Barack Obama: The Movie
by Ernie Mannix
“We’re here today, Mr. President, about the project that is due our studio, …on your contract,” the man with rectangular blue Goutier glasses crisply announces to the gathered party of the President and his people. He adds, “I assume Mr. Emanuel explained everything to you… Sir.
According to our pre-election agreement Mr. President, our television divisions were to provide you with substantially positive coverage, while at the same time focusing on the fringe of the losing party, and their…. ‘ideas.’ You know the birth certificate thing, the anti-Christ, …yada.”
(Smiles and chuckles about the room.)
“Ha! They just keep playing into our hands,” David Axelrod taps the President on the shoulder as he crosses the Oval Office. The President limps a tired thumbs up and a half hearted off-camera smile towards his Chief of Staff, but his focus remains on the young studio executive.
The executive continues; “We have here several scripts which we would like you to look through. All are favorable to you of course, and you’ll have final approval of the script and be able to see a preview of the film for any notes that you might have for us.”
“Notes?” President Obama asks.
“Notes, yes… creative suggestions, such as louder music there, or less laughter there, or cut that scene shorter…you know …notes. Now today, we’re here to run some titles by you and then possibly zero in on one…or two,” the smart executive advises.
So, here we are – I’ll just read them off and then give a brief synopsis of the plot.
First we have; “A Tree Grows in Chicago”
We figured we could ’split-screen’ the planting of an acorn, with the rise of a community organizer. Great imagery. Big, big sweeping score, a real tear-jerker. An edgy kind of modern urban-type John Ford film. It’s really a kind of a poem. Denzel, of course.
“Whistle Stop”
A bit of fun, kind of edgy-type drama picture. The inauguration train gets stopped by crazed Palin whackos, Michelle gets a little heroically violent with them and saves the day by tricking them into confessionals at a Baltimore church,… then locking them in. Also, a bit of comic relief when the VP finds the key to the bar car.”
(Guffaws about the room)
“Denzel?” Asks the President.
“Denzel, oh yes.” The young man assures.
“The Two O’s”
Oh, this is pure heaven. Two stories that meet in the end. Oprah’s struggle to media superiority, and a young handsome man from Hawaii’s rise to the Presidency. Of course, Oprah will play herself, (except for the young girl parts), and you are yes; Denzel… of course.
“The Stinkers”
Oh, this one is fun. This is a Bush-bash from beginning to end! (Laughter) We open with Bush being really mean to the staff at the White house. He does all this mean crap, and then he curses out and kicks a gardener who’s down on his hands and knees toiling on the South Lawn.
“I heard he did that.” interjects an intern. (Most folks nod seriously in agreement.)
“There’s a montage part of the evil Bush presidency,” he continued, “and eventually after expeditiously exposing all the horror, the story takes on a bit of creative license with a hopeful peak into the future: The jailing of every single member of the Bush cabinet.”
“Not Gates or Powell, okay?” cautions the President.
“Ahhh notes! Okay. (The producer jots some notes in the, margin of the script.) Well, then of course Cheney and Bush get convicted of war crimes.” (More heads nod in agreement with smiles around the room.)
“Where do I come in this picture?” Asks the President.
“Well in this one you just make a very important appearance at the end. The climax of the film is you thankfully In the Oval Office, pondering a pardon of Bush and Cheney. We don’t exactly give the answer. But as you lift your pen to check either the ‘yes’ box, or the ‘no’ box on the pardon form, we fade out, then dolly onto the South Lawn. There we see the Bush-abused gardener snaring animals in a trap. We then reveal he’s just caught two big skunks! (Raucous laughter) I think you get the idea.”
“Groundsweller”
This is a pure winner. Part documentary and part drama. We will use footage from the campaign, rallies, bus trips, coffee shops, you name it. A real Beatle-mania style, super energy movie. Fans, hugs, songs, tears of ground swelling excitement building, building, building to election day! We have some inside video that’s not very favorable to the McCain/Palin camp and we will show it in this film for the first time. Big tease in the ads and trailers. Should be an eye opener. Pure edgy stuff.
“You gotta be careful this one is not too Riefenstahl like,” cautions Ram Emanuel.
Who? Asks the Hollywood executive.
“Anyway I’ll just leave these with you for you to look over. Please call us if you have any ideas or any more of those pesky notes!” the executive perks as he slaps his knees in meeting-ending fashion”
‘Umm, I have a note now…’ asks the President. ‘…Can my lines be on a teleprompter, I mean on the set, or whatever, uh, can the lines be prompted?
“Well yes, sure, Mr. President, but usually you will have time to learn your lines before the cameras roll. We won’t be going live anywhere – like on television.”
“Hey, come on, I don’t have time to read my health-care bill, how am I gonna have time to read my script?”
With that the young producer bids his goodbyes and exits the White House. As he leaves the doors, he is immediately on his cell phone calling in to the studio.
“Nah, this thing isn’t gonna happen. We should have done it before the election. They’ve peaked. And I think he’s gonna be a problem… keeps saying Denzel. Sh*t-can all the scripts but don’t tell the writers, string them along with re-writes just in case. Take the White House’s calls too, but just stall them,… I don’t know, insult the Republicans, I guess. We better go with the crazy chef movie. Okay I’m wheels up in 20. Later.”
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35 Comments
well done, Ernie. It's scary, but it's easy to imagine it all going down like that.
"Barack Obama: The Movie" Aye?
Fine by me. I always enjoy a good disaster movie…………………
It will be interesting to see how many of these rats will go down with the ship.
it won't be made because it would tank…
Maybe foreign B.O. would be kinder; his minions, notorious tightwads that they are, won't support it. And maybe nine conservatives would go to see it.
We can see it now- rapturous reviews, four stars across the board, Roger Ebert saying it's the most important movie ever made, saw it three times (all free, natch) and the opening gross would be $866,000- on 3,000 screens- or $289 per screen…
Yeah, you betcha!
….I so.. so hate that stupid "bookmark and share" button that automatically opens when the mouse rolls over it. And there's NO WAY to CLOSE IT! NINE times out TEN it just will not close, and that meaning the text below it is unreadable..
So.. So annoying.
Theme song? "Jesus just left Chicago"
Theme song?
"Jesus just left Chicago"
With cap/trade and Obamacare this year, and if he really decides to tackle social security next year as promised, do you really think you'll have any money left to go to the movies?
I am sure this is accurate, but no one with a worthwhile opinion will see this movie. If they do, they won't like it. By definition.
The only thing that could be worse is if they do it in 3-D.
The lefties in Hollywood would be buying out theaters just to help bump up the numbers. "Myself: A Presidential Love Story" would make 50mil opening day and not a penny after. It'd be the highest grossing movie no one went to see.
In Imax theatres.
I'll bet Rob Zombie gets signed to this to direct the horror.
love the funny thought- but remember his fans are cheap- lefties want everyone else to pay for their stuff… we can see Hollywood inflating the numbers, for as you no doubt know they giver credit on multiplex sales to the films they want to succeed. When 'Rambo' came out many folk complained their ticket had a different film but the same screen and time- and that's a true story, so anything's possible with this lot…
As special inducement, all those who attend this glorious epic will receive a voucher for a free prostate exam and Buick Pelosi
I would've gone with Uwe Boll…..
oprah would finance – POWER TO THE PEOPLE !!!!!!!
oprah billinaire people – looking for right off of another hate America money – would fit right in with clooney, penn, barbra and hanoi jane.
the bruno guy would pay his first black role
Why can I see this whole thing going down exactly like that? I keep thinking that "Wag the Dog" was actually a training manual for the left….
Very true, but this is the same group that shelled out the maximum amount of cash allowed by law to fund Big O's presidential bid. They don't have any problem donating millions for the propaganda, it's just they have no intention of funding the programs.
"Obama: The movie"? Talk about a horror flick! I've had a hard time sleeping since he took office.
maybe so- but they've paid their money and now they want their return- and history shows they expect a lot when they shell out anything. So, interesting conjecture…
Let's not forget tweaking the cast to include the various funding sources. So we need some Asian and Indian secondary leads. But I love dreaming that Obama will get dropped by the fickle Hollywood set. That is the only way to stop his steamroller, I think.
"Mr. Obama Goes To Washington."
A wide, young, patriotic American from the inner city heads to Washington to clean up the mess of corruption. Of course the first half of the movie is him getting his butt handed to him by the power brokers, but them Obama reaches out to other inner city youths to build a coaltion of hope and change for yada, yada, yada.
Will Smith, all beefed up, plenty of shirtless shots. Halle Barry plays Michelle. Sidney Poitier for Rev. Wright. Sean Penn and Jeanie Garafalo play Ayers and Dorhan. George Clooney as Axlerod.
Practically writes itself.
lookout Katrina victims cause:
"he's bound for New Orleans."
No, I ASSURE YOU that you have this all wrong. The Obama Movie would be all about HIM. No other actors or actresses allowed. The whole two hours or more would just be HIM. Obama is a NARCISSIST. What's this you say? It is bad news for Americans and DEATH TO DEMOCRACY. You want to understand Obama? Lefties don't bother. You are either:
1. The Cult of the Personality
2. Hanger On's for Power or Personal Gain…
You can type all MSM and fawning fans into one of those two above "slots".
If Obama can give the Queen of England an I-POD with just HIS SPEECHES, I can give you RADIO.
Now that I have your attention, are you ready for SOME REAL TRUTH? It's hard to come by these days.
Sam Vaknin, expert, author of twenty-five books on the subject of NARCISSIST, would like to enlighten you
on "OBAMA APPEARS TO BE A NARCISSIST'.
enter: http://www.IsraelNationalNews.com …………….go to RADIO….click on TAMAR YONAH…scroll down to show "OBAMA APPEARS TO BE A NARCISSIST" show…..August 4. 2009.
Prepare to be chilled-to-the-bone. Sorry if it gives you nightmares, but it will sure keep you AWAKE.
The New Titanic On Land!
Maybe Hollywood could make a movie showing how Obama has successfully brought democracy to Iraq?
I think O secretly wants to be Admiral of the starship Enterprise, spreading healthcare, err, insurance reform throughout the universe (and he wants to wear those cool Geordi glasses). Would Denzel do Star Trek?
The only CHANGE I see is what's left clinking around in America's pocket after he's done with us.
Obamessiatus; infected believe that the anointed one can do no wrong. Rational thought is the first to go with everything becoming the negative of reality; such as ‘evil’ becoming ‘good’, ‘socialism’ becoming ‘free market’, ‘fascism’ becoming ‘freedom’, ‘higher taxes’ becoming ‘tax cuts’ and ‘governmental extortion’ becoming ‘spreading the wealth’. The infected exhibit glazed over eyes as they mumble, “yes we can” while dribbling at the mouth and standing with their hand out.
I think they would already be heading for the proverbial exits if Obama wasn't black, er African American, sorta kinda…they are deathly afraid of the racist label that they so freely throw around and hang about the necks of conservatives.
As Leni Riefenstahl was filmmaker to Der Furher, who will Obama's Leni? …Spike Lee? His who will be his Wagner?… Kanye West?
The last time someone listened to a bush, they were wandering in the desert for 40 years.
Do people get packs of Camel Straights and dvds of Jeremiah Wright's sermons at the door as Premier gifts?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qe-qs6aQgg
Well at very least the film (a short) would be complex and hard to follow because each scene could have more than one meaning. With a W Bush film all you would have needed was a sound editor to lay a track of flatulence at the appropriate facial movements while speaking in public. Oh wait… that has already been on youTube. I would back this film but only if there were matching funds from MSNBC and Fox News and then at 1/10 to the power of 6 on the dollar. This is just my opinion and I could be wrong.
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