Daily Gut: Slow Motion and Random Acts of Coolness
by Greg GutfeldYou know what I hate most in the world right now?
If you said griffins, you’d be close.
It’s actually the use of slow motion in films and television.
With the exception of showing whether a catch was in or out of bounds – the gimmick is only used to glorify amoral activity.
Example: yesterday, I was straddling a stair climber (Raul, I believe) when in front of me on the gym tv, a rock video featured a slow-motion scene of a band member swaggering through a grocery store, casually knocking over rows of products.
The mayhem looks like art – and when it becomes art, its consequences are forgotten.
But how would this glorification of idiocy roll in real life?
I worked in a grocery store, Albertsons – actually – and I can tell you without question: if any punk pulled that crap there, the reaction would be swift and painful. We enjoyed catching shoplifters, because meting out justice on them made the rest of the hours bearable. And boy did we mete. We had our own mete department. That rocker would have been tomorrow’s turkey loaf.
That’s because in the real world, there are consequences – and there are people who have to clean up messes – whether it’s painting over graffiti or mopping up after a WTO riot.
Sadly, in absence of achievement or the desire to glorify it, we are left with random acts of coolness. But these acts don’t work in “real time.” They can only appear interesting if they unfold slowly. Which is why in the world of entertainment, stuff like vandalism, protesters rioting or simply weeping – are slowed to a crawl in order to create a majestic spin on infantile behavior.
Show them in real time, and you’re left with a carnival of losers – best ignored at any speed.
And if you disagree with me, you probably eat babies.
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83 Comments
Slow day Greg? The ideal slow motion to me would be a video of Nancy Pelosi in slow motion after the obamacare vote mouthing the words " W E L O S T T H E V O T E "
Where the hell did you see a rock video?
The punk in that video has the perfect resume to be the next "czar" of something.
I was into that slo mo stuff last night. I watched the illustrious Mr, Hanks opening salvo of the Pacific on HBO. Talk about slo mo, you had to sight over the top of a fence post to see if the film was moving. Hanks outdid himself with this looser.
Should I feel guilty over watching this awesome video three times?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfDoQwIAaXg
so as a anarchist i get really pissed at this or that, so to solve my delema, i throw paint, smash windows, and fling crap. how exactly will this solve any problem? why can't they just stay home and smash their mommy and daddy's stuff, and leave the small shops alone? i guess that is why i will never make a good anarchist?
I knew that sense of humor of yours came from somewhere familiar. I, too, used to work grocery to put myself through college…there's a special kind of humor in there… It's different!
…I was straddling a stair climber (Raul, I believe)…
I hope this doesn't mean what I kinda guess it means but what does it mean?
That's THE ONLY way she would look-dare I say-good?
"one million fps?" That's just silly talk.
Somehow, government-run healthcare reform in slow motion does not "create a majestic spin", even with the smoke and mirrors.
Nah you shouldn't feel guilty. I watched some of it, and it looked purty cool.
Marc Lamont Hill AGAIN!!! ugh!!! Love Courtney Friel, but the Professor of Hip-Hop, has gotta go. Whatever happened to Sherrod Small? He's been MIA from RedEye for quite a while.
I like his point! That cute little dwarf! I totally get the slow-mo thing. So lame. Like Pro-Abortion… its cool to have said you have had several abortions. Its not cool to say you had one. Its cool to say you have had STDs but not cool to say you have it…right now. Its cool to encourage hook up culture, but not cool to mention the STDs or this to remind people of this info:
"During a year of typical condom use, between 10 and 15 out of 100 sexually active women will become pregnant. During a year of perfect condom use, that number drops to between 2 and 3 out of 100 sexually active women becoming pregnant. Just for the record, 21 percent (typical use) and 5 percent (perfect use) of women who use the female condom experience an unintended pregnancy within the first year of use."
NOW add STDS… deadly or not. I love the 'perfect use' sneakiness.
There are a few places where super-slo-mo is cool, and not glorifying criminal acts. Such as on Mythbusters and sporting events (especially hockey!). On second thought, maybe they do glorify criminality a little bit.
I was curious. Totally cool. Had to show my husband, he likes guy stuff like this.
Greg, I hate the vast majority of the media and I have hated them for a long long time.
But people like you are able to put it into a coherent message, just how ass-backwards all their post-modern pap is.
I am unable to do that because I am so filled with hatred for them all I can do is spew a load of barely coherent babble.
Thanks
Agreed, he brings little to the table. Regardless of the topic I give him 15 seconds before he plays the race card. Sherrod Small is missing but not missed.
Courtney Friel? Yay!
Jim Norton? Cool.
Marc Lamont Hill? Ugh.
Kyle Smith? Don't remember him.
on a plane
with Sam
eating Green Eggs and Ham
I know Paulo is going to be sooooo Jealous……..
snap…….
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Well, at leas the hate speech against griffins has moved down a notch this time.
Uh-huh. As usual, reminds me of the infinite. Everything does.
Try the show Time Warp for cool slo-mo…
As for shoplifters…
Someone needs to train those guys in proper use of chokes, pressure points, and holds…
Two guys were wrestling a shoplifter in Smith's one day in Albuquerque, and barely hanging on…
I took my thumb, locked it into the trigeminal nerve in his jaw, and had him blubbering like a baby in fifteen seconds…got amazing compliance to roll over on his stomach for the cuffs, everything…
Thanks, Chuck Norris…
At the risk of being repetitious–Marc Lamont Hill. PUKE !
I agree, and turned the telly off for the night. MLH makes me ill.
No, just racist.
Boy Mjolnir, you sure is tuff.
Wow, Gutman as vigilante beating up shoplifters. Hey Greg, how about holding them in the managers office and calling the cops? That's what they're there for
Yeah, there's nothing like watching a hot water heater launch through two floors and a roof in slow motion. Mythbusters has to be the best job in television.
Hey Greg
How come it is the never show cool racker guy serving his time in county lockup in slow mo…
Usually they have a montage that speeds that up……….
Hmmmm…….. Me thinks Hollywood Directors have a skewed sense of time!!!
Im thinking i need to shop for new ammo
Try the show Time Warp for cool slo-mo..
Nah. The battle scenes in "The Seven Samuri" teh awesome.
But in creepy Obamaland, there are no consequences for your actions (unless you've been smart and successful in your life….you will be over-taxed to death for your actions). The loser in the video should be shown consequently scrubbing the grocery store floor with his tongue. Now THAT would be cool.
I'm a notoriously uncoordinated person – my mom always called me, "the bull in the china closet" – and I often wish my many trips, stumbles and unintentionally destroyed home furnishings (I even fell and crushed a $2,500 guitar once) could be slowed down into some etherial kind of performance art. That way, onlookers would be shouting, "cool!" instead of, "FAIL!" But, alas, it's all over in an instant… except for the laughing and/or swearing, of course.
Funny how "anarchists" are the first ones to whine about their rights being violated when the riot police kick the dog crud out of them.
I admit I was mesmerized. I had to force myself not to watch it again.
Ewwww….TROLL….!!!
Hit it with a Chuck Norris….!!!!
LAWHAWK…..!!!
Great to hear from you….!!!!
Yo, spinal!!!
Nice to see you back…!!!
Teh Average troll…is afraid…
Welcome to the fascinating world of ballistic testing, set to trance music…
Don't let Average Joe know…he's average enough; this will make him feel even more average….
As did I. When he started calling that Tea Party guy names, I was out of there.
Have him give Bill a call.
That's in country music videos.
And his friend K.Y.
Ignore him, he's only doing it for attention.
Can you imagine that…?
Being SO pathetic, that you have to go to a BLOG and whine for attention!?!???
I did part of it for the lulz, but when you read that stuff, sanitary bilge pumping, or whatever of his, you gotta wonder how bad of a fail loser life he has…and it has to be worse than we think…
One of the problems with catching shoplifters, is that management tells you not to, just make your presence known. IE: Stand real close to them and watch if you suspect them of anything.
My son was told not to do anything if he sees something (this was after he received his black belt) I told him to plant in his mind that all thieves are stupid, they are going to make a threatening move at you, then you are defending yourself.
Hey there was a scuffle underway…I just ended it, for the safety of all involved…
I did catch hell for it from an AFD fire paramedic, though…I told the union commie lib he should give up his paycheck up and take the guy in his home if he was so worried about me damaging his nerve; I'd write his Chief about what a great humanitarian he was…not to mention everyone was unhurt and safe within a minute after I gently put the guy on the ground…
He probably voted for the Obama…looks like the shoplifter is going to get the paramedic's paycheck after all…
So how do you really feel, dude?
I just think it's funny because of the name "Average Joe" implying he's a normal guy, and not some 40-year-old living in his parents' basement who was probably out $50 after losing his virginity.
Hope you appreciated the numbers on Andy's papers during the Halftime Report.
Greg, must ahve just DOZED off and thought this up….. Albertson's??? man what type of candy arse where you??? lol
NO CONSEQUENCES???? hmmm, sounds like OBLABLA nad his group of cronnies…..
Ohhh…now that's just mean…
LOL!
Personally…I think she gave $30 of it back…out of pity…
Thanks mate, although I haven't really left; been in more of a reading mode, than typing/writing.
Cheers!!!
I turned it off at the same point, despite the presence of the lovely Courtney Friel.
They are weird those anarchists, hipocryts of the highest order.
I have this fantasy of talking to a self identifiying anarchist and punching him in the face and talking his money, ipod, iphone, nikes etc (all products of big business) and when he complains and asks why. Just yell into his face ANARCY! No Police, No Government and no one to protect you from me! Part of it would just be great stress relief and partly just in the hope that the idiot understands that society needs rules, consaquences for your actions and people to enforce those rules.
Morons, truly. The both of you. Morons.
Well, since you're here…did she give you back the money, or did you really have to pay full price…?
And did she make you take a bath and/or wear the full-body Trojan…?
Ah, lurker, eh…?
Still, nice to see…
She?
Oh, never mind. I forgot Bill was in that stage of his sequential hermaphroditism that week. And I'm really only guessing on the $50. He went out and blew most of it on crack, so there's no telling for sure.
Well, Joe, it's good to see you have something meaningful and intelligent to add to the conversation, as usual.
That record still stands unbroken, too…
S(he) said those most devastating of words to males everywhere…
"Have you started yet…?"
No wonder he went back to the crack….
Yeah, a lurker, I suppose. LOL!!!!
Thanks, you're most kind to notice, my absence.
Good thing I don't spew when I laugh, or you would owe me a keyboard. Man, that's just cruel!
I thought you were going to ignore me.
There's not that much criminality in hockey. So you gotta slow it down when it happens.
Naaaw! Kudos for turning us on to it! I had to watch the whole thing (once; I'll download it for replay fun later).
Thank you! :^)
Hahaha! First person I thought of when MLH was mentioned was LawHawk!
Ah, Red Eye, they make you laugh, they make you cry, they make you puke!
Truth often hurts…
Awww….*Pats Joe's head, after "double gloving*…
Are you kidding…?
Did you see somewhere that I was feeling charitable today…?
I did warn you that this was for the lulz…
This little distraction is in the EPIC league of "Kiting" and "Gnome Punting" for the WoW crowd…
Warn me of what? Do you really think you're juvenile sex jokes bother me? Coming from a clown like you? They are truly pathetic.
Now, what's the lulz?
My Intense Debate notifications failed, so I didn't know anybody had commented. Sorry, gang, I wasn't being intentionally rude. Greg has a lot of fun guests, and many of them are far from conservative. But there's a difference between having a liberal on, and having a radical, race-baiting, cop-killer-loving, degree holder in hip-hop culture. I happened to see the opening intros, and this time Hill was a professor of black studies. That's about the fourteenth phony title they've given him. Why don't they just get honest and call him Columbia Professor of Race Hatred? Let him stutter his way through that title!
Awww…poor smaller than Average Jo is angry…
Tummy upset with something you ate…?
All guys lie when they say that…didn't you know…?
Actually, I think the upset stomach is more a result of VD, than of anything Joe ingested. (Again, we'd probably have to refer back to Bill for details.) Pelosi and Reid may be able to assist with this, though I'm not sure how (and not really sure I want to know).
I was. Notice I was replying to Mjolnir, not you, and we were making fun of you more than anything. However, since you're clearly hard up for attention, I guess I'll throw you a bone, hence this post. No need to thank me.
As slow and dense as this guy is, I expect he's busy right now, all indignant puffery, dialing over and over again, ready to explode all over whomever actually answers that phone…
And if it helps jam the Capitol switchboard even more, all the better….
Joe is NOT the sharpest pencil in the box…in fact, he's not even as sharp as a flat crayon sitting in the Tucson sun too long in late July…
As sharp as a sack of wet mud, one might say…
And I was answering to the Reagan fetishist. So are either of you going to tell me what the lulz is or is it some kind of secret code?
It's a code. I'd tell you what it means, but we're chauvinist pigs, so only men are allowed to know.
Cowards.
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