Daily Gut: Corporations
by Greg Gutfeld
So a few weeks back when Obama told those bankers it was his administration protecting them from the “pitchforks” – it made me think.
And as always, when I think, I get confused, sad, and then dizzy. Then I get confused again.
But it was then that I realized I couldn`t recall a single movie depicting a large company as “heroic.” Instead, all you’ll find are films like “Michael Clayton” and “Erin Brockovich,” flicks that only serve to paint corporations as entities driven by evil thoughts, destined to commit evil deeds. In Hollywood, the mugger is always more sympathetic than the manager.
Some might call this a liberal bias, but I don`t. I call it a “little guy” bias. The fact is, people love stories where the little guy is pitted against the big guy – and it`s always awesome when the little guy brings the big guy down. The original blueprint was David and Goliath – the ultimate little guy vs. big guy story – but made all the better because they wore furry thongs.
But here`s the thing: for the most part the “big guy” isn’t evil; the “big guy” is the good guy. Remember: the “big guy” was once just a bunch of “little guys” with a big idea. And now, they happen to be made up of thousands of “little guys” – and “gals.”
Can’t forget “the gals.”
Someone has to type those memos.
Corporations like AIG aren`t anonymous Goliaths, they’re actually people. Little people – I’d say – stuck in a big mess. The funny thing is – in the real world, not in the movies – the people who take on corporations are neither big nor little. They`re just creepy. For research purposes, I sat home all day and watched those commercials for trial lawyers. And already I`m thinking of suing Fox News for the indigestion I suffered after eating my homemade brine shrimp sandwich.
It was actually made of sea horses, so I may sue them too.
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
| 
Follow Us on Twitter
Subscribe via RSS
Got a Tip?
103 Comments
Andrew Price and I are waiting for your call. We only represent the little guy against the ravening corporations, or talk show hosts who are willing to pay us to say damned near anything you want us to say. Take that, take thaters. Right, Andrew? Andrew!?
Corporations are a lot like politicians- everybody thinks theirs is OK but everyone else is corrupt…
Here's our top 5:
1) General Dynamics- amazing contribution to defense and modern living- WD-40, anyone?
2) Honda R&D- making better cars (and other toys!) for a better world
3) Kraft Foods- eat cheese, anybody? They developed the modern packaging and distribution
4) MGM-UA- check out their contributions to the art of cinema
5) Remington Arms- without who there would be no 700's or 870's… perish the thought!
and you?
I want to sue the makers of Zoo Animal Crackers for putting in squirrels. That's just not right! Children will think the squirrels are locked up all safe and sound in their cages at the zoo, and then one will scamper across the yard! Terrifying! Pain and suffering! Please stop this madness for 40% plus expenses!
I want to sue the makers of Zoo Animal Crackers for putting in squirrels. That's just not right! Children will think the squirrels are locked up all safe and sound in their cages at the zoo, and then one will scamper across the yard! Terrifying! Pain and suffering! Please stop this madness for 40% plus expenses!
I only charge 40% if the case goes to trial. Since most contingency fee lawyers are scared to death of actually having to go to court, you would probably get the lower 33% plus. But I will have to consult with my associate, who has not yet responded to my query. Nevertheless, I am sure I can convince him to go along since we both have handled many squirrelly case—and clients for that matter. I'm not licensed in New York, so Andrew will probably have to do all the work, but he's a glutton for punishment.
Don't forget the Hefty Corporation. Mel Brooks' Thousand Year Old Man declared "Baggies" the greatest invention of all time.
Velcro Company – contribution to NASA and tennis shoes!
Corporations are simply legal vehicles to accomplish a (usually) business end. Wal Mart got money from shareholders to sell retail items, mostly to poorer consumers. That's it, end of story.
If the PEOPLE who work at corporations break the law, use the law. If they don't, lets stop whining about it.
plus Velcro and Kevlar and Gore-Tex make for nice Body Armor…
yeah, and George Carlin said the Earth created humans because it needed plastic…
Ironically, ACORN runs a corporation called the ACORN Housing Corporation whose sole purpose is to use their size and connections to bully other private businesses. In that case since ACORN has connections to the new administration AIG is actually the David getting stomped all over by a multi-headed Goliath wearing David's name tag.
Ironically, ACORN runs a corporation called the ACORN Housing Corporation whose sole purpose is to use their size and connections to bully other private businesses. In that case since ACORN has connections to the new administration AIG is actually the David getting stomped all over by a multi-headed Goliath wearing David's name tag.
And they were both right. Weren't they? LOL
You just have to know that your government is going quite insane when it attacks that which sustains it. I, personally, have no use for the corporate world. I refused to become a part of it. That's just me. As an engine of economic sustainment, it has to exist. A machiavellian corporate existence is a soul destroying one and what is a heart without a soul. This is probably the only area where I can somewhat sympathize with the liberal POV. Difference is, I want no power except that over my own existence, an existence I choose, not the friggin government.
ACORN threatens to do to the political process what it helped to do to the financial sector: to destroy the essential element of trust . God help us all if they succeed.
and the NRA produced Charlton Heston.
we sympathize your plight… the 'Machiavellian corporation' is mostly myth; most are run by good and honest folk who have to answer to their stockholders. Some, like GE are corrupt- and usually the market will do them in. The MSM and Hollywood have demonized them for so long they're used to it and don't respond- big mistake. Understand that in lieu of corporations you would have command economies like ol' Soviet style.
Not a tradeoff we'd make…
I agree, corporations do not break the law, people break the law.
If Obama has his way, corporations will soon be protected by the Endangered Species Act.
I prefer Winchester, myself. Also Bushmaster, Ruger, Mossberg, and Walther USA, sub of Smith & Wesson. Chrysler Corp., whose little van reminds me of a Volkswagen cockroach, in that it keeps going, and going, and going, and going….
"Someone has to type those memos."
LOL. Well executed joke.
Closest example of H'Wood portrayal of a good corporation is in "Heaven Can Wait" when Joe Templeton convinces the board of Farnsworth Corp. to be on the "Good Guy Team".
@98ZJUSMC: Your comment on the "soul-destroying corporate existence" has no basis in fact. Yeah, there is a bureaucracy to deal with (bitch about) if you work for Large Corp. But there is also capital invested to make great products that improve our lives and create wealth for shareholders and workers. Lots of good ideas wouldn't have happened without the capital of BigCos to invest in their creative and productive people. If your job sucks your soul out of you, maybe there is something wrong with your soul in the first place.
@dcase: You forgot to mention a single big pharmaceutical company. How many people today are alive, and leading rewarding lives, because of the existence of a miracle drug that did not exist 50 years ago? Millions, to be sure. (Disclosure: My son is one of those people.) If there is any corporation that gets a bad Hollywood rap, it is the pharmas.
It's always amusing to me that all these artistic types, who think of themselves as free spirit but are always willing to shill for statism, have such fear and loathing of corporations, yet apparently feel no such misgivings about Der Staat. Obviously they have the collective historical consciousness of a Pixar animated character.
Black & Decker – cordless electronics and the dust buster;
3M- Post it notes;
Any make up product company- for testing on animals so I don't have to look like one
no, Cecil B. DeMille produced Chuck Heston; the NRA had him 'on loan'…
Wow. This is what I've tried to tell liberals for years. Corporations are exactly what they want if they really believed in what they want, the little guy banding together in communes if you will : ) to take on the establishment. Gutfield now moves into a tie with Zo for new voice of the conservative movement.
yes, Bushmaster- sweet… Glock as well. Chrysler- crude but durable as well. PPK/S very nice; "got a delivery like a brick through a plate glass window. The American CIA swear by them…" -Major Boothroyd.
For anyone interested in this topic – the rights of corporations, the origin of the corporation, the role of corporations in capitalism, etc…. I really encourage you to see the documentary "The Corporation". Very good stuff.
You touched on the exact thing that makes a corporation different from other kinds of business associations. Other businesses are created for multiple reasons, usually profit or advancing a particular cause. Corporations exist for one reason only–to survive in planned perpetuity. Existence is their sole motivation, otherwise they would be just another business. A corporation, unlike a personal business, can theoretically go on forever. Stockholders, officers, boards of directors, even the originals products can die, but the corporation survives. That is both the great strength and the great weakness of the corporation.
A bad owner or manager of another kind of business will go broke. A corporation may survive by convincing people to continue investing while giving the failed CEO a golden parachute and juggling the books. But only a consistently well-run and profit-producing corporation (or non-profit with good management and investments) will survive over the long run. And that's where we're in trouble now. Monster failed corporations, run by bad management and populated by big labor being taken over by big government which knows even less about balancing a checkbook than the other big crooks. Those corporations should not survive, and yet taxpayers are now the unwilling investors who will keep those corporations afloat while government takes away the profit -motive which would originally have kept the corporations alive. We should have allowed the failed corporations to go to the grave after having failed in their basic imperative–to survive. Taxpayers are being forced to support corpses and to pretend the corpses are alive–like zombies.
I have always loved Hollywood's loathing of corporations. Do they ever take even one second out of their lives to ask who funds their films? Is it a small mom-and-pop store that puts up $100 Million, or perhaps a non-profit foundation?
Pot, please pick up the white courtesy phone for a call from Mr. Kettle.
Once I saw a study from some university (and I wish I could find it again) that looked at executive violence in TV and Movie dramas. Their study counted the number of murders committed by fictional corporate big wigs during a year and compared that to the real world. There were something like 6000 fictional murders compared to zero in the real world.
I do somewhat generalize not being a member of that culture. The backstabbing and usury that goes on would sour me in an instant. I never fault an individual for climbing the ladder in his chosen profession but, do it on your own merits and more power to you. As I am sure many have seen, I have watched good competent people stepped on and stepped over by useless brown-nosers. They couldn't touch me. My competence was beyond reproach. It just killed me a little bit to watch it happen, even to those I barely knew. Yeah, how does a corporation respond to attacks like that. You almost can't. Damned if you and damned if you don't.
Hey Gutfield, maybe holliwood doesn't portray the corporation as heros since corporations don't buy movie tickets! Movies, by their essential nature, can't help but being populist oriented.
I would argue that there are probably many examples of movies with corporations as "good guys" – the problem? The bad guys in such movies are also corporations… but they are *bigger* corporations. For example: "Tucker".
Before there was holliwood and modern capitalism, heroic tales still always typically involved a smaller group or an individual versus a bigger group. Or at least, a less powerful group versus a more powerful group. – sorry but its hard to imagine a heroic tale where either is in reverse.
you gotta wonder…….
I'd respond…but there's no gals around.
Even the new "Atlas Shrugged" movie is about an individual versus the establishment. same dynamic, really.
One movie comes to mind: Meet Joe Black. It portrays both good and bad guys in the corporate world. Anthony Hopkins' character, the company's founder and CEO, is a gem of a human being. His family is real and endearing. The one bad guy is overcome by wit, grit and honesty and the help of the death character, played by the ever-lovely Brad Pitt. The theme of the movie is love. Yes love – family and romantic – exists among corporate big wigs, the movie tells us. We all love and we all die.
That's more of a personal observation than anything else. Lot's of good people thrive in that environment. You're absolutely correct. Corporations drive a great many innovations and advances. I want no part in their destruction and most definitely not control by government. Oversight yes, and that does exist, if Congress would preform the fuctions they were elected to do and honestly represent those that they serve. No, there is nothing wrong with my soul. Just a depressing feeling that clean, honest representation can not win when the deck is stacked against it and a big portion of the electorate swallows misinformation daily.
Exception to the rule, this weekend as America cheered when three scrappy little fighters who took on the shipping industry and the US government were shot dead. Go Navy!
sorry. Merck would nave been 6th… and you are correct- they are demonized beyond belief yet needed beyond words…
there's the USMC versus the Taliban…
who is the big group versus the small? By a simple headcount? How big is the USMC? How big is the Taliban? Do we even care about the Taliban, or really, Al queada (sp?)? And how do you judge the size of a clandestine terrorist network like Al Queda anyway?!
boy you lost me. Neither is a corporation, and there are obvious weaknesses to your assertion.
LOL. sounds like a popcorn thriller.
Even my coffee maker is a Black & Decker.
The squirrelier the better! Especially at 40% plus expenses! Just don't look too closely at the receipts…
That's true about most attorneys being scared of actually going to court. Very few attorneys will actually take a case to trial. Even fewer will do it well. And when it comes to trials, the amateurs get rolled…
you are the one who said their are no heroic tales of the large vs. the small. The US military outnumbers Al Queda and the Taliban. They number somewhere around 200,000. Sympathizers don't count; these are operatives. Know of where we speak…
you are the one who said their are no heroic tales of the large vs. the small. The US military outnumbers Al Queda and the Taliban. They number somewhere around 200,000. Sympathizers don't count; these are operatives. Know of where we speak…
Being a former Jr. NRA 50' Indoor shooting competitor, I turned green with envy when the, "three shots, three kills" (All head shots, no less!), reports came in. Ant that from the pitching deck of a ship onto a bobbing lifeboat! There's only one word for marksmanship like that: Magnificent.
"Evil corporations" are simply a crutch for Hollywood writers. A corporation can do anything a James Bond villain can do, but without seeming ridiculous. Moreover, you can put your bad guy anywhere in the structure — the CEO, the heir apparent, or some underling. This gives you great flexibility in terms of story telling and requires a minimum of backstory to get there.
As the people with the pitchforks and torches march up the hill towards the castle, "kill the monster" shouts emanating from their mob, one figure stands out. In his perfect lederhosen ( same tailor as the sheriff in the last scene of blazing saddles) the burgermeister is younger, leaner and the unseen moon seems to set a glow about his head. Ach ! Herr Obama, the young professor from Liepzig !! Yes, only he truly stands between the pitchforks and the monster. But Count Fredrych vonFrankenstein is pacing the parapet,looking every bit like Tim Geithner. Oops !
I have to disagree dcase. If you banned corporations, you'd just have more partnerships and sole proprietorships. You wouldn't automatically end up in a command economy. In fact, you might actually end up with a freer economy as the big players would be a lot smaller and, thus, would have less influence.
I think there is a lot to criticize about corporations and corporate management — particularly the ability of management to insulate themselves from the owners. But, overall, corporations do make the economy much more efficient.
troll
globalism would preclude smaller business models; transnational corporations are with us to stay. And, to a certain extent they keep their host governments honest by being so interconnected. Still, ther is and always wil be some form of corporate malfeasance and we must stay vigilant…
I loved the academic environment of law school, and I've never lost my love for the intellectual contortions of arguing over how many angels can dance on the edge of a legal brief. But the real epiphany came the first time I walked into a courtoom. I knew it was where I belonged. The dignity of the court, the majesty of the law, and an audience of twelve people who couldn't just get up and leave when my performance wasn't stellar, let alone ask for a refund on their admission price. It was home, and at times I miss it a whole hell of a lot. But if my younger daughter does well in law school, I guess I'll be able to re-live some of it vicariously. It will be much easier than telling my son how to write an elaborate software program for Google, or to tell my other daughter how to decorate a movie or theater set.
In the modern world, you are right. We've allowed these massive creatures to come into existence and it's too late to go back to a smaller model. Not that we would even want to if we could.
But I do think that BIG corporations (and their offshoots — like unions) have too much sway in our government. What chance do you or I have when one company can steer millions to a political party or one union can bring out 10,000 "volunteers."
Moreover, they don't use that influence for the public good, they use it to box in smaller competitors with unfavorable regulation, or to take our rights or tax money to enhance their bottom line. In the end, I think that's as bad for our economy and our system as affirmative action or any other form of minority privilege.
in reality this is true and I agree.
but try making a movie out of that. seriously. you need to put your protagonist into some peril in order to make a dramatic story.
but (Rumsfeld aside) smart generals know that to best keep our troops alive the key is massively outnumber the enemy. And I'm all for that, but its not gonna be a great war epic.
that's also true. I'm a big ugly nasty troll and I'm gonna get all the little billy goats.
PS: You should join in the fun over on the Tea Party blog. A new kid on the block got the troops, including me, stirred up royally.
It is a very different feeling that's for sure. I'm not even sure I know how to describe it.
What's funny is that you don't realize how much energy you put into a trial until it's over. You are literally running at 100% attention for the entire time — even when you go home at night. I remember at the end of my first "long" trial (a 4 day medical malpractice trial), I suddenly found myself falling asleep as the judge began reading the jury charge. No matter what I did, I could not keep my eyes open. I swear I almost started snoaring. In hindsight, I realized that the reason this happened was because this was the first moment in about seven days where I could let my mind rest. . . and it took advantage of it.
What Tea Party blog? Oh, you mean that miles troll. We need some Ortho Troll-Away.
I got headaches trying to read the opposition's notes upside down, watch the judge for hints of what was getting his or her attention, and watching the jury for reactions all at the same time. It is exhausting, and my eyes still don't line up right.
Fender Guitars …duh!
The one that was up to 340 posts when I moved on. I'm guessing you already found it by now.
Yeah, no kidding. Fargin amazing work
as long as they're not CBS era…
it is true that David v Goliath works best; even if David was a special weapons expert and all around badass and Goliath never really stood a chance…
All true. And while you're doing all that, you also get to deal with witnesses who hate you and/or who lie (for whatever reason or for no reason whatsoever). And let's not forget the witnesses who show up late or wander off just before they're called.
Not to mention that you never know if the judge will allow your witnesses to testify, or what limits will be placed on their testimony.
Plus, in the midsts of all that, you still have to keep an overall perspective on what you're trying to prove — even before the judge lets you know what instructions they will read to the jury.
And, best of all, the whole time, you have to make sure that neither you nor your witnesses go into forbidden areas or use forbidden words — punishable by mistrial and sanctions. Very exhausting.
your concerns are both well reasoned and largely true. They are what they are, and history shall judge…
Too funny. I was going to say pre and post CBS.
My Japanese Tele ( with American pick ups) rules
Yeah, I saw it. Looks like Troll-Bashers Gone Wild!
By the way, Auntie Fascist is back in Nolte's thread. Good time to find out about that pie?
Thank you my zen friend.
Don't get me wrong, I think corporations are a good thing by and large. I'm just a little disturbed at how easily our government becomes a tool for the right people, and how the rest of us get jobbed when that happens.
It's the Lord Acton thing about power corrupting… it isn't just governments. Look at Jeff Immelt…
yes, we had a '72 strat. Blonde. Sweet.
Very, very true.
And at the end of the day, you go home to find out your malpractice insurance check bounced. OK, just kidding about that. But I never had a claim, and yet my rate increased by a factor of nearly twenty times in fifteen years.
Actually, Mel Brooks was "The Two Thousand Year Old Man" and he declared "Saran Wrap" to be the greatest invention of all time. And, coincidentally, "Saran" happens to be my nickname! Cute and funny, kind of like Greg G. And me.
It's a quantum proliferation.
Hollywood writers portray corporate executives as evil because the only executives they know personally are studio executives and they ARE evil.
Maybe they spent the weekend breeding?
You're lucky not to be as old as I am. The original version was indeed Saran Wrap. He later updated it to Baggies. Good thing, too, or your nickname might have been Baggy. And you're also right, it was the two thousand year old man. Ah, how memories fade.
Dang! The cinematic remake of "The Fugitive" imemdiately came to mind here.
They breed ….
I thought they reproduced by budding like in Gremlins. I always assumed some form of asexual reproduction since they all post so similarly.
Well learn something new every day ……
dcase
I believe Enron lasted 14 years. I aslo believe that the fraud started five years before their collapse. They lied on their financial stattements, subverted their auditor, bought politicians on both sides of the Isle and in the end their CEO killed himself.
Fannie Mae has committed a worse fraud that when discovered in 2006 was brushed under a rug, when it finally blew up the bankers they defrauded were blamed for their mistakes. The regulator that identified the problem in 2006, OFHEO, was disbanded and a new agency set up.
And get this according to OFHEO's last report becuase Freddie Mac has a negative 13.8 billion equity they will get another 100 billion from the FEds in 2009.
The truth is that you should feel safe when business is run in the free sector by corporations because if they screw up you'll know about it.
Government!, we can't even know when they go bad until it's too late. Give me Sam Walmart over Uncle Sam the Bureaucrat any day of the week. And twice on Sundays.
You forget the best Corporate defense movie of all time….
Other People's Money.
Amen! Amen! and Amen!
Bilwick you meanie!!!
Apologize Now!
Apoligize to the Pixar animated character right now. They certainly have more depth than the average liberal artist. LOL
Let's not forget Bubba Gump Shrimp…
I'm not sure they breed. I think they just spring forth from ignorance.
I disagree. Hollywood does promote a liberal bias. This is not just about the little guy and the big guy. If this were about the little guy and the big guy, then we would see thousands of movies about the little guy taking on Red Russia, Red North Korea, and Red Cuba. Where are those movies?
I'd like to sue the federal govenrment for pain and suffering…and maybe emotional distress. My husband is figuring our taxes. Oh the horror! The horror!! You willing to take it on??
I can't wait to see what next year brings.
Sorry. Can't help. I'm too busy trying to contact my attorney to keep me out of prison after realizing I'll never be able to pay this year's taxes. You don't happen to know any creative accountants, do you?
Kinda like toadstools in a damp cellar.
trollstools? ew… yuck.
In response to your query regarding creative accountants (I can't seem to find my post here!) I don't know of any. (We use Tax Cut.) But I have played one on stage. Does that help ya???
My best to you in your endeavor to avoid paying out the $rse!
The thing corporations do best is raise a lot of capital for a new business fast. A good idea, with good promotion, solid management and a good new product can get 100,000 people to ante up $100 each a lot faster than a great idea with great management and a great new product can get 5 people to ante up $2,000,000. The average Joe can get proportional ownership but generally doesn't have to worry that his risky investment, if a failure, will ruin him. And unlike sole proprietorships and partnerships, legal and personal involvement are minimal for the little guy. For good or ill, corporations use and produce huge amounts of capital, and can also lose huge amounts as our current economy demonstrates.
All kidding aside. You're lucky to be where you are. Like most people, I wasn't paying much attention to what was going on tax-wise in my state. I have always been able to roughly figure in my head the size of the refund I will get from the feds and the state. I was right as usual about the fed refund. But I had not realized how completely overboard the state of California had gone in plugging its profligate spending hole. Instead of a refund, this year I have a substantial payment to make, with no appreciable change in my income or deductions from the previous year. It was all new and increased state income taxes.
I worked at Dell's corporate headquarters for two years. It was stressful, but I miss every second of it. They have a good business culture there.
Dow Corning – Silicon Breast Implants!
Because Americans typically like to see movies about Americans. It's not all that complicated. We like stories about things we can relate to. You think there's a big market for stories about Red North Korea or Cuba, you go make it.
I thought "Other People's Money" was about a big, evil investor trying to take over a wonderful, little, local company.
It just happened to contain a speech that was (ironically) an excellent defense of capitalism.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfL7STmWZ1c
I thought "Other People's Money" was about a big, evil investor trying to take over a wonderful, little, local company.
It just happened to contain a speech that was (ironically) an excellent defense of capitalism.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfL7STmWZ1c
You must be logged in to post a comment.