And Introducing Greg Gutfeld as Che Guevera
by Greg Gutfeld“We can’t cover it all,” Mr. del Toro said. “You can make your own movie. You know? You can make your own movie. And let’s see. Do the research.”
—
GREG GUTFELD PRESENTS, IN ASSOCIATION WITH BIG HOLLYWOOD PRODUCTIONS…
THE TRAVELERS BACK IN TIME FROM THE FUTURE
Starring
Benicio del Toro as himself,
Steven Soderbergh as himself,
and introducing Greg Gutfeld as Che Guevera
—-
EXT. JUNGLE. In a clearing, SODERBERGH is drinking from a bottle of water. BENICIO is checking his I-phone.
STEVEN:
Where are we?
BENICIO:
Scarlett sent me another shot of her tits.
CHE GUEVERA enters clearing with small group of armed men.
CHE:
Who are you?
STEVEN:
Holy sh*t! it’s Che!
BENICIO:
We’re making a movie about you! I’m playing you!
CHE starts unbuckling his pants. BENICIO and STEVEN look confused.
CHE:
“I’m getting uncomfortable.”
—-
EXT. CLEARING. Closeup on hands in dirt, Pan up to BENICIO’S clenched teeth. Pull back to BENICIO on all fours. Heaving rhythmic grunting overheard. In the background, glimpses of SODERBERGH draped over log, pants down, surrounded by soldiers. Grunting gets louder.
BENICIO:
NO….LUBE….SOCIALISM ….TRULY… IS… A.. STRUGGLE!
CHE:
To understand…suffering….you…must know….SUFFERING! ARRRHRHHHHHHGGG!
BENECIO:
No, not on my sweater…it’s Prada!
—-
EXT: CLEARING. Benicio is naked, curled up on the ground. Two soldiers are taking turns on SODERBERGH.
SODERBERGH:
But…you would…have….loved…Syriana!
BENICIO:
Steven…it’s no use! Lie back and think of Cannes!
—-
EXT: CLEARING. SODERBERGH and BENICIO are lying side by side, flat on their stomachs. SODERBERGH is straining to look up at CHE, who is staring off into the distance, contemplating.
SODERBERGH:
…the DVD will have fifteen hours of extra goodies – commentary, outtakes, even some hilarious bloopers.
BENECIO:
They say it’s my best work since Big Top Pee-Wee…
CHE:
“I’m getting uncomfortable…”
CHE PULLS OUT A GUN AND PLACES IT AGAINST BENICIO’S HEAD
BENICIO:
Hey – wait- we’re remaking history! We’re remaking you! And we just let you f*ck the crap out of us!
CHE:
Yeah, but we kill queers around here.
CAMERA PULLS BACK OUT OF THE JUNGLE. Two shots are heard.
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89 Comments
Sorry, rape is just not funny. I’m all for making fun of those worshipping communist mass murderers, and there are still lines that shouldn’t be crossed.
Umm, the first two lines showed potential, but … what??
Not cool.
Okay, I know Che was a bad guy, but this is just poor taste. You can do better than this.
‘Yo, Greg. Kinda rude, isn’t it? I mean, after Deliverance, this was too much of a bad mental picture. The end was good, though. Try harder,next time, OK?
Sounds like an accurate representation of all concerned. (and I believe that the point was that it was NOT rape!)
That is hilarious!
If only we could arrange the meeting
GG: Southpark conservative.
I liked it. Edgy art aimed at lefty religious icons instead of the usual default targets.
Just don’t expect a government grant though.
What, no cannibalism scene with Che after the gunshots? At least have a dissolve to Guevara munching on some circus peanuts in the next scene.
NO….LUBE….SOCIALISM ….TRULY… IS… A.. STRUGGLE!
I was in a band once called No-Lube Socialism.
next weeks entry…Driving Miss Daisy with ted Kennedy!
“Lie back and think of Cannes”
Oh lordy, I think I just hemorrhaged.
Yeah, but where was the unicorn???
Greg, you are a disgusting pig, but you make me hot.
Same place next Friday?
Hysterically funny! A perfect metaphor, especially the underscoring of del Toro and Soderbergh’s absolute cluelessness.
I wonder if the offended posters complained about the “documentary” film that fantasized about the assassination of President Bush.
Nah!
“Last time I checked, you can’t rape the willing.”
AMANDA KELLER
OH SNAP! (lol)
Only a few minutes to ten minutes here; much better to document how Che worked day-to-day as the chief executioner of the Castro regime, then cut to his hideous performance in Africa leading “revolutionaries”, and how, generally, he was a colossal “loose cannon” even in the eyes of Castro (though, he cleverly never explicitly reveals this), and certainly in the eyes of the Bolivian “revolutionaries” who ratted him out to the police and CIA.
Che was clearly suffering from some severe mental disturbance, and only achieved prominence since he was an early associate leader of the Cuban revolution, which was itself prominent because it was so close geographically to the United States.
Tune
It wasn’t rape, it was submission to their communist overlords.
Or….if it was rape, the point may have been that they managed to ignore their own rapes in their worship of Che, just as they ignored the rape and murder of so many others.
You never know with Greg, he can be pretty deep, which is why the hamsters keep getting lost.
i laughed, i cried! Four stars.
Now back it up and do the James brown.
Where is there any reference to a rape in this?
Instead of T-shirts with Che’s mug, why not his ass, it would be more appropriate. Gut is God!!!!
not funny. please try again. you can do better.
I think the question isn’t “is man-on-man rape funny?” The question ought to be “how many times per day is Big Hollywood going to post about man-on-man rape?” (I’m looking at you, Rodney Lee Conover.) GG and BH can do so much better than this.
For those of you who are offened by this…Just remembere, the creator took “Artistic licence”. I thought it was funny, but then I’m a knuckle dragging conservative.
lol!!!! to a few of you on this comment page who are feeling a little self~righteous, get over yourselves…This is hillarious and some good , harmless fun at the expense of a couple Hollywood morons…as usual Gutfeld, you is Da Man!
Freaking hysterical. I don’t understand why people idolize that prick Che Guevara. This is as close the arts should get to producing new versions of his life story.
very funny!
What’s not funny is how the same is happening right this minute, except it’s Pelosi and Obama doing the f-ing and it’s our great country taking it up the a**. And don’t think they won’t pull the trigger. Then they’ll fly off to Switzerland to retire, living off the funds they managed to “legally” raid from the Treasury.
Greg,
I’m sure you’ll be hearing from GLAAD again. Oh, well. Of course they’ll miss the point entirely by ignoring that Che killed the gays. They’d rather vilify you instead, for you are the Conservative on FOX.
p.s.–I was surprised that Bill doesn’t have a role in this film. Seems right up his alley–part 2, maybe?
Greg works fast! He has t-shirts out already!
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2rzb7d2&s=5
This will go over the heads of many. Which, in a way, makes it more funny.
Greg you magnificent bastard. For those of you who are offended, Greg has left a personal apology on your fridge. It really heartfelt and sincere.
FYI: “your fridge” is a nick name we all use for your moms ass.
Of course, rape is funny, when it’s happening to Steven Soderbergh and Benicio Del Toro!
Hahahahahaha! Che, you are my hero! Revolutionary sex can be so rewarding. Hey, where are the gerbils?
Rape and a bullet to the back of the head is far kinder fate than what most of Castro and Che’s tyranny loving apologists deserve.
Especially when one considers their complicity in the murderous oppression of Cuban people, as well as many others born in third world socialist hellholes over the past fifty years.
Jeez Greg…that was brutal. It’s gonna be hard to recruit house boys after that.
Greg – you’ve outdone yourself.
I think I’ve split my sides.
With a Benico/Soderbergh “Deliverance” scene, it’ll make one never be able to look at those two quite the same again.
Kinda like having to look Ned Beatty in the eyes in 1972.
Seriously – what lib twitwad rump-ranger will ever figure this one out!?
But enough about your houseboy, “Flaco.”
And…You, you could come up with a new moniker too…”And if you don’t agree with me, then you, sir, are worse then Che!”
A trifecta in the making.
Nice work Gutfeld, as always.
And all you whiny libs should shut up. If this were about Bush, Cheney, and a Saudi Oil Man you’d be jizzing in your pants shouting “edgy!”
Bad taste and i saw the point. Try to be friends with a bully when all he wants to do is bully you….
Greg Gutfeld can be funny some of the time, but there is no way that man is a heterosexual.
I would hope the sequel features Ed Asner as Fidel.
Greg I thought Che Guevera was one of your houseboys? LOL
Gosh, I truly hate finding myself stating this, but I actually cringed when reading this post. This is the type of posts that one sees on the ‘Daily Kos’ or the ‘Huffington Post.’ We’re better than this.
“The GutGang started screaming for Red Eye gear a long time ago.”
Darling DoC! thanks for remembering!
Ah, the good ol’ days of the Original Gutters…we should all have an *OG after our tag, dontcha think?
I still have that Sharpie, btw.
HAAAAAAAA!!! And I thought you were twisted on RED EYE!! Dude you’re killin’ it. And I’m assuming that was protected gang-rape sex? As in safe-buggery? We’re civilized, after all.
But with the no-lub stipulation, it does bring home anew the concept of ’suffering of the people’ in a new and festive way. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that!)
That, Sir, was brilliant. It’s like I could smell the scent of shame and self loathing in that jungle.
BC Monkey: Rape can, in point of fact, be funny. Especially when it involves a mime and a novelty “We’re #1″ foam finger.
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