Daily Gut: I Blame the Jews
by Greg GutfeldSo on some recent radio show hosted by the Rev. Al Sharpton, a male caller phoned in with a theory about Michael Jackson’s death. Turns out he didn’t kill himself using a panoply of pharmaceuticals. It was all Sarah Palin’s doing.
Yep, according to the caller, “maybe she did something to Michael Jackson,” and “maybe she’s stepping down because something’s about to come out.”
Now, crazy people calling into radio shows isn’t anything special – I used to call Loveline ten to twenty times a night just to complain about the pixies living in my urinary tract. However, what’s hilarious, is Sharpton’s thoughtful response to the caller’s intriguing theory. He says, “All right, thank you for your call, Ashley. That’s interesting. I’ll put it out, we’ll see. I don’t know.”
“I’ll put it out. We’ll see. I don’t know.”
Nice.
Now, I said it’s hilarious, but it’s not surprising, for Sharpton has never met a conspiracy he didn’t embrace, and possibly grope. After all, he was the man who helped push the Tawana Brawley hoax – a fabricated tale of rape and feces perpetrated by a 15-year-old girl – used to racially bludgeon six white, innocent men.
But that was years ago, so who cares – right?
Any poopers – I love conspiracies because they are as inevitable as death. When an event occurs that can be easily explained (like, say, a reclusive pop star overdoses on pills), the demented emerge from the woodwork like lurid worms with complex explanations that defy logic and Pampers. Look at the Truthers, limping along under an impervious dome of self-inflicted idiocy, convinced that only they know the truth – when all they know really are twin beds, canned food purchased from the dented bin, and reusing their underwear on alternate days. You gotta love ‘em, for they’re pure comedy.
My last point: why is it that people who cling to conspiracies never put that much effort into the things that might benefit their actual lives? Like their schoolwork? Their jobs? Their hygiene?
I blame the Jews. Only they could create a complex framework that keeps so many destructive minds busy contemplating nothing.
TONIGHT‘S GUESTS ARE:
the wonderful Greg Proops
the delightful Remi Spencer
the intriguing Rick Folbaum!
the shocking Harold Ambler!
and PINCH AND ME, episode 2!
(Thank you Newsbusters for the tip on this story!)
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124 Comments
I did not know Sarah Palin was Jewish!! Actually, I think she's a space alien AND a Jew!! She killed Michael Jackson and made him clamor after 12 year old white boys prior to his death. The truth WILL come out. I'm sure Rev' Al with ask Tawana Brawley about this and she'll have the correct answer.
I see dead people. (Flying black helicopters).
Or, was that congress on CSPAN?
Not Over.
Maybe Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson are lovers. I think Al stole Jesse away from Louis Farrakhan when Louis wouldn't let Jesse eat at the Ribs 'n' Bibs. I've heard that Al and Jesse are into adventurous and noisy forms of lovemaking (taught to them by Barney Frank) involving baby sea lions and 10W40 motor oil. Al Sharpton used to be a Phillipino woman named Maisie before he had a complete sex change and started the racial huckster business.
I'll put it out. We'll see. I don't know.
Michael Jackson isn't dead, silly. He's having Mai Tai's with Elvis in Tahiti.
But that was years ago, so who cares – right?
One great thing about Americans: They forgive more easily than any other nation.
One bad thing about Americans: They forgive more easily than any other nation.
The first is important for global diplomacy and the spread of democracy.
The second is important when when dealing with politicians.
But that was years ago, so who cares – right?
One great thing about Americans: They forgive more easily than any other nation.
One bad thing about Americans: They forgive more easily than any other nation.
The first is important for global diplomacy and the spread of democracy.
The second is important when dealing with politicians.
It really is inevitable, isn't it. Give somebody an easily, rationally explained event and they will needlessly complicate it and come up with a conspiracy. Me? — I blame the liberals (why not, eh?)
How can Sharpton ever be taken seriously by anyone? He is proof positive that Fitzgerald was wrong about there not being second acts in America.
He's on his forth or fifth act at least
But Greg, Metal doesn't melt!!
Look we all know the real Michael Jackson was replaced by a not so convincing impersonator years ago. He died when filming the Pepsi Commercial.
Elvis is still alive. You are rigt about that. There is still an uncashed life insurance policy. If they cashed it they would be committing fraud. And don't bring up that 7 years thing. If they see him every so often, they can't envoke it.
It's Bush's fault.
I recall a verse from the Book of Wisdom to the effect that God simply creates us; we invent the complications. Those who rush to convoluted explanations for easily explained events make a habit of hiding the simple truth from themselves until belief in conspiracy becomes a default reflex.
Meh.
The only person who killed Michael Jackson is Michael Jackson.
LOL! You're saying it's sexual. It's not sexual. It's sweet. They get a nice, warm fireplace going, and Al gets the warm milk- and cookies, and the sea lions love it.
Sorry, I had to withdraw that one!
There's a line in the Book of Wisdom to the effect that God created us to live simply, but we keep insisting on complexity.
Those who rush to embrace convoluted explanation for events which have a simple explanation reveal the convolution of their own lives. If you're busy hiding from the truth about yourself, you're not going to recognize the truth when it's right out in the open.
If you see a chain smoking white lady in Las Vegas, that's Michael. Elvis still has his fishing camp in Michigan.
*MissQuinn*
Occam, Shaprpton, Sharpton, Occam.
Occam, Sharpton, Sharpton, Occam.
I heard that Jesse Jackson didn't really blackmail Budweiser into giving him hush money about their hiring practices. It was all a coincidence his sons got the distributorship worth 33mil. I also heard they don't cry racism when new FCC licenses are being sought thus stalling the process unless they get hush money. And it's the Jews in the media like Jon Stewart that make them look bad!
That is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. By the time Jacko was done turning his face into his sister Latoya's because she looked most like Diana Ross, he could have been anyone. Heck for all we know it was really Ed Koch wearing a mask all these years and Michael did die in that Pepsi Accident.
"My last point: why is it that people who cling to conspiracies never put that much effort into the things that might benefit their actual lives? Like their schoolwork? Their jobs? Their hygiene?"
I dunno. but this is just the internet so I really am not bothered or worried about the employment or hygiene of all these loons that think Obama is a not born here, or a terro rist, or M uslim, or ga y, or a Nazi, or what ever the conspiracy of the day is.
It was a moose who scared Michael into taking too many drugs. Sarah hunted the moose down, killed and made moose stew out of the meat. Then she couldn't live with herself over the fact she inadvertantly avenged a phedophile so she had to quit her day job and go fishing with Todd and a bunch of reporters. How's dat?
I heard it was really Ed Koch in a mask since 1984 and Michael really did die back then. Either that or Bella Abzug.
I blame the Klan. The Jackson Klan.
Exactly. I find it interesting that Sharpton didn't even miss a beat. Not even a moment of huh..he just dove right into it.
Jesse "Hymietown" Jackson loves the sound that conspiracy theory, Gutfeld.
You should send him a Jewish houseboy for his troubles.
Or qualified to be President.
Or "moderate".
"Intelligent", "eloquent", "interested in bi-partisanship" (THAT one always cracks me up!).
Man that was the worst war for oil ever! They weren't even smart enough to make oil cheap for all of us guillible and sycophantic racist homophobic insensitive angry neocons.
BOR-RING!!!!!
Yes, Sarah Palin is secretly a Jew. Hey, I saw her fishing for salmon with my own eyes! Everyone knows Jews eat Lox. That's enough proof for me. Michael obviously saw the same video, and came to the same conclusion, and she killed him before he could leak her secret, and ruin her political career. Yeah, and she tried to increase production of Alaskan oil so she and her fellow Jews could drive up the cost of gasoline. Hmmmm. OK, OK, she's from Alaska, and they mine for gold in Alaska, and everyone knows that Jews worship gold, or is that the Arabs and the Chinese? I get them confused. They both like to kill their own people when they protest. Hey, I got it! Sarah is an Old Testament name! No wonder why MSNBC hates Sarah Palin! Or do they hate the Jews? Now I'm all confused!
We can't blame the Jews for everything……
Have to mix it up once in a while.
How about the Rastafarians! All that Ganja smoking they have to have screwed somehting up. Hmmmm……
So Greg can say J3w and I cannot! Boo Hoo!
My favorite Obama crack-up came courtesy of my five minutes of unintentional CNN-viewing – Anderson Cooper and some guest saying "the economy is so bad, not even Obama seems to be able to fix it".
Not even Obama. Like he's Superman or something.
Hilarious.
FOOLS!!! all of you are fools!!! Taken in by the man!!! It was Obama to distract every one from Cap and Trade. He flew cross country in the GHWBush Blackbird and then used one of the CIA stealth black helicopters to Michaels place and used the Ninja/Hashhishasn training from his days in the orient to inject him with the same poison he used on Bruce Lee..
Greg's wrong. I've had time to think about it, and I'm pretty sure that Obama had Jackson killed, so the media would shift their focus, from all his misdoings and screw-ups, to the untimely death of the King of Pop! I have to say, after non-stop coverage of Jacko's death, I kinda miss watching Obama stumble and balk while he tries to make what he's doing not sound like a total disaster for the country.
The Duke Lacrosse team killed Michael Jackson.
Well, I did see her fishing for salmon, and you know what Jews put on those bagels. Hmmmmm? And Sarah is an Old Testament name. Hmmmm?
I'll try rewording the post they deled here…….
We can't Blame the ..Ahem!.. Sons of Zion (eastern not western) for everything we have to mix it up once in a while.
Let's try the Rastafarias! All that ganja they smoke they must have s c r e w e d sometin up……
Eastern Zionism is Judaism, Western Zionism is Mormonism I am in a weird moed today. I know what esle is knew!
I'll try rewording the post they deleted here…….
We can't Blame the ..Ahem!.. Sons of Zion (eastern not western) for everything we have to mix it up once in a while.
Let's try the Rastafarias! All that ganja they smoke they must have s c r e w e d sometin up……
Eastern Zionism is Judaism, Western Zionism is Mormonism I am in a weird moed today. I know what esle is knew!
I know the feeling.
My last point: why is it that people who cling to conspiracies never put that much effort into the things that might benefit their actual lives? Like their schoolwork? Their jobs? Their hygiene?
Good point. I had a co-worker who fell into this category. She believed that 9-11 was an inside job. She also had elaborate theories for many other areas of life. She was continually negative about everything, a real life "Debbie Downer". It seemed like she never took responsibility for her life because all these conspiracies were coming againist good, God-fearing people like herself. She may indeed have feared God, but she didn't seem to much trust in Him – or anyone else, for that matter.
Mysterious male caller looking for the other shoe to drop? Must have been Allahpundit! He's on vacation…
If Obama was responsible for that, I'd like to point out another couple dozen celebrities that should probably be iced and create another, uh, "tragedy" to distract the public.
"Tonight at 6pm, we investigate how Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, George Clooney, Michael Moore, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Gwyneth Paltrow, Tina Fey, Kanye West, Jon Stewart, Bill Maher, Seth McFarlane, Sheryl Crow, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Tina Fey all mysteriously dropped dead, simultaneously!"
Did I mention I'm a huge fan of Tina Fey? Huge fan. Huuuuuuuuge. (hahaha)
Soooo… if by not using antiperspirant because it causes breast cancer, what with all the aluminum and stuff, so I use organic orange scented crystals that leave blood trails, and then while at work I go out for lunch with the team, sitting in the back seat of the Prius with five others waiting for the freon to circulate, which takes forever, so I start to sweat, then I smell something funky a couple of hours later while surfing the internet on my notebook, with a worksheet displayed on my dual display bigger monitor, and realize it is me, I can be confident in knowing it is because 1) I must be a conspiracy nut, 2) I must be a Jew, and payday is this Friday, or 3) I must have pixies in my urinary track, Sharpton is AWESOME, and I know there's another bottle of vicodin somewhere in my medicine cabinet.
Conspiracy, smirasy. MJ actually had his body taken over by an alien years ago. How else can you explain his "total transformation" into something from the Night of the LIving Dead. The alien was done with the body I think…but then again they never even varified his cause of death and haven't buried him yet so maybe…
So sad, but true.
…when all they know really are twin beds, canned food purchased from the dented bin, and reusing their underwear on alternate days."
Greg, you're going to have to elaborate this distinction further, because you just described me, and I'm pretty sure I'm not a conspiracy theorist– Except recently when I got drunk and tried to convince my roommate that Michael Jackson was really a castrati. But that's a reasonable belief.
"…when all they know really are twin beds, canned food purchased from the dented bin, and reusing their underwear on alternate days."
Greg, you're going to have to elaborate this distinction further, because you just described me, and I'm pretty sure I'm not a conspiracy theorist– Except recently when I got drunk and tried to convince my roommate that Michael Jackson was really a castrati. But that's a reasonable belief.
"…when all they know really are twin beds, canned food purchased from the dented bin, and reusing their underwear on alternate days."
Greg, you're going to have to elaborate this distinction further, because you just described me. And I'm pretty sure I'm not a conspiracy theorist– Except recently when I got drunk and tried to convince my roommate that Michael Jackson was really a castrati. But that's a reasonable belief.
Dude, for a second there I started getting seriously excited! 'Tell ya what. the average age of the human race would jump sharply, that's for sure, but who's cellulite would the tabloids wallpaper the check-out lines with?
Dude, for a second there I started getting seriously excited! 'Tell ya what. the average age of the human race would jump sharply, that's for sure, but whose cellulite would the tabloids wallpaper the check-out lines with?
I believe it was supposed to be "steel" that doesn't melt.
Man, that was dumb.
You mean you didn't get your allotment?
Oh, that is too good. Any chance you know where I can see a clip of that?
Well Greg, you are 100% right and the caller you describe should be in a straight jacket if they believe any part of this. Reverend Al's response is just what we would expect from the man who gave us Tawana Brawley. But always remember the most important thing about the good reverend. He cold-bloodedly and maliciously used Tawana Brawley to ruin a lot of lives for the sole purpose of becoming a big-time player in racial politics. AND IT WORKED!!! In a way the whole thing was brilliant. By cold-bloodedly inciting a racial firestorm over a non-event he vaulted from the ranks of local "community leaders" to become a national player. The lies, personal injuries and misrepresentations he concocted meant nothing to him. His goal was power and he got it. He is now feared and respected in the Democratic heirarchy and a go-to guy for the media whenever they want commentary from a "civil rights leader." Never underestimate this guy. He will stop at nothing and destroy anyone and anything for his own gain.
Michael Jackson; coming soon to a cat walk in Paris!
he's sooooo nimble and stuff!
Sarah Palin is Micheal Jackson, who is/was a Muslim, or vice versa. Let's put it out there.
Individualist: It's another one of those conspiracies by the Sons of Zion. We're left unable to comment, while they're left to control the world by leaving us unable even to mention them. I'm sure they did Michael Jackson in, and put a black doctor in the house to take the fall for it. There's no end to their insidiousness, those rotten you-know-whos. I'm writing to the good Reverend Sharpton right now.
Andy spells it 'Joos'. Please stick with that.
But seriously. Some people can't stand reality, so they rewrite it to make it more paletable.
If it weren't for the melanin factor this scumbag would be in prison right now.
Instead he gets to make speeches at DNC conventions.
Just one of the myriad of reasons I'd rather saw off my own limbs than vote for a Demo-rat.
And she has an Israeli flag in her office.
Oh, the horror….
He's a BINO – Bipartisan In Name Only.
Tawana was a real cash cow as well. There were millions unaccounted for after that little soiree. Probably gave the jump start to all of this Revrund Al silliness. That's it! I blame Tawana for everything!
Don't forget.. she also knows WNW's Bat-Boy!
Sarah Palin shot Michael Jackson from a helicopter…
He's "written" two books about himself, and run for political offices.
He was a guest lecturer at a law school (not a "professor"), and as a young man did some community organizing.
Not much of a resume.
Of course, in his previous life he was just a carpenter, so he seems to tend towards underacheivement.
I see,anyone who notices obvious Jewish perfidy is "crazy and conspiratorial"…
I guess it's just anti-Semitic to notice that Bernie Madoff is Jewish right?
How convenient that must be for those up to no good to have this little trick up their sleeve.
Just the fact that this comment won't be posted prior to review by the censors(if at all) proves my point.
Al Sharpton–the blind leading the blind. What a huckster.
In a sane and rational society, JJ and AS would have to get a real job and earn their keep. Alas, we have so much white guilt here that on one wants to point out the obvious. When JJ holds a press conference, why in the world would the press go?
Ditto AS.
BTW-I am not dead and there was no conspiracy.
Hey, I am going to kick MJ's butt when I see him. Been waiting since 1973.
"We'll take the Chinks and the N**gers, but we won't take the Irish!"
Well, I think BO has something to do with his own problems. Seems no records are available to check out, like grades, SAT scores, BC and the like.
Actually, the Jews are controlled by the Gray Aliens, who are controlled by the Reptoid Aliens, who are controlled by… blahblahblah.
I've said it before, and I will say it again: Conspiracy theories are mental masturbation for overgrown adolescents.
I sincerely hope that this comment was done in jest. If so, I'll have to check the batteries in my Satire Detector.
If not, is not 'perfidy' something that any group during any age could plausibly be charged with?
Well, I'm working on my own conspiracy theory involving Obama, the Jews, Barbara Streisand, William Shakespeare, the Bilderbergs, the Rothschilds, GM and Chrysler, and artificial turf. Guess I'll have to work in Michael Jackson to the mix….
It's all connected, I tell you…..
Well, I'm working on my own conspiracy theory involving Obama, the Jews, Barbara Streisand, William Shakespeare, the Bilderbergs, the Rothschilds, GM and Chrysler, and artificial turf. Guess I'll have to work in Michael Jackson to the mix….
How I wish she was Jewish. We would love to claim her as one of ours.
WRONG! It's not the Jews. It's A Jew. ME!
And you will all know my wrath. When the planets are properly aligned I shall unleash my Ninja Monkeys and the world will be mine!!!!
MWAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHA
I can attest to that truth. I'm meeting him this weekend. It's my turn to bring the beer.
while that is a valid point, there are exceptions. I give you Robert Byrd.
waves my hand in front of your face..
we don't exist… we're not the Jews you are looking for.. we can go about our business… move along….
I didn't know John Wayne had his own Lacrosse team… I knew he wasn't really dead!
"Michael Jackson was really a castrati."
is that like an iluminati that has recently broken his arm?
that spelling just makes me thirsty.
"Scuuse me while I whip this out!"
that would explain the hair on my elbows..
Why does everyone keep picking on MJ? So what if he had sleepovers with small children? He did teach them many valuable lessons. Why, just look at what he did to an entire generation in the '80s… young children around the world were coached by master MJ on how to grab your crotch, grind and dry hump the air until you're standing on your tippie toes. So what if he bought some white children? Payback, right? He deserves a humanitarian award and a stamp. Now, Palin's another story. She is horribly evil and deserves to be tormented and eventually destroyed like Dan Quayle.
No thank you. You keep the ol' kleegle.
they left mine inside the garage. try leaving your door unlocked.
that explains the hats
why don't any of the Elvis seers ever see him as an OLD OLD man? He'd be nearly 74( I looked it up)!! Unless he IS an alien (MIB) then he's not still in his 40's.
(Anybody here read the Sookie Stackhouse novels by Charlaine Harris? I think that Bubba is as good an answer as I've ever seen!)
thought as much. Been trying to give this worthless old piece of junk away for a decade now and still no takers.
You are truly an enlightened and tolerant human. Thank you.
I'll fry up some peanut butter and nanner samwiches.
They are delicious, but not magically so. I find.
they're not just for breakfast anymore.
The Leprechans or the Lucky Charms?
"Are we awake?"
"I'm not sure; are we… black?"
"Yes we are!"
"Then we are awake, but very confused…."
I might like Palin better if it turns out she was responsible for the hit.
It's looks like it's supposed to be serious. As an Irish Catholic from Chicago (I didn't vote for any of them), it always seems to me that anti-semitism is merely intellectual laziness. If someone doesn't understand something and doesn't want to put any effort into learning what they don't know, they remain in ignorance and, "Blame the Jews." There aren't enough of them, they don't have enough power or money and ultimately, they probably don't care enough to do all the things they're blamed for.
Whew! Finally we can go back to Irish hating. With Ted Kennedy drifting away, I was concerned that the Irish might need a leader to act the fool, steal whatever he can and hate America. Glad to know we don't have to wait for that!
Well, I would not put anything past Sharpton…. do you think it was a staged phone call? or was it a GREMLIN that forced MORE and MORE drugs down his throat? regardless whatever happened, we all KNOW he is dead from the amount of MEDIA coverage…. and now, it is a black/white thing…..
I just think the guys from RED EYE did it and they are going to get away with it!!!!
Why could it only be jews who create a complex framework…
Only smart enough ?
Only devious enough ?
No, No, NO! Mark Sanford killed MJ so the media would stop talking about his affair for a couple of days.
at the risk of being called a racist, Al Sharpton is a trouble-making, riot inciting, buffoon who should lose some weight in that big head of his ….yeah he starts riots and people die…. http://www.opinionjournal.com/extra/?id=110004192
at the risk of being called a racist, Al Sharpton is a trouble-making, riot inciting buffoon who should lose some weight in that big head of his ….he starts riots and people die…. http://www.opinionjournal.com/extra/?id=110004192
and we all know it was probably GG who called Al anyway
Also, flying an American flag and putting a Bush poster on your lawn seems to help guarantee delivery!
Please tell me this is a joke.
I want rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperadoes, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwackers, hornswagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shiot-kickers, and Methodists!
Post of the Day!
No, we dont worship gold, we just wear it in little bags around our necks for good luck. It helps us catch leprechans so we can cheat them out of their Lucky Charms. We're always after their Lucky Charms.
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"He says the sheriff is near!"
"Now, go do… the voodoo… that YOU do… so well!" *BANG*
God, but I love that movie (and Young Frankenstein…)!
"No, dagnabbit! I SAID… the new sherrif is a NI-*CLANG*-ER!!!""
Woops… Thought I was logging in when I actually wasn't. No wonder this comment and the other one didn't register on my profile. Goofy system. Will have to remember that for future reference…..
Once again, I am in awe at your ability to craft a disturbing image.
Man made Global warming killed Michael Jackson. The sceince is in, there is no debate.
It's a talent. Comes from eating week old leftover pizza.
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No way! I knew it!
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