Daily Gut: Thongs, Not Bombs
by Greg GutfeldSo on an ABC webcast, Charlie Gibson tossed to a U.S. intelligence report that suggests global warming is helping the Taliban and al Qaeda. The logic: temperatures rise, droughts continue, folks are desperate – and lo and behold, they become suicide bombers.
This is nothing new, of course. Global warming is the Kevin Bacon of root causes: you can link everything back to it, including “Hollow Man.” Hilariously, you can even blame terror on global warming, even if the current science suggests the globe may be cooling!
But you know what’s causing global cooling?
Global warming.
But you knew that.
So, for this report to work, you need to ignore that for the last 11 years we haven’t seen a bump in global temperatures. You also have to ignore that many terrorists aren’t destitute farmers – some are scientists who might enjoy a good strip club. And then there’s this contradiction: The report mentions how Afghanistan’s horrible agriculture boosts the Taliban; but then later links Taliban success to enormous poppy crops – which, as Schulz can attest, makes a mighty fine heroin.
For fun, let’s say global warming is a confirmed fact. That means there are billions of people on the planet experiencing the same problem – who aren’t resorting to terrorism. Kenya isn’t overflowing with Taliban, and neither is Palm Springs. But the fact is, people who willingly accept the term “man-caused disaster” over the word “terror” will also accept any “root cause” explanation.
So blame it on the weather. In the end, this suggests we’re all capable of being suicide bombers, if the climate warms. But not for me. When it gets balmy, I don’t get bomby.
I get thongy.
And if you disagree with me, then you’re probably a racist.
Tonight, we’ve got Matthew Modine, actress Reshma Shetty, Gregg Jarrett and comedian Jesse Joyce!
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81 Comments
My dogs seem to be pooping more lately. Is this because of Global Crapping by Liberals?
I agree with you, can I still be a racist?
Blame it all on Nixon, Reagan or Both Bushes. Better yet blame it on the Bossa Nova.
Global Warming Real! Women and minorities hardest hit!
To be fair to terrorists everywhere, humidity can make you really cranky! How astute of liberals to have discerned the terror-weather connection for us.
Geez, these guys get their panties in a wad when the wind blows. We can't even predict the weather tomorrow no less predict Global Warming.
Listening to corporate shills (Gibson et al) push global warming makes me want to strap on a bomb.
He he he… I just said strap on…
I, personally, blame it on Rio.
When I was kid in the 1970's I remember my science teacher telling us that the world was cooling at an alarming rate and that by the year 2000 we would be in the middle of another ice age. Have any of you been to Georgia in the summer these past 9 years, no ice age buddy. As for Global Warming…as hot as it was this summer, it was 10 degrees cooler than last summer.
Hey Charlie, and Al, and Barack, and Nancy, and the U.N…..the freakin' climate changes…all the time, it's called weather you morons.
As for being poor and hot causing a person to become a suicide bomber, I call B.S., I am both of those things and the local Democrat campaign office….still standing. I'm just sayin'.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by David Bell and Michael Chavez. Michael Chavez said: Daily Gut: Thongs, Not Bombs http://bit.ly/bKCFp [...]
Depends. Is your dog a liberal?
Picturing Greg Gutfeld in a thong…………………………………………….uh ……..I'm going to go walk my dog now.
Maybe a terrorist is a terrorist because Islam doesn't allow wearing of thongs underneath all those robes, and these folks just get all itchy hot and bothered. All I know is, the moment Al Gore shows up in a thong, global hysteria and puking will be our greatest concern.
The mental image that just now flashed through your mind is horrifying, isn't it?
As for being poor and hot causing a person to become a suicide bomber, I call B.S.,
Oh come on, don't you remember the thousands of suicide bombers Gandhi sent to kill and maim?
I remember that too! It was on the cover of Time fricking magazine – so it must be true…but it's not. Gawd I'm confused!!
Very nice!!
Ewwwwwww. You had me until you talked about getting thongy. PLEASE tell me you won't use visuals tonight during the Greg-alogue.
This is global warming post, not a Polanski post.
You mean 1/50 of one percent.
Last time I checked, the percentage was a bit higher: 36 thousandths of one percent.
Either way, the total percentage is minuscule, and the human contribution is a tiny fraction of minuscule. The whole Global Warming hysteria belongs in the Junk Science Hall of Fame.
The mental image that just now flashed through your mind is horrifying, isn't it?
GOD DAMN YOU
The mental image that just now flashed through your mind is horrifying, isn't it?
AAARRRGGGHHH GOD DAMN YOU
It's snowing in MN…even for here, October is too early for snow…must be due to global warming.
Even better; thanks for the correction.
"When I was kid in the 1970's I remember my science teacher telling us that the world was cooling at an alarming rate and that by the year 2000 we would be in the middle of another ice age."
I wasn't a kid in the seventies; I was going through school to get my certification as an Air Force meteorologist. I remember the same thing…
Gee, I already miss the hockey stick.
Greg, be honest – you love nature in spite of what it did to you.
Actually, I believe they do wear thongs under those robes. Except for the ones who go commando…
One of the crunchy gronala hippies I work with here at the mouse tried to tell me how CO2 was bad because nothing can live off of it. I responded by first looking at him like a Betamax machine and wondered why they still make people this stupid.
Which was then followed by me explaining how a majority of life on this planet lives on CO2. Plants, Tree's Algae and way to many others to list all thrive on it. I then expalined how it seems some humans can survive without oxygen going to their brains.
One of the crunchy granola hippies I work with here at the mouse tried to tell me how CO2 was bad because nothing can live off of it. I responded by first looking at him like a Betamax machine and wondered why they still make people this stupid.
Which was then followed by me explaining how a majority of life on this planet lives on CO2. Plants, Tree's Algae and way to many others to list all thrive on it. I then expalined how it seems some humans can survive without oxygen going to their brains.
Did you know it's hotter at the equator than at any other point on earth? Did you know that the majority of those living at the equator are black or brown skinned? Therefore if you extrapolate the information any reasonable person would conclude: the sun is racist.
We need to stop the sun; that can only be done through higher taxes and sending a check for $1000 to the Algore Climate Foundation. If you don’t send me the money then you’re a racist just like that KKK supporting blazing bigot in the sky.
If global warming rhetoric continues to get the right to arm itself to the teeth, I'm all for it.
I'm becoming addicted to reading Red Eye's Greg Gutfeld's daily blog post here at Big Hollywood! And I love how he ends his posts – "And if you disagree with me, then you're probably a racist." Hilarious!!!! A few weeks back, Greg wrote a post on how gratuitously Obama's supporters were at throwing the "racist" epithet at Obama's critics. Ever since then, he ends his blog post with this tag line! HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!
Boffo, Greg, boffo!!
So Greg, I like how you always start your comments. It's so….regular guy.
I think 'New Ageism' has infected consecutive generations of talking faces and their producers. Mysterious connections between disconnected entities and/or phenomenon that Just So Happens to always support the LeftistSocialistEnvironwacko point of view and tie it up in one package, which they then call evidence.
I’m telling you people, …the best thing to do is point and laugh. When a liberal starts spewing, you start laughing. They really, really get mad, and go away humiliated, what fun : )
OK, if I come out in public wearing a thong, everyone will be wishing for Global warming/cooling/change to finish off the earth.
"Global warming is the Kevin Bacon of root causes: you can link everything back to it"
Hmmm.
So if we link President Obama's election to global warming, then liberals have to either support global warming, or be racists for opposing the first black peace prize-winning president?
Should make some heads explode, which is always amusing.
Greg, I am big fan. Your show is awesome, hilarious and insightful. Keep up the good work.
Can't even imagine what a gondola is going to charge me to get from Midtown to the Village.
And how will the UN diplomats double park a pirogue !! ??
props.
Did you know that global warming helps the vast right-wing conspiracy?
The logic: temperatures rise, droughts continue, folks are desperate – and lo and behold, they become right wingers.
yah…we got a few inches here in Central Wisconsin – where our October temperature is 13 degrees below average so far…I'm personally thankful for global warming because I can only imagine how cold it would be without it……I really love global warming in January and February…when we have off of school for global warming days of -50 to – 75 degree wind chills…I have abandoned the idea of fall and gone to pre-winter
blame it on the bosa nova
Liberals seem to have that effect on most intelligent life…
I blame it all on The Girl from Ipanema
Something tells me the attempt to link the two is not unique to Charles Gibson. In enlightened parlance, terrorism is a "man-caused disaster." To all but unbelieving knuckle draggers, global warming is a "man-caused" disaster. So one is the equivalent of the other. Ergo, by driving our cars and mowing our lawns, we show ourselves as no different from the terrrorists. Q.E.D.
the percentage was a bit higher: 36 thousandths of one percent
————————–
That's because The Great Satan is breathing out hellfire : )
"Blame it on the Rain"
—Milli Vanilli
I blame it on "The Name Game". All evil stems from "The Name Game".
Too funny.
Heaven forbid the terrorists still hate us because of the same reasons they hated us when GWB was in office.
Naw! The terrorist cell they've uncovered here in NYC wanted to blow me up becasue it's humid out!
Nice spin.
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0344.html
Only in the Age of Stupidity™ could weather be referred to as “anthropogenic global warming.”
Liberal idiots [redundancy] that believe in AGW, I have two questions for you backward regressive troglodytes. What happened to the ice sheet that at one time covered North America and what happened to the half dozen or so ice ages over the last billion years? How did the ice receded/melt?
Second question, what percentage of the atmosphere is comprised of CO2?
Answer:
1) natural process
2) .02% (1/5 of 1%) CO2 is a trace element.
Bonus question: How do you defoliate the planet? Cut CO2 production.
Wow, 55 comments and not one liberal troll showed up to tell all of us how stupid and ignorant we were for not worshiping at the Altar of Gore.
I will take this as a good sign.
Another interesting weather fact: atmospheric CO2 is about 6 parts per million higher today than it was in 1936.
Why is 1936 significant? It was a peak warming year in a previous decadal temperature cycle.
Actually, the Farmer's Almanac has been doing a really great job for a couple of hundred years but they still will not reveal all of their secrets.
Didn't you get the memo? We have to kill off all of the plant life to make the planet greener! It is a classic display of liberal logic.
Now if you really want to p one off, explain to them that the planet … their precious mother gaya may be used in order for them to understand … will be fine … the only thing we can accomplish is to make it uninhabitable for humans to survive and when we die off as a species the earth will heal itself naturally. Since that is their goal anyhow, why should we worry about doing anything about it in the first place?
Then stand back because this will generally cause a very explosive reaction
Please submit your name and address to the local branch of the DNC or the nearest available location. We will be blowing up the the building there in short order and then blaming it on you as a radical right wing terrorist.
PS – Do you know where the nearest starbucks is also?
Signed
The New Democrat Socialist Party
Sarc???
If Algore, the terrorists and these op-ed "news" casters were all to show up wearing thongs … should we be more concerned about their "little shortcomings" or their "big imaginations"?
You can't say "blame it on the bossa nova", because David Allen Grier sang that song in the movie Amazon Women On The Moon, and that would mean you're criticizing a black man, and that means you're a racist!
[/sarc]
Which one? Al Gore? Nancy Pelosi? George Soros?
[off-stage] We've done that!
Sorry, too much Monty Python. Never mind.
"I have never questioned the orders or the intelligence of any member of the Fleet…until now."
"My Eyes!!!!" THey burn
I live in central Illinois. Here, our summers are usually boilers. This July did not produce one day above 90 degrees. As of this writing most of the corn that should have been harvested is still sitting in the fields because the weather is holding things up. And it is cold here right now for October. I wish someone would please tell me where the global warming is actually ocurring.
I like trees. When I was a kid, I thought being an environmentalist meant caring about trees and plants and such stuff. Silly me, I didn't realize they were going to KILL US ALL! That's why we have to cut CO2, because we have to kill the trees! Trees are dangerous, especially when coupled with GLOBAL WARMING zOMG!11.
Wait for it.
I responded by first looking at him like a Betamax machine and wondered why they still make people this stupid.
I have an answer to why and where. Why= future democrat voters. Where= liberal dominated academia.
These demented doofuses also fail to realize that it is far better for mankind if there were global warming than global cooling. One example, warming would extend agricultural seasons and allow for unfriendlier climates to have harvests. Liberals however are not concerned about what's best for mankind, they're far more concerned with dung beetles and minuscule Delta Smelt fish. This was also highlighted with their pressuring to ban DDT which led to tens of millions of Africans dying unnecessarily.
Here in CA the liberal cretins stopped the water from running to farm land which has devastated the crops, workers have been laid off and families have been driven into financial ruin. Why? The democrats are more concerned about a tiny fish, the Delta Smelt, than they are real people and the overall good of the state. Those hit the hardest? Minorities. This story is a microchasm of the democrat party at large. The democrat party is an enemy of the American people.
"STOP GLOBAL WOMANIZING!!!!!"
(Off microphone)…"Oh, wait, what am I saying?!"
~ Bill Clinton
[...] Daily Gut: Thongs, Not BombsSo on an ABC webcast, Charlie Gibson tossed to a U.S. intelligence report that suggests global warming is helping the Taliban and al Qaeda. The logic: temperatures rise, droughts continue, folks are d [...]
Lol. Whoa CD give a guy a break .After all the Bossa Nova is the dance of Love.
Thongy ??…….
Greg Gut for president!!!!!!!! Proof that he is the most intelligent man alive? Look at the hotties on his show everyday!
You've got great taste buddy!
Get Thongy! Are there T-shirts?
They have a weather control satellite. Ben Franklin and Tom Edison collaborated. Abraham Lincoln secured the patent.
There is another man made horror plaguing this nation but liberal media airheads are petrified to speak of it. The massacre in San Joaquin Valley [CA]. Apparently the tree hugging hermaphrodites convinced the locals that windmills would bring energy, sunshine and galloping unicorns to the quiet community. Little did these green eunuchs know they would unleash a holocaust.
The windmills are slaughtering birds in droves. Environmentalists are wailing and sobbing in hysterics holding up bird carcasses to the sky screaming "why!" This massacre has gone conveniently unnoticed by the "enviro-friendly" leftwing media.
LOL! Thx, that was awesome.
The subway platforms in summer are just asking for retaliation.
Don't worry, if you are conservative and are white, then you are a racist; no mercy, no quarter, no exceptions, unless you like all things liberal, then you are on the path to salvation.
Man, thumbs way up for that post.
Agreed. There is vastly more water vapor than CO2 in the atmo, so maybe we should outlaw oceans?
[...] Agenda Newsmax: Planet Cooling Down Amid Global Warming Madness Greg Gutfeld, Big Hollywood: Daily Gut: Thongs, Not Bombs The Substratum: It’s Time To Explode The Anthropogenic Global Warming Myth and Daily Gut: God [...]
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