Daily Gut: I Explain the Sexes
by Greg GutfeldSo forget health care, the wars, the rampant unemployment. The big story in my life? Jesse James, the biker husband of Sandra Bullock, got busted cheating on the delightful, mega-rich actress.
Here is a picture of Sandra Bullock:
Here is a picture of the woman James cheated with, Bombshell Magee.
So, who would have thought that if Jesse cheated, it was going to be with Marilyn Manson?
Who`s next?
Pete Wentz?
Chriss Angel?
Take a look at Chriss.
Yep, my money is on Chriss Angel.
Anyway, this reveals one essential truth about life, humanity, the world:
Men are scum; women are stupid.
First – let`s take the “men are scum” part. Sadly most men on this planet would stick their dick in anything as long as it didn`t electrocute them. Although, I`m not even sure that`s true. If you put an Oreck upright vacuum cleaner in some fishnets, chances are Bill Maher would bang it. And then, not even buy it breakfast.
Fact is, it doesn`t matter who you`re married to – men desire sexual novelty more than anything, and it`s up to them to rein it in. Many of them can`t. Case in point: this dirtbag James cheats not just on a lovely woman, but a lovely, charming one who happens to be worth millions. But that`s what separates dirtbags from non-dirtbags. Nondirtbags make the effort.
Onto the “women are stupid” part. As much as I sympathize with Sandra Bullock – who I`ve had a crush on since “Love Potion No. 9,” she should have known better. She should know the difference between dirtbags and nondirtbags. Her husband is a dirtbag. He used to date porn stars. As an expert in red flags would say, “Holy fuck – that`s a red flag.” What does this mean? Well, there are millions of good men out there, millions who would have been happy to make Sandra happy for the rest of her life. But she chose this creep. Why? Because the way men find sexual risk-taking exciting, women find emotional adventures equally a thrill. Good women choose bad men all the time. And all the good men are left wondering, “what`s wrong with me?”
Like I always say: in the end, you get what you get.
I just hope Sandra dumps this jerk and marries someone who deserves her.
Like Rupert Everett.
He seems like a nice chap.
And if you disagree with me, I`ll kill you with a string of wet spaghetti.
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437 Comments
Good women choose bad men all the time. And all the good men are left wondering, “what`s wrong with me?”
Truer words never spoken!
Dang, Greg, looks like the profanity filter was turned off on this one. I'm always shocked to hear/see someone swear for the first time.
Bill Maher's not a man. Not sure what he is, but he's not a man.
Id say for every man that cheats, that is an automatic A-OK to the woman he's married to do to the same, and he'd better STFU about it – NO COMPLAINTS or whining. Take your cuckholding like a man, bastard.
On the flip side of the coin, I agree: women are stupid, especially those that prove they are bastards and cant control themselves. Can't change men, ladies…just make them live by the rules they make for women. And I hope Sandra gives that skank the Married Woman's Curse: if he did it me, he will do it to you. You think you can keep him? Good luck with that.
As usual, Gutfeld has his finger on the pulse of what's really going on. Most men I know think Bullock is practically perfect: Beautiful, intelligent, a cutting wit, and incredibly talented (putting aside her personal wealth). Women like Bullock overwhelmingly choose men who are "dangerous" and hope they they can somehow tame them. It's a sad fact of life, but a fact nonetheless.
There are plenty of good men who aren't looking for supermodels or women with wealth or fame. I suppose it is the natural part of us that makes us guys have to fight to be noticed or fade into irrelevancy.
Look, this is nothing new to learn that women want to make bad boys their special love projects and the bad boys just want an excuse to spooge. What's more shocking to discover is the fact that 1 out of every 14 people think it's normal to stop in the middle of sex to answer a text message…
http://news.cnet.com/8301-27083_3-10469162-247.ht...
Basically that means 1 out of every 14 people are unqualified to watch Red Eye
I used to like Jesse James. I thought he was cool. He's a dumbass.
well greg, you didn't end it like would have. you said what's wrong with…, you should have been plugging for yourself, unless you are married. had i wrote that, i would have said whats wrong with me! who knows you might have got a call. but since you won't put yourself out there, i will say it. no giant red flags here, sandra, give me a call, i promise i won't cheat on you with porn stars or hookers
What do women see in a many tattooed, biker, criminal, porn star sleeping "man" named after a murderer?
I've often wondered what it would be like to make love to an oriental rug.
Could have done without the language in this article, but Greg is right. In high school and right up to the day I met my future wife, I was the victim of the non-bad boy syndrome. I couldn't get nice girls to like me for anything, because I wasn't the bad boy. I'm a nice guy, decent looking, was in great shape in my younger days, good sense of humor, but what the girls I knew wanted was to be belittled, put down, ignored, cussed at, etc. I just kept trying until I found a girl who wanted love and respect. I found her, and we've been married for over 25 years and still going strong. I've never cheated and neither has she. I feel sorry for Sandra, but she knew what he was when she married him.
After looking at photos of both JJ & Bombshell Magee, I can't decide which of the two is uglier, WHEW!!! WHAT WAS Sandra thinking. Oh & was JJ married to the porn star Janine Lindenmuller (sp?) and have kids with her, not just dating? Just sayin, cause I don't know and am too disinterested to investigate further.
Mr. James should have stuck with what he knows best; getting tats, banging skanks and shop class.
Beyond that he is out of his element.
i'm guessing greg's college crush gave him the "i think of you as my big brother" speech. you should've kissed her greg. if anyone is at risk in this it's his daughter.
Somebody tell Sandra I am available if she wants to get back at Jesse. I'll do whatever she wants me to do. I don't care what it is.
JJ’s been huffing fumes coming out of the tail pipes of his bikes for too long!
No way! I saw her first.
Man, I'm glad my wife doesn't read Big Hollywood….
Dang. I thought Tiger Woods' taste in skanky women (with a gorgeous wife at home) forever raised the bar on grossing me out. That chick would be a piglet in her natural state, but add in looking like she was vomited on by an ink factory and now I dare say that the next married male celebrity to stray is gonna have to be caught in flagrante delicto with a sheep for me to even raise an eyebrow.
Check the tat on her stomach. "Trophy Girl". I don't know what contest in Hell I would win to get her as a trophy. >Cringe> She might have been OK if not for the tats… <Wretch> Dude, Jesse, you effed up my man. Quick, check to see if his wang is still attached, no telling what this chick is carrying.
Those tattoos are revolting.
What's with the Language Greg? You can do better than that. It takes away from your message, which I agree with.
"She should know the difference between dirtbags and nondirtbags. Her husband is a dirtbag. He used to date porn stars. As an expert in red flags would say, “Holy fuck – that`s a red flag.”"
There's a whole lot of "she should have known better" going around which seems to be based on hindsight and the need to somehow apportion some fault to the lady. The guy really seemed like he had cleaned up his act. Who knew, really? Meanwhile, do nerdy looking golf players get the red flag now?
Gee, thanks for calling me scum. I really appreciate it.
Let me get it straight: men are scum, and women are stupid. So, when women do a bad thing, it's because the poor dears don't know any better. But when men do a bad thing, well, what can you expect from scum.
Thanks for clearing that up. Oh, and we love you too.
So, men will stick theirs into anything that'll let them, and the end result is: they have sex.
Women kill their unborn offspring at the rate of 1.5 million a year in this country, and the end result is: they commit mass murder.
Yeah, those men are scum…
If you put an Oreck upright vacuum cleaner in some fishnets, chances are Bill Maher would bang it.
No pool filter is safe within 50 miles of Bill Maher.
hate to say this but the good guys are scum, too, they're just way smarter about it.
WoW!
That "Bombshell" McGhee is quite the "painted lady". Literally…………
"Good women choose bad men all the time. And all the good men are left wondering, “what`s wrong with me?”
No, I still wonder what the hell all those stupid women are thinking.
Obviously a bit of a broad brush, but enough truth to make many of us nod in agreement.
Wow, lots of people complaining about language, what is this, the Sistine Chapel?
I hope for the sake of the kiddos they're raising together they find a way to work it out.
Yea, no need for the profanity. I'm sure Jesse James curses quite a bit. You wanna be as different from James as possible.
Greg, great post! And I didn't mind the language because in this kind of situation (like discussing the health care reform bill(s) and "demon pass") you just can't help yourself. That woman is skanky and Sandra is just so lovely, I really hope she kicks him to the curb and darn quick!
And while not ALL men are scum (exceptions that I know of: both my grandfathers, my father, my father-in-law and my husband, just to name a few), and not ALL women are stupid (exceptions I know of: both my grandmothers, my mother, my mother-in-law and me), I think in general you are correct – there are certain women that just punish themselves going after bad boys and there are certain men that just can't keep it in their pants.
It's a real shame. Good luck, Sandra. PLEASE BE SMART and dump him quick.
"As an expert in red flags would say, 'Holy fuck – that`s a red flag.'"
Quote of the year. I just wish it was in an article pertaining to our current federal government.
I used to live up the lake from Sandra Bullock.
I lived in the poor people "white trash" section, although on the water front.
She has a nuevo – Mediterranian style mansion built up the river, far up Lake Austin, far, far away from the beer drinking while leaning against the bed of an old pickup, "dogs out number people" people .
She's my ex- sorta neighbor so: SANDY PICK ME, OHH, OHH, (waving arms) Ohh, yeahhh!
(pssst…{whispering}…Greg is gay. He's out and everything…he's halarious and "RedEye" is great)
He can't get it up with Bullock. It's like f**king a corporation. So he turned to the human billboard.
I don't have any idea of who Jesse James is except I thought he lived and died a long time ago, but this was all answered in last night's episode of South Park: It's the alien wizard living in Independence Hall.
some must learn the hard way that a good man is the right man. and it takes the right wrong man to make a woman realize who the true right man really is.
she will find her true right man, now.
Sadly most men on this planet would stick their dick in anything as long as it didn`t electrocute them
How much of a shock? As long as it's not fatal, if it's low voltage it might even be…
Ahem. Never mind.
I feel very badly for Sandra Bullock, and while I agree with Greg over all on what he said, to a certain extent, I think I can understand what she saw in him, and why she might have fallen for him. At the time she was very in the spotlight, and surrounded by so much of what Hollywood is known for. Ii think she was looking for someone whose feet were on the ground, and she misread Jesse James. Celebrities don't tend to get to have too many normal, real life interactions with regular people, and he was celebrity enough to meet and get to know her.
My late husband was faithful to me through our entire relationship, but I did get duped when I was much younger, before I met and married him. The guy in question who I dated from junior high through high school, I knew very well. He appeared to be wonderful, the sort who would be true, but he wasn't. I felt very betrayed by him.. it's not always easy to know in advance, so don't be hard on her. I don't think she deserves it.. and she does get all kinds of crap from Hollywood, has done for pretty much since she became famous.
I have never understood why members of my sex are attracted to the "bad boys." It always ends like this. Duh.
(one clue to this seems to be that the tatooed "chick" was referring to James as the "vanilla gorilla" ahem, because he's so "talented" physically.)
(I'm sorry I know that, I read the other story associated with the Drudge story)
I don't think it's always about wanting to tame them. I think some women don't feel worthy of a good man, and when they choose a bad man, and the bad man turns out to be bad, their feelings of worthlessness are confirmed.
And like I wrote above, I believe in a lot of cases it takes getting knocked down hard, to wake you up and realize the beauty of a truly good man. A good man will never fade into irrelevancy.
Man I don't get that. But then I didn't understand Charles dumping Diana for Camilla.
How racist of you. Confine your fantasies to Asian rugs.
You mean like: "That Slaughter Solution….'Holy f–k….that's a red flag!"
That's true too. Men have the same problem, unfortunately. I know plenty of guys (and was one myself for a long time) who picked unreliable, untrustworthy women to date. The funny thing is, I did it while I really did have a decent choice of who to date. Now that I'm older and wiser (hopefully) the choices are vastly more limited and I refuse to settle for that same kind of woman. It is one of life's true ironies (or hateful vendettas).
(I accidently cussed in the Sistine Chapel….it's crowded and kind of loud in there, soooo, nobody heard me except my immediate companions, well them and GOD!…meh…I'm doomed…")
He has to be out of his mind, The biggest problem Sandra would have with me is that while she is off making a movie, getting the nightly photo via email of the trout I caught that day fishing. Or if its hunting season well its hunting season. Some fools don't know how good they have it, and she was taking legal action in order to keep his kids in her home.What a douchebag.
Um, feel free to smack me with the wet spaghetti if I missed the joke. Rupert Everett may be a nice guy and all, I don't know, but he is gay. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000391/bio
Jesse James…this will be the second time he punk'd us. First the narative was he's the trailer park kid who learned how to build and fabricate and built a successful business. Good for him!
Then at the zenith of that he gets busted with an oince or more of blow and goes to jail.
Dumb Shit.
Then he takes up with Sandra – ok he learned the lesson – now he has it together
Then he does this.
Dumb Shit.
So I'd like to hope the collective us are through with him and that she finds happpiness becauseif it's WYSIWYG with her… she deserves it.
Regarding sex: Women need a reason, men need a place.
This should be a lesson to men and women everywhere ~ but it won't be. Everyone thinks they're "different". The reality is, they aren't.
The tattoo plastered across her forehead says………………..are you ready for this………….
"Pray for us Sinners"…………………..I shit you not.
I was one of those women. I'll tell what I was thinking… " ".
The tattoo splattered across her forehead says……….."Pray for us Sinner's"
Amen to that sister.
"Most," not every. Some guys know how to reign it in. And it's not that they think they can. They do.
Sadly, Jesse hasn't had the best track record with women.
Correst me if i'm wrong, but wasn't he still married to his second wife (adult actress Janine Lindemulder) when he hooked up with Sandra?
Once I made up my mind to change playpens, I found a great "nice guy" with just enough edge. It took about a year to find a guy who didn't fit this description…"if his mouth is moving, he is lying." Keep your eye on the prize.
Spinalcracker, James has a young daughter with Lindamueller. I know this because several months back they ran a story about Bullock helping James get full custody of the daughter after the mother got out of prison for tax evasion. Just goes to show you; no good deed goes unpunished.
Exactly! Now if we can work that into a 500-word blog…
an oriental rug with herpes.
I know plenty of honest, decent men who believe in full fidelity. So I'd have to heavily disagree.
I'm always telling people………………….. never stick your dick in a light socket……………………….seriously.
He did use it effectively though.
Warren Beatty and Annette Benning seem to be lasting…
She should drop him like a bad heroin habit.
Same here. I outgrew that phase when I was 12. It's always been a mystery to me why other women never did grow out of it.
This seems to be a strange trend with actresses who win Oscars. They win, and shortly thereafter their relationship with their boyfriend or husband goes down in flames. It happened to Helen Hunt, Kim Basinger, Hilary Swank (after her second win), Julia Roberts, Halle Berry, Reese Witherspoon, and now, just in the last week or so, Kate Winslet and Sandra Bullock. IMO, in many of these cases there must have been professional jealousy, because most of the guys were actors themselves.
I think that was kind of the point. He's clearly not to going to have an affair with another woman, right?
"no good deed goes unpunished." Ain't that the truth!! Oh, thanks for confirming my question. I think I either heard of or read about Sandra helping with child custody. Probably the same place you did, albeit with poorer memory skills.
Seems a lot of porn starts are delinquent in paying income taxes.
Oh, please.
Sometimes using a profanity drives the point home more clearly. This is one of those times.
You don't live in a convent, do you?
From the day I first heard she married Jesse James, I asked, "Sandra, what were you thinking?" My heart was broke…But I am sad for her. I wish this on no one. I'll keep them all in my prayers…as do I the leaders of this country…God helps us all.
I didn't think about Greg's column that way, but you make great points.
Amen, Ken…
JB The tatooed broad looks brutal, to my eyes anyway. To each his own, I suppose.
BTW the "vanilla gorilla" description, I find hilarious!!
Had me for a minute there… VERY relieved when my DA figured it out. " " was almost too subtle…
Well, I hear Charlie Sheen is available.
I'm glad you didn't follow through with the promise of the post title, Greg, because I like you, and as I understand it, the last thing a man does before he dies is to figure women out. It goes like this: "Eureka!" ~ gasp, clutches chest, sinks to knees, does full faceplant, expires last breath~
I don't want to figure women out until I'm at least 100, and if my current progress is any indication, I may make it to 120. Sandra is a perfect case in point: I have no idea why she would hitch her star to a scumpuppy like James. Then again, I don't understand men either I guess, because that Magee horror show grosses me completely out. ~gag, retch~
But I'm obviously dysfunctional, because I enjoy familiarity, not novelty.
Breaking News!: "Man(?) risks treasure, money for Trash"
I guess seeing the "bombshell" as juxtaposed to Sandra unleashed the f-bomb and friends.
"Moron cheated on dingbat with psycho ho-bag, the sky is blue and the Sun will rise in the East." Film at 11:00.
Perhaps biologists will be able to make a determination once he has ingratiated himself amongst us in the only way he can- by personally delivering my greetings to Jack and Teddy…
I agree that too much sympathy is always given to women in these situations. they knew what they were buying when they signed the paper, so to speak. jesse simply gravitated to someone who is more similar to him. but i have to disagree about how lovely sandra is. you found a younger pic with a great makeup job. most men don't fantasize about her. now if salma hayek's husband ever cheats on her, then, WOW, he really would be a dirtbag.
Generalities are called general because they are true most of the time. You see some one who's dirty, messy hair, tattoos, wears leather, lives and admires the biker lifestyle, more then likely they are morally corrupt just like the progressives that hate generalities.
well, he got his 15 minutes.. really in the end he is no one.. and sandra.. she should have know better.. but she has not had great luck in love, i hope she learns her bad boy lesson and moves on the a REAL man
Fame is harder to deal with than it looks like to us. & I think that it is a disease in itself to worship celebs as if they are (or aught to be) perfection on earth. Let's enjoy the movies that we like & move on with our lives. & I guarantee you, immortality begins with the power of self, not the worship of others. Someday will will find, if the infinite will have us(& I know it will have me), that immortal love is not easily had. & much of life is trial & error.
….I guess the only way she can fall lower is to marry James Cameron….
Where in Hollywood is she going to find a real man who's younger than, say, Jon Voight?
And alot of politicians too
"Because the way men find sexual risk-taking exciting, women find emotional adventures equally a thrill."
Exactly. Which makes it strange to think she should now LEAVE the guy, that turned her on, because of the emotional adventure in the first place. It's really not our place to judge…. who knows if this is even a "bad" thing in her mind. If someone is turned on by a bad boy, then it would follow that the actions of a bad boy would turn them on as well.
Sandra B. is a doll and that tatooed "chick" isn't. That is a head shaker allright. Ugh.
Sandra should probably get herself down to the clinic and make sure her dirtball husband didn't expose her to something she can't wash off with soap and water. And then shower with solvent, degreaser, hydrogen peroxide, denatured alcohol, and some boraxo.
She may also want to gargle with lysol, bleach and Mr Clean………………………….and make him sleep in the monster garage until she has a good attorney to help her dump his worthless ass.
I agree, that is a very nice picture of her. Often times I see her in photos that don't seem so appealing. Not sure if it's bad lighting, or a bad make-up artist. At the end of the day though I wonder what would appeal to Mr James more, rolling over in the morning to see Ms. Bullock beside you………or Bombshell MaGee?????
I agree, that is a very nice picture of her. Often times I see her in photos that don't seem so appealing. Not sure if it's bad lighting, or a bad make-up artist. At the end of the day though I wonder what would appeal to Mr James more, rolling over in the morning to see Ms. Bullock beside you………or Bombshell MaGee?????
Kind of ironic. Sandra gets herself a bad boy toy with an outlaw name who's younger than *she* is, then he runs off and gets himself a bad girl toy who's younger than *he* is. Is this what they call "poetic justice?"
Be real–the man dated and was married to a porn star before he married Sandra Bullock. His choice in women didn't ring any bells for her then?
I'm reminded of Lili Taylor's portrayal of Valerie Solanas in "I Shot Andy Warhol", reading from her S.C.U.M Manifesto:
The male is, nonetheless, obsessed with screwing. He'll swim through a river of snot, wade nostril-deep through a mile of vomit, if he thinks there'll be a friendly p***y awaiting him. He'll screw a woman he despises, any snaggle-toothed hag, and furthermore, pay for the opportunity.
I've always thought there were shreds of truth in her demented writings.
No guys this one is sooooo easy!!! Bill Maher is an ………………
Obamabot
party pooper
HA!! Yes, McGee's a trashy skank but lysol, bleach, solvents and degreaser are going a bit over the top. Mr. Clean does wonders, though.
)
There was a wise man I don't remeber who or where who said……
You never know who someone is until you give them unfettered amounts of money.
When someone is relieved of the normal pressures of society to conform then they will be who the really are….
Nasty breakup?
Oh, good. Because Sandra Bullock hasn't been recieving NEARLY enough affection for reasons have nothing to do with talent…
Sandra Buttock rules! What was JJ thinking? "I've just gotta dip my pen in that ink". EWW!!! Her forehead's marked up, FPS!!
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