Daily Gut: Media Matters — Weekend Weasals
by Greg GutfeldIf you’re like me, and congratulations if you are, then you try to enjoy your weekends. For example, I spent last Saturday in bed, watching my favorite soaps, eating donut holes basted in Nyquil. I call them happy holes – after seven of them, you think you’re an Angoran rabbit.
And this leads me to a key life lesson: Nyquil rules. But also: you know you’ve truly succeeded in life when your adversaries aren’t having fun on their weekends. When someone who hates you spends their Saturdays consumed by hating you, then you can safely say, you’ve won – without even raising a finger.
I mention this because I received a press release, on Saturday…yes, on Saturday…from none other than Media Matters. Yep. Instead of playing t-ball with their kids (or their ferrets dressed as kids), this outlet of internal misery just had to publish a press release about Fox News’s coverage of Haiti. Yep, while everyone else tries to do actual stuff – Media Matters is still using the earthquake to hammer its number-one enemy/one true love.
The press release came to me on my Blackberry, and it filled me with sadness. I wanted to invite Media Matters over for paninis. I’d just won a grill in a raffle, and have been dying to try it out (on food, this time).
But instead, here’s some advice, double M: the weekends are for your family, your hobbies, your festering addiction to prescription meds. It’s not for obsessing over adversaries.
And you should notice a trend by now: the more you whine, the higher Fox News climbs.
I can’t imagine how lonely you must be right now. But I bet robot theater can.
(Roll Robot Theater!)
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65 Comments
Come on Greg, not every one can afford to have a pool boy living in the basement.
You need to send MM a case of Niquil.
Funny.
I get those Media Matters releases.
Got on the mailing list, just to stay abreast of what the emeny camp is up to.
They sure are upset, of late. I haven't decided if it is full blown panic mode, or the rabid slathers, but they sure are uptight. It gives me hope, that we can change their attitudes, from bad, to worse.
hmmm how does Niquil soaked twinkies sound?
Greg,
PS: Check your headline. Weasel's is spelled with an "E", not an "A".
Media Matters = Put your index finger near the side of your head and twist it round… Make an L shape with your thumb and first finger and put it on your forehead (you are a loser)
Wow, that "unbiased" media watchdog who seems to focus so intensely on Fox News, that sometimes I wonder if they truly are unbiased. It's an obsession really. It would be beautiful if it weren't so incredibly sad.
i'm positive media matters is not biased, i'll bet they sent out apologies to the national enquirer over the edwards admission of his emission.
"happy holes". just made my afternoon, thanks!!!
Hey, he was full of "happy holes." Give him a break.
Can you call that "living"?
I get the DNC letters, for the same reason. Sometimes, they're hilarious.
Yeah I get emails from the Doofus of the United States and the Vice Doofus for the same reason. Cracks me up.
ANSWER Coalition also used the tragedy to advance their agenda. (communism)
They said lack of central planning was to blame. And of course, hundreds of years of U.S. interference. Friggin' U.S.
I'm on the ANSWER Coalition's e-mail list. They already turned on Obama. It didn't take long to burst their utopian bubbles.
Loves me that nyquil……..
I found some NyQuil "classic" (before the FDA ruined it) hidden away in the medicine cabinet. It was unopened but about 5yrs past the experation date (about a 2005 vintage). I was really sick, it was way to cold to go out, so I used it…………..Holy s**t is that old stuff potent……."Liquid Green Coma" would be a better name for it……..Take enough of it and you completey forget you have a cold….You do start licking the wallpaper and talking to the end table but who cares…….
My God "Primer" let me know when you start your stand up routine, you are funny!
I love Red Eye Robot Theater! How long until it is its own cable channel?
.
Can't wait for robot theater – I have my lotion. Who runs media matters these days, anyway?
It was a Clinton creation but was then was taken over completely by the Soros international socialists.
Does it still remain in the hands of the evil genius bent on world domination?
ciao,
concerned world citizen
.
Boy, can you ever!
No, let's just keep him here for ourselves!
They'll do in a pinch, but they don't quite measure up to Snickers bars. The whole chocolate/peanut butter/medicinal alcohol puts you on cloud nine. It also acts as a mild paralytic agent in the proper doses, which helps with trying to trap the aforementioned pool boys, but that's a story for another day.
Watch out, Gutfeld: Danger! High Voltage!
The Electric Six!!
Thank you…………………This is what happens when I forget to take the "blue" pill…………….:-)
How does one go about getting a job at Media Matters? I'd love to get paid to listen to Rush Limbaugh and watch Fox News all day.
Maybe I'll send George Soros my resume.
Media Matters is like the Nazi Ministry for the American left — no lie is too outrageous and no opponent isn't an enemy to be destroyed. But I guess that's what you have to do when your "values" are bankrupt and your views are ridiculous.
Greg, they're just looking for attention, like that needy snot Keef Olbermann and that other effeminate guy, Rachel Maddow.
It's like media matters but Media Matters doesn't matter, so pay them no mind. Pay no mind to Media Matters, they don't matter. Mind over Matter Greg. Got it. Oh never mind.
While they don't to a majority of Americans, they do to those at 1600 Pennsylvania ave.
I like the poll you guys haved today. I gave Obama an F and it felt really good.
Very, very funny.
. . . ferrets dressed as kids . . . LOL
Thanks Mike, vote early vote often — feel free to leave a comment!
Haven't seen you around here in a while?
Can't wait for the warm summer evenings, and a cool Nyquil Sno-cone on the porch swing…mmmmmm
AIR HEAD AMERICA,has fallen, can the wire-rimmed glasses wearing pansies at Media Matters be right behind? Oh wait a minute they are funded by sugar daddy George Soros! Turncoat David brock is a pathetic fool! Media Matters is the propaganda tool for the Marxist Left!
I know what you mean by those "blue" pills. It sucks to forget to take them
Sorry to disagree Sonny, but I think Olberloon is more effeminate than Madcow.
Let them live their pathetic lives. More room for my family at the beach, and the parks……..
MM is like a bizarro world town crier
"Its 10am and Fox News is racist"
"Its 12pm and Rush Limbaugh is an anti semite"
"Its 3pm and Sean Hannity is a liar"
"Its 6pm and Glenn Beck is a misogynist"
are they ever right?
"Happy Holes" can also describe the cavity in the heads of the morons who populate Media Matters.
I always thought he was Rachael Madcow. Live and learn.
Media Madders has Mercuried one too many hats. Those mercury-filled curly-Q bulbs no doubt help when they break.
Especially because the "blue" one helps you to remember to take the "red" one'………..
"number-one enemy/one true love"
Lol, who can tell?
Has anyone like organized conservative groups tried to E-mail bomb MM right back, like an en masse group all at the same day and time, proving MM's assertions are lies right back at 'em?
Media Mathers?
Wasn't he on Leave it to Beaver?
the 'emission admission' reminds me of back in the days of the infamous blue dress. Billy-Boy's national confession was dubbed the "Ejaculation Proclamation".
Greg, WTF was MM complaining about? That Fox is covering our military doing humanitarian work, rather than killing babies? For covering up the fact that the US is really in Haiti to conquer the country and steal its oil…. er, unobtanium…. er, whatever it is Haiti has, you know we're just there to steal it.
now that is what I call the "good stuff"!
perhaps we should set up basement stills and produce vintage type NyQuil… Go all moonshiner…
hmmm a fill snack and a mind altering experience all in one.
sounds like my date at the prom all those years ago.
I wonder when Soros kicks off this mortal coil if Obama will be a pall bearer? What would that headline read?
Those two have been psychotic since the SB win.
Damn, Greg! Holy Crap! You spilled the secret! Now there will be a run on Nyquil! It will cause a shortage and Obama will have to step in to save the day again! Mandatory Nyquil distribution will be a promenent fixture in the new Obamacare bill! There will be lines around the block at the gubment dispensory! I have a new name for your Saturday killing, press releasing nemesis. "Mudia Mutters." You like? If so, send me a case of the good stuff! I want my Nyquil and I want it now! If you don't send the good stuff, you sir are probably a weasely Nyquil hoarding stoned donut hole!
WHAT!. MADDOW IS A CHICK? NO WAY.
Nyquil used to rule. Until they were forced to remove that special chemical that can apparently be used in the creation of Crystal Meth. Ever since that ingredient was removed, Nyquil is just green goo.
Oh Nyquil. still good, but boy did it rock on the old formula. Is the old school version still available somewhere? Mexican drugstores, Canadian import. I'ld sure like to get ahold of some.
Right now every one is fixated on the Dems, but as long as groups like MM, CAP, SEIU, Open Society, have unlimited funding, they can never be stopped. There needs to be a long term strategy to cut off their funding. Unlike freedom loving individualists, cut off the socialists money supply, and they'll just wither away.
I like it………..Two questions though? First How do we hide our operation from the Revenuers and Janet Naplitaco………Could be a problem cause all our customer's will have "Space Invader Green Teeth"……….Second, Who paints the Rebel Flag on there car????
Maybe we could just get a second hand Lexus, paint it orange and throw a flag on the roof????
still have to work out number one, but for number two, I was thinking more along the lines of a black 70's trans am with the full eagle.
kinda stupid to dress up pets, no matter what they are.
Only if we can have Jerry Reed's "East Bound And Down" on a perpetual loop on the CD player?
DONE!
Hey Greg! What do you know about this American phenomena of the main stream media acting in collusion with government to engage a CODE OF SILENCE towards the American People regarding Barack Obama's violation of ARTICLE 2 SECTION 1of the U.S. Constitution and his failure to qualify to be President because he is not a NATURAL BORN CITIZEN! That's right Greg, Barack Obama is a ILLEGAL PRESIDENT because of his father never being a U.S. citizen. This is a MASS CONSPIRACY on the part of government to engage in a Constitutional Cover Up which includes Constitutional Fraud against the American People! Greg are you too complicit in this AMERICAN CRIME OF THE CENTURY?
depends, are their announcements at the right time (is it 6pm when they say it is?)
if so, then it's the broken clock concept.
if not, anyone surprised?
there is no problem that cannot be fixed with ever-increasing government interference and an infinite supply of OPM.
Love this guy!
I know. Hard to believe, aint it??!!
If I had only seen the genie out of the bottle, I would have stocked up on (real) Nyquil.
(sigh)……
I'm not signing my life away to the friggin' DEA for anything!
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