
This ought to be better than any sitcom, Jon!! But how does one respond “organically?” Anyway, you deserve a medal for doing what other Americans refuse to do.
Now here’s an idea for a comedy that could be funny. Seeing as how most movies these days that are labelled “comedy” are anything but, and seeing as how so many writers, producers and directors can’t seem to come up with anything new…well, here you go.
Note: It won’t be funny unless the Conservative part actually depicts a true Conservative rather than a Leftists idea of what a Conservative is which is always wrong.
I nominate Jon for the lead role, and a funny liberal actress, if one can be found. Okay, scratch that, there are no funny liberal women so just go with the angry/whiney/dime a dozen/Hollywood feminista with daddy issues. This will actually make Jon’s part funnier (contrast).
Good luck, Jon!
PS- Don’t tell her your a Conservative until the next day and make sure you are close to an exit for safety purposes.
Well, dang! Your little sociology experiment sure has piqued my interest! It’ll be like a reality show minus all of the red herrings, artificial tension, endless padding, and commercials.
TITOV-
Maybe if you used deodorant, things would smell better.
Maura, I have a great sense of humor. I just think this guy’s a liar, and your fellow culture-warriors are far too invested in your persecution complex to see the problem with that. You see, when you LIE, it makes it more difficult for people to take you seriously. I suppose this wasn’t that big of a lie, it’s not like the writer was a President lying about WMD’s to justify a phony war.
Seriously, let’s see this guy’s Stanford transcripts.
…haha, very funny stuff, will be waiting for the next episode
Good luck JD- Just as long as you realize this is a collosal waste of time and $$$. When you finally decide to get serious, find yourself a nice conservative lady. Take it from someone who knows- there is no greater joy than being married to a smokin hot woman you can trust because she knows truth and character are absolutes.
T: you just may have a “great sense of humor”, I’m just remarking that it isn’t evident in your post. I doubt anyone here cares if you take them seriously. And I wonder if you were this curious to see Obama’s transcripts…..
Priorities, babe…
Oh my gosh, this is going to be GOOD! I anxiously await for Date Episode II! Popcorn anyone?
Hahaha. What a hilarious idea. I can’t wait.
Since the meaning of the words “liberal” and “conservative” have pretty much traded places in the last fifty years, I don’t think your odds are all that good.
“I’m going to go out on dates with women who declare in advance that they are reactionary and closed-minded, then halfway through I’m going to tell them that I question their reactionary beliefs. Will it go well? Stay tuned.”
TITOV-
I think you are lying. Lets see your transcripts and prove me wrong.
Not that your transcripts will prove me wrong. I just wanna see them.
BTW, IF you have a sense of humor, as you claim, prove it. So far you haven’t even been accidently funny.
TITOV,
First – some very bright people are not at all good with speaking in public.
Second – “It took me 2 years to raise my hand in a classroom at Stanford. I assumed that everyone there was smarter and was convinced that what I had to say, not only would not matter, but would invoke intense ridicule from other students.” – That’s not fear of political persecution – that’s just fear.
Third – Lighten up.
Jon, really looking forward to the next installment.
– MuscleDaddy
I too am looking forward to updates. The tv has been covered by a cloth since the elections (no we are not in mourning, just exhausted) so your updates will be of interest. To help your cause, try dressing as a liberal for your date to through off any republican “scent”. The liberal look for us here in the greater Ann Arbor public high school per my 12th grader is the bohemian look. Good luck!
You’ll have to put your English degree to good use in explaining to her why this was the first time she experienced an orgasm, should your date be successful. Assuming she’s only dated liberals until you.
You sound a little too cerebral for liberal Hollywood women. Start working out, develop your pecs, shave your head, or whatever. On your dates, first get lucky, and then tell them you’re a conservative.
I look forward to reading about your weekly adventures.
I lived in LA for a year and a half (late ‘05 – early ‘07) and I’m currently saving up to move back. While living in LA, I met a nice Persian girl. We were both working as extras and in between setups, we struck up a conversation. I soon learned that she was into Star Wars and other nerdy things (just like me) and we ended up hanging out a few times.
Here’s the weird part. We’re in LA and I meet a girl who’s a.) a Republican – I’m an independent but I was still surprised, and b.) Catholic – not 100% observant and we did politely disagree on a few things and she told me she was saving herself for marriage which didn’t exactly excite this secular Jew.
But I respect her choice and a lesser man would’ve fled for the hills.
Now she said she didn’t like me “like that” but honestly the jury is still out. In a parallel universe, she could be the one. So good luck! You might find someone where you least expect it.
There are some of us out there that do exist. I’m still in the college phase of the “try to get into the entertainment industry”, but artistic, conservative women do exist.
I’m pretty sure I’m one out of a million, though.
TITOV-
I think you are lying. Lets see your transcripts and prove me wrong.
Not that your transcripts will prove me wrong. I just wanna see them.
BTW, IF you have a sense of humor, as you claim, prove it. So far you haven’t even been accidently funny.
I don’t know, his post made me laugh (probably not for the reason intended, but still….).
Jon, great first post. I loved the visual of your date (I always wanted to date a Romanian Yoga instructor with aspirations of modeling or acting
). Looking forward to the date-a-week update, although I don’t envy the task before you.
On the other hand, you might have stumbled on the perfect idea for those guys who just want to sleep with a woman and then ignore her. They could just wait until afterwards, then tell her they voted for Bush…..TWICE! It would eliminate the pesky problem of how to get her to leave.
I saw a Prius recently not only without an O sticker, but with a Jesus fish! But that was in suburban Minneapolis, a long way from Hollywood.
“You don’t have to say anything. I already know.”
Funny, that’s exactly what his wife said to me last night. It gets around great, more power to you.
Jon: You’re going to have to take your date to someplace that a typical Liberal would find repulsive, such as a gun range or a motorsports event, or to a restaurant that doesn’t have a single vegetarian item on the menu. “Spam, spam, eggs and spam has the least spam…” should be in the back of your mind. Make sure that you order her a nice filet mignon or a lobster that you’ve picked out of the tank up front.
Caesar: One of my buddies has a Prius with a “My other auto is a Glock” plate frame and an NRA sticker in the back window.
Jaysus. Another anonymous pussy.
Does Breitbart know anyone with balls?
As a conservative woman, let me just say, “Jon David! Come back! Don’t go!” It would be a shame to take your wit and mix it in to the shalllow liberal gene pool…even for the sake of social and political science. This is gonna be fantastic. Kudos to you and to Big Hollywood for having a sense of humor.
JD, good luck out there. Can’t wait to hear how it goes. If she tries to verbally emasculate you, which most liberals are want to do, don’t forget that you’re armed with your own Big Hollywood!
Single women went for Obama 70-29. So that’s nothing new, re Liberalism being synonymous with actress.
One tack to take with Single Women: “Do you believe in Socialism, share the wealth? How about Socialism, share the sex?” Ask them if they want to have “share” themselves or boyfriends with ugly men and women?
Haha, they’ll be Reaganesque conservatives in no time.
[Seriously women define Liberalism, because liberalism is very feminine, and part of female-oriented values such as welfare, political correctness, and the transfer of power from big business and entrepreneurs to a "Gentry" (per a NYT Columnist) of professionals, the media, entertainment, law, etc. Women don't compete well on a math-science-technology field because for whatever reasons excepting medicine they are not in those fields. They certainly are in Law, Entertainment, etc. Also as noted half of incoming Med School students. Source: AMA]
Very funny. I look forward to part 2. I love the comments here. The laughter is medicinal.
“If so, my chances of finding “the One” in this town would be less likely than finding a Prius without an Obama sticker. These are not good odds for me.”
When I read that I laughed out loud. How true. What would really confuse them is to have a Prius with a conservative bumper sticker.
I once carpooled with a Belgian woman who was a typical European “Green” socialist. We had many respectful discussions and we each had to concede points that the other had made on occasion.
Sounds like your Romanian yoga instructor is a bit gutless. In fact, while I haven’t tried to make a living in the Hollywood entertainment industry, it would seem to me to behoove one to seek out any who have had experience to network.
I think this woman will probably be a yoga instructor for some time
Jon, Jon, why are you doing this to yourself??
Seriously though, having looked through many a liberal guy’s profile on a dating site, here’s what you need to disguise yourself – black-framed glasses, Eckart Tolle books or the book “Eat, Pray, Love” (every liberal seems to read this for some reason), birkenstock sandals and use a bicycle everywhere to “save energy.” Liberal women will flock to you in droves!
Not sure why anyone is surprised about this situation in Hollywood. I have the exact same problem in WASHINGTON! Try finding a cute Jewish professional in the nation’s capitol who likes the military and Republicans. I have a better shot at dating in Beirut..
I can see this turning into more of a guilty pleasure than mainstream reality TV. You’re taking one for the team, right? Please know, we’re laughing with you, not…well…if we weren’t all slightly voyeuristic, we wouldn’t be here anyway
Now why can’t I see something this original and entertaining on network TV?
CSAILA Now we’re talking. After my research project, it’s ON. Until then, only liberals.
Thanks everybody for their comments and look forward to posting the first installment.
JD
“What followed was one of the most incoherent pieces of oratory ever uttered in a class room. Not only was there no destination, the origin was in question is well.”
And so you chose to relive the experience here with your first post. Thanks for the dramatic recreation.
J.D.:
As President of the Romanian Federation of Aspiring Yoga Instructors/Models/Actresses, (FAYIMA), I was very disappointed to hear that one of my members treated you so disrespectfully. Kindly send me her name, so that disciplinary action may be initiated. My email is: mrbelovedpresidentforlife@fayima.org.ru
Best Wishes,
Nicolae
Would I like to be a fly on that wall.
Remember the patchouli oil .
All I can say is there's nothing better than a conservative "bad boy." I married one and it's been amazing. I was a liberal Democrat in those days. He wore me down. Now I'm a conservative. I love that too. Your stories rock. best, Kay
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