‘Top Chef New York’: Why It Sucked
by Guy BensonYes, I’m a fan of “Top Chef.” No, I won’t apologize. Season four—based here in Chicago—was outstanding, transforming Wednesday nights into ‘Padma night’ at my apartment. Sadly, the recently concluded fifth season left quite a bit to be desired. After last week’s awful reunion show concluded, my roommate and I tried to identify the reasons why the popular series’ most recent installment was so unsatisfying. We settled on five major reasons:
1) The contestants were lame:
This season’s contestants generally fell into two categories: Utterly forgettable (Remember Jill? Me neither!) and cartoonish caricatures of real people. Precious few competitors combined true cooking proficiency with compelling personality. Most were one-dimensional: Stefan was an excellent chef who, despite being typecast as the villain, never moved me to the point of unadulterated loathing like Lisa did last year. Pretty boy Jeff cooked creative and interesting food, but could not have been less interesting. One got the sense that Jeff could literally burst into flames, and it wouldn’t evoke more than a shrug from him. Fan favorite Fabio (you born, you be rais-ed, and you die) was extremely charming and funny, but he hardly won any challenges and was frequently on the chopping block. His Italian accent alone punched his ticket to the final four. Even finalist Carla, who I was rooting for, frequently pushed the bounds of my patience with her food “love” philosophy and her over-the-top reactions to pretty much everything.
2) The Judges:
Tom is easily the best judge because he oozes credibility. I don’t have much of a beef with him. The legs Padma is proficient at feigning sympathy when instructing the latest loser to “pack your knives and go,” as well as plugging the heck out of the Glad family of products. The real problem this year was the departure of one judge, and the addition of another. I am a big fan of Gail Simmons. Come to think of it, am I the only one who finds her more appealing than Padma? Anyone with me? No? Fine. Anyway, when Gail took leave from the show to get married, I suspected that any replacement would be a step down. British food critic Toby Young turned out to be a giant leap down. Toby thought he was funny, but he wasn’t. His permanent scowl came across as a forced shtick. He also never appeared to really enjoy a single dish, which is remarkable considering the talent assembled in the “Top Chef” kitchen. His “bad soup=the missing WMDs” line was groan-worthy. Please, producers, banish him to “Hell’s Kitchen” or some other second-rate show.
3) Wasting New York City:
Aside from drawing on a series of impressive guest judges who happen to work in New York, this season could have been set anywhere in the country. Last season, the show really adopted a Chicago flavor. The chefs cooked for the Chicago Police Department, they catered a tailgate prior to a Bears game, they filmed an episode at the Lincoln Park Zoo, and an entire challenge was inspired by the famed ‘Second City’ comedy troupe. This season was extremely sterile by comparison. New York City, and the innumerable opportunities it could have afforded, went to waste. If memory serves, there was one challenge involving the city’s ethnic neighborhoods in the very early going. Beyond that, nada. The show could have been taped on a studio lot. What a disappointment.
4) Hosea and Leah’s “romance”:
There’s a reason why I don’t watch any other shows on Bravo. The endless promos for “Manly Millionaire Matchmaker” and “Real Housewives from Hell” continue to haunt my dreams. My perception of reality television involves a lot of stupid, phony drama swirling in the personal lives of people I don’t care about. The insufferable “romance” between Hosea and Leah crossed the line into TV wasteland territory. The producers clearly thought, perhaps correctly, that many viewers might be intrigued that these two non-single contestants (Hosea: “I have a girlfriend. I can’t do this. Leah and I are just friends.”) were flirting so heavily. I also suspect that one of my early favorites, Ariane, faced a premature elimination because producers wanted to keep both lovebirds in the mix. The infamous “kiss” episode was especially heinous, complete with hidden cameras, drunk whispering, and 1970s porn music. I began actively rooting for at least one of them to get the boot just to put an end to the uninteresting, ludicrously over-hyped sideshow. During the reunion show, a viewer’s email demanded to know if the two had hooked up post-production. I’m pretty sure that my whole building could heard me bellow, “Who cares?!”
5. The final result:
Don’t get me wrong, both episodes in New Orleans were really good. The setting, challenges, and food were all tantalizing. This was the “Top Chef” I had grown to know and love. Sadly, though, the competition ended badly. Most everyone seemed to be pulling for the eccentric, muppetish Carla, who’d come on strong during the show’s home stretch–and who seemed to be a genuinely nice person. A similar consensus developed that Stefan, no matter how unlikeable he was, deserved the title of Top Chef. He consistently put out the best food all season long. No one else was close. Hosea meanwhile had managed to slide through to the finals without really distinguishing himself over the course of the season. He’d won a few challenges, but he’d also narrowly avoided the axe a few times. The only things we really knew about Hosea were that he HAD A GIRLFRIEND, and that he really, really hated Stefan. When all was said and done, maybe he cooked a slightly better meal than his nemesis in the final round. (By the way, Carla, why the hootie-hell did you allow a past season loser to hijack your meal-planning process?) Still, he seemed to be the least deserving of the three finalists to take home the grand prize. I’d gladly wager that his finale sous-chef, Richard from last season, could out-cook him 9 times out of 10.
Hosea is our Top Chef? Really? Season five, please pack your knives and go.
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36 Comments
I love this show, and I agree with your take on the winner. But I think it wasn't the season that sucked, it was the outcome. There was great momentum ramping up in the last few weeks but the outcome just deflated it completely, if I can mix my metaphors. I still liked the challenges, and while they may have underused Manhattan (they weren't even staying there) I think they gave Los Angeles short shrift when the show was here, too. You're right about that flaccid reunion show, though…you had more patience than I did–I didn't make it to the halfway mark. May I suggest Food Networks' "Chopped?" Basically it's four quickfires, with one of the four contestants getting 'chopped' at the end of each. The judges are just as irritatingly superior, but Ted Allen is an affable enough host.
I hear ya, brother. What a let down this season was. If Stefan had served anything other than ice cream for dessert, he'd have won easily. And he should have, as you pointed out. Only bright spots: Carla and Team Euro.
It was OK. I really liked Stephan. Hosea was a total tool and Leah couldn't cook to save her life, YES, she should have been gone long before. Sorry, but the whole "Stephan's dessert sucked" thing was weak as heck. His dessert looked JUST FINE to me and Hosea doing a meat dish was a total cop out. Frankly, Jamie seemd to be the best chef. She should have been in the top 3.
Partially agree, partially disagree. Toby was a far superior judge to Gail. Toby was honest about when the dish was good and honest when the dish was bad, plus he injected a bit of dry British humour into the mix. Gail is a real cutie, but her opinions are a bland as a sack of flour. What was the last thing Tom Colickio agreed with? His own birth? He's a constant wet blanket on the show, playing the mighter-than-god critic that doesn't like anything or anyone. And how did Padma wind up on the show? Were the first 26 models they called busy? I agree with your opinion about not using the setting. NYC is so food rich, but they completely misused it. And the contestants were definitely a level below previous seasons. I don't think any of the final 3 could have made the final 3 of any other season.
I hope the next season is in a good food city like New Orleans, Seattle or San Francisco. But knowing these folks, maybe they'll choose Detroit or something.
Top Chef broke the rule which make both it and Project Runway the best shows on TV. They didn't choose the best chef or even a great chef. Like a friend said this season should've been called "Fair to Middling Chef."
I was a big fan of the original Japanese "Iron Chef" show. The US imitators leave me cold. One big reason is that every moderate to expensive restaurant chef is now changing my favorite recipes into something horrible by adding fig juice and covering it with some form of lichen. When will the horror end!
This was my first season watching it, and I couldn’t by the end decide which one of them, chefs or judges, I despised the most. [Except Carla. I swear someone was sabotaging her, though, because she cried so well on camera.] I’d want Fabio in charge of an expensive dining experience, but I’m not sure about him cooking it.
“Bravo,” BTW, could never seem to give my cable provider an accurate idea of when the show would be on or the contents of an episode.
I actually wanted Hosea to win, even though the romantic sideshow was ridiculous. The reason? Stefan, a talented chef, was a pompous ass, and Carla was talking nonsense the entire show. That being said, when Stefan decided to go with a dessert, I knew there was a shot he could lose based on that alone. You don't have enough time to focus on a great, restaurant quality dessert. Too many things can go wrong. You can burn it. You can measure something wrong. You have enough time to do a good dessert, but nothing that is going to blow people away. A relatively straightforward but well-seasoned fourth course does and should beat you everytime. The trick is how memorable can you make it (in a good way, of course).
Premature thumbs up. Tom Colichio is the man. Enough said.
Yep. Colicchio is the coolest. I have no problem with him. I ate at his sandwich place at Rockefeller Center. The first bite I thought it was one of those overrated gourmet sandwiches. As the second bite sunk in I tasted what was one of the best sandwiches in my life. He won my respect then plus I love him on the show.
I agree with most of your points though I must admit I liked Toby. Some of his wisecracks were real groaners, like the WMD one, but I tended to like his evaluations.
I was pulling for both Hosea and Leah to be eliminated after they threw Ariane under the bus. Leah clearly wasn't that great a chef and I think Hosea was actually a bigger jerk than Stefan. The difference between the two is that Stefan is up front about things, he doesn't hold back, and as abrasive as he is I still find myself liking the guy. Hosea, on the other hand, seems to be rather passive aggressive. He really ticked me off during the finale with that crack in the stew room about how he still cooked *his* food even though he was working with Richard. That was clearly a shot at Carla and I thought it was really petty given that by then everyone pretty much knew Carla had lost because she had let her assistant change her menu and she was struggling not to cry about it. Stefan didn't want her to cry but Hosea was kicking her while she was down.
Not until the last foam-covered amuse bouche with pomegranate aoili has been consumed! I loved the Japanese Iron Chef too–the non-ironic theatricality of it, plus the weird dubbing and sometimes mind-boggling ingredients (especially when said ingredient was unfortunately still breathing when revealed). I remember how one semi-regular judge was billed as a "fortune teller." WTF?? Loved it.
I always loved Iron Chief. He was a great man, like Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull. Custer had it coming. What? Iron Chef? Never mind.
… and they don't celebrate an hour of making everything out of squid. Squid Ice Cream – now that's inventive.
stumbled across something called "ace of cakes" the other day. if it was conceived as a parody of "american chopper" it's brilliant. if not, then it's just sad.
Squid roe was like ketchup on that show.
Loved it.
The show. Not the squid roe
Every time Carla turned to the camera on the intro I'd jump.
Aaah!!
Every time.
Nice
This was the first season I didn't watch every episode. Toby Young was my biggest problem with the season. He ruined it for me. Does he judge shows in Britain? Do they let him act like that? Or was this his tv debut?
Hosea was forgettable, but I wouldn't be surprised if Fabio turns up with his own show at some point.
I've been a huge Brit humor fan (I think I've memorized every Fawlty Towers and Coupling) all of my life, but the guy's comments just seemed so over-the-top and inappropriate for the situation at hand.
I think Ace of Cakes is supposed to be serious. My problem with it is if you really pay attention you see how poor their cakes are. You see 10 times better stuff on Food Network Challenge. Plus most of the Ace of Cakes cakes are armatures you can't even eat and their designs are a B+ at best.
Tom's a pin-up. I watch for him.
I watched one season in Chicago and couldn't get past Padma's "pack your knives and go" throaty shtick. It seemed she would rather be auditioning for a Law & Order episode than judging food. And the contestants were all a bunch of crybabies.
http://the100mostannoyingthings.blogspot.com/
I didn't dislike Stefan as much as I think they wanted us to. I do think he was arrogant and too opinionated. I also think he pre-determined early that he was going to win, and even after several wake-up calls that he was coasting, he didn't step up his game. Otherwise, I think he could have cooked rings around the rest except maybe Carla on a good day when she's doing her own thing and not her sous-chef's or having some kind of melt-down about the "love."
I also think you could tell how Stefan thought about his competition from the amount of trash he talked at them. The less he talked, the more of a threat you were. He bashed Hosea all the way. "Nuff said.
I am terribly disappointed that Hosea won. I disliked him from the moment that he and Leah sabotaged Ariane and got her booted. I couldn't believe the string of near misses Leah had after that to keep limping along. She should have gotten booted at restaurant wars for completely blowing her fish for example.
I liked the season. After more years in the restaurant biz than I care to recall, Carla melted my cold, cynical heart, and I wanted her to win. Even though she was a victim of sous-icide (and her lack of faith in her own abilities), I'd love to have her cook for me. And Fabio gave the greatest running commentary! Monkey ass indeed! Then again, I never watch these things for the actual outcome. It's the process. Unlike politics, where, unfortunately, the outcome has consequences.
I think one of the biggest problems with this season's Top Chef was the absence of Tony Bourdain.
This season was pretty boring. Tom's cool, I like his snottiness. Padma is a million times better than the chick from the first seaon. Leah was terrible and should have been eliminated way earlier and the whole deal with Hosea was just pathetic. ("It was just one kiss." Um, you were laying on top of each other.) Ariane should not have been knocked off so soon, she was just hitting her stride, but they knocked her off to keep the stupid drama between Leah and Hosea. I also very much disliked the lesbian chick, she had such a chip on her shoulder, but she could cook. (If she didn't have such a crappy attitude towards celery, she'd still be there.)
Food Network has become our family's go-to….something we can all agree on. Iron Chef is cool, but just can't beat the original (Japanese) Iron Chef. Oh, and Chopped is okay, too, but can the Ted Allen just talk normally?
Where is the new Project Runway??
I liked the season as a whole, it was just that the best chef didn't win. But that is Stephens own fault, his own arrogance in not putting 100% into it. Hosea just played it smarted (no one has ever won top chef by desert) and Carla just imploded letting her assistant dictate her menu.
Overall the talent wasn't quite up with other years, though it has always seemed to me that they pick some of the chefs for their character, not their talent. Tom is great, love Gail, Toby didn't work great, but didn't annoy me as he seems to have annoyed everyone else. But Padma is one of the best parts of the show, love her.
Stephen should have won (or Carla if he slipped), at first I didn't like him, but towards the end he grew on me as he was more honest then Hosea who has a major issue with Stephen. Maybe it was the editing, but the only person he ever seemed to talk about was Stephen (man crush anyone?). Someone else mentioned it, but when Carla was talking about how she stuffed up, Hosea was all but kicking her when she was down, but Stephen was consoling her. I think that was pivotal, it showed that Stephen talked tough, but could be nice, but Hosea was just a prick.
"…the eccentric, muppetish Carla."
Muppetish! Now there's a good description. I was always referring to her as the girl who looked like a character on Scooby-Doo. Still, I was pulling for her from the very beginning.
Padma's OK, but would someone please get this woman a double espresso before the cameras roll. She always sounds like she's about to nod off.
By the way, Mrs. Gary Eaton, "Project Runway" is tied up in legal hell, courtesy of Harvey Weinstein.
Say hi to Gary for me.
I like Project Runway all right, but I was really intrigued with Step It Up and Dance. I actually enjoyed watching the different types of dance they had to do. Did it survive?
I've seen a couple of these and they've had some good ideas, taken on some hard tasks, and come up with some interesting design details, but in the end – it's like the Seinfeld line – congratulations on a job… done. They dazzle with a grand scale.
If you loved Iron Chef, you should check out Chopped on Food Network. It is a competition starting with 4 chefs. They create an apatizer, entree, and dessert with a chef being eliminated after each course. They are given a basket of ingredients and a time limit to create. What adds an additional element is that they have a kitchen with supplementary items they can use, but it is not fully stocked, so the chefs must be extremely creative and flexible. I've only seen a couple of shows thus far, but I am hooked.
I agree with you. Stephan should have won. Although, Jeff should have been in the final not Hose. Carla, my muppet, sous-icide. hahahaha My favorite part of the reunion show was when Stephan told Bravo shills no one cares about the kiss. They promptly give us more of it. How obvious can you be you've jumped the shark.
If Salmon Rushdie dumped her she must be full time annoying. Being a walking fatwa can't make it easy to score chicks.
I have been a huge fan of Top Chef until this season. First off, Carla, I love you but why in the world did you so easily let a sous chef change your cooking method?! Jeff, why did you muddle your dishes with so many distracting ingredients? But the biggest problem, in my eyes, was that the editors decided to do too much "creative" editing. They focused on Stephan as the bad guy, they focused on the "romance" between Hosea and Leah. This is not a soap opera! Focus on the food!
Really interesting to see how so many people didn't want Hosea to win, I didn't either. Stefan didn't win for the simple reason he had an accent, let's be honest about it folks. He was a PITA, but he was honest about it. Unlike Leah, who was a much bigger jerk, well, maybe marginally less than Hosea. He was a horses ass. I thought it was disgusting they way threw Ariane under the bus (and the judges let them! Shame, shame, shame). Did you hear what Stefan said to the "lovebirds"? You took a big stick to her, didn't you? He was right. Carla was good and much under rated. Loved Fabio. This is Top Chef, not Top Scallop.
Love Toby. Gail is a wet noodle. Toby can be harsh, but when he praises, he praises well. Give the man his due.
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