A Director’s Most Patriotic Role
by Greg GutfeldRecently I had some free time, and instead of heading down to the shelter where my roommate Scott (the flight attendant) and I sometimes volunteer, I chose to watch some television. On one channel, I found an intriguing program on Orson Welles, the legendary writer/actor/wine salesman. The show concentrated on his famous broadcast of H. G. Wells’ “The War of the Worlds.” This brilliantly conceived news parody created massive panic among millions who believed they were listening to an actual news report of an alien invasion. The story traveled round the world, and made Welles a huge star. It was also then that Gallo finally took notice.
This made me think.
A lot!
And then it hit me like a sack of babies: where are the Orson Welles of today? Or rather, if Welles were alive, what would he do in this troubled, unsafe world?
Well, if I were a director – like a Steven Speilberg, a Michael Bay or a even an Steven Soderbergh – I would use my immense talent to pull off a modern day version of Welles’s prank – but with a purpose.
To scare the crap out of radical Muslims.
It would take the shape of a ten minute press conference, filmed with the greatest CGI – the “Transformers” kind we take for granted, but the stuff that the militants in the mountains of Pakistan would take for real.
The press conference would be called by Mohammed. Because no one knows what the prophet looks like, he could be played by Morgan Freeman. That guy really commands respect. But if he’s busy narrating, we could get Don Cheadle. We’d need to “grey” him up some, though.
After descending from the heavens on a fireball, Mohammed would land, dust himself off and recite a simple statement, which I’ve written here:
“Hello, in case you don’t know me, I’m Mohammed. I’m glad you could all make it here. Before I take questions I would like to make a prepared statement. First, I am absolutely sorry about 9/11. And I deeply apologize for my followers taking the stuff I wrote literally. I mean, I really didn’t expect them to fly planes into buildings. Okay, now I’d like to direct my next comment to my followers, specifically. KNOCK IT OFF. You idiots are making it really hard for me to give a damn about your salvation. Frankly, you’re an embarrassment. That is all. Now, for questions! Helen – always great to see you.”
(Note: we should also have a signer present for deaf Muslims)
Then after the press conference, Mohammed would expand to the size of the Space Shuttle Discovery, sprout fluorescent wings and float upward. Out of the sky, Jesus would spring from a cloud, and give Mohammed a high five. Jesus would be played by Matthew McConaughey. Or maybe Ed Norton. But he’ll need a tan.
Once this is filmed, it would be released through every media outlet. But it would be up to the western world, of course, to play it for real. If we all met up beforehand and got our stories straight – I think we could make it work.
P.S: I just got an email from Oliver Stone. He’s into it, except he wants to change the ending, so that Jews end up landing in tripods with big snaky arms.
I give up.
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80 Comments
Greg brilliant as always! Keep em’ coming!!!
I think we could work with Oliver Stone’s idea, depending on where the tripods landed and what they were doing. Suppose they landed in Iran, snaking their way through the mountains, searching for the bunkers where the nuclear weapons are being produced. And we could add a suggestion that anyone in those bunkers might want to be somewhere else pretending to be a goatherd…
I think it could work. Does Stone have any other ideas?
Great idea… but will it further my career as a wine spokesperson?
awesome!
I have often thought that a movie that included a US retaliation that involved nuking every holy site flat, would do a lot of good. Nice slow-mo of Mecca being vaporized, stuff like that. All started off with a light, off-handed tap of a button in the nuclear football.
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW???
Nice article Greg! It would be great to add Rick Moranis who would reprise his role from Spaceballs as Dark Helmet. At the end he would say, “Foooooooled you!” We can also throw in Major A$$hole and Gunner’s Mate First Class Philip A$$hole for good measure.
If you don’t laugh at Greg Gutfeld, then you sir are worse than Hitler!
If anybody here doesn’t find this funny then, you sir, are worse than Hitler. Hey man sorry, I thought you forgot the ending. Please keep this stuff coming, I am running out of uses of your “reach around” comment and need more to steal so everybody thinks I am cool.
When is Rachel Marsden coming back on your show? Your show was much funnier and more informative when Rachel appeared.
Wouldn’t the Jews need a Six pointed hexapod for the star of david? They would never attack on Saturdays, and instead of the creepy horn in the movie, they use an old woman yelling something in Yiddish about marrying a doctor or driving a BMW.
Matthew McConaughey as Jesus?
Sounds good.
Brilliant! It would take care of so many problems.
Greg Gutfeld,
Pete K. was right, you forgot the ending.
And if you didn’t find this funny then, you sir, are worse than HITLER!
Because no one knows what the prophet looks like, he could be played by Morgan Freeman. That guy really commands respect.
Perfect! The deaf-signer is a nice touch. Who says the Right doesn’t understand nuance?
Matthew McConaughey would only go for it if he can be a shirtless Jesus. Maybe bring Jim Cavezal (sp?) back for a cameo.
Gutfeld…uhmm sounds hebrew to me as does Brickbat/Bart whatever. Why can’t you people make the movie you want by calling up that mensh, Stevie SpeelBerg. You have already worn out all the hollowcost films(16 on for 09)
up till now so that’s out. But then again what’s happening in GAZA right now is a pretty good HORROR film in real life…. don’t ya think. Use the Merkava tanks as the space creatures instead. Just a Goy sounding off.
Thanks for the craziness, you people are so refreshing on a blah day.
Loved it, the plot, the characters, the deaf-signer! Commenters are as insanely funny as the article.
Great idea, but I think giving Chris Rock the Muhammed role would lend an air of credibility to the stunt.
Bawhahahaha. I love it. What would it take to make it REALLY happen?
Somebody who can write: Take Greg’s idea and run with it.
The market is crying for dark comedy with a conservative viewpoint. Think Dr Strangelove or M*A*S*H, written by Ann Coulter.
Dark comedy. Satire. Parody the left. Laugh at them – that’s the ticket.
Developed further and taken to the limit, Greg’s idea could make an incredible satire. What Greg described would take us up to the second act midpoint, 45-50 minutes into the story – it’s the second half that gets truly over the top! Think about it: How would the Serious Left (Nancy Pelosi, Paul Krugman, et al) react to this?
You can have characters who “represent” various pompous leftists without using their names. The left does this to us all the time.
John Nolte – write this story.
I am in the middle of three projects as it is – a documentary in production, a political thriller spec, and a different dark comedy in the treatment stage. Otherwise I would start today. Hell, I still might. This is funny stuff.
VAULTENBLOGGER,
I think you mean:
THE JEWS ARE IN TRIPODS
STOMPING AROUND PROTECTING THE HEBREW WAY
. . .
WHEN GOYIM ATTACK US . . .
Mess with the Jews, you get burned. (Never Seen RAIDERS?)
Gerard Knorr – January 12th, 2009 at 12:54 pm said,
“I have often thought that a movie that included a US retaliation that involved nuking every holy site flat, would do a lot of good. Nice slow-mo of Mecca being vaporized, stuff like that. All started off with a light, off-handed tap of a button in the nuclear football.
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW???”
I would add a statement at the end of the movie making it clear to all those viewing it that the movie was fictional, however should our enemies decide to hit us with a WMD attack that the sequel to this movie would use actual footage of their country being turned into a sea of glass!
I don’t know about the Matthew McConaughey-as-Jesus part Greg — it just makes me worried that, after the whole presentation is over, the world could end up with 1 billion surfing Muslims. Which would really be painful for the ones living in Afghanistan. Major blowback possibility here…
Allah says (mighty and sublime is he):
But those who molest the Messenger will have a grievous penalty.
(The Repentance 9:61)
“I don’t know about the Matthew McConaughey-as-Jesus part Greg”
We don’t have to worry.This will happen at the appropriate time.
i think it would be better if a slightly tippsy Ben Kingsley played Mohammed,and forget McConaughey we should get Brad Pitt to play Jesus
cuz lets face it we all know Jesus looked goood !
Ok Greg – This was truly great fun! Love the end – actually I don’t love the situations but love how you protrayed them. Wouldn’t it be great!
Thanks
Gammy (sparklestheclown)
I would like to molest the messenger if I may Dolly. Anyway, big up yoself GG – booyah!
stop it just stop it my sides are hurting from laughing.
My husband has had shingles for the past 4 months. Being Canadian and all it took me about a month to get the info off the net and tell the Dr’s. what prescriptions he needed to manage his pain. Fine. So one day in an oxycodone stone he came up with a brilliant (or so I thought at the time) scheme.
Bomb Mohammed’s tomb and in the mushroom cloud in the sky have a lazer light show of Jesus commanding all muslims to repent and convert.
Kinda hoping Tom Clancey might pick up that theme and run with and if there are any credible hollywood directors out there that would turn into a movie.
If we really want to see if an actor can act, have Sean Peen play Jesus, he may have to study for the part.
Mr. Breitbart…
You should Google Operation Double Cross. Something like this was actually done to fool the Germans in WWII. They created something akin to an army (with cardboard tanks and jeeps) with Patton in Charge to fool the Germans into thinking the Allies were landing in Calais (as opposed to Normandy on D-Day).
Just a thought.
Muhammed here. First off, I’d like to thank Dolly for representin’. Peace be upon you, too sister. Thanks for reading the book. To your article’s premise, GG; Jesus asked (and I agree) if he could have Cheadle play him instead. Christ: “That guy is a heck of an actor!”. I’m leaning towards you casting that guy who was living with those hot twins as me…was it John Stamos? I can’t remember. Anywho, I’ve always liked hookin’ up with more than one gal at a time, and I wouldn’t mind a peek under their veils, if you know what I mean. And blondes were scarce in Medina back in the day. But I, peace be upon me, digress. Gutfeld, you are a HOOT! I could see us hangin’ out even though you’re from the other side of the family tree. I’d probably have a little trouble with the whole “Scott” thing (I’m sure I could get over it once I got to know you both), but you deserve high props for the food shelter work. I was just talking to JC and Uncle Abe about that. If those Persians would send food to Gaza instead of missiles, just think how much beter things could be over there. Bottom line: I just wanted you to know that I hope you get your project greenlighted. I’m sick of wild-eyed goofballs splattering themselves or some innocent bystander all over Allah’s creation in my name (blessed be it), and if you guys could come up with a way to freak them out a bit, I’m all for it. To be honest, the rest of the guys up here have been giving me a lot of crap about it and I wish, for my sake, those yayhooos would just chill the frig out! They’re giving Allah and I a VERY bad name amongst the other dieties and prophets up here in paradise. We just found out we’re not invited to the Super Bowl Party…AGAIN! Anyway, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Peace be unto you ALL! I’m out.
I think this is a great idea.
But the first thing I thought of, while reading it, was the scene in “Independence Day” where the moonbats are atop the Capitol Records building, looking up at the alien spaceships, begging to be plucked off this vicious, capitalist, selfish, warmongering nation, and taken to their anticipated nirvana. And what happens? KaBLAM!!!
And I thought, how funny it would be if, after Mohammed were actually able to convince militant Islamists to lay down their bomb belts and dispel their hatred, he dragged Hollywood bigshot producers of raging anti-American films out to the woodshed, to ask:
“Why the hell are you willing to produce such schlock, to vilify and subvert the American armed forces and their leadership, while refusing to identify or excoriate the enemy? How is it that your entire business and lifestyles rely on freedom, free enterprise and property rights, gender equality, etc. – yet you could not see fit to denounce the fanatics who are hellbent to demolish those things? And NO, you twits, I am NOT talking about George Bush!”
Oh, how sweet it would be.
Note: we should also have a signer present for deaf Muslims
And how about some help for dumb Muslims? Or is that redundant?
So, here we are, blogging on a web site that is all about changing the culture of the entertainment industry.
Greg has come up with what I think is a solid concept for a black comedy. I’ve never been more serious in my life.
The basic idea – an aspiring director shoots an amazing Mohammed Returns scene that is so GOOD it actually fools the world’s Muslim fanatics and alters the course the war on terror – is just half of the story line I’m thinking of. The second half of the story is where the leftist media and politicians conspire to profit from this event . . . and as the second act concludes, the comedy becomes DARK when one of the most exteme groups decides, contrary to the Mullahs, that Mohammed must have meant to instruct his followers that NOW is the time to attack the West in full force.
There is a real story here – dark, funny . . . this could be the Strangelove of our era.
So, who’s gonna write it?
I dunno Glenn. It seems to me that if Hollywood’s Mohammed were to return and promote a message of PEACE, the Mullahs and extremists (on both sides?) would end up caught in a classic trick bag. Could that be where the comedic darkness comes in? And what if it were Mohammed AND Jesus together, coming back to preach unity? Maybe the Hollywood types would stage the event as a promo for a bogus “charity for Peace” type of thing, to keep on track with your “leftist media and politicians conspire to profit” angle. How would the “religious” leaders; those Hell bent on keeping their power via endless conflict, deal with the fact that they now had to convince the faithful NOT to believe Mohammed and Jesus to keep in business? “Gentlemen, Gentlemen…there’s no loving in the peace room!” Sincerely, “Bat” Guanno USAF, ret.
Greg,
This is hilarious, but it wouldn’t work. The Islamic sacred text, the Hadith (the second most sacred text in Islam after the Koran) tells of the life of Mohammed. Mohammed’s life was full of events in which he murdered non-Muslims. The notion that Mohammed would instruct Muslims of today not to follow his example would be considered, by Muslims, to be nonsensical. In Islam Mohammed is considered the perfect man.
It is essential that non-Muslims recognize that Islam is not like the Judeo-Christian religions we are used to. Islam isn’t the same as other religions and should not be treated the same as other religions.
That’s it! Mohammed sees the errors of his ways and converts to being a Southern Baptist peanut farmer. OK…maybe not. But if a truly believeable Mohammed character were to return with a new, inclusionist message (remember, we’re talking Speilberg here), how would the Mullahs control “the street” who might eagerly accept the word of the great prophet as (no pun intended) Gospel? I still think Greg and Glenn are on to something. Think “Wag the Dog”. Or maybe “Wag the God”. Shirley…check with legal! Who owns the licensing?
Islam can be a religion but in places where its THE BIG ONE its the political fact of life. Hence its heniousness.
K2 – The writer-director protagonist would be motivated only by showing his dramatic skills and becoming instantly famous – he wouldn’t care about the exact message. You have touched on some important elements, though – the Mohammed impostor would be highly credible, would speak in an old Arabic dialect, and his message would mainly use the Koran to critisize modern-day Islamic extremists. The foul nature of the anti-western global press corps would somehow conspire to promote the story, maybe with a false anti-American twist, maybe by convincing a highly respected British Mullah to confirm the “appearance” as genuine.
VIK, part of the fun with this story is making it work. The precise theological details don’t really matter. All human beings have a hypocritical nature – and that dark side of our souls may be just what is needed in the story to make it credible. In other words, we believe what we want to believe, and the global 24×7 internet-fueled medial has tremendous power to persuade millions of people.
Just as Strangelove mocked the military, the villain here is the rabid and unprincipled mass media – it’s just a matter of personifying them with a character.
I’ve said too much already – I’m going to be up until 3am hashing out the treatment. Am I stealing anyone’s idea here, an idea they want to develop on their own? Unless I get a reply, I will assume the answer is no.
PAUL MASSON, NOT GALLO.
“WE WILL SELL NO WINE BEFORE ITS TIME.”
Parodied later by Keller Geister wine with a line:
“WE will sell no wine before you pay for it.”
Copywriter on that parody: Helayne Spivak. Agency: Ally & Gargano.
On camera: Harry Gosz
HAAA! Gutfeld, you crack me up. But throw in a bunch of ghosts of ‘the martyrs…all burnt and smoking, and whining their warnings, “Dudes! there’s no chicks down here! Listen to him!”
I think it should end with Moses showing up and kicking Mohammed’s ass.
Jackie Mason can play the role.
If this were clever or funny you could pass it off as satire.
We want Rachel Marsden!
this is funnier than hell!
Ho..ho..ho…ain’t ethnic bigotry just a stich?
Your idea sounds great Greg.
Just wondering though how would that translate into Arabic and Farsi.
If we really wanted to through the Muslims for a loop we could have everyone in America line up afterwards for a Million Man March type of event and state
“There is no God but God and Mohammed is his prophet” three times and once in Arabic. Then even if they found out it was BS the Koran would not let them attack us.
Bill Schultz would be a good Jesus.
I’m thinking more along the lines of Jerry Seinfeld as Mohammed.
How about Levy as Jesus and Marsden as Mary Magdalene?
Madelyn….definitely on the right track there….I was thinking Woody Allen for the role as Mohammed or the 12th Mahdi.
Rusty James – January 12th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
If this were clever or funny you could pass it off as satire.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OK. You go ahead and do better, Rusty. We’ll wait. Let us know where you post it, of course! Can’t wait to read it!
Glenn, just spell my name right in the credits…wait; I didn’t give my name. Hmmmm. How do I go about claiming credit for a part of this? By the way, I think Bill Schultz would make a good Jesus. God knows he’s been persecuted enough already. And while I feel a bit guilty about this, can we PLEASE find a role for Julie Banderas? I’m just sayin’…
” TFay – January 12th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Gutfeld…uhmm sounds hebrew to me as does Brickbat/Bart whatever. Why can’t you people make the movie you want by calling up that mensh, Stevie SpeelBerg. You have already worn out all the hollowcost films(16 on for 09)
up till now so that’s out. But then again what’s happening in GAZA right now is a pretty good HORROR film in real life…. don’t ya think. Use the Merkava tanks as the space creatures instead. Just a Goy sounding off.”
A beautiful sight indeed! Nuke Gaza from orbit, its the only way to be sure.
this would be great!! but keeping it a secret in these times would be impossible…
Yes I know Pete, we shouldn’t talk about this or even laugh about it. We should instead talk about a movie that forces Jews to get rockets rained on them by Hamas after a big talk by them about how awful Israel is and maybe, just maybe all Jews in America will convert to Islam because they can submit or die. I thought that your belief system rejected that(unless it is Hitler, who would’ve loved your strokes of Global Warming poetry).
Sarcasm for the above.
I know taking swipes at you is like taking a swipe at the wind, but at least the wind flows in one direction sometimes. You know, Pete, if I ever met you personally I would’ve gotten lots of feelings that you are a desperate hypocrite. Your side has no intentions on reforming Islam, or freeing it from vanguards like The Taliban and Saddam. You instead want a stable so that you can justify the Left’s long relationship with Anti-Semitism including luminaries such as Marx, Chomsky and the aforementioned Hitler. And without Palestine you will have no justification thereby being a brute. So yeah I am guessing that deep at night, when all of the jokes about Israelis go out of your head, you think about how much to block your ID. Freudian slip be upon you.
Gary Graham – January 12th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
HAAA! Gutfeld, you crack me up. But throw in a bunch of ghosts of ‘the martyrs…all burnt and smoking, and whining their warnings, “Dudes! there’s no chicks down here! Listen to him!”
Gary… it’s been done! You forgot abot Ahkmed, the Dead Suicide Bomber playing in Vegas. Good luck with your radio appearances… give ‘em hell.
GG… you are the best, keep it up!
I had the idea of creating a fake Osama video demanding a world wide halt to all terrorist activity and an end to the gihaad (sp? who cares) and then sending it out to the media and world. It would only involve some skilled arabic voice over work and layering of sequential visuals, since his vids are always low quality and poorly done. Surely the big directors could pull that off. The imagination exists out here in America, the means are the tricky part. Use the technology to beat them at their own game, I say.
Pat,
You spelled the Dead Suicide Bomber’s name wrong! You spell it A-H-Flem-M-E-D.
Oliver Stone? Why not Kevin Smith? I think he already fleshed something out like this in Dogma…
If the Mohammad Press Conference were to be done, we would have to make sure that his eyes, bushy unibrow and nose were redacted by a giant black strip, so the Muslim world could regcognize his beard and turbin.
Excellent idea. Love that “Helen,” the perennial Helen is there, Heh!
Yea, Queen Zel, Helen would have to be there to give it street cred. That old Battleaxe has been covering the White House Press room since the 300 Spartans made their stand at Thermopylae.
Wasn’t Helen Thomas one of the Ephors in 300? I seem to remember seeing her.
If we really want to see if an actor can act, have Sean Peen play Jesus, he may have to study for the part.
I’m really having trouble with that – all I’m seeing in my mind is Spicolli eating pizza.
Most people here seem to be imagining a Zucker-style zanny comedy. That’s not at all what I have in mind.
The potential for dark comedy does NOT stem from who will play Mohammed. The fake newscast of M’s appearance must be stunningly realistic and believeable – remember, the director is trying to impress with his skills. The actor playing M should be quite credible, which includes speaking in a thousand-year-old Arabic dialect that has to be parsed by scholars.
The dark comedy stems from the global, anti-American media’s reaction to the hoax. In my treatment, the hoax catches on only because a deceitful BBC reporter induces a respected British Mullah into confirming that the appearance is genuine. The American media gets into the act, followed by the CIA. That would bring us about 50-percent into the story.
There is nice potential for irony here. Dark comedy, full of irony and insightful satire is hard to pull off. I believe that the entire concept of irony (in drama) runs contrary to the “conservative mind,” which (IMO) is one of the reasons conservatives don’t seem to be able to match liberals when it comes to producing leading-edge fiction.
As I’ve said, there is a vast potential for noir comedy that mercilessly parodies the hypocracy of the liberal and anti-American elite – VAST! The left does not believe we can pull that off, because, in their opinion, conservatives lack imagination, and when they do have a good idea, they lack the will to pull it off. Are they correct?
Weird Science was actually scripted around the “right” versus “wrong” or “good” vs. “evil” story line.
“You idiots are making it really hard for me to give a damn about your salvation”
At this point Mohammed should cut to a scene of current martyrs being tortured and deviled in unspeakable ways so they can see what really happens to them.
(To make it really horrible, the martyrs could all be at a Madonna / Sarah Bernhardt concert with Rosanne Barr singing the Star Spangled banner for the 1 gazillionth time in a row. The choir could be made up of some of the most irritating Lefties of our lifetime…)
Gutfeld, you stinking infidel dog! You’re not even Jewish but have a name that makes it sound like you are! It’s like having a name like Barack Obama. Sounds muslim, but isn’t. Enough of your infidel tricks and machinations! Surely you don’t think the Islamo-fascists are dumb enough to fall for this! It’s not like they are easily manipulated by promises of free movie tickets, a free Blackberry or IPod for filling out a simple online survey, or seventy two (count em’ folks!) virgins for vaporizing themselves. Oh, wait…
Timmy – Sorry man, you’re way off the mark. A “Zucker style zanny comedy” routine would not be effective as a feature-length film. As a SNL skit, all these ideas would work fine. Everyone would fall over laughing. But then what?
Not that SNL would have the cojones, of course.
Want to begin to change the Hollywood culture? We need 95-minute satires, not skits. Take a SERIOUS subject, and make it into a gitty noir comedy by exposing the duplicity and the groupthink of the elite left.
Some possible venues:
1. Islamic fundamentalism
2. Eco-terrorism
3. Anti-war activism
4. Campus censorship
5. Race relations
But those are SERIOUS topics, you protest – surely they would make poor fodder for comedy. But they would make great subjects for dark comedy. Dark comedy is hard to pull off – MUCH harder than zanny comedy. But it can be SO effective as a film.
The left took the ugliness of war and thermonuclear holocaust (to name but two examples) and made them into the finest dark comedy ever seen. We need to do the same. Again, many leftists will say that conservatives CANNOT do it because we lack imagination and a sense of irony. My question is, are they correct?
Glenn — all I can say is that if you’re going to do it as a dark comedy, please *keep* it dark and go for the jugular; *don’t* wimp out with a “happy” ending like some other recent dark-in-name-only comedies (yes, I’m looking at *you*, “Death to Smoochy!”) have done.
If you can actually get this to the screen, I’ll be there on opening night in the front row.
Thanks MCP. You are exactly correct – no happy ending here. No slapstick, no Mel Brooks sort of stuff, and no Matthew McConaughey as Jesus either.
But there would be justice and satisfaction. The director and his journalist girlfriend get what they deserve. I have not yet created a “straight” character – possibly that will be someone with the CIA.
I have two other noir comedy ideas, one (in the treatment stage) that deals with race relations one that deals with eco-terrorism. If we are going to change the Hollywood culture, we MUST go beyond blogging – we must produce solid commercial material.
Gutfeld at his best!!!!!
“If we are going to change the Hollywood culture, we MUST go beyond blogging – we must produce solid commercial material.”
You, too, are exactly correct.
This is a point I’ve tried to make several times on other blogs and forums I hang out at — satisfying as it may be to vent our spleens in our blogs, and on talk radio, ultimately we conservatives *have* to do more than just commiserate with each other in our echo chambers. If you want to win a war — hot war, cold war, war of ideas, culture war, whatever — you can’t do it just by sitting around the chow hall kibbitzing with each other; sooner or later you *have* to go out and engage the opposition.
And let me say, to those of you who’ve had the stones to come out of the Hollywood closet on this site and be counted — good on ya.
I, for one, shall be keeping a little list of names, and using it to help decide where my entertainment dollars go in future…
Glenn, what if the director decides he can’t use a known actor to play Mohammed (for obvious reasons)and finds a simple Arabic speaking non-actor to play the part…or maybe he steals someone from an institution who really thinks he IS Mohammed? Could that be your straight character? If the “actor” really believes he’s the Prophet, it could be a great twist. The idea of his being pulled by all sides to validate their various agendas has both comedic and “dark” possibilities. Meanwhile, the simple (or delusional) guy gradually, due to all the attention he’s getting, becomes more and more full of himself and actually starts gaining real power among the “street”, eventually manipulating the very people who were trying to use him, and destroying them in the process. And in the end, faithful to the Strangelove analogy, “Mohammed” decides the fate of the world. My guess is that the ending would be very similar to Strangelove. KA-BLOOOEY!
And Glenn, you’ll need a title. How about “Wag the God”?
K2, pretty good ideas. Are you a writer? I want to know if there is anyone else pursuing Greg’s concept.
I have a 26-year-old director who does the shoot in his parent’s garage while they are away. Other than that, his equipment, crew, and special-effects technology are state of the art (film school kids between gigs). The actor playing Mohammed is unknown but very good, and he is a native Arabic speaker. Most importantly, the director hires an Islamic scholar who writes Mohammed’s words and coaches the actor in portraying an authentic 10th century dialect, including obscure idioms. The professor INSISTS that his name be left off the credits – he is working for $50,000 in cash, and he rightfully fears for his life if this “short film” becomes widely known.
I like your other ideas. I’d rather not discuss other details in this public venue – if you’d like to go back and forth further in private, drop me a note.
I think Greg does a great Mohammed impersonation, he had me fooled.
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